Important News About My Survivor And Amazing Race Recaps

Many of you know that I wear a lot of different hats. I work a full-time job, I work for a local University as their Athletics announcer, and I also work for our local affiliate of Rogers TV on-air for their broadcasts of Kitchener Rangers hockey games. Add in to that the responsibilities of being a dad to a 10-year-old son, and trying to be a good partner to my loving and supportive girlfriend, Devena...and there's not a lot of free time.

I do these recaps because they're fun for me, and because people enjoy reading them. From a tiny little side project, to something that garners between 10,000-15,000 hits/month, this site sure has grown and evolved to places I didn't really envision. I'm very, very thankful and grateful for that.

But I need a break.

Things are way to busy for me right now to be putting in the required effort for my recaps. Work is busy, home life is busy, and the Rangers playoffs are starting in 2 days, which will mean I have a show almost every other night for a seven-game playoff series. Plus, I was just on vacation and missed three recap nights (for Survivor and TAR), and after tonight, I was going to miss the next two episodes as well.

So, I'm sorry to say that I will be taking a temporary break from doing my recaps for Survivor and The Amazing Race. I watched last week's episode last night, and I really enjoyed just being able to sit and watch it...so that's what I'm going to do for the next little while.

I'm not sure how long...I may be back before the end of the season, but I will definitely be back at some point. Like I said, I just need a break.

Thank you to all of the loyal readers, I hope this doesn't change anything for you, and you'll still be back when I start recapping again. Please feel free to add me on Facebook or Twitter to keep in touch in the meantime.

See you soon.

Sean

Survivor One World Recap: March 14, 2012

I can't ever recall a player on Survivor that has been as universally reviled as our beloved Sea Foam-Wearing Colton Cumbie. Pick your poison: arrogant, elitist, racist, obnoxious...all of the above? It's rare to see a viewing audience that agrees so much on one contestant. His antics are sure to continue this week, perhaps on a new tribe, as the preview last week teased a potential Tribal Swap. Is it really a swap? Or could his reaction in the preview just be in response to a disgusting eating challenge? If there is a swap, and he ends up on Salani, will he be forced to relinquish the Idol since it was specified that it MUST be given to a Manono member?

Unfortunately, I will not be able to recap tonight's episode as I am out of the country on vacation. I will add some thoughts on this week's episode at the beginning of next week's recap, which will be up as usual following the episode.

Please feel free to still comment on the episode in the Comments section.

Survivor One World Recap: “I’m Completely Bum-Puzzled Right Now”

The teaser from CBS for tonight’s episode stated “The battle of the sexes continues, and for the first time, a play will be made that will change the game forever!” Would Colton continue to be the ringleader of the Misfit Alliance? Can Salani continue their winning streak? And why am I writing a recap on my birthday? (Answer: because I love my readers!)

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor: the men dominated the game for the first 5 days, but the women are on a roll after winning the last two challenges. On Salani, Alicia and Christina don’t like each other, and the Misfits booted Matt last week. And don’t forget that Colton called Bill “Ghetto trash.”

- Night Vision recap: Michael thinks “the old guy, the little guy and the gay guy” are stupid for voting out a strong guy. Tarzan Greg is preaching to Troyzan Troy, and says that their alliance of 5 is solid, and despite Mike being “so peripheral he has no clue” (what the hell does that mean??), Bill is next on the chopping block, despite his charm and “beguiling character.” Oh yeah…and Leif sleeps in a box.

- The next day, while the women prepared a morning snack of boiled snails, and talked about how they weren’t struggling for food, the men strolled over and proposed a deal. Jonas asked about their fishing net, and the women said they haven’t had any success. The sushi chef then pointed out that he knows how to use a net properly (because he’s Hawaiian, you see), and suggested that the women let them use the net so that he can catch some fish…and in return, the men would give them half of the fish.

Chelsea wasn’t interested in the least, saying that she “doesn’t want to sound like a cold-hearted bitch,” but it’s a bad idea to feed the enemy. Jonas went on and on proclaiming he was fine with them not agreeing to it, but you could see they didn’t believe him.

Personally, I don’t understand why the women wouldn’t agree to the deal. You do nothing, you get half a catch of fish…and this is the important part…that you wouldn’t otherwise have, because you don’t know how to catch fish with the net. Maybe if the men were starving, I could understand it, but there was nothing to tell us that they were hard up for food to begin with, so I don’t see the point here.

And here’s the interesting part…I’ve been getting the promotional photos from CBS prior to each episode, and in the last two weeks, there have been not one, not two, but THREE photos of Jonas with the fishing equipment, including one of him with the net…and with Matt, who was voted off before that scene! (see one of them below) Either they made the deal and edited to look like it was nixed…or something else is going on. Something smells fishy, and it’s not just that net.

- The Reward challenge gave me goosebumps on the opening overhead shot, because I thought we were going to get to see a combination of two challenge themes from the past two season: coconuts and tiles. But alas, they weren’t tiles, they were planks. I guess Mark Burnett left all of the excess tiles in Nicaragua, but coconuts are always easy to come by.

The challenge was some good old-fashioned coconut-chucking at a giant 5x5 board, and the first team to get a Bingo would win the reward, which was a choice between Comfort (pillows, blankets, and a mattress), Protection (a tarp), and Luxury (coffee and donuts).

Bill sat out, Jay’s jaw dropped at the sight of donuts, Kat trash talked after hitting their first “tile”, Greg kept calling Jonas “Jason”, and the Survivor production team used a nifty graphic and sound effects to show us the progress on the board…because I guess they think we can’t tell from the GIANT HOLES on a wooden wall.

In the end, the women won (their 3rd challenge in a row), and chose the tarp as their reward. Greg was a poor sport both at the challenge and back at camp, branding the Salani win as ‘lucky.’

- While chatting on the beach, Leif let it slip to Bill that he was initially Colton’s target before the plan shifted to Matt before the last Tribal Council. “Bill Posley just got wowed”, he shared with us, as he was visibly shocked.

Upon hearing that Leif spilled the beans, Colton launched into more of his rehearsed faux rants, saying “that little Munchkin is about to get knocked back to Oz”, and “he’s turning into an annoying little Oompa Loompa.” He then called for Leif, as if he was some sort of regal being that requested the presence of one of their loyal subjects. Either that, or the Godfather? Or maybe Rob Mariano.

How arrogant and obnoxious was Colton in this scene? It was almost unbearable to watch as he browbeated Leif about what he said to Bill, over-dramatizing everything for the cameras and telling him that he sealed his fate and picked the wrong side. If you would have told me that I was going to be watching a scene with a small man wearing a panama hat talking to a Tribemate, and one of them was painfully arrogant…I would have bet my house that we would have been talking about Russell Hantz.

- The hint for the Immunity Challenge came in the form of a Tree Mail Puzzle, and the women quickly surmised that they would be working in pairs to solve a puzzle. Kat immediately pointed out that she needed a good partner since she wasn’t good at puzzles (hey, at least she’s a realist!), and when Alicia volunteered, Kat was less than impressed.

Kat said that Alicia wasn’t good at puzzles, so they shouldn’t be partners, and Alicia immediately got all fired up, pointing out that she just “threw that shit together”, talking about the Tree Mail Puzzle. I’d like to point out that the Tree Mail puzzle was only 6 pieces, so it wasn’t really that impressive of a task. When two-thirds of your puzzle are corner pieces, rest assured that a blind monkey could get it done relatively quickly.

I’m not saying that Alicia shouldn’t have been offended. On the contrary, I agree with her. But when the dumbest person on the Tribe is essentially calling you dumb, then it’s a bit of a blow.

- The Immunity Challenge was a 3-armed race, where the pairs (tied together at the wrist) would have to walk across a teeter-totter and then solve a puzzle to get a key. After doing this three times, they would have to use the three keys to unlock three locks and raise their Tribe Flag.

This challenge wasn’t even close, as the men cruised to a victory. We were made to believe that it was due to Alicia and Chelsea struggling at the first puzzle, but I think the men had this one in the bag anyways based on how quickly they did each puzzle.

But the big thing that came out of this was the fact that when the women couldn’t solve their own puzzle, they did exactly what they did last week, and simply tried to copy from the men’s puzzle. I can’t understand how the producers are allowing this to happen. It’s so blatant and brazen, and is an insult to the spirit of the game. Either the puzzles have to be different, or there needs to be a visual barrier between the two Tribes to prevent something like this from happening constantly.

After the men received the Immunity Idol, you would have assumed it was time for the Tribes to head back to camp, as they normally would. Nope…not this week. Not until our favourite Blue-Shirted host decided to dish out a verbal bitch-slapping to Salani, saying that it “barely qualified as a challenge.” He then turned his attention squarely on Alicia, who was nervously laughing at their defeat, and went on to point out that she was hopeless at solving the puzzle even AFTER LOOKING at the completed Manono puzzle.

- Back at the camp, Alicia pitched her case for her and Chelsea to both stay, saying they have been great at the other challenges, but Sabrina says that “Alicia is just dead weight with a mouth” and she wants Alicia gone. Kim says she’s not on board with that plan and still wants to vote out Christina.

- Over on the men’s side of camp, Bill wants to talk to Colton in an attempt to clear the air, so he approaches him and says “I just want to squash some beef between the two of us.” (Now, normally I wouldn’t take such an easy opportunity as this one, but after Colton’s reprehensible behaviour and comments the past two weeks, I feel I can go down this road.) Clearly, this is NOT first time that Colton has been asked to squash some beef between two men.

Instead of talking like two adults, Colton instead had another one of his toddler-like tantrums, saying “I don’t want to talk, I just want to lay here, I don’t want to think about this game.” And as he lounged there like Colton-patra, with his hands over his head in the shade, he showed his immaturity by not listening and just ranting to Bill, “You’re going home next so it really doesn’t matter. Bye!”

He then went to the rest of his Tribe to complain about Bill, and proposed a ridiculous plan: to approach the Salani Tribe and give them Immunity so that Manono would voluntarily go to Tribal Council and vote Bill out.

Um….what?

We’ve seen individuals give up Immunity, and we’ve even seen Tribes throw challenges to be sent to Tribal Council, but never in 24 seasons have we seen (or even heard of) a Tribe giving up Tribal Immunity after they had won it. (By the way, did you notice that Jason…I mean, Jonas…was holding the fishing net in this scene? No deal, my ass.)

I can’t understand why the rest of the Tribe would agree to this ridiculous plan, even though they gave some absurd logic that since Colton was calling the shots, they had to go along with it. Jason/Jonas even asked “What am I going to say? No?” HELL YES YOU SAY ‘NO!”

So the Tribal Pow-Wow was called and Tarzan Greg preached to Leif about what he had done. He told him “You should not have done that. That was bad.” Hey Greg, just because he’s that small doesn’t mean you have to talk to him like a child. Jay summed up what we were all feeling when he said “I’m completely bum-puzzled right now.” (I won’t make a Colton joke on that one.)

- The look on Jeff Probst’s face as the Manono Tribe entered Tribal Council was priceless. After his jaw dropping and head-shaking he pointed out that in 24 seasons and over 400 Tribal Councils, he had never seen a Tribe give up Immunity. Now, I am going to take umbrage with the “400 Tribal Councils” comment, because well over half of those were after the merge, and therefore there was no Tribal Immunity anyways, but the point is still valid, albeit exaggerated for effect.

- Other than a bad act by Leif, and a political rant by Greg, Tribal Council was pretty much just Colton and Bill talking about each other. Colton explained why he didn’t like Bill, saying that it was because he was loud, obnoxious, and a struggling stand-up comic. He channeled his inner Mean Girl when he said “It’s, like, ‘Get a real job’!”

We learned that Bill grew up poor while Colton had the Country Club lifestyle, attending a private all-white school in Alabama. When the topic of race came up, this shockingly ignorant exchange took place:

Colton: “I do have, like, African-American people in my life”
Probst: “Who?”
Colton: (pause) “My housekeeper.”

What made this even more offensive, was the flippant laugh from Colton as he said it, as if he knew how ridiculous his answer made him look, but he didn’t care. He went on about Bill, “I don’t associate with people like that in the real world, and I’m sure as hell not going to associate with people like that out here”

The “Let’s Vote Out Leif” ruse was poorly executed, and it was obvious to me that Bill was going home…and it was unanimous among the other 7 Tribe Members. Why else would Leif agree to the deal to give Immunity away? Even if you know you’re next to go, take your shot with winning Tribal Immunity until the merge, or maybe there is a twist on the horizon. It didn’t make sense.

- I was hoping that the rest of the Tribe would see what a golden opportunity this would have been to get rid of Colton and unite as a Strong Seven. He never would have played the Idol, and it could have been the greatest blindside in Survivor history.

- Please note that next week (March 14) I will be away on vacation, and unable to watch the show. I will get a recap up once I return on March 20th.

Next Week: A Tribal Switch Up?

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Also, if you’re on Twitter, please consider Tweeting or Re-Tweeting a link to these recaps if you have followers who are interested in Survivor. I’ve been getting a number of Re-Tweets from some of this season’s castaways (shout-outs to @monicaculpepper, @chelseameissner, and @christina_cha), and it has resulted in a large number of new readers.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor One World Recap: March 7, 2012

The teaser from CBS for tonight’s episode stated “The battle of the sexes continues, and for the first time, a play will be made that will change the game forever!” Would Colton continue to be the ringleader of the Misfit Alliance? Can Salani continue their winning streak? And why am I writing a recap on my birthday? (Answer: Because I love my readers!)

Tonight's recap should be up by 10:00 pm ET. Please make sure to check back.

UPDATE: RECAP IS UP - CLICK HERE TO READ.

Survivor One World Recap: “Roosters, Chickens, And A Massive Ass Storm”

Tonight is the third episode of Survivor One World, and if the first two weeks are any indication on the way this is going to progress, we can expect to see Manono dominate once again, and send another Salani member packing. Will the women be able to come together? Has Jeff ditched the Green shirts? And why is everyone talking about poultry?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor: The Men have won everything so far. Matt and his muscle alliance are running the show, but Colton has the Immunity Idol and has formed his own alliance. The women think Kat is an idiot, and a liability, but still voted Nina out.

- Night Vision recap: Alicia tells Kat not to cry at Tribal Council, and Chelsea thinks she’s weak. In the dark, Colton and Jonas sidle up to Kim and Chelsea and invite them over to their side because “There’s a massive ass storm coming in.” To their credit, the women refuse, saying that they’ll be fine, and tough it out. But sure enough, they can’t sleep, and end up huddling together for warmth in the darkness and rain.

- The morning after the massive ass storm (Acronym: MAMAS), Chelsea was begging Troyzan for the use of the fire to dry off, even though her thigh-high yellow socks/stockings looked pretty warm (although I’m sure they were drenched.) Kim pointed out that while the night before, pride prevented the women from joining the men around the fire, now that they are freezing their ass off, they have no shame.

- At the Reward challenge (still in the rain), Jeff Probst was wearing a powder blue shirt, hopefully ditching the new green shirt from last week’s episode and going back to blue full-time. I tweeted at Jeff (@Jeffprobst) during last week’s episode, asking what’s with the green shirt, and he tweeted back at me that he was just “keeping me honest.” Touche, Probst.

- But on to the Reward challenge, which was a head-to-head memory test, where the first team to win five duels would be declared the winner. The items to be memorized would be displayed behind a curtain to both of the participants, and either of them could drop the curtain at any time, which would drop it on both. I give major credit to the crew that lays out the challenges. This was a well thought-out, well executed challenge.

The prize would be a full set of fishing gear, including a canoe and paddles, which is an absolutely HUGE prize to win at this stage of the game. The head-to-head matchups went as follows:

Sabrina vs. Matt: Matt was done first, but his answer was wrong. Sabrina’s was right. 1-0 Salani.
Colton vs. Monica: Colton dropped the curtain almost immediately and scurried back to give his answer, but he was wrong. Monica was right. 2-0 Salani.
Alicia vs. Jay: Alicia dropped the curtain, and looked troubled as she gave her answer first. She was correct. 3-0 Salani.
Kat vs. Troyzan: Troyzan dropped the curtain immediately, presumably just so Kat can’t see the order. That made absolutely no sense to me. Why would you prevent yourself from seeing it as well? I suppose it may be a smart strategy if you were head-to-head with some sort of Rain Man-esque genius with a photographic memory…but we’re talking about Kat. Blue Shirt Jeff astutely points out that “the men continue to be pathetic in this challenge,” and after six (6!) more attempts, accompanied by crazy hillbilly music, Kat finally gets the correct answer. 4-0 Salani.
Christina vs. Bill: Anti-climactic. Christina gets it, and the women sweep the men 5-0.

As Jeff is awarding the women the fishing gear, he reminds them about the boat back at camp, and the fact that they do not need to share it with Manono. Of course not, but since stealing has become the norm on this show, what is going to prevent Manono from just taking it out whenever they want? Is there a combination lock that secures it to a tree back at camp?

Jeff throws a final barb at Manono as they are leaving, telling them “the women now know they can beat you at something.” To be fair, at this point in the game, the men still had 9 members, the women had 7 members, and all they had beaten them at was a game of concentration. His words didn’t sting just yet…

- Back at camp, the rain continued, we saw more bats, and Salani returned to find their boat. They celebrated by jumping and dancing on the beach, shouting “We got a boat!”, which made me hope that they would just take it out on the water and this would happen

Chelsea worked on fixing the shelter, which entailed stacking rocks up to make a wall. Kat and Monica tried to work on starting a fire, but when they weren’t able to get it going, they decided to turn to Manono: “Why don’t we just go over there and ask for an ember?” I had to laugh at that, because after proclaiming themselves as tough during the storm, and refusing help, now Salani was turning to Manono to help them.

So Monica and Kat asked the men, and they suggested that it would be a fair trade to swap an ember for use of the boat. The women were reluctant, and Matt was visibly annoyed at the handouts the men are dishing out to the women. Colton is also pissed off, and calls back upon his lessons at the Coach Wade School Of Pre-Planned Confessional Soundbites, stating “I’m a Republican…I do not believe in handouts.”

- Chelsea was showing off her waterlogged hands, which looked like white gloves (a la Super Mario), and then Alicia and Chelsea just strolled over to the Manono shelter, walked in and sidled on up to the fire. This was pretty telling because it showed that after Manono decided to help Salani twice (offering to let them dry off by the fire, and sharing an ember), now they apparently felt entitled to it, and are no longer asking.

The men re-iterated the boat-for-fire trade, and Alicia nixed it right away, saying that they can’t use the boat. Sorry, let me re-phrase that: Alicia said that the men can’t use their boat WHILE SHE’S STANDING IN THEIR SHELTER WARMING UP AFTER THEY GAVE HER TRIBE FIRE.

Even though she backed off her hardline stance and said she would have to talk to the rest of the tribe, the line in the sand was drawn, and Manono made it clear that there would be no more deals, and no more charity, because “One World is out the window.”

The women came across as very spoiled and entitled in this segment, and more so when Kat and Monica said that they didn’t make a deal with them either, and Chelsea saying that she was upset that they bombarded her with barter talk when she was just trying to warm up.

- The next day, after the Massive Ass Storm, the sun was out, and Monica, Kim, and Chelsea decided to take their new boat out and do some fishing. Cue the underwater fishing shots made famous by Ozzy last season, and after spearing three small fish, they returned to shore to share the catch of the day with the rest of their Tribe.

- Good thing they built up their strength with some seafood, because the Immunity Challenge was next. It was an obstacle course where each Tribe would have one caller, and 3 pairs, tied together and blindfolded. The caller would have to direct the pairs through the obstacle course to a series of points where they would have to pull a string to release a vat of coloured water, and retrieve a bag of wet puzzle pieces. Once all five bags are returned to the start, then the caller has to solve the puzzle.

The men teamed up Troyzan and Tarzan in the most predictable pairing ever, and jumped out to an early lead. Sabrina was the caller for Salani, and Bill was the caller for Manono. On the obstacle course portion of the Challenge, the men dominated, getting all five bags while the women only gathered two, despite the fact that Bill just seemed to want to awkwardly yell out “Reacharound!” as many times as possible.

But once the puzzle portion started, Bill struggled, even though his teammates were helping him solve the puzzle by telling him where to put the pieces (except for Leif, who appeared to just be looking at his shoes.) Here’s my question: why even specify that the caller has to be the one to solve the puzzle, if the others can help? This was just like the Ozzy vs. Coach puzzle last season, when Ozzy and Coach were just doing what their tribes were yelling at them.

Despite a gigantic lead, Bill is clearly no Puzzle Master David Murphy, and the women roared back to solve the puzzle first and win immunity.

- Back at camp, the women are understandably happy, and as the men trudge their way unhappily back to camp, Chelsea points out that “they’re all running around like chickens with their heads cut off, not knowing what to do.” Conclusion: Chelsea really loves Chickens.

- Manono tried to tell Bill he did a great job, but it was obvious lip service. Nobody was more upset than Colton, who said he was excited to vote someone out. He expressed how he was angry at Bill for constantly saying “yo” and “bro”, then channeled his inner NaOnka with two reprehensible comments directed at Bill: “Shut Up. Go Kill Yourself.” And “You’re Ghetto Trash.” Anyone who has any respect for Colton after those comments needs a long hard look at themselves in the mirror.

- NaOnka 2.0 decided to talk to his misfit crew, saying that he wanted Bill voted out because “he is too wishy washy.” Greg tries to use some logic, suggesting they stick with the plan to vote out Matt, but Colton is set on Bill.

Jay then strolls in, and everyone clams up. Greg says “we’re not voting you out, so don’t worry”, and asks if he wants to join them. Jay clearly understands basic math, and identifies that it would be Survivor Suicide to not join with the numbers.

Then Matt walks up, and everyone got quiet again. He bluntly asked them “Is my presence destroying the strategy talk?” and before he is even finished asking, Colton answers “Noooooo!” like it’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard…and Greg honestly tells him “Yes it is, at the moment.” The look on Colton’s face was priceless: I’m so busted.

- Matt left them to talk strategy, but later talked to Troy, trying to set up a sub-alliance that was the worst argument I may have ever heard on this show: “All of us are roosters, right? And we don’t want any other roosters around. I just want a bunch of chickens with me, so I’ll be the only rooster.”

Are you trying to tell me that the best argument to give is to try and get all of the Alpha Males (the roosters, presumably) together in one place? That’s just idiotic. Troy smiled and listened, and made him believe he thought it was a decent idea, but there was no way he would go along with it. “It ain’t Survivor unless you’re lyin’ ” Troyzan told us.

Troy returned to the Land of the Misfits, and pitched Matt as the target instead of Bill. Colton was still reluctant, but listen to his reasoning…and I’ll remind you that this is HIS OWN LOGIC. He wants to get rid of Bill because “he’s annoying, and I hate him, and I hate his voice, and I can’t stand to listen to him talk.” Matt, on the other hand, is “like the head of the snake, and you’ve got to chop off the head of the snake, for the rest of it to stop…ruh…whatever…wiggling.”

Listening to that logic, I now fully believe what he told the women last week, that he doesn’t care at all about the game.

- So Manono was off to their first Tribal Council, which began with Colton preening like a peacock and bragging that he wasn’t going home, because he had an Idol and was going to play it.

Bill was jacked up like just walked out of a Jamaican hotbox; Greg talked about how smart Colton was, and needing him on the Tribe; Mike talked about Colton and said “we didn’t know which way he was going”, which may have been the first time that was ever said about Colton. Matt wasn’t buying any of it and started telling Greg that he was ‘talking turkey.’ (OK, what’s with all the poultry comparisons this week: first Chelsea with the chickens, then Matt with the Roosters and Chickens, and now a Turkey?)

When it came time to vote, Colton didn’t use his Immunity Idol, but did use his “gay stereotype of the week” comment when voting, as he told Matt “you pissed off the wrong Queen.” Who is the right Queen?

Matt was voted out, and after Probst snuffed his torch, and Manono was heading back to camp, Greg asked if they could hear the two unseen votes. Probst dismissively scoffed at the question, saying no, and then Colton followed up with a mind-numbingly idiotic statement: “Save those questions for me.”

Colton is rapidly becoming one of the most annoying characters in the history of this show. Not because he’s gay…not because he’s effeminate…just because he’s a douchebag.

Next Week: Drama Within The Manono Tribe.

A quick note about the next two episodes/recaps. Next week’s episode falls on my birthday (March 7), and as of now, there are no concrete plans for anything that would keep me away from home and recapping as normal. But if that changes, I will post something saying that the recap will be delayed. The following week (March 14), I will be away on vacation, and unable to watch the show. I will get a recap up once I return on March 20th.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Also, if you’re on Twitter, please consider Tweeting or Re-Tweeting a link to these recaps if you have followers who are interested in Survivor. I had a number of Re-Tweets last season for each recap (including from some of the castaways themselves!) and it resulted in a large number of new readers.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor One World Recap: February 29, 2012

Tonight is the third episode of Survivor One World, and if the first two weeks are any indication on the way this is going to progress, we can expect to see Manono dominate once again, and send another Salani member packing. Will the women be able to come together? Has Jeff ditched the Green shirts? And can Kat recover from last week's Tribal Council?

My recap will be up by 10:00 pm ET. Please make sure to check back.

Survivor One World Recap: “We Are In A Tribe Of The Witless”

Before I get to this week’s episode, I want to touch on a couple of things from last week’s Season Premiere. Overall, I enjoyed the premiere, despite the anti-climactic (and predictable) ending with no Tribal Council vote, and I think this cast should give us a pretty entertaining season. I said that I was a fan of the “men vs women on the same beach” idea, because I thought it would be a fresh and interesting dynamic…and it certainly was, with stealing on both sides, and some early drama.

But what I didn’t expect, was a clear “Battle of the Sexes” in the fan base as well. I’ve been reading a number of message boards and forums, and it has been pretty cut and dry with the male and female fans getting rather aggressive with each other. I expected it from the players, but I suppose human nature has made a large number of fans gravitate to their respective sides based on gender.

The one thing that I heard a lot of from last week’s episode, was that after Kourtney was injured, the challenge should have continued. I read (and heard) a number of people say that either a) the men should have just sat someone out, b) the women should have had one member go twice, or c) that the challenge should have re-started.

All of those ideas (primarily suggested by female viewers who had vocalized their support of the Salani Tribe) are absolutely absurd in my opinion. Why on Earth would the rules for a challenge be changed simply because “your favourite team” was at a disadvantage? Manono won fair and square, since Salani—as a team—were unable to complete the challenge.

Now, on to this week’s episode, which finds the Salani and Manono Tribes adjusting to life together on the beach. Can the women get it together and stop their infighting? Will another Idol be found? And who's got gas?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor: Troyzan wants to be the Greatest of All Time, Colton is unhappy on his Tribe, Sabrina found an Idol and gave it to Colton, Kourtney broke her wrist, and Jeff told the women they need to get along better. I’m pleased that there wasn’t a blatant “here’s what you need to know for tonight’s episode” sort of foreshadowing like we’ve seen for the last two seasons. Hopefully that’s a trend that will continue.

- Night Vision Recap: Manono told Salani they took care of the fire, and Kat said that she could have done it without them. Rather ungrateful don’t you think? Well, the actual quote from Kat was as follows: “Mind you, I am the fire person, and if they weren’t there, when I got back I probably would have set it…I would have been able to got it…WHOA!” (and then she got spooked by a bug flying by.)

Christina and Alicia had a heart to heart chat after attacking each other at Tribal Council. Alicia thinks Christina is rude, and Christina thinks that Alicia is disrespectful. Alicia did a lame attempt at a Sue Hawk impression by telling us “if I saw her swimming in an ocean and she was drowning, I’d probably look the other way.” In the end, though, they hugged and both said everything was fine, which neither of them believed.

Alicia then offered this nugget: “Nina looks like a bag of rocks, and I don’t even know what that analogy means.” No, Alicia…you certainly don’t.

- The next morning, Sabrina tried for a team building chat to set some ground rules, and before she knew it, this makeshift town hall meeting had seen her elected leader of the Tribe. She reluctantly accepted, saying truthfully that “managing the airheads is going to be exhausting.”

She quickly identified 3 areas that needed attention: Water, Food, and Shelter. Monica was on Water Duty, and Kat and Alicia were put on Food. As Sabrina was explaining to them, Kat piped up with a glorious piece of wisdom, saying, “I don’t want to observe the land. I want to get stuff.” Apparently not as bad as she wanted to go for a swim, though…as she and Alicia went in the water instead of searching for food.

- Tree Mail was a couple of wooden boxes and a letter that instructed the castaways to assemble both tribes in a neutral clearing. This was to be our first Do-It Yourself challenge of the season, which I had been looking forward to.

Bill read the instructions (in a fake British accent for some reason), which were simple: the first Tribe to untie all of the rope knots and free a ring from the center would win a tarp. Both teams would be able to keep their box and ropes, so that was kind of like a win already for each team.

Colton and his “jazz fingers” started everyone off with a dramatic “Survivors Ready…Set..Go!” which aggravated me because he was obviously trying to impersonate the Dimple-Tastic Jeff Probst, and any Survivor purist knows that it’s just “Survivors Ready…Go!” (there’s no “set”)

Go ahead, laugh at me if you must, but I know there’s a huge portion of the audience out there that thought the exact same thing.

- The Men won the challenge, Jonas spiked the ring into the ground, Mike lifted Leif, and Sabrina expressed her disappointment over losing by saying “We needed a tarp like a fat kid needs cake.”

OK, that’s a terrible analogy. The last thing a fat kid NEEDS is more cake, Sabrina! The fat kid may WANT the cake, but he sure as hell doesn’t NEED the cake. Someone needs to talk to this cast about making analogies.

- Back at camp, then men got all Bob the Builder with their new supplies, and Colton decided to sit, stretch, swing, and go visit the women. Not only was he not being helpful, but he was clearly being standoffish, and having a major attitude around camp. Jonas identified it, and saw that he was trying to make inroads with the Salani Tribe (last season’s cast would use the phrase “curry favor” here), and compared him to everyone’s favorite sock-burning Hobbit, saying “he’s making Russell look like a freakin’ little schoolgirl.”

Really??? How many terrible analogies can we have in one episode??

- But Johnny Sea Foam didn’t just stop at visiting the women, he was now helping them build their shelter, and trying to stay at their camp the whole time. It didn’t take long for the women to tell him bluntly that he wasn’t welcome at their camp. He left briefly, but returned shortly with a tearful plea for them:

“I don’t care about the game. I don’t care about strategy. Y’all can all call BS. This is what I’m saying. I literally feel like I have no one on this island. Not one person.” That may be so, Colton…but you can’t expect the other people to not care about the game or strategy so that you can feel good about yourself.

Kim spoke for the Tribe, telling him bluntly once again that they were two separate Tribes, and he is on the other Tribe. She correctly told him that it would be a dumb move on their part to let him stay.

Some people will make the comparison to Cochran from last season, being ostracized from the rest of his Tribe, and finding solace in the opposing Tribe, but this is different. Cochran was made to feel like an outcast by the rest of his Tribe (including that Cheatin’ Whitney!), where Colton is ostracizing himself from the Manono Tribe. This is a self-imposed exile.

- Seriously, what’s with all the bats? I was joking when I made The Dark Knight Rises comment last week, but now I’m starting to wonder.

- Why were my eyes subjected to having to watch Greg/Tarzan in a speedo? I was longing for the return of Philip’s droopy pink briefs after seeing that. And what made it worse was the odd campfire dance he was doing at night, carrying a spear and doing pelvic thrusts? Did he hit himself in the face? Is that how this happened?

But the better night show was Colton, as he showed the Idol to Troyzan, Leif, and Jonas, who all agreed that they need to “get the muscle out”, meaning blindsiding Matt or Mike at the first Tribal Council. Colton told the viewers,“They can call themselves the Misfit Alliance, I’ll just be their King.”

- At the Immunity Challenge, Jeff continued his anger-inducing (from me) transition to more green shirts, and Bill walked into the challenge slapping his fingers like a 12-year-old boy who just saw a boob for the first time. Well, maybe he just saw Monica’s hot pink bathing suit, and that’s what he was responding to.

I’m going to call this challenge Rubbin’ On Your Tribemates, as each member had to work their way across a narrow beam, manouevering around each other. You couldn’t fall, and you couldn’t touch two people at the same time. This was a good challenge. A simple one to set up, but a tough one to complete. I guess after constructing a giant course last week that went unused after Kourtney broke her wrist, they went minimalist with a beam over water.

Kat had trouble getting around Monica, stating “She’s got these big ol’ boobs. I can’t get past.” But we soon learned that Kat had trouble with pretty much everything in this challenge, and she wouldn’t be able to blame it all on Monica’s breasts. She fell in the water a number of times, threw her teammates in the water, and even jumped in the water on two occasions where she didn’t have to.

By the time Monica figured it out, the men had already completed the challenge, with all 8 of their Tribe members finished, while only one (Monica) had finished for the women. Everyone jumped in the water to celebrate, except Leif, who was pushed in by Matt. I half-expected Kat to jump in too since she had done it so many times already.

Chelsea wondered if Salani’s physical assets hindered them in the challenge, saying “It’s definitely the boobs are hard.” (which I sure hope meant ‘difficult’), but Nina summed it up more aptly, saying that there was “No communication. No Teamwork. Same old story.”

- At camp, the girls tried to hash out what happened during the challenge, and it was identified that Kat is eager, but also young and emotional, and can’t control emotion. Don’t we all know someone like that? Just a little too immature for the way they carry themselves?

Nina tried to campaign for Kat to be the one voted out at Tribal Council, but her argument was that Kat jumped in the water twice. Personally, I would have gone with “she can’t do it, won’t listen to anyone, AND jumped in twice.”

AND apparently thinks it’s ok to fart on her teammates! Did you see that? At camp where she just walked up to Alicia, raised up on her toes and dropped the bomb right on her hip? Who does that??

“We are in a tribe of the witless”, Nina told Monica, who agreed but also knows that it’s a fine line. How do you approach an alliance of 5 and ask them to splinter?

- Nina then pleaded her case to Chelsea, saying “you’re too smart to let this happen.” Chelsea told her that she was embarrassed, and talked to Kim about the option of voting Kat out instead of Nina. While they both agreed that Nina deserved to be there more than Kat, they still needed to keep trust within their alliance. Tough choice.

- At Tribal Council, Probst returned to the Blue Shirt, and told Salani that after only 5 days, they were off to one of worst starts in the history of the game, due to “absolute and total dysfunction within this group.” He then said that talking to them was like talking to sixth graders.

Jeff, please talk to these people about how to make a good analogy like that.

- Nina outed the Tribal division, and talked about being a retired LAPD officer, asking what experience Kat brings to the Tribe. Kat’s response was less than impressive: “I’m outdoors and I do sales and I work with people all the time, and um….”

Probst then interjects and says, essentially, “No, you should say ‘I’m young.’” and she pretty much says “Yeah…what he said.”

Chelsea and Sabrina agree they wish their alliance was different, Kat talked about never failing at anything, and then out of the blue called Christina out for some reason, while claiming that she wasn’t calling her out. (??)

I was hoping that the Tribe would do the right thing and vote Miss Farts-A-Lot out, but the downtrodden look on Chelsea’s face during Tribal Council made it painfully apparent that she was voting in a way she didn’t really want to, meaning Nina was taking the blue-lit walk of shame.

- I have to say, this season is shaping up to be a wash for the Manono Tribe. If there is no Tribal switch-up in the next 2 or 3 episodes, I fear that Survivor One World will be as one-sided as this.

Next Week: Here Comes The Rain Again

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

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Survivor One World, Episode 2 Recap: February 22, 2012

After a good (but anticlimactic) start to Survivor One World last Wednesday, this week’s episode finds the Salani and Manono Tribes still adjusting to living together on the beach. Can the women get it together and stop their infighting? Will Chelsea continue to catch wild animals with her bare hands? Will another Idol be found? So many questions...

All of the answers--and more!--will be in my recap of tonight's show, which will be posted by 10:00 pm ET. Please make sure to check back.

Survivor One World Recap: “It Doesn’t Look Like One World To Me, Bro”

Survivor One World is off and running with a new season featuring a battle of the sexes, two tribes living together on one beach, and some colourful characters, to say the least. Who’s stealing what? Why is medical being called in already? And who is the only castaway who can catch a chicken with their bare hands?

Welcome back to all of the returning readers, and for those of you new to my blog and my Survivor Recaps, a hearty welcome as well, and a couple of things you should know: a) the recaps should be up within 60 minutes (often less) of when the show ends on the East Coast, b) the pictures will all have hidden captions underneath, so make sure to mouse over them if you want to see them, and c) I love Comments, so let’s all get involved in the Comments section for this season.

As I mentioned in my “preview” earlier this week, tonight’s recap is going to be my first impressions of this season’s cast, along with a few Random Thoughts at the end. As always, after only one episode, it’s hard to really tell anything about this cast, so these impressions may be pretty funny to go back and re-read after the season.

I would like to point out that in my first post on Survivor South Pacific, I picked Cochran to win it all, called Mikayla a potential dark horse winner, said Brandon was “a good kid”, and pointed out that I had no opinion whatsoever on Sophie, who ended up winning… so what the hell do I know?

My First Impressions:

Alicia the Special Ed Teacher –As we saw in the advance previews, claims that if she finds out that any of the guys like her, “ they’re gonna get played.” Picked her chosen alliance of five before even reaching camp. Clearly a new record. Heavy on the attitude, but sometimes attitude gets you far in Survivor (not often, though).

Bill the Comedian –Didn’t get to learn much about him, except that he needs to tie his shoes before challenges.

Chelsea the Medical Sales Rep – Able to catch chickens with her bare hands, and may be a shrewd strategist. Says that the women could be “one huge ball of bad-assedness”, but also seems to realize that they are playing as individuals and not a team. Seems pretty sharp.

Christina the Negotiator – Able to calmly work a deal with the men to get fire when the others were unable to. The early Survivor One World Eye Roll Champion.

Colton the Gay Student –Flaunted his way through the opening introduction, talking about cute guys and coconuts, but then was shocked to find out that it was Men vs Women. Looks like Cochran 2.0.

Greg the Guy Who Wants To Be Called Tarzan –I was going to call him Greg the Plastic Surgeon, but if you’re going to insist that you be called Tarzan, then I have to go with that. Seems a bit over-dramatic, declaring that the walk to camp was “hundreds of miles away” and that each man “lost ten pounds of water weight.”

Let me ask you this, if you’re going in for plastic surgery, do you want a surgeon who exaggerates like that? How do you feel watching this show, if he just told you what he’s going to make you look like…and now you’re not so sure?

Jay the Model – Made fire in about 15 seconds. Thinks any deal with the women at this point is ludicrous. (I say he’s right, and give him major credit for either a) knowing how to start fire so quickly, or b) learning in advance of coming on the show.)

Jonas the Sushi Chef – I’ll use his words: “how bad ass could a sushi chef be?”

Kat the Blonde – Wanted to give the men a chicken, but only if they helped with the women’s shelter. Why not just say “We need you?” Doesn’t know what “ambiance” means.

Kim the Bridal Shop Owner –Wants to sweet talk the men to sit by the fire, like it’s not odd to just want to hang out with the people who just stole from you and refused a trade…and in your bikinis. Told us that all men are chivalrous in Texas.

Kourtney the Tattooed Bike Mechanic –A likable outcast, but a bad fate.

Leif the Midget –I’m sorry, I know the correct term is “little person” or “dwarf”, but until I learn what a phlebotomist is, I’m respectfully going with “Leif the Midget.” Seems like a hard worker who is both strong and likable.

Matt the Lawyer –This season’s misogynist. Demands chicken as an apology from the women. Said that he “knew Colton was gay,” which I’m quite sure even the bats in the forest knew. Likes to give nicknames to his teammates like Big Mike and Jaybird, like he’s a typical Frat Boy Meathead.

Michael the Banker – The Thief. What do you think the bank he works for thought of the footage of him stealing from the other tribe? And the fact that he was so proud of it? Audit, perhaps?

Monica the Ex-NFL Wife –Didn’t learn much yet about Mrs. Brad Culpepper, but I will point out that “Ex-NFL Wife” means that her husband is an Ex-NFL player, not that she is his “Ex-Wife.”

Nina The Retired Cop –Also didn’t learn much yet, except that she did a faceplant in the Immunity Challenge that made her face look like she went 12 rounds with Manny Pacquiao.

Sabrina the Teacher –I like her, she seems funny, and should give us good soundbites.

Troy the Swimsuit Photographer – How many of you heard him call himself Troyzan and thought “this guy is the new Coach?" Be aware that Troyzan has three…count ‘em…THREE Facebook Fan Pages.

My Random Thoughts:

- I have to give Jeff Probst some props for the “no hands” helicopter shot off the top of the show. I have to think (and sure as hell hope) that he was strapped in there somehow, but it was still an impressive image.

- These may be the silliest Tribe names I’ve ever heard on Survivor, but probably only because Salani reminds me of this, and Manano reminds me of this.

- I liked two of the elements from the first portion of the show: the stripping down of the truck (albeit only 60 seconds), and Jeff giving them two separate maps to the same beach.

- Once Chelsea caught both chickens, she backed out of the deal with the men to share them, and then the bargaining started: they wanted to trade a chicken for fire, then for an axe. No deal was reached, but Greg made it clear that “you have nine guys here that are looking for a chicken”, which seems like it should have been a euphemism for something, but I don’t think it was. Who knows? Maybe I’m just not up on my plastic surgeon slang.

- Since there was no deal for the women to get fire, Alicia then just tried to steal it right in front of the men. When that didn’t work, she offered for Monica to take her pants off for the men. Not Alicia, mind you…Monica. Why would you offer your own pants when you can offer someone else’s?

Monica decided to simply keep her pants on and just steal the fire when the men were sleeping. But if you steal fire and can’t keep it lit, isn’t that like robbing a bank and not being able to spend the money?

I have to say, I’m not big on all of this stealing being acceptable in Survivor, but if you allow theft at the onset (at the stripping of the truck), then this has to be allowed too. But where do you draw the line? Can you steal someone’s Immunity Idol? What about their clothes? It’s a dangerous precedent.

- The bargaining continued as Christina worked a deal for fire, agreeing with Jonas and Bill that the women would weave palm fronds for them in exchange for the fire. Initially, Jonas requested 40, but she got him down to 20, which Bill said made sense because “each person does two.” Wait a second, Bill…last time I checked, 9 times 2 is 18. Is there another woman out there we’re missing? Or was he counting Colton, who called himself “one of the girls?”

And if you’re the women, why wouldn’t you do a horrible job weaving the palm fronds so that they leak?

- I noticed a lot of bats in the HD nature shots. Could it be because this season ends right around the time that The Dark Knight Rises is released in theatres? Probably not…

- When Sabrina stumbled upon the Immunity Idol in giant empty trunk, I made a new vow to no longer refer to them as “Hidden” Immunity Idols. When someone finds one in what they describe as “literally the second place I looked,” it’s just unacceptable.

But I did like that it was a Manono idol, that must be given to someone on Manono before the next Tribal Council. Obviously, Sabrina’s BFF Country Club Colton was the obvious candidate, and he was thrilled to receive it.

- The Immunity challenge was simple: an obstacle course that would need to be completed by each tribe member individually. At the end, it would be the old standard raising of the Tribe Flag. No tiles. No freakin’ coconuts. Hallelujah.

Bill lost his shoe, Colton scurried down the net, and before we could see how it all played out, the challenge was stopped because Kourtney had sustained an injury, what was clearly a broken wrist.

The men now had a choice: to either take the win and send the women to Tribal Council, or finish out the challenge. I paused it and did a quick survey of my girlfriend, my niece, and I to see what we would have done. They both said they would continue the challenge, and I said it was a no-brainer: take the win.

First of all, if you’re competing for fun, or just for competition, then yes, I would do the sporting thing and continue. But within the parameters of the game of Survivor, winning is everything, so you do anything that keeps you from Tribal Council.

Second, looking at Kourtney’s injury, both teams had to suspect that Kourtney was being eliminated from the game after her X-Ray, so why on Earth would the men risk losing one of their own at this point? Lots of risk, no reward.

And I hated Mr. Blue Shirt’s guilt-ridden reminder to the men: “the single biggest mistake made in this game is doing decisions early on that nobody will forgive you for in the end. But it is your call.”

The women were pissed, but Troy said it best, claiming that he doubts they would have done differently had the roles been reversed. It’s just like on The Amazing Race when someone gets upset after being U-Turned…it’s part of the game, deal with it.

- I can’t decide what was the better line in this episode: Kat (making fire), “I can’t do it that fast by myself” or Colton (talking about Matt), “we’re gonna cut his throat faster that Taylor Swift will write a song about an ex-boyfriend.” I’m probably going to have to go with Colton on this one.

- At Tribal Council: Alicia wants to target Christina, interrupting her, but then when Christina talks, holding a hand up in her face and saying “talking!” Heavy attitude on this one, who then told her “girl, if we were in Chicago, I’m about to punch you in your face.”

Here’s what I don’t get though, why was Christina’s fire-for-weaving deal “shady”, but stealing fire wasn’t?

- To the surprise of nobody, Kourtney’s wrist was indeeed broken, and she was out of the game, saving the women from a Tribal Council vote. An unfortunate end to someone I would have liked to see more of this season.

Next Week: The Women Fall Apart and Colton becomes Cochran.

After watching this first episode, I’m finding it hard to pick someone to win, but I’m going to stick with my tradition of a prediction after the first episode. I’m torn between two players (one man and one woman), so I’m going to say that either Chelsea or Jay will win…and if pressured to only pick one, I’ll go with Chelsea (but only on a 51%-49% split). Make your predictions in the Comments section.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Also, if you’re on Twitter, please consider Tweeting or Re-Tweeting a link to these recaps if you have followers who are interested in Survivor. I had a number of Re-Tweets last season for each recap (including from some of the castaways themselves!) and it resulted in a large number of new readers.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor One World Recap: February 15, 2012

Tonight is the Season Premiere of Survivor One World, featuring 18 new castaways, no Redemption Island, and a few new twists. I'm looking forward to a new season, and I will be recapping every episode once again. My recap of tonight's episode should be up by 10:00 pm ET, so please make sure to check back.