Big Brother Recap: “I Can’t Take Any More Women Crying”

At the end of Sunday's episode, Rachel and Jeff were on the block, with Rachel as the supposed target for eviction. After a few days in the house, is that still the case? What changes (if any) will the POV bring? And who is celebrating a milestone birthday?

My Random Thoughts:

- Rachel ranted that Kalia’s nominations were actually the handiwork of Daniele, and that this HoH was “100% Daniele’s”, which I believe is the earliest occasion this season that we’ve had to take a drink in our drinking game, 18 seconds.

Rachel had another blow-up, of course, and tried to chase Daniele and verbally attack her, but Shelly stopped her and played the role of Brendon trying to calm her down. Only instead of telling her how he loved her and how beautiful she was, she tried to use honesty and logic in showing her it was a bad idea. Rachel’s response? “I don’t care. Leave me alone.”

- Rachel then said that “Daniele has turned everyone in this house against me” and ranted to Jordan that Daniele had the audacity to get rid of her fiancé “RIGHT BEFORE the jury", so that they couldn’t even spend the summer together if they were eliminated. Did I miss the episode where it was decided that Daniele’s game is supposed to cater to Rachel’s romantic interests?

I’ve talked repeatedly about how Rachel is a massive drama queen, but have you noticed that every time Rachel is “crying”, there aren’t actually any tears? It’s always fake crying for attention, except for the few drops that she can squeeze out to smear her mascara and make it look like someone has taken a Sharpie and tried to turn her into a raccoon. She even went so far this time as to fake pack her bags and pretend like she was leaving.

This whiny meltdown was so unbearable that I actually did something for the first time ever with this show: I muted the volume because I couldn’t take any more of Rachel’s ridiculous meltdown. My mood was like Jordan’s demeanor…head in her hands, incredulous at the stupidity and absurdity of it all.

- Kalia started to show that she was getting affected by the fact that the house is feeling like she is a follower and is doing the work of Daniele, and she had her own little meltdown in the HoH room. Did anyone else notice that when Kalia was in the Diary Room, she was wearing a blue plaid shirt that was so tight it looked like it was ready to explode? Honestly, I was expecting the buttons to snap off and fly into the camera.

- Jeff and Jordan asked Shelly if she was still with them, and the Side-Talker took offense and stormed out. More important than the suggested “falling out” was the “making up” where Jeff smoothed things over with her, ending in a good old-fashioned pinky swear. It was a pretty lame pinky swear, if you ask me…the fingers didn’t even link, which, as I understand it, nullifies the pinky swear. They just kind of slapped fingers by each other…it was more like a “High-One.”

BUT…Shelly ended the conversation by saying that they were 100% good, so drink up. And Jeff followed up by saying that they were 110% GOOD, and as you know, any percentage over 100 is TWO drinks. Is your screen blurry yet?

- The POV competition had the houseguests all dressed in Greek outfits, which had me craving souvlaki and gyros. Daniele looked smokin’ in her toga, Lawon was Big Pimpin’ in his outfit (according to Jeff), Kalia looked like a big bumblebee, Adam has “more balls than Jeff” according to Jordan, and we learned a new phrase as Kalia described Adam as a “Mega floater.”

The competition itself seemed like a carnival game, but 300 times over that ramp? Are you kidding me? I liked it, but it would have been more challenging had it not been enclosed by glass and the ball could have also fallen off the sides. Did anyone else laugh at Rachel’s fail-and-flail as she wiped out trying to save her ball from falling?

- In the end, Jeff came from behind to just beat Adam and win the POV. Rachel started immediately with more “Pity me” drama, which caused Jeff to tell us, “my niece, who is five years old, handles losing better than Rachel does.”

- For Adam’s 40th birthday in the house, he decided to shave the beard off, and in one fell swoop, went from a metalhead to a giant egg. Do you remember the Time for Timer vignettes in the 70s and 80s that ran during Saturday morning cartoons? Timer, the little yellow egg man with the top hat and walking stick, that was trying to get you to make orange juice freeze pops (see below), or eat some cheese for a healthy snack? That’s what Adam looked like! Am I wrong?

(Orange juice, or lemonade, or pomegranate juice...or whatever turns you on)

- After Jeff won the POV, his threats continued, and Kalia continued to feel the pressure, both from Jeff and Jordan, as well as from Rachel. Kalia’s response was taken straight from the Matt Hoffman (Big Brother 12) School Of Over-Complicating A Good Plan, where she all of a sudden decided that she wanted to ditch Daniele and work with the veterans. The fish at the end of Faith No More’s Epic video thinks that Kalia is doing too much flipping and flopping.

Also, Kalia told Daniele that she was with her “a Million JILLION percent”, so break open the bar, bitches, nobody is going to be sober after this episode!

- Lawon volunteered to go up on the block? When is this ever a good idea? But then he actually asked to be evicted? WHAT THE HELL? He said, “I am ok being evicted because I might come back with some ‘special powers.’" That may be the stupidest thing I’ve seen on this show since Marcellas decided not to use the Veto on himself in Big Brother 3.

- After Jeff used the POV on himself, Lawon got his wish and was put up in his place. Does he really want to be evicted? Does Rachel really have the votes to stay in the game? And how many times will Kalia flip and flop again between now and the eviction?

For those of you that like to follow on the live feeds, I would highly recommend you join the community at TV Clubhouse. It’s a great site with a great group of people, and if you want to read/discuss Big Brother, it is definitely where you want to be, with over 37,000 message board posts so far this season!

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