Big Brother Recap: "I'm In A Milky, Beautiful Sandwich"

I was skeptical after hearing that there would be returning contestants on Big Brother this season, especially after just sitting through a season of Survivor: Redemption Island with Boston Rob and Russell in the forefront, but I have to admit that CBS did a good job picking who they brought back. The 6 returnees are way more interesting than the 8 new players. We’ll see if that holds true for the whole season…it certainly did for tonight’s second episode.

My Random Thoughts:

- Watching the black & white recap of the Golden Key reveal last week, which happened right after the Going Bananas HoH competition, all I could think to myself was “Those couches are going to get filthy from them all sitting there in the dirty clothes from the competition." Anyone else?

- Look, I get that the Golden Key is a big change in the game, but they way everyone is playing up this 4-week free pass makes me ask the obvious question: Since when is being guaranteed a spot in the top 10 in a 14-person game such a great thing? Seriously? I can see how the ripple effect of what may happen can be pretty significant, but it’s not like the Golden Key guarantees a spot in the finale…it’s just the top 10.

- I’m already sick of Adam roaring/yelling at every possible opportunity. We get it, you’re a metalhead. If I wanted to see screaming, I’d watch an Anthrax video.

- Was Evel Dick really listed as “Website CEO?” Did I see that right?

- I love how Jeff wants to talk strategy in bed…and Jordan just wants to fart and giggle.

- Upon seeing the HoH room, Shelley dropped this nugget of wisdom: “Look at that bed, it’s like a round ol’ bed. And there’s a big ol’ couch.” Yes folks, according to most Southern gals…everything is both “big” and “ol’”…didn’t ya know?

- Is it just me, or was Danielle listed as a college student on Big Brother 8? Now, she’s listed as a college student again…5 seasons later? Is she just a slow learner?

- Rachel was going on and on about her face and her teeth, while Brendon soothed her with compliments. She then went on about Cassi, wondering if she has a nose job or botox. Not whether she had either of them…but which one of the two she had. Pretty judgemental, and Brendon once again gave her a lesson about personal appearances and how much he hates plastic surgery. Rachel, in all of her sensitivity, then pointed out that he has no problem with the plastic surgery that enhanced her chest, and that if he had plastic surgery to add 2 more arms, they would just be “more arms to pleasure me with.” What a catch.

- Dominic, Lawon, and Keith referred to themselves as Room Dawgs 4 Life, which sounds like the worst WWE stable ever (and I’m including the Misfits), but then drew in a fourth member in Cassi and re-named themselves “The Regulators.”

Is that a Scuba Diving reference? What the hell is that supposed to mean? And what is the obsession that Big Brother contestants have with naming their alliances? The Brigade, The Four Horsemen, The Nerd Herd?

Plus, the logic of The Regulators to have one member from each Duo in on the team seems sound, but are they all horrible at math? They’re talking about having the votes to keep one of them alive, but all together, they are only 4 votes out of 11 people voting.

- The Have/Have Not competition was pretty entertaining, save for the non-stop cow/milk puns in the pre-written speech (seriously, who writes these?) Keith obviously chose to be the Milkman on his team just so he could paw and dry-hump Porsche during the challenge. This guy is an HR nightmare…and a lawsuit waiting to happen. Just as I was writing that down, I looked up on screen and saw that this Youth Minister’s official Big Brother description is “Human Resource Manager.” Are you kidding me???

- Keith and Porsche got nominated, which wasn’t that suprising. It will be interesting to see what happens this week since there has already been widespread reports of one of the BB houseguests leaving the house, which is being addressed on Wednesday. I know who it is, but I’ll wait until Wednesday to discuss it.

For those of you that found my blog through my Survivor or Amazing Race Recaps, or perhaps through Sirlinksalot, TV Clubhouse or EW.com, please keep in mind that my recaps will always be based on the TV airings of Big Brother. I do not, and will not, be watching or reading any info from the live feeds. Please keep that in mind as I intend to keep the entire season on my site SPOILER-FREE.

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