July 8, 2010: Big Brother Recap

As many of you know, I'm a reality TV show fan, so the premiere of Big Brother 12 was something I was definitely looking forward to in terms of summer viewing. I mean, you can only take so much Hell's Kitchen, right? After missing the first two incarnations of Big Brother, I've been hooked since Season 3, and this new season looks like a fun one.

I had heard about the twist in the last few days, and I wasn't that impressed. Isn't this "giant twist" that was happening "for the first time ever" just a spin on the America's Player twist with Eric a couple of seasons ago? I mean, the only difference is that they are telling the other houseguests that the twist exists. Calling it "The Saboteur" doesn't really do anything other than make it obvious that you stole the idea from The Mole.

But thankfully it appears that this "twist" is only slated as a project for the first 5 weeks. Fine with me...I don't even care who it is.

So having covered the dramatic "twist" (snore), let's get down to business since we have a full season of skimpy swimsuits, 52 cameras, 95 microphones, scripted Nomination and Power of Veto ceremonies, and Julie "But First" Chen (now 100% less pregnant!) to look forward to. My first impressions on the 13 new houseguests, who are the best batch of new recruits for my snazzy nicknames below:

Andrew The Jewish Foot Doctor - Boring. Did you really yell "Mazel Tov" when you got in the house? Couldn't you just scream for no reason like most people?

Britney The Small Town Blonde - Entertaining only because after tweaking her knee, declared "I lost my dignity on a slippery weiner."

Hayden The Arizona Jock - Hulk SMASH!

Rachel The Vegas Cocktail Waitress/Chemist - the ditzy boob-candy for the summer (who never lasts long). Better line? "I knew he was Jewish because he wears a Yom Kippur." or "I definitely want to jump on those big weiners"? You decide. It's too close to call. And her laugh is already annoying.

Kathy The Southern Deputy Sherriff - 40 years old with a 22 year old daughter. Shotgun wedding became shotgun weilding, huh Kathy?

Monet The Diva - Yawn.

Matt The Mensa Drummer - Mensa + Drummer does not compute. Reminder that all drummers are douchebags.

Annie The Chicago Bisexual - I'm pretty sure she's a porn star.

Laine The Cowboy - Generic Texan much?

Enzo The Wop - Jersey Shore wannabe. How pathetic are those three words together?

Brendan The Pretty Boy Swim Coach - Eye candy for the girls.

Kristin The Coyote Ugly Bar Dancer - Forgettable.

Ragan The Gay Phd - This season's Ronnie...only he realizes that he's gay.

The weiner challenge was pretty entertaining, if for no other reason than it was a team challenge designed to crown a sole winner. Interesting strategy...why would you want to win other than the money? I don't get it...but I did appreciate that some thought was put into the end game by Hayden and Matt. In that sense, I liked that it wasn't just the age-old "hold on the longest" lame-o challenge we usually get in the premiere.

So they got locked out of their food room...are you telling me there was any way that they could have prevented this? Like this wasn't set out well in advance. Did you really expect that as soon as the lights went out, someone was going to jump up and say "Somebody make sure no one puts a padlock on the door to the storage room!" If that happened, just give that player the $500K right now.

But as Rachel put it: "This is when it gets real." Really, Rachel? It wasn't real when the film crew showed up, recorded you finding your key, gave you one hour to pack and say goodbye, flew you to L.A. and then let you into the Big Brother house where you competed in a competition in just a yellow bra where you had to hold on to a giant hot dog while being sprayed with ketchup and mustard coloured water?

But when the padlock showed up on the door, now it's real?

I hope you last a long time because you are going to give me a LOT to write about.

Looks like this season will be running on Sundays and Wednesdays with eviction nights on Thursdays. I will be recapping in some capacity, although I haven't decided yet if it will be after every episode or just after Thursday nights. One thing I have decided, however, is that my recaps will be based on the TV footage only. I will not be watching Big Brother After Dark or the Live Feeds, nor will I be reading any online coverage of the Live Feeds. Please keep that in mind in your Comments on the recaps...no spoilers.

What did you think? Do you care who The Saboteur is? If so, who do you think it is (we'll find out next week, but not until CBS lets you pay $1.00 to text your guess for no reason)? Is Julie Chen going to look better in non-maternity clothes? And who is your pick to win the game after seeing the first episode. I'm going with Annie the Porn Star.