Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Maybe He’s Trying To Cover His Tracks Before He Makes Them”

Last week’s episode focused on Brandon’s borderline stalker-ish behavior concerning Mikayla. This week, would Brandon still be obsessed with her? Would his lie from last week carry any repercussions? Who’s claiming to have an Immunity Idol? And does anyone on the planet care who wins the Duel between Semhar and Christine?

My Random Thoughts:

- This week’s Night Vision recap starts at Redemption (Non) Island where Semhar doesn’t like being woken up, and groggily talks to Christine about what happened at Upolu, while clearly being disinterested in anything but sleeping. Christine vented about Coach, at one point calling him King Farouk, which seems like a horrible name for a Dragon Slayer.

- At Upolu, Mikayla was shocked at finding out she was the target of Brandon’s attack, and was talking to Coach about it when Brandon walked up and inserted himself in the conversation. How on earth does Brandon expect us to believe that he wants to avoid Mikayla when all he does is seek her out and try to be near her at every opportunity?

He then said that he was “almost 150% sure that Mikayla was going home.” Those of you that have read my recaps in the past (including this past season of Big Brother) will know that I can’t stand the constant “percentages over 100” that people give to try and explain something. But Brandon said “almost 150%.” What the hell does that even mean? Is it 140%? 125% Are those even different from each other?

- At the Redemption (Non) Island Duel, Coach, Stacey, Ozzy, and Elyse all got to watch Christine take on Semhar for a chance to stay in the game. Did you notice that Semhar always looks unhappy? Of course, she’s the tortured artist. When Jeff asked her what Redemption Island was like, I wrote in my notes that I was surprised she didn’t answer him with a poem.

No sooner had I written that, then she started reciting a poem to herself to pysch herself up for the Duel. The best part of that whole segment was watching the reaction of Jeff and the other contestants as she rambled about some other love, and at one point said “I would give birth to 10 of his children without using drugs to ease the pain.”

Semhar was obviously more focused on the thought of double-digit offspring with some unseen partner instead of trying to balance her mini-totem, and predictably lost the Duel, nearly getting nailed in the head with the totem in the process.

Turn on the drama from Semhar, who then went on about her Tribemates being cruel for voting her out and feeling like she was abandoned. What the hell? Then, before she left, she handed her sweater to Christine and told her that she loved her. The previous night, they were asking each other’s name, and now Semhar “loves” her…after just a few hours together, most of which were likely spent sleeping? I predict a poem will be written at some point in the future about how her “best friend in the world” let her leave the South Pacific while she stayed behind selfishly.

- Brandon talked about how much he regretted his lie from last week, and how he was upset at himself, his family would be upset at him, and God was upset at him. Let’s be honest, here…the only reason he regretted his lie was because it didn’t work. Plain and simple.

He then decided that excessive honesty was the way to deal with his past dishonesty, so he took off his shirt, and revealed the ink he had been hiding, owning up to his family name. His logic: “I’d rather make friends out here than the million dollars.” Quite a left turn from last week’s statement: "Ain’t no chick in this world gettin’ in the way of me, my family, and a million dollars.”

So, aside from my earlier assessment that it is a Hantz family trait not to be able to keep your mouth shut (proven by this tattoo reveal), but now I’m realizing that being Bi-Polar might be an issue as well.

Somewhere at home, Russell Hantz threw something at his television.

- After the Hantz reveal, Stacey chose to speak only in clichés, saying , “water’s up under the bridge” and “can’t judge a book by its cover.” I’m sure CBS just edited out when she was talking about not counting her chickens before they’re hatched, not putting all of her eggs in one basket, and calling a spade a spade.

- At Savaii, Papa Bear talked of a pecking order at camp (Damn you and your foreshadowing!), which was a pretty astute observation. Ozzy told Keith about having the Idol, showing that he wants to trust Keith in the way that Rob couldn’t trust Grant last season. Keith immediately told Whitney, showing that Ozzy is an idiot, and said that the reason was to build trust with her. Personally, I think the reason was “I want the pretty girl to like me and swing me when I’m in the hammock.”

- Mikayla, to her credit, wasn’t buying Brandon’s repentant act, saying “maybe he’s trying to cover his tracks before he makes them.” Exactly! That’s what liars do…they create a safety net for when they get caught.

- She then went right at Brandon and asked why he had targeted her. Brandon said it was just because he didn’t like her and made up an excuse that he was still trying to apologize to her. Newsflash, Mr. Honesty, by not telling her the real reason you are threatened by her, you’re still lying!

Brandon then called a Tribe meeting where he accused Mikayla of verbally attacking him, and that no one spoke at except for him, which ended with him saying “keep me out of the drama.” Kind of tough to do, Brandon, because YOU CREATE THE DRAMA.

Talk about a lose-lose situation. Mikayla was understandably upset and was seen crying on the beach, while Brandon apparently and inexplicably went for a nap in the fire (??)

- At the Immunity challenge, Probst went with the teal shirt again, making me wonder if he’s working towards a gradual shift to green instead of blue. Edna couldn’t stop smiling at Savaii, I was impressed by Dawn, and Brandon gave a finger-pointing-upward shout out to God…who I don’t believe was cranking the winch, unless I missed it.

Did you see that part in the challenge where Ozzy lost hold on his board, and then just swam after it with no penalty? Shouldn’t he have had to bring the board back to where he let go of it? Otherwise, couldn’t you just let the team crank the board back empty while you swim after it? In the end, it didn’t matter since his team lost, but something was fishy there.

Speaking of fishy, watching the last part of the challenge, with one tribe member throwing a grappling hook over the edge, hooking something and hauling it up while the other one coiled up the rope…made me feel like I was watching Deadliest Catch. I kept waiting for someone to yell up at Whitney and Elyse “Hurry up, Greenhorns!”

Upolu won, because, as Probst said, “Coach has been phenomenal with the grappling hook.” I’m thinking that was probably the first time that has ever been said, but I bet if you asked Coach, his response would start with, “Well, actually…there was this ONE time…”

- Last year we had a wild kingdom of nature shots in Nicaragua. So far, all I’m seeing are crabs and lizards this season. How many HD shots of crabs do we really need?

- At Savaii, Papa Bear knew it was his head on the chopping block, so off he went running into the woods in his underwear to look for the Immunity Idol (that had already been found by Ozzy). Elyse the Native American and Jim the Non-WPT-Champion went off to watch him dig for the Idol, and wondered if he found it.

Since he didn’t, he made a fake one and put on a horrible act back at camp that he had found it. Let me be clear about this strategy: IT NEVER WORKS.

Cochran talked about his act by saying “Papa Bear comes waltzing into camp with this big smile on his face and an extra large bulge in his underpants.” Look…gay, straight, or anything in between…that sentence is just wrong.

- Tribal Council was uneventful, we all knew Papa Bear was going home, but can we please get a template in the voting booth with the proper spelling of everyone’s name? “Cockran”? Really, Jim?

Next week: Cochran makes a move, and Brandon is paranoid.

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