Sunday, February 26, 2012

Amazing Race Recap: “You Know I’m Not As Smart As You”

The remaining ten teams continued their adventure through Argentina this week, traveling to Buenos Aires on the next leg of The Amazing Race. Which team is working with a donkey? Who’s really good at Lego? And why are there never any tears when Rachel “cries” ?

My Random Thoughts:

- From the Pit Stop in Salta (Fun Fact: home of the world’s highest vineyards), teams had to drive to the Cafayate town square, and wait for the Chasqui to deliver next clue. I was worried, because “waiting for the Chasqui” sounds like something that involves a doctor and a foreign hospital, but thankfully it was just the mountain postman.

This was the equalizer for this leg of the race, as the Chasqui wouldn’t arrive until after the sunrise at 6:35 am, so any lead was lost. And with almost 3 hours separating all the teams, that could have been a pretty significant lead.

Here’s something interesting that I noticed, though. The interval between the 9th place team and the Guidos in last place, was only 6 minutes…which means that Misa and Maiya, who missed the Pit Stop last week, had to have been within that six-minute window. Three teams within six minutes on the very first leg? Talk about a tight finish.

- As the teams were all gathered in the town square waiting for the Chasqui, we learned a bit more about the teams: Team Army doesn’t want to use the Express Pass if possible, Team Feds lied about their jobs and everyone thinks they’re kindergarten teachers, Vanessa likes to talk to dogs, and Mark and Bopper’s attitude is “we ain't in no hurry to get to first.”
Bad Rachel said that “this game is super different than Big Brother”, which made me laugh because OF COURSE it’s different, you moron! You can’t just sit around in a hammock all day calling people names like you did on Big Brother. Plus, this show isn’t rigged for you to win like last season’s BB13 was. At least I hope it’s not…I stopped recapping Big Brother because of that, and I don’t want to stop recapping The Amazing Race.

I did, however, laugh at Art and JJ’s comment about Brendon, saying that he’s nothing but a sheep that follows what everyone else does: “He’s a UCLA student. What do you expect?” At that point, I really wanted someone to show him a video clip of what Brendon said last week about being half-Mexican and hating Border Agents.

We then learned that Mr. Clown had two separate bouts with Hodgkins, and has beaten it…and been cancer-free since 2001. That is great to hear, as was Mrs. Clown’s comment “if we can beat cancer twice, I’m pretty sure we can win the race.” Although, it’s a TAR tradition that once you learn the heartwarming human backstory on a team, it’s generally the night you say goodbye to them. Remember last season when Kaylani was talking about her daughter, and being a single mom? I wasn’t optimistic for Team Circus.
- When the Chasqui arrived, the teams swarmed him like pre-teen girls at a Justin Bieber mall-sighting, and all found out that they now had to face a Detour. The choice was between Boil My Water, which would see them building a solar kitchen, and Light My Fire, which involved gathering wood and clay, and walking a mile with a donkey to deliver it.

- Most of the teams went for Boil My Water, and they soon discovered that the only instructions they had to build this solar kitchen, were in picture form on the side of the box. So, under the watchful eyes of llamas, birds, cats, and a dog with a Mohawk, they set out to try and build their respective solar kitchens, which would eventually have to be functional enough to boil a kettle of water.

The clowns didn’t even notice the picture, Bad Rachel started her self-pity party complaining that she wasn’t good at it because “I’m just a girl”, one of the Guidos cut himself, and Team Badonkadonk offered a helping hand.

Did you notice the awkward swearing on this Detour? Within about ten seconds, we heard three different teams express their frustration as follows: “Oh Sh….shnikeys”, “Son of a monkey’s uncle”, and “This is hotter than…shenanigans.” It was like watching The Sopranos on A&E with all of the swearing edited.
Mark and Bopper breezed through the Detour, mostly due to Mark’s affinity for doing Lego with his son. And if you’ve ever done Lego kits with your kids, you’ll know what he means, because that was a perfect analogy. One booklet, all pictures…no words.

- Art and JJ were the only team to choose Light My Fire, and after getting lost on the way, and running into the teams at the other Detour, I was thinking that they were screwed. If you’re removing yourself from the rest of the pack, starting later than everyone else, and working on a task in which you have to walk a mile…it’s not a good idea.

They kept insisting that they could make up time, because as Art said to JJ: “I told you boiling water’s a pain in the ass in a solar oven.” The funny thing is that he said it in a way that came across like he was trying to say “I’ve told you this a MILLION times.”
The funnier thing is that the way he phrased it made it sound like “pain in the ass in a solar oven” is a figure of speech. If he said “Boiling water in a solar oven is a pain in the ass”…that’s one thing, but “boiling water’s a pain in the ass in a solar oven” is something else entirely.

- With Mark’s Lego prowess, Team Kentucky finished first, and Team Border Patrol made up the time like they promised and finished second. All the teams now had to go to the Salta Bus Terminal and take an 18-hour bus ride to Buenos Aires.

There were three buses that left with the teams, but there was no indication how much time was between each of the departures. The first bus carried Team Kentucky, Team Army, Team Border Patrol, and Team Reality Whores. The second bus had Team Guidos, Team Circus, Team Twins, and Team Divorce. The final bus had Team Badonkadonk (the cousins), and Team Fake Teachers.

But after a window exploded on the bus, with glass shattering inside, the second bus was delayed for over two hours, and the third bus passed them while they were stranded. They tried to fix it with duct tape and cardboard, but after seeing the footage of the curtains flapping later in the trip, it looks like they just carried on as it was after they cleaned the glass up.

- In Buenos Aires, teams were face with a Road Block that asked Where’s The Beef? Once they decided who would be participating, they had to enter the Cattle Auction Market, and based on the information given to them, they had to calculate the average weight of the cows in the pen. Then, they had to “run to the waiting Gaucho and give him your answer.”
To anyone with half a brain, this was simple arithmetic, but the producers decided that to fully and comprehensively illustrate the task, they needed to give us a graphic. The graphic showed “Total Weight” divided by “# of cows” would equal “Average.” But the best part was that the “# of cows” was illustrated by a pyramid of cows, as if they were cheerleaders stacked on top of each other.

- Bad Rachel started complaining about 4 seconds after volunteering to do it. After learning that she couldn’t use a calculator, she cried out “Oh No!” and started her pre-emptive complaining. “I don’t know anything about cows”, she whined to Brendon. Well, the challenge is about MATH…not cows. Didn’t this woman once claim to be a scientist? And now she’s saying that she can’t grasp long division?

And just in case you weren’t sold on the fact that Bad Rachel is a moron, after her whining about cow poo and math, she then dropped this bomb: “I don’t know anything about cows except that they taste good in steak.” It’s not an ingredient in the steak, you idiot…it IS the steak.

JJ and Good Rachel worked together to get the correct answer, and their clue told them to take a taxi to the next Pit Stop, which was at El Gomero, a 200-year-old rubber tree in Buenos Aires.

- Bad Rachel continued to be stressed out, complaining that “Brendon hates my guts right now.” Mark, for some reason, jumped IN with the cattle, and then was calling out to the “Groucho” to give his answer, which was wrong because he wasn’t rounding up.
Then, for some reason, Mark decided to work with Bad Rachel, even though she brought nothing to this temporary partnership, and all he was essentially doing was giving her the answer once he figured it out. None of that team-up made any sense for Team Kentucky.

- After the Road Block, Bad Rachel, of course, had one of her classic meltdowns, throwing out as much drama as possible for Brendon to deal with. Those of you who watched her on Big Brother will recognize this as one of her wonderful traits, and you will also recall her maddening habit of “crying” without actually crying.

Well, we saw that again tonight after the road Block, when she melted down and dropped the drama once again, crying that she wasn’t as smart as Brendon, and that she can’t handle things under pressure. But if you watch that scene, you’ll notice that it’s just the same whiny fake crying, as if she were a toddler testing her parents to see how much she can get away with.
And just like on Big Brother, Brendon has to now put all of his energy into trying to calm her down and apologizing to her for the next hour. Her response to his supportive measures was to tell him “you have a booger on your nose.” Talk about dysfunctional.

- At the Pit Stop, Phil was standing with a Diego Maradona impersonator…and for the record, it was a Fat Maradona impersonator, not a Hand of God Maradona impersonator. (Kind of like Old Elvis and Fat Vegas Elvis, you know?) Team Army was first to the mat, and won a trip to Grenada for winning the leg. Team Border Patrol was close behind, making the United States military and Border Service Agency equally proud.

- Back at the Road Block, the final three teams were The Guidos, The Twins, and The Clowns. My initial suspicion about the Clowns was confirmed when one of the Guidos said to one of the Brothers, “Yo, we can beat the clown. He said he’s terrible in math.” And sure enough, they teamed up to get the answer first and head off to the Pit Stop.

- Yes, The Clowns finished last, and with one final red-nosed step on the mat, Phil told them that they were eliminated from the Race. I thought their story was nice, but I was honestly turned off by the walk-off scene, with the circus music, sped up like a silent film, and with that campy fake trip. Why make them a heartwarming cancer-survivor story if you’re going to clown it up at the end?

Next Week: Harp Stringing, More Watermelons, And Rachel Brings The Bitchy.

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Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: CBS, Reality Fan Forum)


Tani said...

First of all I just want to say that your a jerk Rachel was the star of BB13 she and bren were tru competetors.The Border agents or team jerks are just that and who you call Good Rachel or should I say the catty and bitchy jealous rachel won't make it to the final 3 unlike Brenchel will win this show.So go ahead and bash on Queen Rachel cuz you hater will have to watch her until the final show.

Tani said...

First of all I just want to say that your a jerk Rachel was the star of BB13 she and bren were tru competetors.The Border agents or team jerks are just that and who you call Good Rachel or should I say the catty and bitchy jealous rachel won't make it to the final 3 unlike Brenchel will win this show.So go ahead and bash on Queen Rachel cuz you hater will have to watch her until the final show.

Sean said...

Thanks for reading, Tani. :)

Teachmichigan said...

We muted the TV every time Rachel opened her mouth - and it was a long stretch of silence there w/the taxi and fake crying! Loved the Kentucky boys this week, though. Legos analogy was spot on - not nearly enough detail in those pictures!

Thanks for another fun recap!

HoH8 said...

OMG are going to SUFFER this season cause Brenchel is gonna win it all...

I just LOVE them !!!..its just like watching them in BB...they are the same way....but why give them so much air time in ur blog if u HATE them so much...doesnt make sense to me....oh wait, yes it does cause u will get more peeps sending u comments like mines, right...ahhh, very smart...

i will continue to read ur blog cause ur the best in what u do...but be aware cause they might be more Brenchel fans out there, btw, that booger comment was just pure classic brenchel talk...LOVED it....Go Brenchel...☺...

Sean said...

HoH8, thank you for the kind words. And Thank You for reading.

Proof that we don't have to agree to enjoy the same things. :)

Beth said...

I don't think Mark jumped into a cattle pen; I think there were just some cows blocking his way through the area where the gaucho was waiting. I couldn't believe so many teams had so much trouble with long division -- didn't these people complete the fourth grade? At first, I thought the challenge would be counting the cows (keeping track of which ones you'd already counted), but they were so tightly packed in the pens, that didn't appear to be much of a factor. Sort of a snoozer of a challenge, in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

when misa and maiya finally saw phil and was running to the mat, joey and danny were just they missed it by about 1 minute.

Anonymous said...

Fun read Sean! Thanks for clarifying some stuff for me (plus the picture captions!).


Anonymous said...

I actually laughed so hard at the ending. His cancer was 10 years ago anyway.

I seriously can't tell the 2 Rachels apart as I have never seen BB Rachel before the race.

Anonymous said...

Love Brenchel. They bring the entertainment. Border Patrol are red meat jerk offs. For the record, Bopper is more over the top than Rachel.

Anonymous said...

There are people you love to hate, and there are trainwrecks you just can't look away from - Rachel is neither of those things. She is a wanna be diva who needs to go away. I've never seen a grown woman that whiny in my life, on TV or otherwise! Team Kentucky is growing on me! And did we even see Team Fake Teacher last week?

R.P. McMurphy said...

I think Bopper might actually be Joe Theismann.

Wasn't that sleep montage on the bus a little creepy? It seemed out of place.

I highlighted the "I don't know anything about cows," and the "they taste good in steak" lines but I should of known you'd be all over them. The whining about looking for the taxi was pathetic. Looks like I haven't missed much by not watching Big Brother.

Even I could tell it wasn't Maradona at the check-in but the professional soccer player couldn't?

Now, I'm from Long Island, NY myself, and, of course, "blood don't matter to me" either but enough already with the rationale that being from New York gives you special powers.

The clowns certainly lack all self-consciousness. I guess that's a major benefit in that line of work. I agree that the early mention in the episode of cancer foreshadowed a clown departure.

Phil sure likes messing with people at the finish line.

Next week features melons! Maybe we'll get to relive the famous melon to the face challenge!

Kurt Sahr said...

I thought the clown's walk away was appropriate. Yes, TAR editing mentioned the cancer, but I'm pretty sure that's not what the clowns want to remembered as. A somber tone wouldn't have fit their personalities; walking off into the sunset, goofy legged and with the circus music was, in my opinion, the proper sendoff.

Regarding Maradonna, I was like, "Hey, it's a Maradonna impersonator, he's pretty good" until the professional soccer player thought it was Maradonna, then I trusted his judgment since he was more likely to know. Shows what I know. At least the guy could play soccer.

While I find Brendan and Rachel (her in particular) generally annoying, they are strong competitors, and they're certainly a threat to win this thing. Barring a stroke of bad luck, I'll be surprised if they go home soon. While it would be nice to see some growth from Rachel this season, TAR is not a place where easily stressed out people are likely to shine.

whoozits2001 said...

Alas, Brendan and Rachel are the most unlikable reality whores since the two early ones whose names I cannot even remember(Spencer & Hayley?). And all I remember about them is she had just about every cosmetic surgery done that is available and he was a tool. Hopefully, the whiners will go home soon. Rachel is so pitiful.

Anonymous said...

Which queen said, should have got your nose done before ur boobs?