Big Brother Recap: “A Tidal Wave Of Rachel’s Tears, And The Live Eviction”

Brendon earned his spot in the Reality TV Hall of Shame this week when he idiotically took Rachel off the block so she could stay in the game. With Jordan sitting on the block beside him, it was a 100% (drink up!) certainty that the Weiner-Texting, PhD Bragging, Rachel-Banging House Bully would be evicted tonight.

My Random Thoughts:

- After Brendon lied about using the Veto on himself, only to use it on Rachel instead, it was pretty obvious that Daniele wouldn’t be impressed with him lying to her, even though the end result was exactly what she wanted. So…way to go Brendon, not only did you keep your fiancée in a game that she has no chance of winning, and eliminate yourself from contention, you actually gave your enemy HoH what she wanted. And he and Rachel were so delusional to think they actually won something by doing this. You’re the man.

- Rachel whined about the idea of Brendon leaving the Big Brother house, crying that “we work so well together. We are like…the most dynamic duo.” I can think of a lot of Duos that are more dynamic than Brendon and Rachel: Batman and Robin (obvious choice), Bacon and Eggs, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Siegfried and Roy, damn, even Lawon and Kalia are more dynamic than you two.

- Brendon then told Rachel why he was attracted to her: “That beautiful brain that you have. That’s the reason I’m so attracted to you. Because you’re so damn smart.” I see…now he has resorted to flat out lying to her? Either that or he’s just as insane as she is.

- With that hair and that outfit, didn’t Julie Chen look like she just popped in from a USO Dance? And when she was standing in profile talking to the houseguests, did anyone else notice that her eyelashes appeared to be about two feet long?

- I made a point a couple of recaps ago talking about how Adam got off easy with the Elf Suit, and how it was essentially just a hat and shirt. But tonight I saw that he now has green shorts and silver elf shoes as well…a nice addition, I have to say. Did anyone else find it odd watching a grown man dressed as an Elf (with 4 ears! Wear the damn hat correctly, that is freaky!) smoking a cigarette in the backyard?

- Psycho Rachel barged in on Porsche and Dani in the HoH room, and proceeded to act like a sulky, whiny child. Then she went in the backyard and freaked out on Porsche who had the audacity to try and give Rachel a suggestion on how to not screw herself in the game. (The horror!) The supreme Drama Queen ran off to the hammock, yelling that “nobody cares in this game about anyone but themselves”, which, the last time I checked, was the whole point of the game…to get yourself to the end and win.

She then ramped up the drama even more by saying that Brendon made a mistake taking her off the block, and made a bigger mistake asking her to marry him, and that she would never get a job, and that no one would like her. She might as well have just yelled out “Validate me! Validate me!” I’ve been saying it for two seasons now, but is there any doubt that this freak is clinically insane?

- Evel Dick’s thoughts on Daniele: Seriously…are we still beating this dead horse? He’s gone…let it go.

- Everyone had an awkward laugh at Daniele’s comment to Julie that Rachel would probably try to kill her after the show, but didn’t we all think there was a tiny grain of possibility in that statement?

- The Farewell Speeches went something like this…Brendon: “ramble ramble ramble, Rachel is great, I’m not gonna cry, Rachel rules, ramble ramble.” Jordan: (stock answer) “Vote who you think will get you further in the game.” Translation: “I know I’m staying, let’s get on with this.”

- The vote was never in doubt, but Porsche still voted for Jordan, which was probably a smart move on her part just so that she doesn’t have to be the one who has to bear the brunt of Rachel’s insanity for the next week. You know that Rachel would have taken it out on her.

- So off Brendon went to Julie Chen’s Land of Awkward Questions (I can’t take credit for that one…that goes to EW’s Darren Franich), where we learned that he really loves Rachel (shocker!). Did you see the audience members behind him laughing at him as his voice cracked and he explained how Rachel would have done it for him last season…which is an absurd comment. No chance she ever would have done that…EVER.

- Julie asked Brendon if he would be able to make it for the rest of the summer without Rachel, and he just smirked and said “Yeah, I’ll make it.” You know what that means, folks…August is WEINER-TEXTING month!

- 1940s Chenbot then revealed a new twist in the game…that the next houseguest to be evicted will battle one of the previous 4 evictees in a competition to get back into the game. That’s right, Redemption Island comes to Big Brother, bitches. That sound you heard is me vomiting. I predict that Cassi or Dominic will win the America’s Vote portion, and if Brendon wins it, then you can be guaranteed that the voting is 100% (drink up!) fixed.

- The HoH competition became a pissing contest between Kalia and Rachel, which Kalia eventually won with an added side of Rachel dropping an F-Bomb after losing. Looks like another bad week is on the way for Rachel. Were we all cheering in unison when Kalia won?

- Don’t believe for a second that this twist will affect Kalia’s nominations. It will assuredly be Rachel and someone else, with Rachel as the target. The fact that Rachel could win her way back into the game if she gets evicted won’t factor in at all.

- Loved how the show ended with Rachel sulking. LOVED it. I’m such a prick.

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