Big Brother Recap: Eviction Night

For Thursday night’s live eviction of Big Brother 13 (the first of the season), would the houseguests choose to give the boot to Paranoid Skirt Chasing Youth Minister Keith…or would they show the door to Faux Student Tears-A-Plenty VIP Waitress Porsche? And would we learn any more about Evel Dick’s abrupt exit from the game? Let’s find out...

My Random Thoughts:

- I was annoyed by Keith based solely on the first three episodes, but one of my regular readers pointed out in the Comments section after the last episode, that she had already seen him on another reality show called Genuine Ken, The Search For The Great American Boyfriend. I investigated it, and it is indeed true...so he's not just annoying, he's a reality TV whore as well. Keep up that Youth Ministry, Keith.

- I know that being cooped up in that house doesn’t really leave a lot of options in terms of “things to do”, but only one week into the season, I’m already sick of every strategy session, and pretty much every conversation, taking place while the houseguests are laying down, or in bed. Seriously, are you too lazy to even sit up and talk? This is going to be a long season.

- Jeff: “I might have to whore myself out.” Funny…but I’m not sure that would have been that funny if anyone else in the house said it.

- What the hell is Big Booty? Am I out of the loop not knowing what it was? Based on what I saw on tonight’s episode, it looked essentially like Drinking, Dancing, and making noise. When did that get a specific name?

- Nice to see that CBS gave them a game in the backyard to keep them busy. Bean bag horseshoes rock!

- “Boo-kie”Brendon took offense to the return of Vegas Rachel, dancing and partying in the backyard. He had a bit of a hissy fit and pulled her inside to have one of their painful passive-aggressive whiny arguments that we all got so accustomed to last season. Did you miss them?

Three “I love you’s” from Rachel before Boo-kie (I have to put the hyphen in there, or it says to me that he’s taking bets on football games) gave her a response. Then he told her to sleep on the couch because he was going to bed, presumably in HER HoH bed. Looks like trouble in Chemistry Paradise.

Listen, Brendon is just as much of a whiny bitch as Rachel, if not more. Both of them are incredible Drama Queens, and even more so the next day in the backyard when we got more pouty, whiny, BS from Rachel. Do you get the feeling that this is how every disagreement goes between these two?

Boo-kie took exception to Rachel sharing her pet name for him because “I’m trying to get into the medical profession.” Hey, here’s a idea…if you’re trying to get into the medical profession, maybe eliminate “texting pictures of my wang” to strangers from your repertoire (you’re probably going to want to get used to that joke for this season, I have a feeling you’re going to hear it a lot.)

But my absolute favourite part of their argument, was when he told her that her behavior was going to “de-masculinate” him. I know you were all thinking it at the time, but it is NOT a word! I’m sure “emasculate” was the word he was looking for, but the beauty of it all was that Brendon was the one who last season corrected Britney on the correct pronunciation of "Neanderthal." Oh, the irony. Then again, Brendon seems to have to be the only one who has to label his own water glass (see above), so maybe he’s not as bright as everyone thinks.

- Jeff’s idea to let Adam name the group was a great idea…even if it didn’t work. Play to the superfan who is clearly starstruck. Good idea in theory, but Adam still voted with the Newbies.

- Evel Dick’s message to the rest of the house was cryptic, with no answers, just like the BS video he posted online yesterday. Daniele was clearly furious watching him, and her eye-rolling made it clear that she was still not impressed. That video was a waste of time…just an excuse to feature the prize pony of the season for 30 more seconds. Shameful.

- After the Evel Dick Non-Message, Pantsuit Chen threw Daniele a curveball, asking “No I love you?” Wow, I can’t even describe how out of line that was, Chenbot. Remember you are NOT Jeff Probst. Don’t stray from the script, just read from your teleprompter on Thursdays and we’ll all be fine.

- Adam went on about “Metal, METAL, METAL!” when talking to Julie. Let me ask you this, when Lawon gives you a look like “Man, that Dude is over the top!”, how bad do you think it is?

- Look, Porsche is clearly a very beautiful young woman, but what was with that dress? Did she plan for the live show, standing in front of the mirror, saying, “I think I want to go for the “Disney Fairies” look”?

- Adios Keith, good riddance. The CBS HR department can breathe a sigh of relief as Big Brother 13 now features 25% LESS Regulators. I have to be honest, when the most annoying contestant gets eliminated first, it makes me happy. I had to laugh at Porsche’s closing video message to him with her T-Shirt: “You can look but you can’t touch.”

- The HoH competition was an old-fashioned putting contest, and with Rachel choosing the putting order, it was obvious that all of the Newbies were going to be putting first. Once Jordan took the lead, it was funny watching Jeff launch it into the water, and Boo-kie throw it so Jordan could have the HoH win. Veterans-2, Newbies-0.

- I realized that I haven’t yet given my pick to win the season: With the house so divided, I’m going to pick one Veteran and one Newbie. Having said that, my pick(s) to win would be Jeff or Dominic.

Please keep in mind that my recaps will always be based on the TV airings of Big Brother. I do not, and will not, be watching or reading any info from the live feeds. Please keep that in mind as I intend to keep the entire season on my site SPOILER-FREE. After each episode, my recaps should be online and live within an hour (often less) of the show ending on the East Coast.

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