Survivor South Pacific Recap: "Cochran Makes Prank Calls & Massages His Mom"

Tonight's episode of Survivor is the beginning of the endgame for the final seven contestants. With only the Upolu 6 and Cochran left, who will be the target now that they have no choice but to turn on each other? Will it be Cochran, the obvious choice? Or is something in the works to keep the flip-flopping Ginger in the game?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor, Brandon told Edna that she was 6th in a group of 5, and we saw a recap of the decimation of the Savaii Tribe, which left Dawn, Ozzy, and Whitney currently on Redemption (Non) Island.

- Night Vision Recap at Te Tuna camp: Coach was thrilled because they had now “eradicated all former Savaii members”, and Cochran was still comfortable with his decision, even if it meant he was currently 7th on the totem pole. He did make a point of saying that he was aware that ‘the family’ could turn on him at any moment.

- Cochran talked about being a rebellious 5th grader, which involved making prank calls and saying things like “I think you’re so hot, I really want to trade sperm with you.” That doesn’t sound like a prank call as much as it sounds like something that would require a 10-year-old girl to learn what a restraining order is.

- Sophie says that she sees why people get annoyed with Cochran, because he constantly carries himself like he's exceptionally proud of the move he made, and that he still thinks that someone will take him to the end. Speaking of Sophie, I have to mention that my comparison photo of Sophie and Tinky Winky from last week’s Mini-Recap was such a hit, that Sophie actually posted it on her Facebook page.

- Cochran talked about ‘the family’, describing it more like a cult, and with the creepy music playing, it sure came across that way. He then talked about Brandon being “obsessively devout”, and said that he didn’t want to be Sharon Tate in this scenario, but he felt like he was about to be given the poisoned Kool-Aid. Look Cochran, I get that you’re witty and smart, but now you’re cross-referencing two separate cults at once? Just pick Jim Jones or Charles Manson and go with it…you don’t need to combine them.

- Cochran then talked to rest of the Tribe about keeping him around for one more vote, as a way of showing that they appreciate what he did for them, and lying to them about his birthday coming up to hopefully play on their potential guilt. After he walked away to let them discuss it, Coach and Albert both said that they support the idea, but they want it to be a group decision. Sophie, meanwhile, was vocal in her disapproval, saying that she felt Cochran’s flip was a stupid move.

- At The Redemption (Non) Island (Non) Duel, Ozzy, Dawn, and Whitney squared off in another balance competition. I have to say, I firmly believe that if you wear a bathing suit all season, and then show up to a competition in jeans, you’re ready to go home, so I assumed that not only would Whitney not win, but that this would be another easy win for Ozzy.

The most entertaining thing in this (Non) Duel, was the fact that instead of Jeff tossing out suggestive double entendres, this time he apparently decided to make everything he said sound like it came straight out of a Dr. Seuss book: “Dawn went to yawn and it almost cost her this game”, “a million dollar do-or-die duel”, and “Whitney starting to wobble a little.”

In one of the tense moments, he was eyeing up the contestants and said “anybody can win this game if you can just get to the end”, and you just KNOW that Russell Hantz jumped up and screamed at his TV…”That is BULLSHIT!”

Ozzy went back to Redemption (Non) Island to fish, Dawn told Jeff she loved him, and Whitney couldn’t leave fast enough, presumably to get to Ponderosa where she could bang Keith without cameras around.

- Not a lot was happening around Te Tuna camp: Albert is lazy, Edna was doing laundry, Brandon was fishing, and Cochran’s sole job was to hold the fish in the same manner that men are left to hold purses while their significant others are shopping. Be honest…when Cochran was talking about delivering the fish to the rest of the Tribe, how many of you wanted it to jump out of hands and back into the water?

- Rick gained the ability to speak this week, apparently along with WWE’s Hornswoggle, and complained about Albert, saying “there’s a reason they call him Prince Albert.” Really, Rick? You barely speak for 11 episodes, and now your first major line is that? If you don’t understand why I’m semi-outraged, just Google “Prince Albert.”

- On the beach, Coach and Cochran were taking part in the morning Coach Chi in an effort to center and empower Cochran. Coach said “one of the two of us should win immunity today because we’re doing this.” Would that really be the case?

- The Immunity Challenge was another Déjà vu Re-hash, (complete with coconuts, of course) with an added reward of a spa afternoon featuring an awkwardly named “Bush Shower” and a massage. In the first part of the challenge, the first three to toss a sandbag on their three crates would advance, and it was Albert, Rick, and Sophie moving on…proving that the morning Coach Chi session was relatively useless..

The second part of the challenge was coconut-chucking, and thank God Mikayla wasn’t there for Coach to be frustrated with as she was using the slingshot. Rick jumped out to an early lead, Sophie kept missing low, but may have been using an Angry Birds-like strategy to simply destroy the base and have everything topple over, and Albert eventually won Immunity.

This was one of those rewards where you get to pick someone to join you, and Albert picked Coach. He then offered up his own reward to Cochran for his (fake) birthday. Cochran’s response was to say “I’ve given my mom massages over the years”, which shockingly was not even the most uncomfortable thing he said THIS EPISODE. (Nor was his comment during the massage, “having a beautiful woman stroke the inside of my legs for me is a new experience.”)

Lesson: apparently Coach Chi on the beach means you can suck at the challenge, not come close to winning, yet still both get the full reward.

- There was a flurry of activity at camp as Albert and Edna tried to align with Cochran in an effort to vote Rick out. Albert doesn’t like being called Prince OR Princess, and thinks Rick is “as sharp as a bowling ball.” Edna, after receiving comfirmation from Coach that she is 6th on the list, really wants Coach to vote with them.

Coach now has a dilemma: does he want to be a man of his word, and play with honour & integrity, or does he want to align with Edna and Cochran, who he says will never vote him out. This is the fork in the road, because, as he correctly states, his decision will determine the rest of the game.

I didn’t believe for a second that he would flip and keep Cochran, but I’ll explain that at the end.

- At Tribal Council, Cochran said that he wanted to collect a debt for helping Upolu eliminate Savaii, Jim rolled his eyes, and Albert agreed. Jeff asked Rick “are you worried at all, that if Cochran does play his card tonight, that means it’s one of the other 6?” Well if Cochran stays, of course it’s one of the other six!

- Edna got emotional, Jeff gave strategy tips again, Brandon told everyone that it was black and white (and grey is lying), then started crying again talking about wanting to do bad things. Just when you started to forget he was a nutbar, there he goes again. Coach was remarkably silent for a Tribal Council, and Cochran had the best line, taking a theme I have used for years and saying to Jeff, “talking strategy with Brandon is like talking to you about shirts that aren’t blue.”

- In the end “Cokran” was voted out, which pleased the Jury to no end. How awesome would it be for Cochran to beat Ozzy next week at Redemption (Non) Island?

- Ok, here’s why Coach didn’t flip, and why I didn’t buy it for a second. A) if he flips, it’ll be the first time in 3 seasons of playing that he has actually gone against his word, and say what you want about Coach, he has always shown he is loyal to his alliance, B) if he flips, it pisses off 3 Jury votes in Sophie, Rick, and Brandon, and C) if he flips, it sets Brandon off on him being disloyal and a liar and not playing with integrity, which nobody wants to deal with, and I honestly believe would hurt Coach more than actually losing the game.

- I just want to mention that this week, I will be part of a Survivor podcast at survivorpodcast.blogspot.com. I’ll be on the air with David and Nicole discussing all the happenings from this week’s episode, and the season so far. I was a guest on their podcast last season as well, and I’m happy that they have asked me back as a special guest again. I hope you’ll check it out when it goes up on Friday morning.

Next week: Edna is Mad, and Ozzy is Cocky.

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