April 11, 2010: Amazing Race Recap

After last week's shocking reversal of fortune that saw Jet and Cord go from last place (with a Speed Bump) to first place, and Steve and Allie drop from first place to last place, this week's episode saw only 5 teams start the leg. Would the cowboys be able to hold their lead after turning it around last week, or would tensions boil over between the Models and the Lesbians? Let's find out...

I love that when we saw the teams ripping open their clues at the beginning of the leg, we heard them say "Caution: U-Turn Ahead", which all but assures that you're going to see one team severely pissed off by the end of the leg. Nice foreshadowing.

I was glad to see Dan and Jordan recognize that they were in first place and that it would be foolish NOT to go for the Fast Forward. It never ceases to amaze me how teams that are trailing choose to go for it, and teams that are leading sometimes decide not to. Add in the element that the winners of each leg always win a prize now (which didn't use to be the case), and you're looking at a nice little prize and a first place finish for doing one task.

In preparation for the Fast Forward, Jordan came to a sudden realization that he has an immense fear of heights. I'm thinking that as supportive as his brother was trying to be, saying "If you fall and die, I love you" probably wasn't the most calming sentiment for him to share. And if you think Jordan was scared, what about the cameraman that had to shoot the footage!? There was one guy perched ON TOP of one of the cars shooting them as they crossed. Insane!

Although it was smart on their part to have Jordan go first, because no sense in wasting the time for Dan to get through it if Jordan can't. But get through it they did, and arrived at the Pit Stop well before anyone else, only to find out that their prizes on this leg were a motorbike for each of them. In a finely displayed combination of ingratitude, and rearing that would make their mother proud, they both declared they would never go near a motorbike. I'm glad the producers kept that in, because it's not like they were being ungrateful, just acknowledging safety in their upbringing.

I laughed at the 'Pounding The Drums' Detour, not because of the horrible displays of rhythm that we saw, but because the "drum teachers" were ten-year-olds! And Carol and Brandi looked like they got one who was about 5...who they promptly dismissed as being "on crack' and insisted on another one who would count for them.

Michael and Louie gave up, declaring that they were "off like a prom dress" (Man, I just can't get enough of that Rhode Island comedy!), and then decided to go for the Fast Forward instead of just going to the other task. I found that idiotic since it was pretty obvious Dan and Jordan had gone for it. When you leave one task, just do the other one, fools.

And after listening to them incessantly call each other "baby" in last week's episode (which I have written about before), I made a conscious effort to actually count the number of times they said "baby" in this episode. It was thirteen times...in one episode! And on top of that, there were 8 instances of them calling someone "my friend."

Jet and Cord struggled mightily with the Drumming, but eventually got it...leading Cord to declare that he never wants to be a drummer. I heartily agree, because it has been my experience that in general, drummers are douchebags.

When Caite was talking about the potential of U-Turning the lesbians, she was so excited she could barely breathe. And then when they actually got there, it was like she was having an orgasm as she realized that it was actually happening.

I love how Phil explained that this was not a Blind U-Turn, but a regular U-Turn, where teams would have to "identify themselves and face the consequences." What consequences? Unless the team is standing right there as you do it, you're long gone with just a picture left behind. And if the U-Turn works (which it almost always does), you don't even see them again because you check in long ahead of them and they generally get eliminated, unless it's a non-elimination leg.

Carol and Brandi were predictably angry, as Brandi told Carol "They U-Turned us because you're prettier than her." And then in the most juvenile display yet in this season, Carol actually HIT the picture of Caite on the U-Turn board. They also declared that it was "unbelievable," which it really wasn't.

The Road Block was easy...counting. And not counting like last season where you had to climb a tower and look for bells. The links were all there laying right in front of you. This was the easiest challenge yet. And yet I was still worried for Brent and Caite. But...predictably, everyone got it on their first try (props to Michael for his pitch counter!) Although I have to say, that with all the noise and commotion trying to distract them from counting, yelling support at your partner was probably not very helpful.

Ice cream in between a slice of bread? That's flat-out disgusting!

As usual when the ending is predictable, we saw loads of fake drama leading up to the mat, even though we all knew Carol and Brandi would be eliminated because of the U-Turn. Carol and Brandi were very pissy in their exit interview, calling Brent and Caite all sorts of names, and saying it was a dumb move...but I think that any move that eliminates 20% of the field in a contest for $1 million dollars is a pretty smart move. And I can't stand Brent and Caite. You got beat, you got outplayed...suck it up and deal with it, like Joe and Heidi did. It's part of the game. Bitter much?

Note that there's no episode next Sunday, and we'll be back in two weeks with the Final Four.

April 8, 2010: Survivor Recap

Since I missed last week's episode of Survivor, I watched it right before this week's episode...a back-to-back Heroes vs. Villains bonanza. I will be recapping the new episode in full below, but first, a couple of thoughts on last week's episode.

- Colby re-emerged as the physical force we all remember from Survivor: Australian Outback, and no longer appeared to be 'Superman in a fat suit', as he was lovingly referred to as by James in the last episode. AND he got a chance to completely chuck Jerri aside in the water-basketball challenge. How much fun do you think that was for him with the history those two have?

- Voting Rob out was the dumbest move that the Villains tribe could have done. Yes, I respect Russell and his game, but Russell only thinks of the NOW, and not what he needs for later. (See last season and Natalie's win in the finale) Voting Rob out and making their tribe massively weaker was a dumb move that will cost him the game. I'm not saying he would have won otherwise, but now there is no way. He just won't be able to keep numbers with his tribe constantly losing without Rob.

- How about that snub by Rob as Coach went in for the man-hug? Ouch.

Ok, on to this week's episode, which began with a "Previously On Survivor" homage to Rob that was worthy of the Fallen Comrades montage we always see heading into the final immunity challenge. The producers sure didn't want him to leave, did they?

Parvati then declared that it was "Game On." Do we really need to hear that in every episode?

And now Jerri is regretting voting Rob out? Right after Tribal Council? Did she not think this through? Why all of a sudden?

At the Heroes camp, J.T. went off and found the hidden immunity idol in about 10 seconds. I really think that the name Hidden Immunity Idol should be retired until they actually start hiding it well again. Remember a few seasons ago when Yul had to line up a tree in his line of sight with another tree, then find the spot where they met and dig deep into the sand to find it? Now they're just laying around everywhere. It should just be called the Intricately Placed Immunity Idol until they start finding better spots for them and making the contestants actually work to find them.

But as soon as he found it, Amanda stumbled upon him and he told her that he found it. Then Candace wandered by and she found out too. So he adopted the Russell strategy of "I'll just tell everyone", and told the whole tribe that he had it. Seems like a good strategy if they all make it to the merge, but not so much if the Heroes have to vote someone off before then. We'll see how it pans out.
I thought Jeff Probst's "Drop your...expectations" line was pretty inventive. But I wish that it hadn't been spoiled already by the commercials all week. Teasing a merge and then not merging is one of the greatest swerves that Survivor can pull, so I'm not sure why they tipped their hand early on this one. Remember back in Thailand when he told the tribes that they would be living on the same beach, and they all assumed they were merged until Jeff told them that they weren't? THAT was a good twist.

The bowling challenge was boring...again. The Villains might as well have been called The Gutterballs, and the Heroes won handily. How different do you think that challenge would have been if Boston Rob was still around?

Back at camp, Jerri had a little tantrum about the team's decision to tear down the camp under the assumption that there was going to be a merge. This is starting to be a trend with Jerri...acting first, and then considering that decision after the fact. She may want to consider the implications of things BEFORE she decides to do them next time. Just an idea...

She even went on to say that "Rob would have made sure that Sandra and Courtney competed", so that they could sit the two weaker players for the immunity challenge. Well, if she knows that Rob would have done it...then why didn't she?? This of course set off an argument with Sandra, who didn't like being "blamed" for the loss, and labelled a weak player.

She went on to just argue everything from that point forward, showing her fiesty Puerto Rican spirit, and declaing to the camera that she simply hated everyone. I mean, if Sandra and Courtney's game plan was to come to camp, sit out of as many challenges as possible, and try to get far...good luck to you both. But to think that you can go 20 days without your tribemates noticing this is pretty naive. Best of luck to you...

Coach lamented that "I don't want to play this game with these people. Not without Tyson. Not without Rob." This is the same argument he used in his first time on Survivor, declaring that he didn't want to play with people who weren't 'honourable', like he is. He's just a whiny little bitch who complains when things don't go exactly as he wants, like a spoiled rich kid who gets to choose his friends. Can you imagine being a player if he was your coach?

But here's the rub...as he's complaining about Rob going home, he's venting to Courtney, who he wanted to vote out! And, he still wrote her name down. I'm no genius, but I have to think that complaining to the person you wanted gone about how the last vote went, may not result in the most sympathetic ear.

The Immunity challenge was another easy win for the Heroes, as Courtney and Sandra single-(double?)-handedly assured that the Villains lost with their ineptitude. Courtney was so skinny that she should have been able to get under the gates without really getting dirty, but she still wasn't competitive. I don't really have much else to say about this challenge other than the fact that Rupert looked like a Chocolate Kraken.
At Tribal Council, Danielle declared that 'It is what it is", thus incurring another one of Sean's Reality TV Show Cliche penalties.

I was glad to see Jeff call out Courtney on something I have been mentioning since the beginning of this season, that she sits out almost every challenge. She got defensive, but came back with a pretty good line:

"It's target the weak, and I'm, like, poster child for Weak Survivor. But I'm still here over a bunch of strong players...twisted ankle, skinny chick, whatever. I'm a determined little bitch, and I'll put up with a lot of crap to get to the end."

And as great as that line was, it was followed by one of the lamest moments in Survivor history as Sandra leaned over and said "Fist Bump" before offering her fist to Courtney.
Ok, first of all, once you put your fist out to bump, it's implied that you're looking for the bump. If you have to say "Fist Bump", you probably shouldn't be bumping fists in the first place. Second of all, look at the picture above of the actual Fist Bump. Jerri is looking down at her feet, not wanting any part of it as she sits between them, and Russell and Parvati are just looking at each other trying not to laugh.

Courtney's parting shot to Coach as she was voting was pretty entertaining, as well, as she called him a "Frigging Lunatic", and scoffed at the feather in his hair.

I have a new penalty option for Survivor contestants. Anyone who writes their vote with a sad, upside-down smiley face should be eliminated immediately. Unacceptable.

So the Villains voted out Coach and continued on their downward spiral. Tyson, then Rob, then Coach. This team is going nowere fast. I also think it's important to note that Danielle and Parvati changed their votes, but not Russell or Jerri. The only thing that may save them is J.T.'s assumption that there is a female alliance, which looks like it could lead to one of the dumbest moves in Survivor history.

But I'm only saying that because that's what the preview for next week showed us...giving us some incredibly dumb moves and then teasing us that J.T. wants to give the idol to Russell. Well, that certainly would qualify...

We'll have to wait until next week to find out.

April 8, 2010: Lost Recap: Happily Ever After

This week's Lost recap is a day late (but hopefully not a dollar short), since I've just returned from vacation. For those of you that are new readers here from DarkUFO, I offer a hearty welcome, and I hope that you'll enjoy what you read here, Lost-related or otherwise. If you want to find previous recaps (and other posts) on Lost, simply click 'Lost' on the sidebar for the relevant posts.

If you are a fan of Erika Olsen and Long Live Locke, you will appreciate that my photos also have captions hidden underneath...simply mouse over the picture to see them. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and I offer my captions as an homage to my favourite Lost recapper. (As a matter of fact, she actually taught me how to do it!) You won't find the same in-depth theories and analysis as you do in some other recaps, but I hope that you'll enjoy it all the same. My recaps will generally be up the night of the show, hopefully within an hour of the end of the 9 pm ET broadcast.

Now with that all said, let's get on to "Happily Ever After", since nothing makes me happier than a Desmond-centric episode...

I was surprised to see no "previously on Lost" segment, but I was more than happy to dive right into the episode, and see Zoe explaining to Desmond that he had been unconscious for 3 days and uder IV sedation. Can we assume that he drank the same OJ cocktail that Richard gave Juliet prior to her submarine trip? I'm still waiting to find out how Charles found the Island after searching for so long.

The conversation between Zoe and Desmond (and Charles) confirmed for us viewers that Desmond was taken from the hospital after being shot by Ben at the marina. As we watched him try to familiarize himself with his surroundings, I said to my girlfriend, "He's going to SNAP when he finds out he's back on the Island." And...sure enough, once he did, he beat Charles about the head with an IV stand. How good do you think that felt? Although the joy of beating Widmore would be short-lived, as Charles declared to Desmond "The Island isn't done with you yet."
When Jin asked Charles what Desmond was doing on the Island again, Charles responded by saying "It would be easier for me to show you than to tell you, Mr. Kwon." Although when asked again later, Widmore responded by telling Jin "That man is the only person I am aware of, in the world, who has survived a catatstrophic electromagnetic event." I need to know that he can do it again." Remind me not to hire him for my next negotiation. He caves when asked a second time.

Chip from Kate and Allie is still as whiny as he was as a kid back on that show in the 80s. When Zoe came in and told him that the test had been moved up based on Widmores orders, it looked like he was going to cry and throw a teddy bear.
Poor Simmons. All he was asked to do was check out the circuits on the solenoids, and he ended up a barbecued mess. I have to say that it was an awkward scene watching him get fried. I mean, some lackey figures out that it was a "bad breaker on the genny", and then just fires up the power again as Liz Lemon and Chip yell "Nooooo!"

Seriously? This is the finely oiled machine that Widmore has assembled for this project that presumably is intended to save the world somehow? This is the same man who hired Keamy and that team of mercenaries on the freighter, and now he's got this bumbling herd of Keystone Kops? I almost expected circus music to be playing.

And why did Simmons head out without a gun, while the group that chased out to try and save his sizzling carcass all carried weapons? Sorry, just didn't make sense to me.

Charles explained to Desmond that he was going to be asked to make a sacrifice, which then led to a conversation about the concept of sacrifice between the two of them. Desmond obviously sacrificed a life with Penny when he was trapped on the Island, and willingly sacrificed a potential life with her prior to that when he set off on his sailboat race to try and win the favour of her father. Charles, meanwhile, also pointed out that his own son (Daniel) died for the sake of the Island, Penny now hates him, and he's never met his own grandson (little Charlie Hume).

As Charles was explaining the stakes to Desmond, he told him that if they failed, Penny and Charlie would be "gone forever." I found this choice of words to be very interesting. In a previous episode, we heard that if Flocke/Smokey got off of the Island, everyone would "cease to be." Is this just a coincidental choice of words, or does the use of phrases like "cease to be" and "gone forever" without explicitly using the word die or dead give us some sort of hint? Is it a way of telling us that one existence may just disappear...or is it just a phrase that I'm reading too much into?
As we moved to the Flash Sideways (FS) world, we see Desmond at the airport looking at an Oceanic Airlines board, and as Hurley rounds the corner and direct our favourite Scotsman to Carousel 4, he asks him what all of us have been asking since the first ten minutes of the season premier, "You were on the Sydney flight, right?" Desmond confirmed that he was, so there goes the 'Jack-was-imagining-him' theory.

I'm not sure what the relevance was for the scene between Desmond and Claire at the airport. Was it a way for Desmond to let us know that he's "not a big fan of surprises", or a way for us to see him predict that Claire would be having a boy? Or was it simply a way for us to see Desmond and Claire together to remind us of their respective relationships to Charlie, who we would see shortly.
So nice to see Fisher Stevens back as Minkowksi...although in this episode, he was simply "George." It was a different touch for Lost fans to see him without a bloody nose and losing his mind. As Desmond walked with him at the airport and explained that he was in Sydney "closing a deal for the boss", I realized that we were about to see a FS world where Des worked for Widmore.

George gave a nod to the fans, asking directly what we have been wondering since L.A.X", that he wasn't wearing a wedding band. We all wanted to know whether he was married to Penny or not in the FS world, and we got the direct answer when Des said "I'm not looking for any companionship. I'm here to work."
In Widmore's office, we see Desmond peering longingly into a sailboat on the wall (nice touch), as Widmore screams into the phone to get someone (Charlie) out of jail. We then learn that Widmore's son is a musician, and we fans all cumulatively remembered back to young Daniel's piano lessons, didn't we? Apparently, he had a crazy idea to mix classical music with modern rock. Daniel Faraday...mashup artist. (Debut album title: Return of the Skinny Tie.)

Desmond and Charles had a drink, to celebrate Desmond's indispensibility", and isn't that an appropriate word to describe Des, in both worlds? As Charles poured the 60-year-old MacCutcheon (smirk), he said "You really do have the life, son. No family. No commitments. Ah, to be free of attachments." Desmond responded that he was "a blessed man". What do you think that the word "blessed" means here?
Ladies and Gentlemen, the band is back together...it's Desmond and Charlie, one more time! As they sat in the bar, Charlie explained his first experience with "spectacular, consciousness-altering love"...on the plane. As he started to tell the story, he first mentioned the woman in handcuffs, which I'm sure was a knowing nod to the off-screen relationship between Evangeline Lilly and Dominic Monaghan, before talking about the vision he experienced as he was choking to death on his bag of heroin. His vision was obviously Claire, and he apparently got a glimpse of her as he was dying.

Desmond offered him a choice, to stay in the bar and keep drinking, and risk the "extermination of his musical career", or to come with him, get a nice hotel on the harbourfront, and have Charles Widmore owe him a favour.

Charlie: "Doesn't really seem like a choice."
Desmond: "There's always a choice, brutha."

There's always a choice. Is Desmond channeling Jacob? Is he connected to Jacob? Or is he just echoing the theme we've been talking about for so long?

Charlie offered Desmond a choice as well, in the car after they left the bar. Since Desmond wasn't buying what our Little Lost Hobbit was selling, Charlie said that he could show him what he was talking about, or Desmond could get out of the car. My brow furrowed with confusion along with Desmond as I tried to comprehend what that meant.

What I most certainly did NOT expect, was for Charlie to grab the wheel and plunge the car into the water.
I have to say that the shot from the inside of the car as it went into the water was mind-blowingly fantastic. And as the car sunk down into the depths, emotions stirred up and returned from the scene where Charlie died.

Now, let me take a moment to say, for those of you that didn't know this...I was never a big Charlie fan. I don't know if it was the fact that I can't get past him being a Hobbit in my eyes, or maybe I was resentful of the aforementioned off-screen relationship with Evangeline Lilly, or maybe it was the fact that for the first few seasons, I just didn't like the character. But whatever the reason, I didn't like Charlie.

However, the scene in the Looking Glass station, when Charlie drowned after saving the day, was one of the most powerful scenes I have ever seen on the show. The look on Charlie's face, and the knowing nod he gave Desmond, as if to say "Please tell me you understand", was simply heartbreaking and heroic all at once. And as the car sunk down, I knew we were about to see some sort of callback to that scene.

As Desmond fought to get to Charlie, with a closed door and a pane of glass separating them, just like in the Looking Glass Station, we saw Charlie open his eyes and raise his hand to the glass...and then it happened.
Desmond flashed to the moment when Charlie held up his hand that said "Not Penny's Boat", and as we saw the look of acknowledgement on his face, it was our first essential confirmation that these two worlds (Flash Sideways and Island) were indeed connected somehow. Desmond had a "flash" of something, as we've seen before, in "Flashes Before Your Eyes", another Desmond-centric episode. Just as I speculated in my recap for 'The Package" last week, I think the connections are coming to light, like Sun's ability to only speak Korean last week.

At the hospital, Desmond was being funneled into the MRI machine when he had another series of flashes, but this time about his life with Penny. The look on Desmond's eyes as he saw these flashes said so much...this was the life he wanted, what he craved...but never knew. He pressed the panic button to get out of the machine and find Charlie. Topic of discussion for the Comments section: Discuss Desmond being commissioned with the responsibility of 'pushing the button' once again.

After finding Charlie and being told that he needed to start a search for Penny, Desmond then found himself on his way to meet Mrs. Widmore. We all knew that this was going to be Eloise, but between watching her berate her staff over butter knife placement and flower arrangement centering, I had to note that she was rocking the best female silver afro I have ever seen.
But septagenarian hairstyles aside, Eloise "met" Desmond, who explained that Drive Shaft would be unable to attend the event. Expecting Mrs. Widmore to be upset, Desmond was shocked to hear her say it was fine, because "whatever happened, happened."

Last season, we were told explicitly "Dead is Dead", in an episode title. But we all believed that John Locke was still alive. Now, we are being told "Whatever Happened, Happened", also an episode title from Season 5. Will we believe it now? Should we believe that this isn't just another option, but that it all indeed happened, and nothing can change that. I say yes.

Desmond happened to hear the name Penny, and asked about it, but was cut off by Eloise who dragged him aside, and after making it clear that she was very familiar with who he is, and that their "first meeting" earlier was a ruse on her part, declared angrily, "You're not ready yet, Desmond!" I submit that this is our first hard-core proof of a relation between the two worlds.

Now, did you notice that Penny's last name on the list was Milton? Is this just another historical/philosophical/literary reference in a last name (Locke, Hume, Hawking, Faraday, Bentham, Rousseau), or a hint to who Penny's mother is?
Desmond left the meeting with Eloise and ended up in the limo, only to have a rap on his window...and the re-appearance of Daniel Faraday....I mean, Daniel Widmore. He explained to Desmond that he was a musician, but after seeing Charlotte (never mentioned by name), he believed that it was love at first sight. He said "the second I saw her, it was like I already loved her." He then gave us the reveal that Penny was indeed his half sister, and he gave Desmond instructions on how to find her.

This makes me wonder if there needs to be a trigger to activate the flashes that provide the link to the other world. For Daniel it was Charlotte. For Desmond it was Charlie, or perhaps the name "Penny". For Charlie it was Claire. Is it the same concept of The Constant?

Daniel: "What if this wasn't supposed to be our life? What if we had some other life, and for some reason, we changed things?" Daniel is onto something...

Desmond heads to the stadium, the same stadium where he first met Jack. Only this time Penny is the one running instead of him. As soon as Des looked at her, you could see it in his eyes...he might as well have spoken Daniel's words, "the second I saw her, it was like I already loved her."
And as he touched her hand, we were transported back to the Island, as Desmond awoke from his Electromagnetic Fry Test. As he sat up, he looked at his hand, proving that he was cognizant of where he just was (with Penny). He then told Charles that he was ready to help, and that he understands, which I took to mean that he understands the relationship between the two realities he is experiencing, that they are connected/related, and that he is now willing to help Widmore. As he said to Zoe, "A lot can happen in 20 minutes."

And then out of nowhere, the return of Bad-Ass Sayid finds Widmore's hapless crew either running off into the jungle or with a broken neck. (Damn, it's been way too long since we've seen Sayid snap some sucker's neck, hasn't it?) Sayid tells Desmond to come with him...and Des follows. He has no reason not to trust Sayid. After all, Sayid is the one who linked up the phone call in "The Constant" to save Desmond's life, and they are connected through the Oceanic 6 experience.
As he awakens in the FS to see Penny, she asks "have we met before?" Weren't you just begging for Desmond to say yes? I know I was. After they make a coffee date, Desmond returns once again to the limo and asks George to get him the manifest from the Oceanic 815 flight. When asked why, Desmond responds, "I just need to show them something."

But who is he talking about? Charlie? Daniel? Jack? Charles? Charles in the Island World? I don't know...can't wait to find out.

Next week: Hurley gets the stage, and we see the return of Michael. Will we see Libby? I think so.

April 7, 2010: Goodbye Las Vegas

So, I'm sitting here in McCarron Airport in Las Vegas, looking out at our plane, and the mountains off in the distance. We'll be boarding in about an hour or so and heading home. It's been a fantastic trip, to say the least, and you can expect to hear a fair bit about it in the coming week or so.

Tonight when we get home, I'll be watching last night's episode of Lost, and trying to get my recvap up as soon as possible. For all of those new readers out there that have found their way here from DarkUFO--first of all, Welcome!--and I'm sorry to keep you waiting on my recap, but Vegas with your girlfriend vs. one episode of Lost is a pretty easy decision.

I'll also have to catch up on Survivor and Amazing Race, and while there will be no full recaps, I will still compile my thoughts into one post. PLUS you can expect to hear a lot about the 201o NCAA Champion Duke Blue Devils! Woo-hoo!

I'll be home soon...

March 30, 2010: Lost Recap - "The Package"

When I saw last week's preview that this was a Sun/Jin episode, I wasn't really looking forward to it. As I've mentioned in some of my previous posts, Sun has become a useless character, and Jin has been irrelevant except as a reason to show gory leg wounds. On top of that, to follow up the absolute magic of "Ab Aeterno" last week (which upon further consideration, may actually be the best episode ever), with a Kwon episode seemed like a letdown.

I was confused by the night vision goggles scene to open the show, but then I realized that we were being told that Widmore's people were watching Flocke's camp. As we switched away from night vision, we saw Flocke talking to Jin, whose leg is healing miraculously well. Flocke came across as helpful, telling Jin about the name "Kwon" on the cave wall, but that he was unclear on whether it meant Jin or Sun.

He then went on to say that all of the people on that wall had to leave together if they were going to get off the Island. More rules? If it's not stabbing rules for the Magic Dagger, and that Ben and Charles can't kill each other's daughter...now we have more rules?

Back in the Flash Sideways (which I will refer to as "FS" for the rest of this post since I will be flipping back and forth often), Jin and Sun finally were released from customs, minus the $25,000 that Jin had in his bag. As soon as he mentioned that he had a meeting at "the restaurant", I knew we were going to see Keamy again.

(Note: While I attempted to shield my eyes once again from the guest stars, I wasn't fast enough, and saw Andrew Divoff, which told me that we would be seeing Patchy again. Damn...I love a surprise.)

At the hotel checkin counter, Sun made a point of using her maiden name, and then we learned that in this reality, Jin and Sun were NOT married. At this point, I made a conscious decision that the "Kwon" on Jacob's wall meant Jin. Period. It was a purposeful attempt by the writers to tell us this with this scene.

Back on the Island, as Sayid explained to Flocke that he could no longer feel anything, Flocke told him "Maybe that's best Sayid. It'll help you get through what's coming." It pains me to think of the Black Tank Top Of Death turning on his fellow Lostaways and becoming a killing machine for Flocke.

Immediately after this scene, Jin and Sawyer argued about the deal that Sawyer made with Flocke, and Jin yelled "It doesn't matter who you made a deal with!" I thought that Daniel Dae Kim did a great job of channelling The Rock in this scene.

And then we got the return of the darts. Oh how I've missed the darts. It's been so long since we've seen our Lostaways slap their neck as they are impaled with these tiny unconsciousness-inducing darts. THAT'S the answer I want from Damon and Carlton...what the hell is in those darts!?

Miles: "Unless Alpert's covered in bacon grease, I'm not sure Hurley can track anything." Ok...that was pretty funny.

Jack was explaining to Sun about the Lighthouse, but Sun wasn't hearing any of it. She cut Jack off and made a point of saying that she didn't believe (or care) that they were there for any sort of reason or purpose. Jack tried to explain more, which says to me that he apparently has looked out at the ocean long enough and is now ready to play his part. And with 6 episodes left, let me speak for all of us when I say IT'S ABOUT FRACKING TIME!

Flocke found Sun at her garden, and tempted her with the offer of a reunion with Jin. Sun questioned him on his actions at the Temple, and he launched into a very revealing explanation of how they were "confused." He then offered his hand to Sun (as he did to Kate a couple of episodes back) and Sun refused, as Kate did. There is clearly some sort of response/reaction to being touched by Flocke, just as there was with Jacob.
He then made a very clear point of saying to Sun, "I would never make you do anything against your will", explaining that she had a choice. There we are again with the Free Will subtext we've heard about so often. Does Flocke simply kill those who make the choice he doesn't agree with? Sun made her choice by running...into a tree.

In the FS World, Jin intoned that Sun was only accompanying him on this business trip for her father, as a way to work in a shopping trip. We then got a sultry unbuttoning scene from Sun and learned that while they were not married in this Sideways World, they were indeed engaging in a little Korean nookie. Which says to me that Sun just enjoys banging men that she's not married to! (Remember Jae Lee?)

But it's not just the hookup...Jin and Sun are in love (awwwwww), and just before Sun can reveal something to Jin that he "needs to know" (come on, a blind monkey can see this one coming), there is a knock at the door, and it's Keamy.
Keamy made his way into Sun's room in all of his creepy glory...and can I just say how uttery fantastic Kevin Durand has been in his revitalized role as Lost's ultimate bastard? If there were "Bad Guy Oscars", Durand would have one locked up. But I digress...

Back on the Island, Sun woke up from her George of the Jungle impression with a nice bruise on her head, and speaking Korean. I immediately thought that there has to be a connection between the two worlds when she started speaking in Korean, something I have been reluctant to consider until now. And it happened right after Sun looked in the mirror, which has happened to everyone in the FS World. What is the relevance/importance of the mirror? It's not an accident that we saw Jack smashing mirrors in the Lighthouse...mirrors that allowed Jacob to see them all.

Jin woke up to find himself in an enclosed room, which I recognized (hoped?) as Room 23 on Hydra Island. This was confirmed when we saw Jin pull a switch and see a preview trailer of the movie that Karl was being forced to watch. But then in walks Liz Lemon, oops, I mean Zoe, and the way she was presented to Jin--as a sympathetic doctor-type, smiling and holding a folder--it was an obvious parallel to the way that Jack met Juliet. Relevant? Probably not...but maybe...

The scene between Flocke and Claire-sseau was very interesting. Not for the fact that Flocke confirmed that Kate's name was not on the wall, or that he essentially gave Claire the green light to kill Kate once they got everyone together, but for the fact that he said that he still needed to gather 3 people. Ok, so who are the 3 people? Jack and Hugo are obvious, but who is the third? My guess is that it's Frank, to fly the plane.

Sawyer: "What do you need a boat for? Can't you just turn into smoke and fly your ass over the water?"
Flocke: "Do you think if I could do that, I would still be on this Island?"

I mentioned this exchange between Flocke to point out that it appears that Flocke is now locked...as Locke. (Oooh...I like that one. You heard it here first!) By that I mean that he is trapped in that form and can't act as the Smoke Monster as he used to? But what happened at the Temple, then? Ilana mentioned at one point that the longer he stays in that form, that there are effects. Or maybe it just means that he can't travel across water...which would make sense that an island is his "prison."
Ben: "Why won't you believe me?"

Ilana: "Because you're speaking."

Oh snap...Ilana just told him, didn't she? I have to admit, it was a pretty funny line.

Richard Alpert returned to camp, with Hurley in tow, and did you notice how the scene was lit as he walked back into the camp? With the sun shining prominently on his newly re-found cross, he appeared as the saviour to the Lostaways. And now he had a plan.

"Pack your bags. We're leaving", he told them.

But apparently Sun wasn't interested in Richard's plan, as she gave an utterly useless speech on how she just wanted to find Jin and leave, and not save the world. I say it was useless because it made no sense for her to scoff off "saving the world" just so she could find her husband, AND the fact that she was ranting in Korean that NOBODY COULD UNDERSTAND! She tried to play her trump card, saying she was important because of the name Kwon on the wall, but like I said earlier, I am now convinced it is Jin.

The scene on the beach between Flocke and Widmore was tense, and remiscent of the scene between Ben and Widmore in the bedroom a couple of seasons ago. Widmore told Flocke that he knew he was a "combination of myth, ghost stories, and jungle noises in the night." I can't wait to see the climax of these two facing off. Am I really expected to root for one of them?
Flocke (to Widmore): "A wise man once said that war was coming to this Island. I think it just got here."

This is a line that Charles spoke to Locke after Locke turned the Frozen Donkey Wheel and left the Island. So clearly, Flocke is accessing John Locke's memories, if he's quoting things that were said to John Locke.

Back in the FS, Sun travelled to the bank with Mikhail (welcome back!) to find that her father had closed her supposedly secret account. Flash to Keamy in the restaurant with Jin, and after he sends Omar to "go pick up the Arab guy" (how cool was it knowing how THAT was going to end?), we learned some very important information...

Apparently the $25,000 that Jin was carrying was payment for Keamy to kill Jin! How cold-hearted is that, for Mr. Paik to arrange a hit on the guy banging his daughter, and then send the guy himself to pay the hitman? Father of the year.

Keamy's delivery was golden as he explained it all in a tone of voice that gave Jin no idea how evil the plan was. So much so that Jin even said "thank you."

On Hydra Island, we learned that Zoe is a geophysicist, and that their goal all along was to get Jin. They weren't going to move on Flocke's camp yet, but since Jin and his gimpy leg were going to make a run for it, they had to grab him.

Then we heard Widmore say to Zoe, "I need you to get the package from the submarine and take it to the infirmary."

Goosebumps. Serious goosebumps.

Then Charles proceeded to give Jin a digital camera, and showed him pictures of Sun and Ji-Yeon, his daughter who he had never seen. This was a very emotional scene (damn you Michael Giacchino and your perfect musical scores!), but I kept asking myself how Jin, who had last seen the "regular" world in 2004, knew how to operate a digital camera so easily? But aside from this continuity error, Widmore then explained that if Flocke got off the Island, everything in the world as they know it, would "cease to be."

Widmore: "Come with me. I think it's time for you to see The Package."

Jin: "What package?"
Widmore: "It's not a what. It's a who."

At this point, I said (out loud), "I swear to God, if we don't see who it is on this episode, I am going to SNAP!"

Back to the FS, as Sayid finds Jin in the kitchen, I didn't think for a second that Sayid would kill him OR let him go, so I thought that the placement of th razor in his hands and a "good luck" was a nice way to resolve that.

And when Jin and Mikhail were about to face off, I was expecting some serious Jackie Chan-type shit to go down, but it just devolved into a shooting contest where Jin fired out Mikhail's eye (hence Patchy!), and also shot Sun in the process. As he carried a bleeding Sun out of the kitchen, she told him the worst-kept secret in this episode, that she was pregnant.

Jack figured out a good way to circumvent Sun's inability to speak English when he gave her a notebook and told her to write. (more on this in a minute) He then showed her a tomato that he had found in her garden, and told her "That's one stubborn tomato. I guess no one told it it was supposed to die." He's clearly not talking about the tomato.

And with that, Jack offered his hand to Sun, and she took it from him...as a sign of trust...the same gesture she was unable to do with Flocke.

In the final scene, as Sayid observed the sub unloading "the package", I had hoped for weeks that I was about to see Desmond come out of that room...and when I saw him, I let out a loud "YES!"

Damn, this just got awesome.

Two quick things:1) I'm not sure that I buy Sun's Korean speaking as a story device. Doesn't seem to make any sense to me unless they're telling us that there is a connection between the Flash Sideways and Island timelines.

2) I will be in Las Vegas for the next few days, so there will be no Survivor or Amazing Race posts this week. Next week's Lost post will still be done, but not until Wednesday night.

Next week: The Return of Desmond...Brutha!

March 29, 2010

Off To The Final Four. Duke Beats Butler to win the South Regional.
(18 years to the day after the Christian Laettner shot to beat Kentucky in the Regional Final.)

March 24, 2010: Survivor Recap

This rare Wednesday night edition of Survivor (thank you NCAA Tournament) was teased all week on CBS as being a battle between Boston Rob and Russell, and for once, the commercials didn't mislead and disappoint. What an episode!

First of all, I have to say how much I absolutely hate episodes where both tribes have to vote someone out. It's a cheap way to get more contestants at the beginning of the game, and it places NO value on winning. Sure, the winning team got hot dogs, soft drinks, and a front row seat of the other team's Tribal Council...but that's not nearly the value of tribal immunity, which is what this phase of the game has always been based on. It's a weak tactic.

And I was not a fan of Jeff Probst mentioning that Tyson, J.T., and Coach competed in it in their season, and that J.T. and Tyson went to the final, AND that Tyson won. Unfair to point that out in the way he did. Come on, Jeff...you're better than that.

Courtney is competing in a challenge? What the hell? Not like she has a chance...
Boston Rob did a great job to win the challenge, as did Candace, but Rob pulled out the win for his team to give them the Tribal Council food advantage.

What the hell was with Colby's speech at the Heroes camp? It was like a concession speech on election night...he just rolled over and gave up. I admired the concept of "let's just enjoy our afternoon, and try to give the Villains as little as possible", but why the hell did he want to protect these idiots? These are the morons who voted Tom out over a crippled James last episode!

And of all the people to point out that James is hobbled by his bad leg, did you expect it to be...James? When talking to Colby, he said to him (and I had to go back and watch to get this fantastic line word for word) "old sleepy ass Colby, you know, that gets beat by a fat man and a cripple."
I'll wait a moment for you to stop laughing and then point out the irony of James berating Colby for losing to the cripple...when HE'S THE CRIPPLE. I'll point out again that James isn't the brightest bulb.

Then we had to watch James get defensive, and participate in the Hero Olympics (vs. a backwards-running J.T.), all to set up the inevitable James vs. Colby debate for Tribal Council.

At camp, Russell's plan to give the idol to Parvati was a good idea, but was headed off at the pass by Rob, who explained to his alliance that splitting the vote was the safe bet, and that nothing could go wrong if they held firm and voted 3 for Parvati and 3 for Russell. They would flush out the idol and get rid of either Parvati or Russell.

Enter Tyson.

With a foolproof plan, Tyson listened to Russell as he weaseled (admirably) his way into Tyson's ear and explained a fake plan that would see Parvati go home. Instead of sticking to the foolproof (FOOLPROOF) plan of the 3-3 split vote, Tyson decided to switch his vote to Parvati.

And then we watched Tyson tell the camera that he couldn't wait to get to Tribal Council so he could "get a hot dog in my mouth." Choose your own joke...that one's just too easy.

Let's give Russell some credit for coming up with the plan, and how he let it all play out at Tribal Council, faking out with the walk up to Jeff, then turning around and giving it to Parvati. It was all too perfect.
So Tyson flopped, and as a result, he was voted out, all due to Russell's master plan. So Rob and Russell squared off in a battle of wits, and while Russell did indeed win...let's make it clear that he did NOT outsmart Rob. Rob saw this coming, and Rob had a plan to avoid it, but Tyson entered the 'Dumbest Survivor Contestants of All-Time" Hall of Fame (move over Erik, make some room, James) with his idiotic flip. This only means good things for the Rob-Russell rivalry.

Again, why don't these two realize that they would be unstoppable together? They are, by far, the two best players the game has ever seen.

Did Jerri just say "Game on!" at Tribal Council? You know my feelings on this. Disqualified!

At the voting section, when Sandra held up her vote for Russell, and spoke to the camera, it sounded like she said "you need to get in the ocean and wash your ass", which made me go WHAT?! But then my girlfriend mentioned that it was "wash your PAST." However, when I went back and watched the scene on Closed Captioned, while it sounded like it could have been "past", the caption on the screen most definitely said "ass".

You decide, "wash your past" or "wash your ass"? And whatever one it was...what the hell does it mean? Because neither makes sense!

After the Villains voted out Tyson (no hot dog for you!), they enjoyed their buffet as the Heroes started their Tribal Council. James decided to taunt them when it started raining, but that didn't hold a lot of water (pardon the pun), because when you're starving in the jungle, wet hot dogs beat no hot dogs 100% of the time.

Why the hell does Amanda always look like she's about to start crying? I keep thinking she's the reincarnation of Haley Joel Osment....who, given, is not dead...but you get the gist of what I'm saying.
Blah blah blah...Superman in a fat suit...blah blah blah...more banana etiquette talk...blah blah blah...just vote out Colby already. There is no drama here.

What? They voted out James?

So, let me get this straight. Last time, when it was a decision between able-bodied Tom who was begging to stay, and immobolized James, these idiots chose to keep James. And now, faced with a decision between James, whose leg is healing, and Colby, who has SUCKED in everything he has done so far...and has told them he has essentially given up...NOW you vote out James?

This is the dumbest tribe ever.

Next week: The Villains camp should be awesome with the fallout from Russell's move.

Please Note two things: a) that Survivor is back on Thursday next week, and b) that there will be no Survivor recap here next week since I will be in Las Vegas.

March 23, 2010: Lost "Ab Aeterno"...A Legendary Episode

KABOOM! That is the sound of my mind blowing from tonight's episode of Lost. As soon as it ended, I rewatched the entire episode again to try and get my head around what I just watched. I have a multitude of thoughts, which I will get to momentarily, but first I want to direct your attention to Jeff Jensen's column from last week at EW.com, which contained a very interesting theory on the identity of Flocke/The Smoke Monster (skip ahead to page 7 of the article). I'm not sure I buy it, but it's definitely worth considering. Now, on to this week's episode, "Ab Aeterno"...

The opening featured an extended scene of Jacob visiting Ilana. We had seen the basis of this scene before, but now we got to see Jacob explaining what he wanted from Ilana, which was to protect the remaining six candidates. It all seemed like a way to lead into the fact that Richard was to instruct Ilana what to do at one point, but the conversation between Jacob and Ilana was very telling:

Ilana: "After I've brought them to the Temple, what do I do?"
Jacob: "Ask Ricardos. He'll know what to do next."

Now aside from the fact that Richard's exaggerated giggle upon hearing this was laugh-out-loud awesome, let's examine that conversation. If Jacob is instructing Ilana to take the candidates to the Temple, then does he know that he's going to die? The only reason they ended up going there was after Jacob's death. How much does Jacob know ifhe knows that Ilana needs to take them to the Temple at this point? Something just doesn't add up.

Ben: "If it's any consolation, it's not exactly Locke." What a great line, which I couldn't fully enjoy since it immediately cut to Hurley randomly speaking Spanish on the beach, and then telling Doctor Fix-It-All, "Sorry Jack, but this has nothing to do with you."

As Richard was sharing his "secret" that they all were dead and that this was Hell, I didn't believe it for a second...and I knew his back story was going to be fantastic.

Cut to what we are told is Tenerife, Canary Islands, 1867, in as far as I can remember is the ONLY time in the history of this show that we, the viewers, have been explicitly told what time period we are watching. I enjoyed the storyline of Richard and his sick wife/doctor/medicine/murder, but I was struck by how long it was. Were we in for a full-on flashback episode that stayed in the past. I was hoping so...and I'm glad it was. It was indeed heartbreaking...on two fronts...watching Richard lose his wife, and then watching the preist coldly refuse to absolve him. If Richard wasn't a sympathetic character before, he certainly was now.
Purchased as a slave by Captain Magnus Hanso (sound familiar?) and given a spot on the Black Rock, Richard's life was spared. We saw him at sea in a storm amidst other slaves (none of whom spoke English, so why was it an issue when he was being purchased?), as they approached the Island. As one of his slave-mate cried upon seeing the statue, "The Island is guarded by the Devil!" Could this line mean more that just what was meant by this soon-to-be-murdered rower? Man in Black? Jacob?

I like that the destruction of the statue, and the location of The Black Rock in th Jungle were both explained in one fell swoop. Yes, the CGI of the boat crashing through the statue was less than spectacular, and I have to think that it was one hell of a tsunami wave to get the boat THAT high if we could still see the full statue beforehand...but I'm willing to suspend my disbelief and recognize that Damon and Carlton are trying to answer the questions we want answered. We may not always like the answers, but at least they're coming.
I also thought back to last season's finale, as the Man in Black and Jacob sat on the beach watching a ship come in. We all assumed it was The Black Rock, but after seeing this footage of the Black Rock crashing at night in a storm, it must have been a different ship. We were never told explicitly that ship was the Black Rock.

As the slaves lay battered in the ship's hold after the shipwreck, you could hear a crew member say "Sir, Captain Hanso is dead." before Whitfield came down and started slaughtering the slaves. That's the only word I can use..slaughter...and it was a graphic scene, not easy to watch. As a Lost fan, can you remember a time (other than when Smokey got Keamy's crew) that you were flat out excited to hear that tik-a-tik sound that meant someone was about to get Smoke Monstered? Even though you knew Richard wasn't going to get stabbed, it was still a moment to savour.

Why did Smokey randomly kill all of those people? We have been led to believe that he never acts without a reason. What was the reason? What was the reason for the Oceanic 815 Pilot in the first episode?

I loved the scene as he 'scanned' Richard, which we've seen before with Eko, Ben, and others. Obviously, this is accessing the memories and thoughts of the person, so that Smokey/MIB can figure out what form to take to be able to manipulate them...which form can act as the 'trigger'. For Eko it was Yemi, for Ben it was Alex, and for Richard, it was obviously Isabella.

The progression of Richard's efforts to break free was well-done, from the nail to the boar to the appearance of Isabella. When that hand appeared on his shoulder, I didn't for a second believe that it was Jacob, and fully expected to once again see Titus Welliver as the Man in Black.
As Richard meets him and talks to him, we learn again his powers of manipulation. While eventually being honest about being the Black Smoke (we've learned he is generally quite honest), he still lies to Richard about: a) the Island being Hell, b) Isabella, and c) Jacob being the Devil. He is trying to corrupt Richard, as we would learn later, is his primary goal. And even though you 100% know that the line is coming...

"It's good to see you out of those chains."

Still chilling. Although it is a tad more meaningful when not followed by a throat punch. And I have to say, Nestor Carbonell was fantastic in this episode, and in this scene in particular.

What is with all the rules for the Magic Dagger? Act fast...don't let him talk...click your heels three times and say "There's no place like home." Are these going to be explained? I hope so.

MIB to Richard: "You and I can talk all day long about what's right or wrong. But the question before you remains the same. Do you ever want to see your wife again." Calling upon the greatest tool of conjurers and liars...distraction...MIB once again is able to manipulate.

(By the way, could there have been any more commercials for the return of V next week???)

When Richard approached the statue to look for Jacob, I realized (thanks to Jenn) that he was about to be faced with the same choice Ben had in the Season 5 finale: kill Jacob, or hear him out...he had to choose.
The fight scene between Jacob and Richard was entertaining solely due to the method that Jacob used to show Richard he wasn't dead...repeatedly dunking his head into the ocean. Very funny.

Jacob: "No one comes in unless I invite them in." Was he talking about the statue, or the Island? He flat out told Richard he brought the Black Rock to the Island, and then tried to explain exactly who/what the Man in Black is. Hell/Malevolence/Evil/Darkness...it has many names, but he is unable to get out, and the Island serves as a "cork"(great analogy and visual with the bottle of wine). "It's the only thing keeping the darkness where it belongs."
Jacob explained the purpose, that MIB was attempting to corrupt all people since he believed it is in their nature to sin, and that Jacob was bringing people to the Island to prove him wrong. And that once they got here, their past didn't matter.

Richard: "Before you brought my ship, there were others?"
Jacob: "Yes. Many."
Richard: "What happened to them?"
Jacob: "They're all dead."

Um...ok. So maybe Jacob's plan isn't working so well after all. But this led to another great conversation where Jacob explained that he wouldn't interfere, that it had to be done without him forcing them, otherwise it would be meaningless. And with that, he offered Richard "a job", and Richard's purpose was defined...as he made the choice that Ben could not. And we learned how Richard became the Ageless Wonder.

As Richard returned to MIB with the white stone, he still attempted his seductive persuasive ways, promising Richard that his offer would stand, no matter how long it took. And to prove the point that he was still "working" Richard, he gave him Isabella's chain in the hopes that it would eventually lead him to trust his evil ways at one point in the future.

Who knew that choice would take roughly 140 years as Richard dug up the chain he buried so long ago? (That was some pretty loose earth for that long!) But cue the unexpected as Hurley emerged from the forest, telling Richard "your wife sent me"...and then, all of a sudden, the earlier Spanish babbling on the beach made sense.
What followed was perhaps the most poignant and emotional scene in the history of Lost, save for Desmond and Penny's phone call in The Constant (not sure that can ever be topped.) I don't even want to ruin the scene by analyzing it.
In the final scene, as the Man in Black sat there looking out at the mountains, I thought to myself, "If Flocke walks in and I have to try and figure out how they are in the same place at the same time, my head may actually explode." Thankfully it was just Jacob, and we were treated to another scene between these two mythological figures. Too much to absorb...no more theorizing...my ears are starting to bleed.

Here's the preview for next week's episode, "The Package."

March, 21, 2010

This week's episode of The Amazing Race was entitled "Cathy Drone", which you will understand if you saw the episode, but if I were naming the episodes on this show, I would have gone with Dumb and Dumber Get Dumber and Dumberer. (It makes sense if you can wrap your head around the grammatical incorrect-ness)

So we're back to watching every team rip open their clues at the Pit Stop again? Yawn. I thought last week was a sign of things to come, but alas, it's the same old same old again this week. Perhaps it was just a way to watch every team butcher the word 'Riems." And Jeff, do you seriously have to say "Let's Dance!" every time you start off a leg or a challenge? I would love to see the irony of them actually having to dance...and him not saying it.

We're learning more about the Handlebar Brothers every week (and stop emailing me, I know they're not actually brothers), especially how their jobs help them in the race. We heard more of that this week as they explained that "staying up late and driving all hours of the day" (isn't that a Kiss song?) would come easy to them since they're used to it, and that they are "professional car followers." Seriously...Rhode Island sounds more awesome every week.

When I saw that the challenge had to do with Champagne, I thought "Oh great, another alcohol-related challenge", but it actually ended up being pretty cool for once this season. I mean, as far as interesting challenges go, I'll take rapelling into a cave under a building, searching the cellar, and sabering a bottle over finding eggs in a chicken coop. It was all very Indiana Jones, wasn't it?

The only thing that was kind of alarming was that when the teams were being lowered into the opening, they were being lowered by this weird Grizzly Adams-esque character who was sitting on the edge, and lowering you down before riding down with you. But as he was sitting there and lowering you through this tiny opening to go down the shaft to the cellar, he had to lower you so that your face was only inches away from his crotch!
I got called out in the Comments section last week for not mentioning Jordan's innuendo-laced statement that he "likes swords", so I'll make sure to point out the deliciousness of him actually getting to use a sword this week as he sabered the champagne. Although with regards to the sabering, he did say that he was excited that "we get to cut it." Because obviously Jordan really enjoys things that are cut. (Oh SNAP...I went there...yes I did!)

Not one but TWO teams got Joan of Arc and Noah's Ark confused. Want to guess which two?

Now aside from still calling each other "baby" all the time, Louie and Michael have also worked in "monkey" to their pet name repertoire? These two make me more and more uncomfortable every episode. They remind me of these two from Saturday Night Live.

Although I do give credit to Louie for praying to St. Anthony to help them on the Race. Clearly St. Anthony is one of the "less-busy" deities to pray to...or maybe just the patron saint of finding grapes?

Caite and Brent sure got along well this episode, didn't they? Model tantrums! Woo-hoo! The beautiful are petty, too! I loved how Brent asked her the innocent question of if she wanted to ask someone for directions, and she poutily said no. Brent, why are you even asking? Just do it. And Caite, why are you saying no? You two need a scorecard for your points against each other.

Did you notice that Jet and Cord went to the wrong city TWICE in one episode, and still stayed completely calm and composed? Whereas Carol and Brandi kept referring to everything as "insane" and "the worst ever". Cowboys = cool. Lesbians = drama queens. (not all cowboys and not all lesbians...just these specific ones.)

During the grape Detour, Michael mad an alarming statement when he spotted the correct bundle of grapes, and labelled himself "Eagle Eyes." He said...and this is verbatim..."if I can find crack in someone's rear end, I can find some grapes in a grapeyard." First of all, let's ignore the word "grapeyard", and focus on hwo troubling this statement is...from an imagery standpoint, and from logic.

I'm no detective, but I have to think that if you're finding crack in someone's rear end, you're sure as hell looking for it instead of just stumbling across it, so "Eagle Eyes" probably isn't the most appropriate nickname. And unlike looking through a square kilometre of grape vines, looking for crack in someone's rear end is a pretty isolated search, isn't it? It's not a wide search area, is it? It's pretty much...just the rear end, right? I don't think that a full-on grid search is necessary. Just when I think these two can't make me more uncomfortable...they do.

Brent and Caite showed up at the Put Stop Mat for the THIRD time in this race without completing all the tasks. Remember once again that their focus is Details. Dumbest team ever. And to vent her anger, Caite declared that she hated the "stupid lesbians." Stay classy.

(actual conversation between my son and I when we saw the mime at the Pit Stop)
Lucas: Dad, that guy looks like the Joker.
Sean: Only scarier.
Brent and Caite failing at the champagne tower was anti-climactic, since they showed it on the preview last week, but it did allow for Brent to actually come up with the only entertaining line he has produced since the show began. "We probably would have found the grapes by now, but I would have had my ear chewed off for an hour and twenty minutes."

And in their interview at the end, when Caite was getting all Valley-Girl-Whatever and talking about how she wanted to win the race...did you see Brent's face? He honestly looked like he wanted to shoot his own head off.

So Jeff and Jordan got eliminated, thus making the Race 16% smarter for next week's episode. They didn't seem fazed, but would you be considering Jordan won $500K on Big Brother last year?

March 20, 2010

March Madness is awesome, as always. The games have been great so far, and after going 13 for 16 on Day One, Lucas definitely has bracket fever.

But on the bracket-note, as promised, here is the first of a number of brackets to occupy your time over the next couple of weeks. Today's bracket is a Fast Food Bracket. While it is American-based, and most Canadian readers will not be used to In-N-Out Burger or Sonic or Chick Fil-A, work with it and see what you get. Put your championship matchup in the Comments section. Have fun. (click the bracket to enlarge the image)