March 24, 2010: Survivor Recap

This rare Wednesday night edition of Survivor (thank you NCAA Tournament) was teased all week on CBS as being a battle between Boston Rob and Russell, and for once, the commercials didn't mislead and disappoint. What an episode!

First of all, I have to say how much I absolutely hate episodes where both tribes have to vote someone out. It's a cheap way to get more contestants at the beginning of the game, and it places NO value on winning. Sure, the winning team got hot dogs, soft drinks, and a front row seat of the other team's Tribal Council...but that's not nearly the value of tribal immunity, which is what this phase of the game has always been based on. It's a weak tactic.

And I was not a fan of Jeff Probst mentioning that Tyson, J.T., and Coach competed in it in their season, and that J.T. and Tyson went to the final, AND that Tyson won. Unfair to point that out in the way he did. Come on, Jeff...you're better than that.

Courtney is competing in a challenge? What the hell? Not like she has a chance...
Boston Rob did a great job to win the challenge, as did Candace, but Rob pulled out the win for his team to give them the Tribal Council food advantage.

What the hell was with Colby's speech at the Heroes camp? It was like a concession speech on election night...he just rolled over and gave up. I admired the concept of "let's just enjoy our afternoon, and try to give the Villains as little as possible", but why the hell did he want to protect these idiots? These are the morons who voted Tom out over a crippled James last episode!

And of all the people to point out that James is hobbled by his bad leg, did you expect it to be...James? When talking to Colby, he said to him (and I had to go back and watch to get this fantastic line word for word) "old sleepy ass Colby, you know, that gets beat by a fat man and a cripple."
I'll wait a moment for you to stop laughing and then point out the irony of James berating Colby for losing to the cripple...when HE'S THE CRIPPLE. I'll point out again that James isn't the brightest bulb.

Then we had to watch James get defensive, and participate in the Hero Olympics (vs. a backwards-running J.T.), all to set up the inevitable James vs. Colby debate for Tribal Council.

At camp, Russell's plan to give the idol to Parvati was a good idea, but was headed off at the pass by Rob, who explained to his alliance that splitting the vote was the safe bet, and that nothing could go wrong if they held firm and voted 3 for Parvati and 3 for Russell. They would flush out the idol and get rid of either Parvati or Russell.

Enter Tyson.

With a foolproof plan, Tyson listened to Russell as he weaseled (admirably) his way into Tyson's ear and explained a fake plan that would see Parvati go home. Instead of sticking to the foolproof (FOOLPROOF) plan of the 3-3 split vote, Tyson decided to switch his vote to Parvati.

And then we watched Tyson tell the camera that he couldn't wait to get to Tribal Council so he could "get a hot dog in my mouth." Choose your own joke...that one's just too easy.

Let's give Russell some credit for coming up with the plan, and how he let it all play out at Tribal Council, faking out with the walk up to Jeff, then turning around and giving it to Parvati. It was all too perfect.
So Tyson flopped, and as a result, he was voted out, all due to Russell's master plan. So Rob and Russell squared off in a battle of wits, and while Russell did indeed win...let's make it clear that he did NOT outsmart Rob. Rob saw this coming, and Rob had a plan to avoid it, but Tyson entered the 'Dumbest Survivor Contestants of All-Time" Hall of Fame (move over Erik, make some room, James) with his idiotic flip. This only means good things for the Rob-Russell rivalry.

Again, why don't these two realize that they would be unstoppable together? They are, by far, the two best players the game has ever seen.

Did Jerri just say "Game on!" at Tribal Council? You know my feelings on this. Disqualified!

At the voting section, when Sandra held up her vote for Russell, and spoke to the camera, it sounded like she said "you need to get in the ocean and wash your ass", which made me go WHAT?! But then my girlfriend mentioned that it was "wash your PAST." However, when I went back and watched the scene on Closed Captioned, while it sounded like it could have been "past", the caption on the screen most definitely said "ass".

You decide, "wash your past" or "wash your ass"? And whatever one it was...what the hell does it mean? Because neither makes sense!

After the Villains voted out Tyson (no hot dog for you!), they enjoyed their buffet as the Heroes started their Tribal Council. James decided to taunt them when it started raining, but that didn't hold a lot of water (pardon the pun), because when you're starving in the jungle, wet hot dogs beat no hot dogs 100% of the time.

Why the hell does Amanda always look like she's about to start crying? I keep thinking she's the reincarnation of Haley Joel Osment....who, given, is not dead...but you get the gist of what I'm saying.
Blah blah blah...Superman in a fat suit...blah blah blah...more banana etiquette talk...blah blah blah...just vote out Colby already. There is no drama here.

What? They voted out James?

So, let me get this straight. Last time, when it was a decision between able-bodied Tom who was begging to stay, and immobolized James, these idiots chose to keep James. And now, faced with a decision between James, whose leg is healing, and Colby, who has SUCKED in everything he has done so far...and has told them he has essentially given up...NOW you vote out James?

This is the dumbest tribe ever.

Next week: The Villains camp should be awesome with the fallout from Russell's move.

Please Note two things: a) that Survivor is back on Thursday next week, and b) that there will be no Survivor recap here next week since I will be in Las Vegas.