Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "Finale Night"

You know when you’re watching a really crappy movie, and you need closure? You need to see how it ends? Or maybe you’re reading an absolutely horrible book, but you still need to make it to that final page? Or maybe you’re a marathon runner who has no shot of winning, or even finishing in a decent time…but you tough it out anyways and make it to the end? That’s the way I feel about Survivor: Nicaragua (ok, maybe the marathon runner analogy was a stretch, but you get the point), it’s been a struggle, but after 4 months of snake footage and breaking tiles, at least it ends tonight.

I’m back in the Eastern Time Zone, not having to wait that extra 3 hours for my Survivor fix, so let’s get right to business on this Season Finale. Would Fabio be able to hold off the open target on his back, as declared by Sash, Chase, and Holly at the last Tribal council? Would (as Rob Cesternino suggested tonight) NaOnka and Purple Kelly quit the Reunion Show since it’s raining in L.A.? Does Dan have a chance to win it all? (Answer: NO!) And is this indeed the worst Survivor season of all-time?

My Random Thoughts:

- I appreciated that the Season Recap to start the episode was only 3-4 minutes long, instead of the usual 10 minute rehash of everything. On top of that, Jeff gave us the road each of the Final Five took to the final instead of a recap on everything. A marked improvement, I must say. And the highlight of the recap was what I referred to in my last recap as the best moment of the season, when Jane tossed water on the fire. Not because of the extinguishing of the fire, but because of something I hadn’t noticed on Wednesday…that when Jane doused the fire, Dan was sitting right in front of it and got a spectacular faceful of smoke that sent him scurrying like a cockroach that just saw the lights get turned on. - I liked the opening immunity challenge where answering wrong meant you got an incorrect bag of puzzle tiles, but how much better would it have been if the incorrect pieces weren’t black, but actually looked like puzzle pieces, but didn’t fit? That would have been pretty confusing for the castaways.

Did you see how fast Fabio solved that puzzle, though? That was impressive. And I thought it was hilarious watching the others look over at his puzzle trying to see how to solve it. How many times at school do you think Fabio had people looking over his shoulder trying to copy? Not very often, I suspect. Also, wasn’t it great how we were supposed to believe that the piece that Chase dropped was a factor in the challenge, when Chase wasn’t even close to making progress on that puzzle?

- Did Dan really ask “How many votes do we need?” when there were only 5 people left? Is he that bad at math? Maybe that’s why he spent $1600 on shoes. I can see him in the store buying a $200 pair of shoes, and as he pulls his wad of bills out of his pocket and peels off a couple of hundreds, the clerk keeps telling him “keep going…”

- Listening to Holly talk makes me feel like I’m watching Fargo again.

- The first Tribal Council saw Dan hit the Yellow Brick Road and…wait…I’m mixing up my short jokes…Is he an Oompa Loompa or a Munchkin? Actually, I could see him as part of the Munchkin mafia, couldn’t you? And what was with his bile-filled confessional after being voted off? Where was that sort of passion and fuel for the past 37 days?

- The Fallen Comrades Walk: I’m not even paying lip service to this segment, always the worst part of a season, other than to say it was a nice touch that the 2 quitters got black shields. Seven-and-a-half minutes of our lives that we’ll never get back.

- In the Final Immunity challenge, Fabio completed his reincarnation of Kelly Wigglesworth, winning Immunity in the final challenges to earn his way to the Final Tribal Council. (For the record, that was a great challenge to watch in HD) I’ve been on record saying how much I hate the concept of a Final Three vs. a Final Two, but another of the reasons is the inability of the winner to choose who they sit beside at the end, which was always a huge selling point of the challenge, as Jeff would constantly tell us. It’s not like the old way, when there were two left and the two votes would cancel out and the Immunity holder was the sole vote…now it’s still a full 4 votes cast. While they’re all scrambling to see who Fabio will take to the end, he can’t really decide on his own…he’s just one vote. I think that’s part of the reason we see a Final Three sometimes, but I still hate it as an end scenario.

- The look, and the tiny little head-shake, that Fabio gave after Sash told him he was his “best friend in the game” was priceless. A full-on belly laugh in our household.

- I was somewhat surprised (but not shocked) to see Holly voted out 4th. I thought it was going to be Sash, but I think the threat of Holly winning the game meant too much to Fabio, and even if he voted for Sash, that only would have ensured a 2-2 tie.

- If we have to still refer to her as Purple Kelly for the entire season, couldn’t she do us the courtesy of wearing purple just once?

- Fabio came up with a great line at the suggestion by Sash that Chase and Fabio could be his wingmen. “Sash, dude, you can take a back seat. I’ll let you take notes on how this is gonna go, cuz it’s gonna be fun.” He’s been pretty entertaining all season, I’ll give him that.

- The traditional celebratory breakfast feast for the finalists was the typical fare of burnt pancakes and mimosas. I loved the imagery of the tight camera shot of the frying pan cooking the breakfast links…after all, this was the ultimate Sausage Party.

- The Final Tribal Council opening statements essentially went like this: Chase – Bring it on. Fabio: Let’s have fun with the money. Sash: I’m the best player. Three very different approaches.

- The questioning was all pretty benign, don’t you think? But Sash and Chase still both took a fair bit of heat from the Jury, while Fabio laughed his way through it all as he watched them. There was really no doubt he was going to win the million, was there?
- On the Reunion Show, Fabio was clean-cut and rambled on making no sense at all, Dan looked like Joe Pesci, Jimmy T. decided the occasion warranted a T-shirt, Chase sang some horrible country music, Purple Kelly looked like Terri Nunn from Berlin, there was WAAAY too much Terry Bradshaw, Holly gave out Ostrich boots (???), NaOnka’s mom was not only named Xena…but was also the size of Xena…, Jane won the $100K popularity prize, Shannon was even douchier than on the show, Wendi Jo has crazy eyes, and Season 22 was announced as Redemption Island (but not Boston Rob vs. Russell), as I reported in my earlier post. Check out this chat with Jeff Probst for a full explanation on how Redemption Island will work.

- Overall I thought the Reunion Show was pretty uneventful and quite weak. But then again, it wasn’t hosted by Bryant Gumbel, and Rosie O’Donnell didn’t hand out free cars to everyone, so that’s something. I suppose a bad season deserved a bad reunion show. The only really good thing to come out of this show (and this season) was the 100% BANG-ON decision to have the option to exclude quitters from the Jury.

So what did you think of the Finale? Did the right person win? How about the Jury questions? And what are your thoughts about the Redemption Island twist? Please note, now that the season is over and the spoilers are irrelevant, things are back to normal and I’ve removed Comment Moderation.

Survivor Fans, I hope you’ve enjoyed the recaps this season. Please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of my recaps and other blog posts as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading this season.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog
Spoiler TV Recap

Survivor Nicaragua: Predictions and Random Thoughts For The Season Finale

Heading into tonight's Season Finale, I have a few thoughts on the way Survivor Nicaragua is going to end, the Season as a whole, and what I have heard rumoured as the next season. As I've said for most of this season, I honestly feel that this is right up there with Survivor: Thailand as the worst seasons ever, but I still can't stop watching this show. It's my guilty pleasure. Honestly, other than NaOnka, who is memorable from this season? Who would you want to see on an All-Star edition? And NaOnka is memorable for all of the wrong reasons...as I mentioned earlier in one of my recaps, unlike other Survivor villains like Russell or Coach Wade, she was not good television.

Let's take a moment to look at our Final Five contestants, shall we?

Holly - I can't see Holly winning this game. I do see her having a shot at making the Final Tribal Council. While she didn't rub people the wrong way in terms of turning on them like Chase or Sash did, I don't see her game play as strong enough to win in the eyes of the jury. And I don't think this jury is going to be as bitter as the last two seasons, which saw Russell get denied TWO million dollar prizes because the jury was angry. Plus, if Dan ends up on the jury (fingers crossed), there's one vote against her based on the shoe incident alone.

Chase - The Pro Race Car Jackman may appear to have a heart of gold, but still turned on everyone he formed an alliance with up to this point. On top of that, he keeps telling people he's taking them on Reward Challenges only to turn back on that. I can see him winning, but only if he's up there against Sash and Holly.

Sash - I can see Sash swaying the jury with his explanation of two huge points in the game for him: 1) getting Marty to give him the Idol just before the merge, and 2) Staying alive as a "free agent" after his strong alliance of 4 crumbled in mere minutes after Brenda got blindsided and NaOnka and Kelly quit. I give him credit for playing a good game without really pissing anyone off, and if he was in the Final 3 against Chase and Holly, I'd have a hard time voting against him if I was on the Jury.

Fabio - If he can survive the next two Tribal Councils (which means likely winning Immunity for both), I think he wins the game hands-down. He played a great social game, didn't make any enemies (other than NaOnka, who stole HIS socks!), played well as a team member as well as individually, and stayed calm and level-headed throughout the game. And if he comes out at the Final Tribal Council or Reunion Show and says "Look, I'm not a moron. That was all an act" (which I still think is possible, but not probable), it'll be a great Survivor moment.

Dan - No chance to win. He did nothing. I'm actually angry he's even still part of the game going into Finale night, and if you would have offered to bet me in the first few weeks that I would see Dan on Finale Night I would have lost my house. I have nothing more to say about Dan except that my 9-year-old son noticed in the last episode that Dan was wearing Silly Bandz on his wrist. No joke, look at the screen capture below from the Loved Ones challenge on Wednesday.

I have to re-iterate how much I hate the concept of a Final Three at the end instead of a Final Two. Before they introduced this, the winner was always decided by having a majority of the Jury votes, not a plurality. With 9 Jury members, I find it disheartening that if, for instance, the vote was 4-3-2, the winner of Survivor: Nicaragua would have garnered less than 50% of the votes. That’s just not right.

One final thing, and it’s regarding the next season of Survivor, so skip this part if you don’t want to (potentially) be spoiled in terms of what the Season is going to be. I had read rumours that the next season was going to be Boston Rob vs. Russell, meaning two tribes of new contestants (not former players or All-Stars), led by Rob and Russell, as arguably the two best players went head-to-head. As well, there was supposed to be the introduction of a new twist called Redemption Island, which has been used in some international editions of Survivor.

Let me explain how Redemption Island works. After the merge, once the castaways are voted out, they go to Redemption Island, where they await the next voted out castaway. Once that next person arrives, the two of them compete in a one-on-one challenge where the winners stays on Redemption Island to await the next castaway and another challenge, and the loser is voted out for good. This continues until there are a certain number of players left, and the winner of the final Redemption Island challenge is allowed BACK into the game.

I hate this concept for a number of reasons, but I won’t even rant yet since it’s just a rumour.

Now, having said all of that…I didn’t believe that’s what the next season of Survivor was going to be. I didn’t believe the rumours…until I read Jeff Probst’s blog on Thursday where he said that the announcement about the next season of Survivor would be EPIC. Now I’m not sure. We’ll find out later tonight.

Tonight’s recap of the episode will likely be up at some point during the Reunion Show, and then I will update it about an hour after the Reunion show ends with any additional thoughts coming out of the third hour.

Quick-fire predictions for the Reunion Show: Shannon will get booed, NaOnka will get booed harder, Purple Kelly will giggle and shrug, Brenda will look amazing, Marty’s hair will not be crazy, Jane and Holly will both look totally different, Jeff will re-iterate his disgust at the quitters, Jane will invoke the honour of being from North Carolina, and at one point, Benry will let out a whoop.

See you in a few hours.

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "The Dreaded Loved Ones Episode"

That sound you heard about 4 minutes into this episode? That was me vomiting.

You knew it was coming. I've warned you for weeks. And now, with tonight's episode being the last one before the Season Finale on Sunday, it's time for the dreaded "Loved Ones" episode. Just look at the picture above, as the Survivors check out the handy new Sony Evo.

What the hell is happening in that picture anyways? Jane looks like she's looking at picture of a fish she can sneak away with and eat on her own, Dan is confused, and Fabio is fixing his hair. Once again, I submit to you, Survivor Nicaragua is a candidate for worst season ever.

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor: as Holly said, What the f*** is wrong with Chase? Jeff’s voice-over reminded us of Chase’s indecisiveness, and his maddening trend of voting out his supposed alliance-mates. Remember when the “Previously on…” segment was simply a recap of the last episode? Now Jeff is constantly telling us what we need to know for the theme of the episode. Did anybody not think this episode was going to involve a significant amount of Chase?

- The loved one videos are painful to watch. Did they all get told by CBS to have a dog on their lap, in their arms, or in the background? Call me heartless if you want, but it’s the same crap season after season. Same with the introductions of the loved ones who (gasp!) are actually there. Have you never watched the show before? They’re always there. Don’t act like it’s a shock…we’ve seen it 21 times now.

- All of that notwithstanding, my Random Thoughts on the Introductions/Reward Challenge:
o Nice to see they’ve upgraded from the Palm Pre to the Evo, but Sony is still clearly paying a heavy price to finance this episode. Did you see all of the features, and hear that it’s Sony’s first 4G phone? And the quality of those photos and videos…wow. Gag.
o When Dan’s son ran up to hug his dad, Dan made some sort of sound that was like a cross between a squeak, an injured cat, and someone playing the bagpipes who has no idea how to play the bagpipes. And how awkward was the incessant kissing? I’m all for an affectionate family…I still kiss both my mom and dad when I see them, but that was just weird.
o Jane’s daughter Ashley came barreling out of the woods and looked like she was going to smash right into Jane, knocking her airborne and probably right into the ocean. I braced myself for what was sure to be a 10-million-hit YouTube sensation, but alas, Ashley geared it down and simply picked up peanut brittle Jane in a hug, careful not to snap her. Hey, how do you think that go-kart got broken?
o Chase wins the Reward Challenge (again), and even though he promised Fabio that he would take him and Sash on the challenge, you knew based on the “don’t forget how indecisive Chase is, and how he goes back on his word” montage at the beginning that Fabio was getting screwed. And how perfect would that Reward have been with 3 boys and their moms? Colby Donaldson was home on his couch, drooling…saying “Man, that would be awesome!”
o Once I saw the challenge setup from the air, I thought to myself “Dan has no chance.” Then Jeff said that the Loved Ones were going to be participating (and they were shocked. Again, have you never watched the show?), and I thought, ‘OK, maybe Dan has a chance.” Then Jeff said that the Survivors would have to jump into the water, get the bags, and run them back, and I switched back to "Dan has No Chance" again.
o After Chase chose Sash and Holly, Dan told his son, the human kissing booth, that Chase was a scumbag. Then, Fabio called him out on his promise. See what I’m saying? The Loved Ones episode is nothing but trouble!

- So off they went on a boring reward, took lots of pictures, and after 30 minutes of Hallmark schmaltz, we’re back to the game.

- I’ve had a lot of fun this season at Chase’s expense over his job description of Pro Race Car Jackman. I was thinking today, I understand what the job entails…I mean, the name isn’t really cryptic at all…but what exactly is the act of doing what Chase does called? Is it car jacking? Isn’t there a negative connotation attached to that?

- At the Immunity Challenge (another one where Dan had no chance), I could tell by the ‘retribution music’ that was playing, that Fabio would win after not being taken on the Reward. This season is painfully predictable.

- Best line of the challenge from Probst: “Holly is struggling…but she’s got her last bag. That’s gonna help.”

- At the pow-wow between Chase, Sash, Holly, and Jane, the crazy old witch was shooting daggers at the other 3 before being told she was likely going home. Then she gave Sash the finger (why even disguise it as a face scratch at this point? Why not just double-barrel it right in his smug face?) And then, she went on to tell us that Sash’s mom raised a liar. First Marty’s kids, and now Sash’s mom? When Jane gets angry, she brings the whole family into it, doesn’t she?

- Then, all hell broke loose as Jane was yelling at people not to even look at her, and doused the fire before they left for Tribal Council with a dramatic “By God, I started it…I’ll put it out.” It was a valid point, and arguably the best moment of the season so far (and how sad is that?), but I had to think to myself: Where the hell was Jane with that bucket of water when the camp was burning down!

- Tribal Council was dramatic as well: Holly’s a thief, Dan and Fabio are next, both Idols got played (how much of a non-factor were the Idols this season? Lame.), and Chase was put on the spot. Long story short, adios Jane. See you on the Jury.

Next Week (well, Sunday actually): It’s the Season Finale of what may go down as the worst season in history.

Once again, my apologies to those of you expecting my recap by 9:30 ET as usual. I am still on the West Coast, but I will be home this weekend, so my recap for the Season Finale this Sunday will go on as normal. I’m hoping to get it posted during the Live Reunion Show, and then updated after the reunion show.

My predictions for the reunion show: Shannon will get booed, NaOnka will get booed harder, Purple Kelly will giggle and shrug, Brenda will look amazing, Marty’s hair will not be crazy, Jane and Holly will both look totally different, Jeff will re-iterate his disgust at the quitters, and at one point, Benry will let out a whoop.

Just a reminder that Comment Moderation is still on due to the spoilers that are circulating Until the end of this season, I will have to approve Comments before they get posted on here. Rest assured I will post every Comment (positive or negative) that does not contain spoilers.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading. See you Sunday for the Finale!

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog (featuring a tease on next season - see the Comments section below for details)
Spoiler TV Recap

Survivor Recap (Pre-cap): December 15th

You knew it was coming. I've warned you for weeks. And now, with tonight's episode being the last one before the Season Finale on Sunday, it's time for the dreaded "Loved Ones" episode. Just look at the picture above, as the Survivors check out the handy new Palm Pre (or whatever the hell it is...I'm sure Jeff will hold it up and tell us in great detail).

What the hell is happening in that picture anyways? Jane looks like she's looking at picture of a fish she can sneak away with and eat on her own; Chase is more excited than when he's Pro Race Car Jacking; Sash is smiley, Dan is confused, and Fabio is fixing his hair. Once again, I submit to you, Survivor Nicaragua is a candidate for worst season ever.

Just a reminder that I am still on the West Coast and my post will not be up immediately after the regular airing as usual. My apologies to those of you who are used to seeing it at 9:30 ET, but you'll have to wait just one more time. I hope to have my full recap up and posted shortly after midnight ET / 9:00 PT.

Please check back at that time. Thanks.

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "Sash Is Still In Control...But For How Long?"

Sorry for the delay in getting tonight’s post up, especially for those of you who are used to it being up at 9:30 ET. I’m still on the West Coast, so didn’t even get to watch the episode until it aired here. That will happen again next week…but better late than never, right?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on Survivor…TWO PEOPLE QUIT! I still can’t believe it. But Probst’s voice-over reminded viewers of something that they may have forgotten: Sash got screwed. Leader of an alliance of four and holding an Immunity Idol, but a Brenda Blindside and the NaOnka-Kelly Quit-A-Palooza later, he’s now flying solo, a self-proclaimed “Free Agent.”

- Benry talked about mentioning at Tribal Council how they named the chicken after the quitters. Smart guy, huh? The quitters who get a vote, Benry! (and I still can’t believe that.)

- In Sash’s Free Agent speech to the others at camp, he talked about playing the Idol so that he’s not a “threat to the future.” There’s only 7 people left…eventually ‘the future’ becomes ‘the end’, and it’s very close now.

- Did you notice Sash drinking the water at the well right after he filled it? What happened to the days when the Survivors had to boil their water before drinking it? Now it’s just provided for them?

- At the Reward Challenge, it was painfully obvious that Dan had no chance. So, for someone who has exerted zero effort at anything this season, why even get dirty? Why not just say “I’m gonna stay clean thanks, Jeff.” Maybe he thought the mud was chocolate. (For those of you keeping track this season, that is “Dan is an Oompa Loompa” Joke #4)

- Chase and Benry smoked everyone on the bean bags (were the barrels 8 inches away?), and then Chase smoked Benry on the rings. After the pre-challenge talk between Chase and Sash regarding who would go on the reward, it was obvious that Sash was going to get snubbed. But it was fun to watch Sash’s smug face while Chase was choosing…the same face he made when Brenda wanted the Idol at Tribal Council.

- Dan: “If we get those three off, the four of us go.” Well, let’s give him credit, he knows that 3+4=7, and that 4 is more than 3. Someone now needs to tell him that $1600 is way too much to spend on shoes.

- Jane told Chase that the reward was an“overnight massage with the two oldest ladies left in Survivor.” Did I miss something, or are they the only two ladies left on Survivor? I wasn’t as troubled by that as I was by the creepy look that Holly gave Chase when she was showering topless in front of them. I thought Yve was the Cougar from this season, not Holly. I wish I had a screen capture of that look on her face, it looked like the cover from a horrible DVD you would see on the top shelf at a dingy convenience store. (I'll post a link in the Comments section if I can find it.)

- Just when I stopped thinking that Jane was crazy, she had a mental breakdown over the chicken getting killed. It was stupid when Shambo did it a few seasons ago, and it’s stupid now. The chickens are food, not pets. Jane said “they didn’t have to kill her”…yes they did! How else are you supposed to eat your food? I can understand being upset about the fact that the chicken was eaten while you were gone, and that you didn’t get any, but a grave, a heart made of shells, and tears and prayer? Jane has lost it.

- Thoughts from the Immunity challenge: Again, another challenge that Dan had no shot at winning. We never even saw one shot of him competing…seriously, go back and look. The potential imagery of someone running full-out when they didn’t have enough rope was too entertaining, but didn’t actually come to fruition. I wanted it to be like the old cartoons where the dog runs and nearly chokes himself in mid-air. Come on, imagine Fabio doing that. But it was anti-climactic, and Sash won Immunity, giving him Immunity, an Idol, and that nifty “free agent” moniker.

- Kelly and NaOnka show up at Tribal Council both wearing green. A sign of Quitters Solidarity? Just a coincidence? I think they both should have been forced to wear yellow.

- Benry got voted out, which I thought was pretty obvious, so Tribal Council was a snore.

Next Week: A big reward and a threat of execution. (Please God don’t be the Loved Ones episode)

Just a reminder that Comment Moderation is still on due to the fact that there are a number of spoilers circulating (I still blame a bitter NaOnka for actually leaking all of the info that has been leaked.). Until the end of this season, I will have to approve Comments before they get posted on here. Rest assured I will post every Comment (positive or negative) that does not contain spoilers.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog
Spoiler TV Recap

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "Nobody Likes a Quitter...or Two"

It’s been two weeks since we saw Brenda’s torch get snuffed, so I’m not wasting any time. Seriously, it's December 1, who has time during the Christmas shopping season? Let’s get to it, and find why Jeff Probst teased tonight’s episode as one of his favourite from this season:

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on Survivor… This was a fantastic ‘Previously’ segment from the King of the Blue Shirts, including: describing the fire as “accidental”, when most would use the term “idiotic”; referring to Purple Kelly as “blindly obedient” to Brenda and Sash; and the dramatic phrase “a month in Nicaragua had made one thing clear: this was no place for the weak”, followed by a recap of who wanted to quit, when, and why. Foreshadowing, anyone?

- In the opening segment right after they returned from Tribal Council, NaOnka asked“Do I look like Boo Boo The Fool?” At least that’s what I think she said…technically, it was “D’Ilooklikebooboodafoo”, so I’ll assume that’s what she said. Well, to answer that question…yes you do. First you talk about how you’re anemic and how the weather is affecting you, and how you want to quit once again. Then you just lowest-common-denominator all of it and declare “My ass hurts.” Yes, NaOnka, you look like a fool. I’m not sure if that fool is specifically named ‘Boo Boo’, but you have looked like a fool since Day One.

- A couple of weeks ago, someone in the Comments section of a message board I post on mentioned that Jane looks like an old Dakota Fanning, and that’s all I can see when I look at her now.

- After 10 episodes of knowing nothing at all about Purple Kelly, since she hasn’t spoken or done anything, how on earth can they expect us to buy into their attempts to turn her into a sympathetic character tonight? Could there be a less sympathetic character than the unknown young girl who says nothing? If this was the way she was going to go out, then there needed to be an effort throughout the season to establish her personality and character if we were expected to care.

- There was so much to talk about in the Reward challenge, I have to give it its own section in the recap:
o Did you see the Mud Pit that was created at the site of the challenge? If the river running through the beach didn’t tell you how bad the rain was, the quagmire (Giggidy!) at the challenge sure did.
o Why did Jeff specify that you couldn’t drop Gulliver during the challenge if you were allowed to drag him the whole way? What’s the difference between dragging and dropping? Is it touching the ground, or actually carrying it?
o The product placement/commercial for Gulliver’s Travels was so lame. I mean, I expect it from Big Brother, and I always expect it on Survivor for the horrible ‘loved ones’ episode when Jeff goes on and on about how wonderful the Sony Palm Pre is (and by the way, that has to be coming soon), but this was over the top. I was waiting to see Jack Black himself come out at Tribal Council to snuff the torches.
o Most of the team challenges this season have had the teams decided by a ‘schoolyard pick’, but why do we never see it?
o Dan was sitting in the giant chair wagging his legs, and then got all excited to learn that there would be unlimited candy at the Survivor Cinema. Ive said this before this season: Dan is an Oompa Loompa.
o Highlights of the challenge included Purple Kelly taking a boot in the face, and NaOnka falling out of the rope tunnel and faceplanting into Gulliver’s crotch.
o Jeff yelled at the teams “Don’t give up.” If at this point in the episode, if you didn’t know someone was quitting, you have a major interpretive problem.
o Right after NaOnka quit, she said “I’m not a quitter.”Is this nutbar for real?
o I liked the sacrifice option that Jeff gave the winning team in terms of the tarp and rice. I was disgusted with NaOnka for not stepping down for the team. One second she’s giving the Hidden Immunity Idol to Chase, and then she’s being selfish again so she can eat Nuclear Cheese and Pop Rocks?

- Holly told Kelly “You’re always gonna be remembered as the girl who quit Survivor Nicaragua 21.” (I love how she threw the 21 in there). No, she’s not…she’s not going to be remembered at all. And if she IS remembered, she’s going to be remembered as the other girl who quit right after the crazy black lady with the weird name.

- In response to Holly telling her to “suck it up”, Kelly responded “I have nothing left to suck.” (too many jokes, pick your own) But apparently that didn’t extend to licking, as Kelly licked around the bottom of her coconut rice bowl like it was a Dairy Queen cone.

- At Tribal Council, Naonka once again proved she is insane by talking about how she would definitely win the game because of her “drive.” Probst then openly mocked her. I love you, Jeff.

- Long story short, they both ended up quitting, and had their torches “smuffed.” Ridiculous. Here’s a question for you, if they had both decided not to quit, what would have happened then? Would there have been a vote right away, with no one having Immunity since there was no Immunity challenge? Or was this a special “Quitters” Tribal Council, just to address that issue? I look forward to Jeff Probst’s blog on Thursday morning (link at the end), where I’m sure he will address that.

- I hate when people quit on this show. Hate it. It’s so absurd that they take the opportunity away from someone else, and you could see how disgusted Alina, Marty, and Brenda were…and rightfully so. But even in NaOnka’s confessional, she still patted herself on the back. I submit to you that she may be the most delusional contestant in Survivor history
Here’s my suggestion on how to deal with quitters: If you quit, you’re gone…period. You’re not on the jury, you’re not on the reunion show, you don’t even get a goodbye confessional. Screw it…if you quit the game, you quit the whole game.

Next Week: Everyone wants to vote for everyone.

Just a reminder that Comment Moderation is still on due to the fact that there are a number of spoilers circulating (I blame a bitter NaOnka for actually leaking all of the info that has been leaked…that’s not a joke). Until the end of this season, I will have to approve Comments before they get posted on here. Rest assured I will post every Comment (positive or negative) that does not contain spoilers.

Also, one final note: I will be travelling to the West Coast for 2 weeks, starting this coming weekend, so that may affect my recaps for both The Amazing Race and Survivor. I think they should all still work out ok, but I haven’t exactly figured it all out yet. I’m hoping it all works out as usual…the only difference is that the recaps will appear later since I will be watching the show on Pacific Time. I will be back home for the Season Finale and Reunion show on December 19th.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog
Spoiler TV Recap

Survivor Nicaragua: Non-Recap Of A Non-Episode

For those of you unaware, and I was one of those until about an hour before air time on the East Coast, tonight's episode of Survivor (November 24) was a Recap show of the first half of the season. I hate Recap shows, as I'm sure most of you do as well...as a matter of fact, that picture above shows my level of excitement over this episode.

We didn't really learn anything new tonight, except that Jimmy T. was even more annoying than we saw in the early episodes, apparently there was a sale on pink underwear before the Survivors left for Nicaragua, Jane didn't always look like a witch (and she starved herself in advance of the show!), Fabio rubs his eyes after touching hot peppers, and NaOnka's on-screen confessionals now warrant the theme from Jaws.

Speaking of on-camera confessionals, Purple Kelly finally got one! Although she basically just cried and talked about wanting to quit. Sure there were a couple of things that were new, like finding out that NaOnka told Holly about stealing the flour, and finding our how Jane got a second fire going (something I wondered about in the recap of that episode), but there wasn't any real substance. Did we really need an extended scene of Marty and Tyrone (neither of whom are still in the game) arguing about the placement of the fire? Also, I had forgotten that Tyrone was a fireman! How hard do you think he was laughing and pointing at his TV screen last week watching the camp burn down...exactly like he said it would?

Another wasted hour. I hate these episodes.

See you next week.

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "Maybe I Should Have Scrambled"

Last week, we saw the end of Marty, as the fake Chess Grandmaster made his way over to join Alina on the jury. Would Marty’s hair still be as crazy once he actually had a shower? Would Sash and Brenda continue to run the game? And why did CBS give us a cryptic teaser at the end of last week’s episode, only to reveal what happened in a later preview?

My Random Thoughts:

- At the beginning of the episode, Brenda talked about how she and Sash were the King and Queen at camp, but she was more like the King, and Sash was the Queen. Come on, be honest…you laughed. And you knew it was true.

- Upon returning from Tribal Council, Holly told Jane (and this is verbatim): “There comes a time in this game, Jane, that you have to start saying “See ya”…no matter how friendly they are, or how whatever.” Incredibly awkward sentence structure aside, Holly is absolutely right…but that day is DAY ONE! Not Day 25. Remember that we’re talking about the woman who ran around camp in the first hour telling everyone she trusted them, and then started sinking shoes for no reason.

- Then, as if Holly was in a zone where all she says is things that make people look at her like she’s insane, she told Chase “Kelly Purple crawls up Brenda’s ass.” Someone needs to talk to her about wording her thoughts a little better.

- I’m getting really tired of all of the snake imagery. I get that the producers always like some predatory sort of creature to use as a theme, and for the moment, I’ll just be happy that it’s not spiders again…but it’s way over the top this season.

- NaOnka asked: “Did I come all this way, from South Central L.A., to go home with nothing?” Well, I sure hope not, because that would have been the worst strategy ever, but if NaOnka keeps acting like an escapee from a mental institution, she’s not going to have much of a choice in that. And let’s be honest, even at this point, there’s no way she could possibly win this game.

- At the Reward Challenge, I was temporarily distracted by the fact that Jeff Probst was wearing a Green Shirt instead of the standard blue, but recovered enough to say to my girlfriend as the challenge was being explained, “The team with Dan loses.”

Sure enough, Dan’s team was never in it, and Jeff got in two HUGE burns on them: 1) “Brenda trying to roll on one of the barrels. That’ll work…for a minute., and 2) “If this were life and death…you’d be dead.” As the blue team won the reward, Jeff threw his arms upward in his trademark gesture and hollered, “Pizza, Brownies, and Volcano Surfing!”, which I have to think is the only time those words have ever been spoken together in the history of the English Language.

- Let’s talk about the Reward for a minute, shall we? First of all, it was more like Volcano “sledding” than “surfing”, but it still looked like fun. Fabio made a spectacular wipeout, and Jane looked like an old retired science teacher who volunteers at a prison, sitting there in her orange jumpsuit and goggles.
- I’m no camping expert (as my girlfriend will attest), but moving the fire CLOSER to the shelter never really seems like it would be that good of an idea. Of course, a worse idea would be to build a border around the edges of your fire to “protect” it…with all of your wooden items. I will re-iterate once again that this is the dumbest cast in the 21 seasons of this show. Their goal was to protect the fire from the rain, and what they did was create a roaring inferno…and they still lost their fire. Morons.

- Chase to Kelly: “You never talk really.” A hearty thank-you to the editors of the show, because I laughed so hard at that, I had to pause the show. Seriously, I was laughing so hard, my chest hurt.

- Chase told us “I trust Brenda. I trust her, and I’ve put my game plan in her.” Chase has such a schoolboy crush on Brenda, his “game plan” isn’t the only thing he’s trying to put in her. Jane said it much more succinctly when she said“Chase is sucking up to Brenda like he wants to get in her pants or something.” Mama Carolina is not pleased.

- The Immunity Challenge was another good one, but I have to think that it would have been a good choice for that Final Three Endurance challenge we generally see at the end of a season. Thoughts on the challenge: the rope burns would have been awful; credit to Dan for outlasting 4 others; seven players were out before the Survivors had to go to the 2nd knot (under 5 minutes), and Probst essentially talks Jane into the win when she was about to quit. Should Jeff be able to potentially influence a contest like that, or is it just Jeff being supportive to everyone? Your thoughts?

I liked that it was Jane and Chase at the end…All-Carolina. Kind of like a Duke-North Carolina game heading into March Madness. Knowing that Chase is a Tar Heels fan, that would make Jane the Blue Devils. The wily old veteran with experience against the strong young buck. By the way, who won the National Title this year?

- NaOnka turned into Shaggy at Tribal Council, refusing to admit her role in the plan that ultimately saw Brenda get voted out. But I appreciated Brenda’s parting shot when she voted for NaOnka, drawing the Immunity Idol on the parchment so everyone knew that she had the Idol.

- Did you see Sash look away when Brenda looked over hoping he would give her the Idol. Kind of like that fake “look-the-other-way” look that people do when you happen to run into someone from that one time…remember when you were really drunk? What were you thinking, anyways?

Next Week: NaOnka goes crazy…again.

Just one quick final note: since the message boards at both CBS and Entertainment Weekly have been proliferated with number of spoilers for this season, and some have found their way here to the Comments section (where I have deleted them), I have decided to temporarily enable Comment Moderation. So now, I will have to approve Comments before they get posted on here. Rest assured I will post every Comment (positive or negative) that does not contain spoilers.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog
Spoiler TV Recap

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "I'm Not Perfect...I'm A Humanitarian"

Last week we learned that it’s preferential to keep an admitted thief who is likely insane, and a crotchety old man who can barely walk, over a single twenty-something woman with no alliance. We’ve also learned this season that keeping the crazy people over the proven leaders is a good tactic as well. The Season of Idiots continues:

My Random Thoughts:

- In the opening segment, The Voice of The Blue Shirt warned us that “the feud between Jane and Marty has reached critical mass.” Look, I understand that these two are throwing barbs back and forth (Marty a little more aggressively), but up until this point, hasn’t it all really been just verbal? Is “critical mass” really the right term? It’s not really the Hatfields vs. The McCoys. I think the more appropriate voice-over of what is reaching critical mass would be Naonka vs. sanity, or Purple Kelly vs. the ability to speak.

- Marty said “It’s just frustrating to play a game with people, some people, that are just stupid.” Let’s analyze Marty’s game play so far this season: a) he orchestrated the ousting of Jimmy Johnson, the sole force that could have kept his team united, b) he orchestrated the ousting of Jimmy T., who was admittedly unbearable, but could have helped in challenges (if only someone would give him a shot!), c) he did both of those things while protecting Dan, a liability instead of an advantage, d) he targeted the Southern Old Lady for his verbal attacks, and e) HE GAVE HIS DAMN IMMUNITY IDOL AWAY FOR NO REASON. I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in this game who, based on facts alone, has been stupider than Marty himself. And I say that begrudgingly, as he was my pick to win the game.

- The Reward Challenge was once again a pretty entertaining challenge. I thought it was an unfortunate turn of events (for the women) that it ended up being boys vs. girls, they never had a chance. Brenda nearly decapitated herself, the men dragged Dan through most of the course, and the teams had to burst through a brick wall, which made me laugh out loud because all I could think of is this:

- Purple Kelly spoke! To be fair, she just cried and talked about how sad she was that she didn’t get to go on the Reward with the winning team, but it’s something. Baby steps, people! The biggest character development we’ve seen so far was tonight at Tribal Council when she had trouble opening the pen.

- Jane came up with the most repetitively confusing line of the season, when she spoke of voting Marty out at the next Tribal Council: “If…uh…he doesn’t win immunity, the fat lady’s gonna be singin’, I’ll tell you that much…and I ain’t fat…but I’m gonna be the fat woman…although I’m not fat."

- After 5 or 6 awesome challenges in a row, The Immunity Challenge was essentially a game of Simon, which was a pretty big letdown. It was ridiculously easy as long as you could transfer each symbol to a single letter (like the first letter), and make a 6-letter acronym to remember. But still, we lost over half of the contestants before the first sequence was done, proving my suggestion that THIS IS THE DUMBEST CAST IN HISTORY. If you didn’t know this would end up being Marty vs. Brenda at the end from the moment Jeff started explaining it, you haven’t been watching this season.

- Fabio said “I hate playing stupid so much, but it’s like the smartest thing to do right now.” I’ve heard the argument that Jud/Fabio is just playing dumb as part of his strategy, but I wasn’t buying into it…until now. I’m still not fully on board, but I’ve opened my mind to the possibility. That line just seemed too perfect to not have been placed in there for a reason.

- Chase figured out the plan to say the Tribe was voting for NaOnka, but instead vote for Jane, in approximately a nanosecond. That's pretty good for a "Pro Race Car Jackman", I bet his Pit-mates are proud of him. And say what you will about Sash and Brenda and how arrogant they are about ruling the camp…but they’re right. I loved Sash’s argument to keep Marty around, because he’s a good cook & sings like a canary about everyone’s plans.

- At Tribal council, NaOnka actually lost her final marble – bouncing around, ranting, swearing, name-calling everyone she could, getting pissed at Jeff, and even giving the finger to others while they were voting. She’s lost it…she’s gone.

- When Jane was voting, she talked about Marty being a bad father, and how she would never allow Marty’s kids to play with her grandkids. Wow…maybe I was wrong, this is like the Hatfields and the McCoys. But still, the “kids and grandkids not playing together” is the most non-relevant threat since Sue Hawk told Kelly Wigglesworth she wouldn’t give her a drink of water if she was dying of thirst on the side of the road.

- The second NaOnka didn’t play her Idol, Marty made the face that said it all: “I’m screwed”…and there goes my pick to win it all. (Jimbo, I owe you $20)

Next Week: The tribe is shocked about something…what is “the day from hell?”

(leave your guess in the Comments section)

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog
Spoiler TV Recap

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "It Tastes Better When You're Stealin' It."

I’m still shaking my head at Marty’s idiotic move last week, giving Sash the Idol. Now, with the merge already revealed in the trailer for this week’s episode, it looks like an even dumber move. This week, would Purple Kelly finally say something, since we’re already on the eighth episode of the season? How is Dan still in this game? And what is the South Dakota Word of Honor?

My Random Thoughts:

- NaOnka was edited to look like villain for the first few episodes, then she came across as this harmless little wallflower for the last couple of episodes, and now she’s back to the villain again. I think I have it figured out, though: When NaOnka wants to be the “sympathetic” character that you’re not supposed to hate, her eyebrows are up so high you would think they’re auditioning for a role in her hairline. But when she’s the nasty crazy person, she’s got her eyebrows all furrowed. She’s basically a living emoticon.

- Jane and Chase talking about doing P90X workouts while filling their water jars was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever seen on this show. I get that you can bond over your common North Carolina roots, and your dead husband/dead father, but P90X? Really? And what was up with their “well” where they were getting their water? Instead of some dingy old hole in the ground like we usually see, their water source looked like some sort of treatment facility with reverse osmosis and refill options.

- Naonka stealing and hiding the flour made absolutely no sense. Why on earth would you steal the stuff that can make you food…when you’re hungry…and not use it to actually make the food? And if that weren’t crazy enough, to then tell Alina, who you want to get rid of…and then telling the whole tribe? It’s like NaOnka went to the Holly School of Insane Behaviour, where you learn to do idiotic things that serve no purpose, only to admit to them a short time later. I feel the only justification for this absurd turn of events would be to find Dan’s $1600 shoes in the lagoon, and then fill them up with the flour that NaOnka stole. Maybe then it will close up the seam in the universe that is causing these morons to do crazy things. Stealing fruit I can understand, but none of this made any sense. Even sock-burning, water-dumping Russell Hantz must have been shaking his head at the TV.

- Sash talked about wanting to take NaOnka to the Final Three, which makes total sense. She’s in the process of burning so many bridges that no one will ever vote for her. Just like the aforementioned Russell Hantz, who single-handedly gave Natalie and Sandra $1 million dollars each just because they weren’t him. Yes, Sash is an arrogant douchebag, but at least he’s using his head.

- Purple Kelly said 3 things this episode: 1) “Oh.” 2) “She caught another fish”, and 3)“So, we need to get, like, us girls together…and…um…Sash. And get Marty out. And that’s it.” Why is this woman on this show? Are they planning on editing her in at any point? Even Brent from Survivor: Samoa is like “she’s getting screwed by the editors!”

- 30 minutes into this episode, as the teams headed to the Immunity Challenge…nothing had happened yet. Well, they merged, there was redundant food stealing that came full circle, and Jane caught a fish…but are you telling me that’s half of your episode?

- I thought that this was another great challenge. I’m happy to see that the old standard “cut a rope and raise a flag” to end a challenge has been replaced by tiles smashing at the end of every one, but I have to think that Mark Burnett got a great deal on tiles in bulk.
- Jane wins her challenge and keeps on trucking until the boys are done. Give the crazy old cackling bird credit, she even refused to break her tile at the end. Fabio, meanwhile, made it look effortless, cruising to an Immunity win. Dan lasts 3 seconds. Shocking.

- Speaking of Dan, did you happen to notice the scene where he was telling Marty that Chase was planning on blindsiding him? First of all, his tank top was on backwards! The tag kept flicking up from the front (er…back) while he was talking, and he WAS GRABBING HIS CROTCH. And I don’t mean a scratch, or an adjustment, I mean a full-on “I’m just going to hold this thing” sort of grab. Very awkward.

- What is the “South Dakota Word of Honor”? Is that like a pinky swear? Or a “cross-my heart, hope to die.” Any readers from South Dakota who can shed any light on this?

- Can we please make sure that the cast knows how to spell each other’s names before Tribal Council? Marti? Aleina? It’s just embarrassing.

- Benry called Alina a “100 Percent Grade A Dirt Squirrel?”, which, to be fair, is soooo much worse that a lesser grade Dirt Squirrel that is only, say, 80%. Nice burn, Benry.

- I liked Alina, but she never had a chance once Kelly B. was gone. Too bad.

Next Week: NaOnka leaves Jeff speechless.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: Why Keep An Idol When You Can Give It Away?

Marty is an idiot.

Seriously, a complete idiot.

I can't believe I picked this guy as my choice to win after the first episode.

Sorry tonight's recap is up later than normal. I was out for the evening and didn't get back to even begin watching the show until 1 am ET, so forgive me if this is short and rambling.

My Random Thoughts:

- Dan is now comparing himself to John Gotti? Now he's 'Teflon Dan'? Come on, man...you can barely walk and serve no purpose to anyone in this game. Take your $1600 shoes, your swollen knee, your spiffy mob nicknames, and shuffle on out of here. If you start walking now, you may reach the Ponderosa section for evicted castaways by the Season Finale.

- Naonka hates Alina. Then they switch to the other tribe and they "bond". And now she hates her again? Discussion topic: Is NaOnka a) crazy, b) bipolar, or c) both?

- Do we really need a full-on HD shot of a tarantula crawling around in the dark? Not cool. Not cool at all.

- The Reward Challenge seemed like fun: Chase took it in the junk, Fabio pissed in the pool, Dan waddled like a crippled penguin, and Benry rocked again. That challenge looked like it would have been toughest on Fabio and Chase as the defenders, as they had to keep getting up onto the pedestal from the water.

- Purple Kelly spoke! Correct me if I'm wrong, but was that her first on-camera confessional when she spoke to the camera in tonight's episode? I was so shocked, I didn't even notice what she said. I had no idea what her voice sounded like until tonight!

- And can we talk about names for just a moment? As I mentioned with Jimmy T. after Jimmy Johnson was eliminated, the indicator is irrelevant once the other person with your name is gone. So why can't Purple Kelly just be Kelly? And have we all forgotten that Fabio's name is Jud? Why do we even learn these people's names if we're going to call them something else?

- I love how in one week, Survivor can turn someone you felt indifferent about, or even liked, into a total douchebag. That was accomplished in one on-camera monologue from Sash, the self-anointed King of La Flor, who decided it was in his best interest to sit back and let the older tribe members serve him.

- I have to say, other than the breakfast feast, that didn't seem like much of a reward. Milking your own cow before you get the milk? In most of the world, that falls under the category of "chores", not "reward." Although, to be fair, I suppose that milking the cow is probably more television-appropriate than shooting it in the neck with a bow and arrow and drinking its blood! Remember that from Survivor: Africa?

- NaOnka wanted nothing to do with the cow, although I was surprised she didn't starting yelling at the cow and calling it names, since it has FOUR TIMES as many good legs as her nemesis, the ousted Kelly B.

- How many camera shots do we need of Brenda and Kelly's bikini bottoms? Honestly...I think I could pick Brenda's ass out of a lineup. I know this season is exceptionally weak so far, but that's just too gratuitous.

- Jane sneaking off to cook her own fish was just weird. First of all, how does she start her own fire off somewhere where no one would see it? Is she so far away, that no one would see the smoke from a second fire? If you're going to steal fruit or something that can't be traced back to you, I could understand the logic...but why would you start a fire, then cook a fish? Are they not going to see the ashes from the fire later? And that was a creepy cackle she gave us, wasn't it?

- The Immunity Challenge was great as well. I have to give the Survivor crew a lot of credit...for a lackluster season thus far, the challenges have been great to watch. And again...Benry rocked at another challenge.

- Didn't you just love the irony of Mr. Arrogant Sash telling Crazy Hair Marty "I'm not going to tell you what to do with your idol"...while telling him what to do with his idol?

- Marty giving away the idol was an idiotic move. Ask Erik the Ice Cream Scooper. Ask JT, who gave it to Russell. Ask Russell, who gave it to Parvati. I'll say this slowly for you Marty:

GIVING...THE...IDOL...AWAY...IS...NEVER...A...GOOD...IDEA.

Your risk vs. reward was nowhere close to a good balance. You unnecessarily risked your own safety at Tribal Council for essentially no reward. Play your idol, stay safe, and who knows what could happen next?Maybe you win the next immunity challenge and don't have to worry. Maybe you find a clue to another idol. Maybe there's a Merge. All of those make playing the Idol a better idea. Jill still goes home either way, but now you risked your own safety, you still don't have the Idol, and someone else who is against you DOES. And Sash saying he will give it back to you if they lose the next Immunity is a flat-out lie and carries as much weight as Dreamz promising the same to Yau-man in Survivor: Fiji.

Next week: The Merge...and NaOnka the Villain returns.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "Double Tribal...All The Way."

After last week’s Tribal Switch-up, it looked like this season may have turned a corner finally. Someone made a comment recently on one of my posts that they thought NaOnka was heavily edited to appear to be the villain for this season, and after watching her mental breakdown over a rain storm, I wondered if that was indeed the case. Was she really a vicious snarly witch like we saw in the first couple of weeks, or the borderline mental patient we saw last week? Whichever one it is, I think we all can agree that she is indeed the biggest drama queen we’ve seen on this show in a long time.

Would this week shed some light on which NaOnka is the real one? Why are we seeing an individual immunity challenge again? And who is morphing into the ultimate Parvati/Russell hybrid?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor: Jeff bludgeoned us over the head with the fact that Yve was the only one who didn’t vote for Tyrone. When I saw that, I turned to my girlfriend and said “if that doesn’t come into play this episode, I’ll bend through my own legs and kiss my own ass.” Her response: “I’d like to see that.”

- Normally to start the episode we see the aftermath of Tribal Council and the fallout back at camp. But this episode , all we saw was Dan talking about wanting to quit, and Holly acting horrified at the thought…even though she was the one who was ready to quit only a few days earlier. A very confusing way to open the episode, especially with a truncated opening credits sequence right afterwards.

- Yve talked about not wanting to “throw Danny under the bus”, so this is probably a good time for me to go over my rules for the phrases that should qualify a Reality TV contestant for immediate disqualification. For those of you unfamiliar with that list, it is as follows: 1) Threw me under the bus, 2) It is what it is, 3) There’s a target on my back, and 4) Game on! (any time after the first episode.)

- Crazy Hair Marty described the switch from Espada to La Flor as being like going from a serious drama to Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Not only was it an absolutely perfect analogy…but a fantastic reason for me to post a link to this.

- I will re-iterate what I say every season about how much I absolutely hate episodes where both tribes have to vote someone out. It's a cheap way to get more contestants at the beginning of the game, and it places NO value on winning. At least this time they gave the opportunity of individual immunity within the respective tribes...but that's still not enough to justify it. Sure, La Flor got their feast of chicken and beef kebabs, and a front row seat at Espada’s Tribal Council...but Tribal immunity is what this phase of the game has always been based on, and to take that away is, and always will be, a very weak tactic.

- The Immunity contest was innovative, and entertaining, but didn’t it seem like a convoluted way for them all to just shake their asses trying to get the ring in the hole? It looked like a dance contest. What’s next? Probst telling them that they have to put their arms in the air…and wave them like they just don’t care?

- Fabio, when Marty tells you “I would love to go with someone like you to the final three”, listen carefully to the wording of that statement. He’s not saying that he wants to go to the Final Three with “you”, he’s saying “someone like you.” Translation: I want to go to the Final Three with a TOTAL MORON who thinks Guillermo Vilas is an Argentinian chess grandmaster. He wants to go to the end with someone he can mold like a piece of clay…and that’s you. Smart move on Marty’s part, but read the signs, Fabio!

- Dan talking about the fact that he doesn’t need the money is insulting. It’s insulting to the viewers, it’s insulting to the other contestants, and it’s insulting to anyone who has ever applied to be on the show.

- Purple Kelly AGAIN didn’t say a word in this episode. Is she really on the show? Is she perhaps just a hologram? A figment of our imagination?

- I was so frustrated watching Espada talking about the fact that Dan wanting to quit was the perfect reason to keep him around. NO! The second someone wants to quit, you vote them out, and here’s why: if they quit, then you’re a player down, and you run the risk of still losing another player if you go to Tribal council next. The potential to lose two players in a single 3-day period is a huge turning point in this game.

- At Tribal Council, Brenda turned up the heat on Marty with a lie about who was targeting Jane. Great job of making Marty look guilty, even when he wasn’t. But the fact that she remained calm and composed while lying, while he got flustered while telling the truth, made her appear credible while Marty looked guilty. Russell did the same thing last season: a bold-faced lie at Tribal Council, but it worked because he stayed calm and credible, while Danielle freaked out. Brenda is becoming a perfect mix of who I believe are the two best players to ever play the game: Parvati and Russell.- After the La Flor vote was revealed to be a tie, weren’t you wishing that Marty could play the Idol then…before the re-vote?

- I was completely stunned when Kelly B. was eliminated on the re-vote. Looks like those potential sympathy votes were too much of a threat for her to overcome. She didn’t have a leg to stand on. (I’m so bad…I know.)

- Dan calling Yve arrogant was absolutely laughable. Not only is it not true, but coming from him was even more ridiculous.

- Dan survives FOUR separate Tribal Concils where he should have been voted out? Unbelievable.

Next Week: Jane sneaks a personal fish-feast and Fabio takes a leak.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
Survivor Nicaragua Recap by Dalton Ross
Jeff Probst’s Blog

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "Even When I Was In Iowa I Wasn't This Cold"

This season of Survivor has had me worried that we were in for another Survivor: Thailand. To be fair, the cast was behind the 8-ball from the get-go thanks to the worst “twist” in Survivor history, but the anger-inducing NaOnka, and the petty whining of Jimmy T., along with the Older Tribe showing that they certainly are not the wiser tribe…well, this season needed a big move to keep my interest.

Last week’s preview teased that we were finally going to see a Tribal switch-up. Would alliance-mates get split up? Who’s eating all the chicken? And just how cold is it in Iowa, anyways?

My Random Thoughts:

- Tonight’s episode started back at camp after Tribal Council, with Holly wondering why Jimmy T. was voted out over Dan. She pointed out, “Let’s face it, Jimmy T. could do handstands over Danny”, and I think that every Survivor viewer out there thanked Espada for voting Jimmy out, just so we weren’t subjected to actually seeing that. If you didn’t already have the visual in your head…you’re welcome.

- If you hadn’t seen already that there was going to be a Tribal Switch this week, the overconfident ramblings of NaOnka and Marty would have told you that it was coming. Interesting that the two players with Immunity Idols were the ones gloating.

- At Tribal Switch, Jeff Probst commented that Jud/Fabio had a look of shock on his face. Um…Jeff, that’s what he looks like all the time. Like someone is constantly telling him jokes in Cantonese.

- Dan, meanwhile, looked like an Oompa Loompa after he took off his buff and was standing on the beach. Seriously…if you pvr’ed the episode, go back and look.

- The Medallion of Power is kaput already? What a raw deal for the “Older” Tribe who just got it back. The elimination of the MoP should be the proof that this Old vs. Young idea was horrible.

- The reward challenge was essentially Plinko for chickens. It was a pretty close contest, but new La Flor member Marty dropped two balls to give Espada the win. Perhaps not the best way to endear yourself to your new Tribe. I mean, they’re already terrified of your out-of-control hair (what is happening there?), and now you lose the challenge for them. At this point, I was thinking to myself, good thing he has the Idol.

- After the reformed tribes got back to camp, Holly immediately tried to bond with the younger castaways, or surrogate children, as the ‘Mom’ hat was whisked out quicker than you can say ‘Crazy Lady’. Remember this is the woman who ran around camp in the first hour telling everyone ‘I trust you” for no reason, before inexplicably stealing shoes and sinking them in the ocean.

- NaOnka played along with Holly’s mother hen bonding, telling her “I like your energy”, which I interpreted as “I’m not gonna mess with you because you have two legs and no socks for me to steal.”

- Did you see Chase’s face when Holly mentioned that she was from South Dakota? It was a creepy grin before saying, “There’s sure some good huntin’ there.” What an awkward moment.

- Kelly B finally spoke! Although the only thing she said was “It’s awesome to have you here.”

- Marty, what is wrong with you!? Why are you telling people about the Idol? I’m regretting him as my choice more and more every week. (Jim, I might as well pay up on our bet right now.)

- Breaking down in the rain is neither ‘hood’ nor ‘ghetto’…and watching NaOnka whine about the rain and cold made me realize again what a drama queen she was. And then Alina summed it up perfectly by explaining “NaOnka seems like a high school girl. She’s irrational and crazy, and she just seems like she’s on her period all the time.” I’m starting to really like Alina, and I think this Tribal Switch will be good for her.

- The Immunity challenge (and let’s all revel in the fact that we got both a Reward and Immunity challenge in this episode) was in a word: awesome. Perhaps the best challenge I’ve seen in the history of the show. I loved it.

- What’s with all the talk from NaOnka about quitting or getting voted out? Has she forgotten that she has the Immunity Idol? Where the hell is it, anyways? Is it still in her shoe?

- Tyrone sealed his own fate with chicken-gate. When will people ever learn on this game?

- For the second week in a row, a Dr. Phil session breaks out during Tribal Council? Come on…this is about the game, not your divorce or your personality issues. And for a part of the show that is so heavily edited, why are we seeing so much of it? I sure hope there’s a team of therapists at the reunion show for these basket cases.

- I think the show may have turned a corner this week. The Tribal Switch was badly needed, and hopefully it will inject some life into the rest of the season. But I really don’t want to see more therapy sessions and players wanting to quit. Give me more water wheels and giant Plinko boards.

Next Week: Dan gets homesick, and another twist?

One final note for this week. With the increased traffic this blog has been seeing in recent weeks (1000+ hits/week and rising – Thank you!), there are bound to be some critics and those internet beauties who love to find fault in everything they can. I understand that my blog is not for everyone, and if you’re looking for an in-depth recap and analysis, this is definitely not the place. If you’re looking for a dose of commentary with a side of sarcasm, available as soon as the episode ends, then you’ve come to the right place…and I’m glad you’re here.

The reason I mention this is because one person criticized my recapping style as “a haphazard mess of ideas.” So, I figured I would include the following, from http://www.thesaurus.com/:

Haphazard: Adjective, without plan or organization. Synonym – Random.

Idea: Noun, something understood or planned. Synonym – Thought.

So…essentially, “a haphazard mess of ideas” would be…Random Thoughts. Exactly as advertised.

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

And make sure you head on over to EW.com and read Dalton Ross’s recap (he’s the best in the business, by far), and Jeff Probst’s blog. They’re both always worth it.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor Nicaragua Recap: "I'm Easy To Get Along With...I Think."

Last week on Survivor we saw the emergence of NaOnka as the ultimate Survivor Villain. At least Russell Hantz had fans, but this woman is inspiring international anger that spills over into new territory. For instance, there are now Facebook groups that are being created calling for her to lose her job as a Phys. Ed. Teacher.

Last week’s preview teased that we were in for a NaOnka storm this week. Would her ridiculous behavior continue? Will her tribe be able to tolerate her? And will La Flor ever figure out the clues to the Hidden Immunity Idol?

My Random Thoughts:

- After Tribal Council, the Older Tribe returned to camp to find Jimmy T anointing himself the new leader of the tribe now that Jimmy J was gone. His first sign of “leadership”? Telling the rest of his tribemates during a rainstorm: “When the going gets tough, you know what I mean?” Did he not know that the ending to that adage was “the tough get going”, or was he doing one of those things where people unnecessarily change something in an attempt to shorten it…and it doesn’t really shorten it?

- Also, when there are two players with the same name on the show, after one of them is eliminated, can we please stop using the initial? Can he just be “Jimmy” now? Is the T really necessary?

- Espada woke up to discover a makeshift river running through their beach, and then the freak show began. Jimmy was watching a pelican in the water, and declared that since the pelican was finding fish, it couldn’t be that hard. But what he was clearly forgetting is that HE’S NOT A PELICAN! It was a comedy of errors watching him try to throw that net in the water, nearly falling over, and flicking mud on the camera. And keep this in mind, folks…do you know what Jimmy does for a living? He’s a FISHERMAN!

- After Brenda deciphered the clue, crazy NaOnka dug it up and declared it was hers since she figured it out. And stop telling me you’re from South Central L.A. already! You already told us you weren’t ghetto, but you were hood…or vice versa. (Neither of which I understand). And if you want to consider the intelligence levels of NaOnka vs. her alliance-mate Brenda, consider the comments they made after finding the Idol. Brenda: “When you find an Idol, you just don’t tell anyone.” NaOnka: “Not even a one-legged person can stand in my way.”

- Following Kelly and Alina and then verbally attacking them proved that NaOnka is nothing but a bully. I wonder what the anti-bullying programs are like at the school where she teaches. What an example for the students.

- Jimmy T on Marty: “Shut up, you preppy little bitch. You wouldn’t last a minute in my world.” Which to me, must mean that Marty would not be able to sit on a musty old recliner watching Football while his dentures sat in a glass of Polident on the TV tray beside him.

- Jimmy T and NaOnka are flat out crazy. Nutbar. Batshit insane. I was hoping they both would have made the jury because it would have been the most venom and bile-filled Final Tribal Council since Sue Hawk promised to never give Kelly Wigglesworth water if she was dying of thirst on the side of the road.

- Seeing all the Sears product placements in the Reward/Immunity challenge made me wonder how long it’s going to be before we get the “loved ones” episode where we get to hear all about the great features of the Sony Palm Prefrom Jeff Probst. Did you notice that Chase even said “God Bless Sears” when they got back to camp?

- La Flor smoked Espada in the Immunity challenge. It was embarrassing watching the old fogeys wander around blindfolded. And of course, Jimmy T had excuses at the end…do you notice he always has an excuse?

- Brenda tells NaOnka not to tell anyone about the Idol, then she tells Chase? Why does nobody on this season make any sense at all?

- Did Purple Kelly say anything this episode? Is she even on this show?

- I’m starting to regret my choice of Marty as my pick to win the game. On consecutive weeks where Dan should have been the one voted out, he pushed for Jimmy J and then Jimmy T…both of which were the wrong decision for the tribe, and only based on Marty’s personal opinions of them both. Yes Jimmy T is volatile and insane, but leaving Dan on your team for challenges would only ensure that the team would lose every challenge. They could have TWO Medallions of Power and they still wouldn’t have a shot. This vote again was a big mistake, and I blame Marty.

- This episode really frustrated me. I can only take so much of Jimmy T talking about how he needs a shot. It made my head hurt. Then we have a Dr. Phil episode break out during Tribal Council? I need something in the next couple of weeks to pick this show up for me. I knew this Old vs. Young twist was going to be painful.

Next Week: The Tribes get switched up. (Gee, who saw that coming?)

Survivor Fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.