Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Ain’t No Chick In This World Gettin’ In The Way Of Me, My Family, And A Million Dollars”

This week on Survivor South Pacific, someone finds a clue, someone else finds an Idol, a secret is revealed, and a lie causes problems. Let’s get right to it.

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor, Christine said Coach was a temporary player, and then Coach allied with Edna and 4 men. Thanks for ruining that this episode would come down to Christine vs. Coach at Tribal Council. (All drama ruined one minute into the episode) Mikayla’s coconut shooting skills single-handedly sent Semhar’s breasts to Redemption Island, which once again ISN’T AN ISLAND!

- Night-vision recap: Semhar thinks that her tribe voting her out was cold-hearted, and that Redemption (Non) Island will be a terrible experience for her because she has abandonment issues. So, she obviously turned to poetry…which apparently made her itchy, and scared the crabs away. Sounds like she had a nasty breakup. For the record, if Semhar’s ex-boyfriend who inspired that poem is reading this, I’m sure he got extra enjoyment from me using the phrase “scared the crabs away.”
- Back at Savaii camp, Cochran was appreciative to the rest of his tribe for keeping him, and said that he would have to “turn on the cool, mellow Cochran.” Does that guy really exist?

- Ozzy and Keith talked about having strong Tribe members and they both identified Jim, because “he’s really good at puzzles.” Wait a minute…has Jim even attempted any sort of puzzle in the first three days? The Immunity Challenge was an obstacle course with coconuts, wasn’t it? What the hell is with people claiming (or being assessed) that they are great at puzzles on this show now? Redemption Island’s David and South Pacific’s Jim will likely go on to form a WWE Tag Team: The Puzzle Masters.

- What the hell was Edna wearing as a visor? Was that Tree Mail? An Immunity Clue? And was she on her way to some sort of smoky South Pacific poker game?

- Coach then solidified his arrangement with Edna by talking about honor and loyalty being more important than strength, and Edna pledged her allegiance. How can you make a deal with someone who is offering it while standing in his underwear? Especially when CBS has been blurring out his little dragon.

- At Savaii, Cochan became the new worker/cook/butler because he had to show everyone that he was willing to work around camp. He even went so far as to (gasp!) cut coconuts WITHOUT BEING ASKED! He talked about how his mother may be disappointed, but then said “New Cochran doesn’t follow mommy’s advice all the time.”
- Ozzy told the rest of his tribemates “I’m just gonna go down there and do a float-down and maybe get lucky”, which made no sense and sounded a lot dirtier than it really was, before channeling his inner spider monkey and climbing trees looking for the Immunity Idol. Of course he found it, and despite CBS’s claim that they would be hiding the Idols better this season, apparently jamming a rock in the middle of a tree seemed like a good idea. Shameful.

- Once Brandon found out that Coach had put something over him to keep him warm at night, L’il Hantz decided to come clean and tell the Dragon Slayer about his lineage, after telling all of us that he would keep it a secret from everyone.

So…from what I can tell, the Hantz’s just can’t keep their mouths shut. Russell obsessively told everyone within earshot that he had 17 Immunity Idols, and now Brandon, after repeated claims that he wouldn’t, decides to share his family secret.
- On the beach, Elyse said that she wanted to “channel my inner Native American self”, which served no purpose other than to remind me of a comment from last week’s recap, where someone told me that Elyse wasn’t Native American. Funny.

- Jim claimed that he was a “World Poker Tour Champion”, to which I can only say one thing: BULLSHIT. I looked it up, and he won a preliminary poker event in 2006, and made the final table of a nothing poker league this year. Not a World Poker Tour champion. Keep that in mind.
- Jim the Pot-Dispensing Poker Liar then “formed” an alliance of Keith, Ozzy, Elyse, and Whitney. Or, as he put it “3 guys and the two girls we like.” He claimed to be the architect of the plan, even though he isn’t. Bad read, poker dude.

- Mikayla was preparing to go fishing and taking too many clothes off, which tempted Brandon once again, who was edited to look like a serial rapist staring at her pelvis. I loved how this whole segment was accompanied by the appropriate “creepy guy music.” Mini-Hantz vowed to get Mikayla voted out because “ain’t no chick in this world gettin’ in the way of me, my family, and a million dollars.”

- Christine continued to ostracize herself from the rest of the Upolu tribe by obsessively searching for the Idol again. She didn’t find the Idol, but she did find the clue in a tree…like that was going to matter.

- At the Immunity challenge, Upolu eats fruit to get ready (and taunt Savaii), this week’s dirty Immunity Challenge phrase is Ozzy yelling “pull it out, Cochran” (with an honourable mention to 7 women being “on the pole” at the beginning), and Savaii smoked Upolu despite a huge Upolu lead. I wish I would have heard someone on Savaii say “You take the fruit, donkeys…we’ll take Immunity and the blankets.”
- Upolu was trying to figure out how to vote, and while Brandon was campaigning for Her Royal Sexiness to get the boot, the rest of the Tribe wasn’t on board. Christine was extra-paranoid and started taking it out on Edna, who honestly told her she had no idea what was going on.

- Mr Honour and Integrity Brandon Hantz then decided that lying to his alliance was the best plan of attack, and he made up a story to Coach in an attempt to sway the rest of the tribe to vote out his Temptress. Only took 6 days for him to start lying.

- At Tribal Council, Jeff is happy Coach is back, Christine went to the Eliza Orlins School of Eye-Rolling, and Brandon’s lie was exposed when the liar himself owned up to it. Talk about not being able to handle the pressure. What was, 90 minutes?
- In the end, Christine was voted out, as anyone with half a brain could have predicted in the first 30 seconds of the “Previously on Survivor” segment, and with her own personal version of The People’s Eyebrow, she exited for the comfy confines of Redemption (Non) Island, where she and Semhar can whine and complain to each other before competing in a Duel next week.

Next week: Savaii becomes suspicious of Ozzy and Brandon deals with his lie.

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Thanks for reading.


Choirchick22 said...

I'm a big fan of the fact that Semhar didn't even take the blanket off of her head to greet her camp mate. I thought the same thing about Edna. I was hoping you would mention her treemail visor. As for Brandon. He is such a creeper (at least edited to look like one). I feel kind of bad for him though because he means well by telling the truth, but he's telling the truth like his uncle would tell a lie.

Anonymous said...

Brandon is a creep. He is certainly not doing anything to clear the family name. If there wasn't a crew of people I believe he would hurt Makayla. Oh and then say it was her fault, she asked for it.

Sean said...

While I agree that he has issues, and he's being edited to look stalker-ish, please consider what you're saying about a person on a Reality TV show.

Your last comment is rather unfair and out of line. Probably why you posted anonymously.

Anonymous said...

You can delete my post if you'd like. I did say "I believe" to make sure any reader would know its only my opinion. And I base that opinion on his own words , not the editing. And finally, I always use Anonymous when I am post on blogs. I am not a mean-spirited person and I am certainly not the only person who thinks Brandon is creepy/scary.

Choirchick22 said...

Wow Anonymous. I agree that that was a little out of line. Pretty sure they do psych profiles on the people on the show to make sure they won't hurt anyone. I think it's heavy editing that makes him look like a creep.

One thing I noticed but forgot to mention. What was with the votes tonight? That alliance is terrible at deciding who to vote for. They were all over the place!

Sean said...

I certainly won't be deleting your post. Any reader here is entitled to their opinion, whether I agree or not. I only delete spoilers.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous..u say ur not a mean spirited person but clearly ur post was mean spirited! Hello! sean. Loved ur recap 2nite! First, blurring his lil dragon:cracked me up! I totally agree with u that they are most likely editing him to look like a perv. Obviously he struggles with sum demons BUT in a way hes kind of endearing..wanting so badly to live righteously...its better than being a straight out evil prick. And we all have our issues sooo hes relateable. Cant wait for next week..oh and ud think Semhar wouldve LOVED seein another person. Lol. She didnt even move! Lol..hilarious..

Dan Survivorfan said...

I don't think the alliance was really terrible on who to vote for. I think they wanted to vote for Christine and Stacey, but Brandon kept mucking them up with his refusal to let the Mikayla thing go. I do think that like his uncle, he wants to be in control at all times. He said Mikayla should go, he THINKS that should mean that the others should come around.

As for Brandon being creepy. I do think the editing is a factor in how bad he is looking. I also take into account that just because we aren't seeing her being flirty and working her feminine wiles doesn't mean she isn't actually doing it. And we aren't seeing it because it makes for a better story. Although if that is the case shame on the editors for making Hantz look so bad if he doesn't deserve it0.

But even if she is playing a "Parvati" game Brandon is still majorly over reacting. The guy clearly has some issues he needs to work through, and is not emotionally ready to play Survivor.

His telling a lie then wreaking havoc because he couldn't handle the guilt so soon afterwards was just a train wreck to watch.

Max-o said...

I'm new to this blog but I'm so glad i finally found a good one to follow - definitely going to be here all season... anyways... I think Brandon is really gonna screw over his alliance big time. He's just as dangerous as the big Russel in the sense that he's a wildcard and totally unpredictable. Remember Dreamz from Fiji?? that dude single-handedly destroyed his original alliance because he was so inconsistent and wacko just like Brandon. I love the Coach alliance but i don't know if they're going to have such a smooth game...I hope I'm wrong.

CockamAmy said...

I thought creepy Brandon was saying "poverty, poverty, poverty" thinking that if he didn't win the million that is where he would be.

Good blog... i will be reading all season.

R.P. McMurphy said...

The editing of the challenge last week clearly indicated who would be voted to the non-island island and the editing this week strongly intimated that again. BOO!

I'm reading the editing of Brandon to show that he is attracted to her and may actually come around to flirting with her, jeopardizing his marriage. I feel some of his "demons" may mean being unfaithful in the past. Me think he doth protest too much.

I wish they could keep religion/praying out of these shows. Seems to have become a common element now. Let us pray...

Can't help but see and hear Woody Allen for Cochran after last week's commentary.

Almost time for TAR...

Brackens said...

two weeks, no spiders.. although there was some kind of weird "gyrating digesting root looking thingie" -- anyone know what was that ?

loved the paper hat thing worn by Edna. Wouldn't it be funny if that was the clue to the hidden immunity idol.

Getting tired of the Brandon as a stalker editing job.
Glad we are starting to hear the voices of some of the other cast members -- still haven't heard the rancher talk in tribal.

gonna miss Christine and the eyebrow aerobics, she moved those things so much - she could have been the host on Amazing race.

lucky she didn't get hit when waking up Semhar in the middle of the night, in a dark jungle.

buzmeg said...

Probst was quoted as saying that "Lil Hantz" makes for compelling television.

IMO “compelling television” really means Lil Russell will be around for a long time. The facts that he lied to Coach (and admitted it) and has a penchant to “get” Mikayla for no reason, other than his throbbing Johnson, should set him up for immediate extinction. Mark my words, it won’t and he’ll survive much longer than he should.

Jaycee said...

I haven't watched Survivor for several seasons, but found myself tuning in this time around. Last I knew these people were allowed to pack a small bag to bring with them. Now judging by the totally non-island appropriate attire that many are wearing (dress shirts, sweater vests, ...), and the fact that most of them do not appear to have a bathing suit and are marching around in their undies -- it almost seems like they were just plucked out of wherever they happened to be when it was time to do the show. They seem totally unprepared. Can anybody tell me what gives?

Choirchick22 said...

I'm not sure about having a bag of stuff, but Jeff Probst said the producers ask the castaways to wear what they would wear in everyday life so that it looks like a "Cross-section of real viewers". So if they are wearing weird things, that's why.

Jaycee said...

That makes sense I guess. But I still think I might invest in a pair of biker shorts or something to wear under my khakis instead of having to walk around in my boxer briefs!

Jaycee said...

So will we see the first Redemption Island showdown at the start of next week's episode?

Vyrastas said...

Vyrastas likes Cochran. He's inspired Vyrastas to speak in the third-person. From now on it's suave Survivor-style Vyrastas.

Brandon has got some issues. I'm sure the moment casting saw the Lil Hantz tattoo on his arm they started drooling. TV gold, right there.

The tree mail visor was awesome.

The idea of a hidden clue to a hidden immunity idol is about the dumbest thing ever. It's pointless. Unless of course you're Christine, and you can't figure out the clue and were so obvious in looking for the HII from day one.

Daniel K. said...

Hey Sean,

the reason why Jim inherited the honorary title of *Michael Buffer voice* Puzzle-Master can be seen in the very first challenge. In the first challenge, also called "hero challenge", Jim helped clueless Ozzy to solve the pyramid puzzle. The editing makes it impossible to see exactly how good and how crucial Jim's instructions actually were. However, we can make some interesting observations. Jim gave his instructions in a very clear and confident manner, as opposed to the other team. The other team had 3 people screamin different instructions back and forth, Jim's instructions did not encourage his teammates to interrupt or to correct him. Also, judging from his confident and comfortable composure during and after the challenge, the/his instructions to Ozzy must have been spot on. Considering this, I assume that Jim did a good job as instructor.

Anyways, these observations might explain why Jim was hailed King of Puzzleland, rightful heir to the throne and liberator from the tyrant David "Puzzle Master" Murphy. Also, to Ozzy pretty much anyone must appear as some kind of puzzle solving guru.

Anonymous said...

Fun recap! Thanks for the laughs.


Anonymous said...

Edna honestly had no idea what was going on???? Really? Because she was right in the mix of the conversation they were having about who to vote off. Good for Christine calling her on her really bad attempt at lying. And shame on Mikayla for voting with that crew after Coach asked her to excuse herself from the private conversation that was going on!!! And, sorry I have no sympathy for Brandon. Editing or not, he blames Mikayla for him being attracted to her!!!! What a crock! Have a little self-control; you can't always remove temptation, you have to be able to resist it.

Amy said...

Great blog's my first time here but not my last!!

Honestly I think the Brandon thing is purely a set up for drama...don't be so naive people!!