Big Brother Recap: "Southern Belles On The Block"

With Dominic using the POV on last night’s episode, Shelly and Cassi ended up on the block for tonight's live eviction show. Which Southern Belle will get the boot? Will it be the Deep-Voiced, Talk-Out-Of-The-Side-Of-Her-Mouth, Huntress Shelly? Or will it be the Secret Model, I-Couldn't-Possibly-Look-Any-More-Like-Olivia-Wilde, Rachel Target Cassi? Let’s find out.

My Random Thoughts:

- First and foremost, what the hell was Julie Chen wearing? It looked like some sort of beige pantsuit/skirt/overalls combination…WITH A CAPE??? Was she seriously wearing a cape? I know this is the summer of superhero movies, but please tell me I was seeing that wrong. You’re hosting a summer reality show, Chenbot…you’re not one of the X-Men.

- Rachel is making me physically angry every time I watch her in the Diary Room. That snide little “I always get my way” after the nominations was so anger-inducing. Get back in the bushes, you nasty skank.

- Shelly and Cassi called themselves Thelma and Louise, but I don’t think that was a very appropriate comparison based on their age difference. I would think that the Gilmore Girls might be better. Forgive me, but I don’t know the names of the characters on Gilmore Girls, but I do know that Lauren Graham is smokin’ hot.

- Every time Shelly talks about her 8 year old daughter, I think back to that footage on the premiere, when she left her daughter crying in the driveway while she drove away. Maybe you should be writing lines yourself, Miss Huntress.

- Cassi really gave Rachel the honest truth, calling her catty (true), and an ugly person inside (true), which resulted in Rachel crying that she never did anything to Cassi. “I don’t attack people’s character. I don’t talk bad about people”, Rachel wailed to Jordan. Has she ever seen the way she behaves in this house…FOR TWO SEASONS?? This woman is actually batshit insane.

- Brendon’s conversation with Cassi, where he went off the deep end and insisted that she was lying, made me wish for one thing: that I will one day be in a poker game with Brendon. Man, what a bad read on his part.

- Wow, what a difference with Adam in terms of that weight loss. Newfound respect for the Metalhead, that’s a shocking transformation within one year. Well done, Adam…but I have to think your excessive bacon diet may lead you back down that hefty road eventually.

- Dominic lives at home…blah blah blah…Dominic’s a virgin…blah blah blah…Dominic was home schooled…blah blah blah…wake me when this segment is over.

- Julie is really crossing the line on her questions so far this season, huh? Last week it was trying to get Daniele to say “I love you” to Evel Dick, and now she’s pressing Jordan to find out when she and Jordan are going to “get married and make some babies.” And don’t even try to give me that BS that it was from a viewer. The only positive thing that can come of this new tabloid journalism from the Chenbot, would be if she actually asked Brendon about the wang-texting incident.

- Was it me, or did Daniele drop a “Booyah” in the Diary Booth after she voted?

- Did anyone else notice that while Cassi was getting set up for her interview with Julie, and we were eavesdropping on the houseguests, that you could hear someone peeing?? Brendon headed to the bathroom to try and “take a quick one” before the HoH competition, and then we heard that it was actually Rachel in the bathroom. That’s right, we all just listened to Rachel peeing in the Big Brother house. Hey, CBS Sound Guy…guess who’s fired?

- It’s a shame that the result of tonight’s live vote was so obvious coming into this episode. A little drama is usually in order, and Cassi sure got a raw deal, thanks to Rachel and Brendon. I don’t know if she had the game play to go really far, but to be eliminated because Rachel is clearly threatened by her physical appearance, and willingness to tell the truth, is a pretty lame way to go out.

- Loved seeing the Zingbot 2000 in the audience, holding a “Comic-Con Or Bust” sign. Looking forward to seeing the return of the Zingbot in the house…always a good laugh.

- When the HoH competition started, I said “anyone but Rachel”…so I’m not even talking about it. I’m too pissed off.

- Finally, I would have reversed my stance on Julie’s cape if the show would have ended with her flying off. Seriously…you can’t tell me that wouldn’t have been the greatest moment of the season. Opportunity missed, Big Brother.

Just a quick note, if there are any poker fans out there, check out my recent post on my trip to Las Vegas to participate in the 2011 World Series of Poker. Keep in mind that there’s more than just Reality TV on this site, so check out the sidebar on the left for some of the near-600 posts in the archive.

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