Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Survivor South Pacific Recap: “The Second-Class Citizen Fights Back”
My Random Thoughts:
- Previously on…Survivor. A random conversation on the first night evolved into a Final Five pact between Coach, Brandon, Albert, Sophie, and some guy with a moustache I’ve never seen before. Edna was then added as the 6th, and Cochran was later added as 7th. Brandon can’t keep his mouth shut and infuriated his allies by revealing the Final 5 plan, and as Jeff ominously told us “Cochran heads to Redemption Island, and Edna has to figure out a way to stay in the game.”
- Night Vision Recap at Redemption (Non) Island: Cochran makes his 73rd “drank the Kool-Aid” reference, and says that, in retrospect, flipping wasn’t a great move because Upolu used him. Then he and Ozzy talked about whether he had a chance to win in their impending Duel, and made a ‘sort-of’ pact to vote for each other in the event one of them made the final. Did anyone else notice that as they were laying there in the shelter, even though Ozzy was on his side, and Cochran was on his back with his arms crossed, it looked like Ozzy had his arm slung over Cochran like they were snuggling?
She tried to talk to Coach about it, who responded by telling her that “everybody gets deceived.” She was trying to plead her case when raccoon-eye Brandon started hollering about Sprint Tree Mail. She did, however, get one final spectacular burn in, saying that she didn’t want “a nineteen-year-old high school dropout who’s advertised that he’s crazy to dictate to me the direction of my own destiny here.”
- But wait, before any of you get to see your loved ones, it’s time for the Redemption (Non) Island Duel, another rehash where you had to use a grappling hook to get 3 bags, then get a ball, and use it to solve a table maze. Sure, it was another former challenge, but in my mind, anything with grappling hooks is always awesome. Star Wars, Batman, Deadliest Catch…see what I mean?
It was neck and neck as they both worked their way through the maze, and even though Brandon yelled for Cochran to “take your time” at least 15 times, in the end, Ozzy pulled out a narrow win, eliminating my pick to win it all.
Cochran then gushed as he was leaving, and Jeff pumped him up talking about how he’s a new man after what he dealt with in the game. Enough with the sugar-coated goodbye speeches, bring back ‘the old torch snuff and hit the bricks.’ No offense, Cochran.
I did notice, however, that the Buff Burning Urn was unlit at the beginning of the Duel. Does anyone else find that odd? Are you telling me that after the Duel (or (Non) Duel) is over, someone comes out with a BBQ lighter and fires it up just to burn the Buff? Do the players have to wait until the fire gets hot enough? Wouldn’t it be a good twist to have the Duel be “Here’s a flint. Go light that urn?”
Actual conversation between my girlfriend Devena and I upon seeing Sean Hantz:
Devena: “He’s better looking than Russell.”
Sean: “Who isn’t?”
The twist was that only 3 of the 6 loved ones would get to visit, and as the winner of the duel, Ozzy would get to decide. He chose Albert, Coach, and Brandon, and the other 3 got the Probst send-off “I’ve got nothing for you, head back to camp.”
- So the loved ones got to visit at Redemption (Non) Island with Ozzy, where they seemingly ate all of Ozzy’s fruit, and took spiffy pictures with the EVO 3D (from Sprint!) Do you think Ozzy should have received a visit from a Loved One, too? Or since he’s on Redemption (Non) Island, is that still considered ‘out of the game’ in terms of who they bring in? Frankly, I don’t care. I hate the whole concept of the visits anyways.
Coach made a deal with Ozzy to go together to the Final Three, and he swore on it “as a Christian man.” We then learned that if Coach says “as a Christian man”, then it is an irrevocable promise. Other than that, anything he says might be total horseshit. I guess it’s his own version of Simon Says.
Then Brandon’s Dad--um, I mean, Russell’s brother—explained to Brandon that even though he is trying to be a good person and do the right thing, he still needs to understand that he is “here to do a job”, and that he needs to open his mind to potentially do other things to get to the end. Brandon says no, and then Papa Hantz plays the ‘guilt in the name of God’ card, saying that God wants him to win so that it puts their family in a good position. I think it’s safe to say that Sean Hantz won’t be winning any ‘Father of the Year’ awards anytime soon. No wonder this kid is screwed up.
I did, however, have a laugh at Brandon’s response, saying that “our lives have been planned out since we were born, bro?” Who the hell calls your dad ‘bro’????
- The Immunity challenge was painfully boring, as the 6 remaining castaways played life-size Othello on a giant Fruit Ninja-esque pineapple board. Coach won easily, but the big story was Brandon putting his foot in his mouth again, gloating after being eliminated that he did his job, not allowing Edna to win. Kind of like a sacrifice fly, huh Brandon? Except that no one ever comes back to the dugout and brags about increasing the pitcher’s ERA.
Ok, Edna…just back away from the ‘what makes a good sound bite’ textbook and repeat after me: “Domestic Violence is never a good topic to joke about.”
Please, please, please, for the love of GOD tell me that confused you as much as it confused me.
- At Tribal Council, it was Edna vs. Brandon, and even though we were led to believe that there was a chance Edna would stay, it never happened. And after an awkward lingering hug from Coach, she went off to Redemption (Non) Island where she promptly woke up Ozzy.
Next week: Upolu Infighting and Edna Duels Ozzy.
Don't forget to listen to my guest appearance on David and Nicole's Survivor Podcast from last week, where we spent a lot of time breaking down this season, and who has a chance to win the whole thing.
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