Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "I'm Not Perfect...I'm A Humanitarian"

Last week we learned that it’s preferential to keep an admitted thief who is likely insane, and a crotchety old man who can barely walk, over a single twenty-something woman with no alliance. We’ve also learned this season that keeping the crazy people over the proven leaders is a good tactic as well. The Season of Idiots continues:

My Random Thoughts:

- In the opening segment, The Voice of The Blue Shirt warned us that “the feud between Jane and Marty has reached critical mass.” Look, I understand that these two are throwing barbs back and forth (Marty a little more aggressively), but up until this point, hasn’t it all really been just verbal? Is “critical mass” really the right term? It’s not really the Hatfields vs. The McCoys. I think the more appropriate voice-over of what is reaching critical mass would be Naonka vs. sanity, or Purple Kelly vs. the ability to speak.

- Marty said “It’s just frustrating to play a game with people, some people, that are just stupid.” Let’s analyze Marty’s game play so far this season: a) he orchestrated the ousting of Jimmy Johnson, the sole force that could have kept his team united, b) he orchestrated the ousting of Jimmy T., who was admittedly unbearable, but could have helped in challenges (if only someone would give him a shot!), c) he did both of those things while protecting Dan, a liability instead of an advantage, d) he targeted the Southern Old Lady for his verbal attacks, and e) HE GAVE HIS DAMN IMMUNITY IDOL AWAY FOR NO REASON. I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in this game who, based on facts alone, has been stupider than Marty himself. And I say that begrudgingly, as he was my pick to win the game.

- The Reward Challenge was once again a pretty entertaining challenge. I thought it was an unfortunate turn of events (for the women) that it ended up being boys vs. girls, they never had a chance. Brenda nearly decapitated herself, the men dragged Dan through most of the course, and the teams had to burst through a brick wall, which made me laugh out loud because all I could think of is this:

- Purple Kelly spoke! To be fair, she just cried and talked about how sad she was that she didn’t get to go on the Reward with the winning team, but it’s something. Baby steps, people! The biggest character development we’ve seen so far was tonight at Tribal Council when she had trouble opening the pen.

- Jane came up with the most repetitively confusing line of the season, when she spoke of voting Marty out at the next Tribal Council: “If…uh…he doesn’t win immunity, the fat lady’s gonna be singin’, I’ll tell you that much…and I ain’t fat…but I’m gonna be the fat woman…although I’m not fat."

- After 5 or 6 awesome challenges in a row, The Immunity Challenge was essentially a game of Simon, which was a pretty big letdown. It was ridiculously easy as long as you could transfer each symbol to a single letter (like the first letter), and make a 6-letter acronym to remember. But still, we lost over half of the contestants before the first sequence was done, proving my suggestion that THIS IS THE DUMBEST CAST IN HISTORY. If you didn’t know this would end up being Marty vs. Brenda at the end from the moment Jeff started explaining it, you haven’t been watching this season.

- Fabio said “I hate playing stupid so much, but it’s like the smartest thing to do right now.” I’ve heard the argument that Jud/Fabio is just playing dumb as part of his strategy, but I wasn’t buying into it…until now. I’m still not fully on board, but I’ve opened my mind to the possibility. That line just seemed too perfect to not have been placed in there for a reason.

- Chase figured out the plan to say the Tribe was voting for NaOnka, but instead vote for Jane, in approximately a nanosecond. That's pretty good for a "Pro Race Car Jackman", I bet his Pit-mates are proud of him. And say what you will about Sash and Brenda and how arrogant they are about ruling the camp…but they’re right. I loved Sash’s argument to keep Marty around, because he’s a good cook & sings like a canary about everyone’s plans.

- At Tribal council, NaOnka actually lost her final marble – bouncing around, ranting, swearing, name-calling everyone she could, getting pissed at Jeff, and even giving the finger to others while they were voting. She’s lost it…she’s gone.

- When Jane was voting, she talked about Marty being a bad father, and how she would never allow Marty’s kids to play with her grandkids. Wow…maybe I was wrong, this is like the Hatfields and the McCoys. But still, the “kids and grandkids not playing together” is the most non-relevant threat since Sue Hawk told Kelly Wigglesworth she wouldn’t give her a drink of water if she was dying of thirst on the side of the road.

- The second NaOnka didn’t play her Idol, Marty made the face that said it all: “I’m screwed”…and there goes my pick to win it all. (Jimbo, I owe you $20)

Next Week: The tribe is shocked about something…what is “the day from hell?”

(leave your guess in the Comments section)

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