Survivor One World Recap: “Roosters, Chickens, And A Massive Ass Storm”

Tonight is the third episode of Survivor One World, and if the first two weeks are any indication on the way this is going to progress, we can expect to see Manono dominate once again, and send another Salani member packing. Will the women be able to come together? Has Jeff ditched the Green shirts? And why is everyone talking about poultry?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor: The Men have won everything so far. Matt and his muscle alliance are running the show, but Colton has the Immunity Idol and has formed his own alliance. The women think Kat is an idiot, and a liability, but still voted Nina out.

- Night Vision recap: Alicia tells Kat not to cry at Tribal Council, and Chelsea thinks she’s weak. In the dark, Colton and Jonas sidle up to Kim and Chelsea and invite them over to their side because “There’s a massive ass storm coming in.” To their credit, the women refuse, saying that they’ll be fine, and tough it out. But sure enough, they can’t sleep, and end up huddling together for warmth in the darkness and rain.

- The morning after the massive ass storm (Acronym: MAMAS), Chelsea was begging Troyzan for the use of the fire to dry off, even though her thigh-high yellow socks/stockings looked pretty warm (although I’m sure they were drenched.) Kim pointed out that while the night before, pride prevented the women from joining the men around the fire, now that they are freezing their ass off, they have no shame.

- At the Reward challenge (still in the rain), Jeff Probst was wearing a powder blue shirt, hopefully ditching the new green shirt from last week’s episode and going back to blue full-time. I tweeted at Jeff (@Jeffprobst) during last week’s episode, asking what’s with the green shirt, and he tweeted back at me that he was just “keeping me honest.” Touche, Probst.

- But on to the Reward challenge, which was a head-to-head memory test, where the first team to win five duels would be declared the winner. The items to be memorized would be displayed behind a curtain to both of the participants, and either of them could drop the curtain at any time, which would drop it on both. I give major credit to the crew that lays out the challenges. This was a well thought-out, well executed challenge.

The prize would be a full set of fishing gear, including a canoe and paddles, which is an absolutely HUGE prize to win at this stage of the game. The head-to-head matchups went as follows:

Sabrina vs. Matt: Matt was done first, but his answer was wrong. Sabrina’s was right. 1-0 Salani.
Colton vs. Monica: Colton dropped the curtain almost immediately and scurried back to give his answer, but he was wrong. Monica was right. 2-0 Salani.
Alicia vs. Jay: Alicia dropped the curtain, and looked troubled as she gave her answer first. She was correct. 3-0 Salani.
Kat vs. Troyzan: Troyzan dropped the curtain immediately, presumably just so Kat can’t see the order. That made absolutely no sense to me. Why would you prevent yourself from seeing it as well? I suppose it may be a smart strategy if you were head-to-head with some sort of Rain Man-esque genius with a photographic memory…but we’re talking about Kat. Blue Shirt Jeff astutely points out that “the men continue to be pathetic in this challenge,” and after six (6!) more attempts, accompanied by crazy hillbilly music, Kat finally gets the correct answer. 4-0 Salani.
Christina vs. Bill: Anti-climactic. Christina gets it, and the women sweep the men 5-0.

As Jeff is awarding the women the fishing gear, he reminds them about the boat back at camp, and the fact that they do not need to share it with Manono. Of course not, but since stealing has become the norm on this show, what is going to prevent Manono from just taking it out whenever they want? Is there a combination lock that secures it to a tree back at camp?

Jeff throws a final barb at Manono as they are leaving, telling them “the women now know they can beat you at something.” To be fair, at this point in the game, the men still had 9 members, the women had 7 members, and all they had beaten them at was a game of concentration. His words didn’t sting just yet…

- Back at camp, the rain continued, we saw more bats, and Salani returned to find their boat. They celebrated by jumping and dancing on the beach, shouting “We got a boat!”, which made me hope that they would just take it out on the water and this would happen

Chelsea worked on fixing the shelter, which entailed stacking rocks up to make a wall. Kat and Monica tried to work on starting a fire, but when they weren’t able to get it going, they decided to turn to Manono: “Why don’t we just go over there and ask for an ember?” I had to laugh at that, because after proclaiming themselves as tough during the storm, and refusing help, now Salani was turning to Manono to help them.

So Monica and Kat asked the men, and they suggested that it would be a fair trade to swap an ember for use of the boat. The women were reluctant, and Matt was visibly annoyed at the handouts the men are dishing out to the women. Colton is also pissed off, and calls back upon his lessons at the Coach Wade School Of Pre-Planned Confessional Soundbites, stating “I’m a Republican…I do not believe in handouts.”

- Chelsea was showing off her waterlogged hands, which looked like white gloves (a la Super Mario), and then Alicia and Chelsea just strolled over to the Manono shelter, walked in and sidled on up to the fire. This was pretty telling because it showed that after Manono decided to help Salani twice (offering to let them dry off by the fire, and sharing an ember), now they apparently felt entitled to it, and are no longer asking.

The men re-iterated the boat-for-fire trade, and Alicia nixed it right away, saying that they can’t use the boat. Sorry, let me re-phrase that: Alicia said that the men can’t use their boat WHILE SHE’S STANDING IN THEIR SHELTER WARMING UP AFTER THEY GAVE HER TRIBE FIRE.

Even though she backed off her hardline stance and said she would have to talk to the rest of the tribe, the line in the sand was drawn, and Manono made it clear that there would be no more deals, and no more charity, because “One World is out the window.”

The women came across as very spoiled and entitled in this segment, and more so when Kat and Monica said that they didn’t make a deal with them either, and Chelsea saying that she was upset that they bombarded her with barter talk when she was just trying to warm up.

- The next day, after the Massive Ass Storm, the sun was out, and Monica, Kim, and Chelsea decided to take their new boat out and do some fishing. Cue the underwater fishing shots made famous by Ozzy last season, and after spearing three small fish, they returned to shore to share the catch of the day with the rest of their Tribe.

- Good thing they built up their strength with some seafood, because the Immunity Challenge was next. It was an obstacle course where each Tribe would have one caller, and 3 pairs, tied together and blindfolded. The caller would have to direct the pairs through the obstacle course to a series of points where they would have to pull a string to release a vat of coloured water, and retrieve a bag of wet puzzle pieces. Once all five bags are returned to the start, then the caller has to solve the puzzle.

The men teamed up Troyzan and Tarzan in the most predictable pairing ever, and jumped out to an early lead. Sabrina was the caller for Salani, and Bill was the caller for Manono. On the obstacle course portion of the Challenge, the men dominated, getting all five bags while the women only gathered two, despite the fact that Bill just seemed to want to awkwardly yell out “Reacharound!” as many times as possible.

But once the puzzle portion started, Bill struggled, even though his teammates were helping him solve the puzzle by telling him where to put the pieces (except for Leif, who appeared to just be looking at his shoes.) Here’s my question: why even specify that the caller has to be the one to solve the puzzle, if the others can help? This was just like the Ozzy vs. Coach puzzle last season, when Ozzy and Coach were just doing what their tribes were yelling at them.

Despite a gigantic lead, Bill is clearly no Puzzle Master David Murphy, and the women roared back to solve the puzzle first and win immunity.

- Back at camp, the women are understandably happy, and as the men trudge their way unhappily back to camp, Chelsea points out that “they’re all running around like chickens with their heads cut off, not knowing what to do.” Conclusion: Chelsea really loves Chickens.

- Manono tried to tell Bill he did a great job, but it was obvious lip service. Nobody was more upset than Colton, who said he was excited to vote someone out. He expressed how he was angry at Bill for constantly saying “yo” and “bro”, then channeled his inner NaOnka with two reprehensible comments directed at Bill: “Shut Up. Go Kill Yourself.” And “You’re Ghetto Trash.” Anyone who has any respect for Colton after those comments needs a long hard look at themselves in the mirror.

- NaOnka 2.0 decided to talk to his misfit crew, saying that he wanted Bill voted out because “he is too wishy washy.” Greg tries to use some logic, suggesting they stick with the plan to vote out Matt, but Colton is set on Bill.

Jay then strolls in, and everyone clams up. Greg says “we’re not voting you out, so don’t worry”, and asks if he wants to join them. Jay clearly understands basic math, and identifies that it would be Survivor Suicide to not join with the numbers.

Then Matt walks up, and everyone got quiet again. He bluntly asked them “Is my presence destroying the strategy talk?” and before he is even finished asking, Colton answers “Noooooo!” like it’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard…and Greg honestly tells him “Yes it is, at the moment.” The look on Colton’s face was priceless: I’m so busted.

- Matt left them to talk strategy, but later talked to Troy, trying to set up a sub-alliance that was the worst argument I may have ever heard on this show: “All of us are roosters, right? And we don’t want any other roosters around. I just want a bunch of chickens with me, so I’ll be the only rooster.”

Are you trying to tell me that the best argument to give is to try and get all of the Alpha Males (the roosters, presumably) together in one place? That’s just idiotic. Troy smiled and listened, and made him believe he thought it was a decent idea, but there was no way he would go along with it. “It ain’t Survivor unless you’re lyin’ ” Troyzan told us.

Troy returned to the Land of the Misfits, and pitched Matt as the target instead of Bill. Colton was still reluctant, but listen to his reasoning…and I’ll remind you that this is HIS OWN LOGIC. He wants to get rid of Bill because “he’s annoying, and I hate him, and I hate his voice, and I can’t stand to listen to him talk.” Matt, on the other hand, is “like the head of the snake, and you’ve got to chop off the head of the snake, for the rest of it to stop…ruh…whatever…wiggling.”

Listening to that logic, I now fully believe what he told the women last week, that he doesn’t care at all about the game.

- So Manono was off to their first Tribal Council, which began with Colton preening like a peacock and bragging that he wasn’t going home, because he had an Idol and was going to play it.

Bill was jacked up like just walked out of a Jamaican hotbox; Greg talked about how smart Colton was, and needing him on the Tribe; Mike talked about Colton and said “we didn’t know which way he was going”, which may have been the first time that was ever said about Colton. Matt wasn’t buying any of it and started telling Greg that he was ‘talking turkey.’ (OK, what’s with all the poultry comparisons this week: first Chelsea with the chickens, then Matt with the Roosters and Chickens, and now a Turkey?)

When it came time to vote, Colton didn’t use his Immunity Idol, but did use his “gay stereotype of the week” comment when voting, as he told Matt “you pissed off the wrong Queen.” Who is the right Queen?

Matt was voted out, and after Probst snuffed his torch, and Manono was heading back to camp, Greg asked if they could hear the two unseen votes. Probst dismissively scoffed at the question, saying no, and then Colton followed up with a mind-numbingly idiotic statement: “Save those questions for me.”

Colton is rapidly becoming one of the most annoying characters in the history of this show. Not because he’s gay…not because he’s effeminate…just because he’s a douchebag.

Next Week: Drama Within The Manono Tribe.

A quick note about the next two episodes/recaps. Next week’s episode falls on my birthday (March 7), and as of now, there are no concrete plans for anything that would keep me away from home and recapping as normal. But if that changes, I will post something saying that the recap will be delayed. The following week (March 14), I will be away on vacation, and unable to watch the show. I will get a recap up once I return on March 20th.

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