Big Brother Recap: “Humble Pie Tastes Good, Doesn’t It, Homegirl?”
With Buki Brendon out of the house and Kalia as the new HoH, it was bound to be another tear-inducing week for everyone’s favourite psychopath, Rachel. Who would Kalia put up for eviction? Why are there hotdogs in a blender? And why is everyone crying?
My Random Thoughts:
- The episode started with recap on Brendon’s demise and Rachel’s ensuing meltdown. We then flashed to Daniele in the Diary Room talking about the fact that Kalia won HoH has left her feeling…wait for it…100% safe (take a drink!)
- After the HoH competition, Jeff was mad at Porsche, Rachel the drama queen declared “I’m going home” and started crying uncontrollably as soon as she saw Brendon’s greyed out picture, and Kalia did a storage room dance. Rachel then went into the HoH room and continued her blubbering until someone came to console her.
First it was Porsche, who Rachel thanked for being her friend (wait…wasn’t she just pissed off at her?), and then Jordan followed to have another girl talk session, most of which I missed because I couldn’t get past the fact that Rachel’s black streaked eyes made her look like Poison Ivy. If you look more like a Batman villain than a Reality TV show contestant, you should probably STOP CRYING!
After the RCM (Rachel Consolation Meeting), which Jeff joined, Rachel puffed up her chest and declared “The pity party is over.” Did anyone believe her? I didn’t.
- When Kalia’s HoH room was unveiled, everyone went up together, and Kalia was overcome with emotion at seeing pictures of her family (and not in a Rachel sort of way.) Jeff was critical, saying “Kalia starts sobbing like we just walked into a morgue and somebody was in a casket. A little weird, kinda…” Let me get this straight, Jeff…you spend most of your time with Rachel, and you think that someone crying is weird?
- Shelly then reminded everyone that she left a daughter at home, and she’s missing her first day of school. So far, Shelley’s daughter has had a bigger role in this season than Porsche!
- Daniele and Kalia were in the HoH room, talking about how they were committed 100% (take a drink) to each other, when Rachel came up, and the ass-kissing began. After asking Daniele to leave, Rachel then tried to pre-save her own hide but telling Kalia “I, like, 100% really respect you.” Take another drink folks, this is the best drinking game ever. Good thing Rachel had that giant wine glass.
- After his one-week fashion punishment, Adam was only too happy to shed his Elf costume, so everyone’s favourite hairy, goateed, metalhead toy maker is back to just plain old Adam.
- Daniele said “I’m quite happy to have blood on my hands in this game. Quite frankly I’m ready to bathe in blood”, which made me think that she actually a lot like her dad. She then went on to talk to Kalia about not considering the upcoming “twist” (which is what I said in my last recap) when making her nominations.
- The Have/Have Not competition was another redux from last season, where contestants had to make disgusting shakes for each other and name ingredients. What the hell is with the repetition of competitions? Survivor did the same thing…is CBS cutting production costs across the board? I mean, they just used the Redempion Island concept for this new twist, didn’t they?
In the competition, Jeff beat Lawon in a chug-off to give his team the first point. Porsche beat Shelly to even the score for their team, despite Jeff trying to help Shelly, which seemed like cheating (didn’t it?) In this head-to-head battle, we learned that not only does Porsche not know where her shoulder is, she also doesn’t know what onions taste like. Apparently, Big Brother is like summer school for her.
In the tie-breaking bar battle, Dani beat Jordan in another chug off, which upset Jordan, who started crying. Jesus Christ, who isn’t crying in this house? At least Jordan and the rest of the Have Nots (Rachel, Jeff, and Shelly) have coconuts and catfish to drown their sorrows.
- Jeff and Jordan talked to Kalia about the upcoming nominations, and Kalia was very honest with them about her plan to evict Rachel, which meant nominating Jeff beside her so that he could compete for the veto. This idea didn’t go over too well with the final remaining intact Veteran Duo, as Jordan freaked out and got upset before storming out…which was very out of character for her.
Then Jeff got even more upset, telling Kalia that she would be the target if she nominated him, and then he started going on and on about the rest of the house…and all of the floaters…and I realized: OH MY GOD, JEFF HAS BECOME BRENDON!
- At the nomination ceremony, the claws came out as Dani didn’t want Rachel sitting so close to her. But to be fair, she’s been used to essentially sitting on Brendon’s lap for the nomination ceremonies, so she was just going with habit. Jordan then made a speech with two keys left to pull, and in the end, Rachel and Jeff were nominated for eviction.
After the ceremony, Rachel tried to bait Dani into a dramatic confrontation, but Dani just walked away to let her self-destruct on her own.
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