Sean's Random Thoughts

Survivor One World Recap: “It Doesn’t Look Like One World To Me, Bro”

2012-02-15T21:57:00.008-05:00

Survivor One World is off and running with a new season featuring a battle of the sexes, two tribes living together on one beach, and some colourful characters, to say the least. Who’s stealing what? Why is medical being called in already? And who is the only castaway who can catch a chicken with their bare hands?

Welcome back to all of the returning readers, and for those of you new to my blog and my Survivor Recaps, a hearty welcome as well, and a couple of things you should know: a) the recaps should be up within 60 minutes (often less) of when the show ends on the East Coast, b) the pictures will all have hidden captions underneath, so make sure to mouse over them if you want to see them, and c) I love Comments, so let’s all get involved in the Comments section for this season.

As I mentioned in my “preview” earlier this week, tonight’s recap is going to be my first impressions of this season’s cast, along with a few Random Thoughts at the end. As always, after only one episode, it’s hard to really tell anything about this cast, so these impressions may be pretty funny to go back and re-read after the season.

I would like to point out that in my first post on Survivor South Pacific, I picked Cochran to win it all, called Mikayla a potential dark horse winner, said Brandon was “a good kid”, and pointed out that I had no opinion whatsoever on Sophie, who ended up winning… so what the hell do I know?

My First Impressions:

Alicia the Special Ed Teacher –As we saw in the advance previews, claims that if she finds out that any of the guys like her, “ they’re gonna get played.” Picked her chosen alliance of five before even reaching camp. Clearly a new record. Heavy on the attitude, but sometimes attitude gets you far in Survivor (not often, though).

Bill the Comedian –Didn’t get to learn much about him, except that he needs to tie his shoes before challenges.

Chelsea the Medical Sales Rep – Able to catch chickens with her bare hands, and may be a shrewd strategist. Says that the women could be “one huge ball of bad-assedness”, but also seems to realize that they are playing as individuals and not a team. Seems pretty sharp.

Christina the Negotiator – Able to calmly work a deal with the men to get fire when the others were unable to. The early Survivor One World Eye Roll Champion.

Colton the Gay Student –Flaunted his way through the opening introduction, talking about cute guys and coconuts, but then was shocked to find out that it was Men vs Women. Looks like Cochran 2.0.

Greg the Guy Who Wants To Be Called Tarzan –I was going to call him Greg the Plastic Surgeon, but if you’re going to insist that you be called Tarzan, then I have to go with that. Seems a bit over-dramatic, declaring that the walk to camp was “hundreds of miles away” and that each man “lost ten pounds of water weight.”

Let me ask you this, if you’re going in for plastic surgery, do you want a surgeon who exaggerates like that? How do you feel watching this show, if he just told you what he’s going to make you look like…and now you’re not so sure?

Jay the Model – Made fire in about 15 seconds. Thinks any deal with the women at this point is ludicrous. (I say he’s right, and give him major credit for either a) knowing how to start fire so quickly, or b) learning in advance of coming on the show.)

Jonas the Sushi Chef – I’ll use his words: “how bad ass could a sushi chef be?”

Kat the Blonde – Wanted to give the men a chicken, but only if they helped with the women’s shelter. Why not just say “We need you?” Doesn’t know what “ambiance” means.

Kim the Bridal Shop Owner –Wants to sweet talk the men to sit by the fire, like it’s not odd to just want to hang out with the people who just stole from you and refused a trade…and in your bikinis. Told us that all men are chivalrous in Texas.

Kourtney the Tattooed Bike Mechanic –A likable outcast, but a bad fate.

Leif the Midget –I’m sorry, I know the correct term is “little person” or “dwarf”, but until I learn what a phlebotomist is, I’m respectfully going with “Leif the Midget.” Seems like a hard worker who is both strong and likable.

Matt the Lawyer –This season’s misogynist. Demands chicken as an apology from the women. Said that he “knew Colton was gay,” which I’m quite sure even the bats in the forest knew. Likes to give nicknames to his teammates like Big Mike and Jaybird, like he’s a typical Frat Boy Meathead.

Michael the Banker – The Thief. What do you think the bank he works for thought of the footage of him stealing from the other tribe? And the fact that he was so proud of it? Audit, perhaps?

Monica the Ex-NFL Wife –Didn’t learn much yet about Mrs. Brad Culpepper, but I will point out that “Ex-NFL Wife” means that her husband is an Ex-NFL player, not that she is his “Ex-Wife.”

Nina The Retired Cop –Also didn’t learn much yet, except that she did a faceplant in the Immunity Challenge that made her face look like she went 12 rounds with Manny Pacquiao.

Sabrina the Teacher –I like her, she seems funny, and should give us good soundbites.

Troy the Swimsuit Photographer – How many of you heard him call himself Troyzan and thought “this guy is the new Coach?" Be aware that Troyzan has three…count ‘em…THREE Facebook Fan Pages.

My Random Thoughts:

- I have to give Jeff Probst some props for the “no hands” helicopter shot off the top of the show. I have to think (and sure as hell hope) that he was strapped in there somehow, but it was still an impressive image.

- These may be the silliest Tribe names I’ve ever heard on Survivor, but probably only because Salani reminds me of this, and Manano reminds me of this.

- I liked two of the elements from the first portion of the show: the stripping down of the truck (albeit only 60 seconds), and Jeff giving them two separate maps to the same beach.

- Once Chelsea caught both chickens, she backed out of the deal with the men to share them, and then the bargaining started: they wanted to trade a chicken for fire, then for an axe. No deal was reached, but Greg made it clear that “you have nine guys here that are looking for a chicken”, which seems like it should have been a euphemism for something, but I don’t think it was. Who knows? Maybe I’m just not up on my plastic surgeon slang.

- Since there was no deal for the women to get fire, Alicia then just tried to steal it right in front of the men. When that didn’t work, she offered for Monica to take her pants off for the men. Not Alicia, mind you…Monica. Why would you offer your own pants when you can offer someone else’s?

Monica decided to simply keep her pants on and just steal the fire when the men were sleeping. But if you steal fire and can’t keep it lit, isn’t that like robbing a bank and not being able to spend the money?

I have to say, I’m not big on all of this stealing being acceptable in Survivor, but if you allow theft at the onset (at the stripping of the truck), then this has to be allowed too. But where do you draw the line? Can you steal someone’s Immunity Idol? What about their clothes? It’s a dangerous precedent.

- The bargaining continued as Christina worked a deal for fire, agreeing with Jonas and Bill that the women would weave palm fronds for them in exchange for the fire. Initially, Jonas requested 40, but she got him down to 20, which Bill said made sense because “each person does two.” Wait a second, Bill…last time I checked, 9 times 2 is 18. Is there another woman out there we’re missing? Or was he counting Colton, who called himself “one of the girls?”

And if you’re the women, why wouldn’t you do a horrible job weaving the palm fronds so that they leak?

- I noticed a lot of bats in the HD nature shots. Could it be because this season ends right around the time that The Dark Knight Rises is released in theatres? Probably not…

- When Sabrina stumbled upon the Immunity Idol in giant empty trunk, I made a new vow to no longer refer to them as “Hidden” Immunity Idols. When someone finds one in what they describe as “literally the second place I looked,” it’s just unacceptable.

But I did like that it was a Manono idol, that must be given to someone on Manono before the next Tribal Council. Obviously, Sabrina’s BFF Country Club Colton was the obvious candidate, and he was thrilled to receive it.

- The Immunity challenge was simple: an obstacle course that would need to be completed by each tribe member individually. At the end, it would be the old standard raising of the Tribe Flag. No tiles. No freakin’ coconuts. Hallelujah.

Bill lost his shoe, Colton scurried down the net, and before we could see how it all played out, the challenge was stopped because Kourtney had sustained an injury, what was clearly a broken wrist.

The men now had a choice: to either take the win and send the women to Tribal Council, or finish out the challenge. I paused it and did a quick survey of my girlfriend, my niece, and I to see what we would have done. They both said they would continue the challenge, and I said it was a no-brainer: take the win.

First of all, if you’re competing for fun, or just for competition, then yes, I would do the sporting thing and continue. But within the parameters of the game of Survivor, winning is everything, so you do anything that keeps you from Tribal Council.

Second, looking at Kourtney’s injury, both teams had to suspect that Kourtney was being eliminated from the game after her X-Ray, so why on Earth would the men risk losing one of their own at this point? Lots of risk, no reward.

And I hated Mr. Blue Shirt’s guilt-ridden reminder to the men: “the single biggest mistake made in this game is doing decisions early on that nobody will forgive you for in the end. But it is your call.”

The women were pissed, but Troy said it best, claiming that he doubts they would have done differently had the roles been reversed. It’s just like on The Amazing Race when someone gets upset after being U-Turned…it’s part of the game, deal with it.

- I can’t decide what was the better line in this episode: Kat (making fire), “I can’t do it that fast by myself” or Colton (talking about Matt), “we’re gonna cut his throat faster that Taylor Swift will write a song about an ex-boyfriend.” I’m probably going to have to go with Colton on this one.

- At Tribal Council: Alicia wants to target Christina, interrupting her, but then when Christina talks, holding a hand up in her face and saying “talking!” Heavy attitude on this one, who then told her “girl, if we were in Chicago, I’m about to punch you in your face.”

Here’s what I don’t get though, why was Christina’s fire-for-weaving deal “shady”, but stealing fire wasn’t?

- To the surprise of nobody, Kourtney’s wrist was indeeed broken, and she was out of the game, saving the women from a Tribal Council vote. An unfortunate end to someone I would have liked to see more of this season.

Next Week: The Women Fall Apart and Colton becomes Cochran.

After watching this first episode, I’m finding it hard to pick someone to win, but I’m going to stick with my tradition of a prediction after the first episode. I’m torn between two players (one man and one woman), so I’m going to say that either Chelsea or Jay will win…and if pressured to only pick one, I’ll go with Chelsea (but only on a 51%-49% split). Make your predictions in the Comments section.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Also, if you’re on Twitter, please consider Tweeting or Re-Tweeting a link to these recaps if you have followers who are interested in Survivor. I had a number of Re-Tweets last season for each recap (including from some of the castaways themselves!) and it resulted in a large number of new readers.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor One World Recap: February 15, 2012

2012-02-15T18:17:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the Season Premiere of Survivor One World, featuring 18 new castaways, no Redemption Island, and a few new twists. I'm looking forward to a new season, and I will be recapping every episode once again. My recap of tonight's episode should be up by 10:00 pm ET, so please make sure to check back.

Survivor One World "Preview"

2012-02-13T22:03:00.001-05:00

Survivor One World premieres on Wednesday night, and I'm pleased to announce that I will be doing another full season of recaps. As with the last couple of seasons, I have decided that I would rather go in blind on Wednesday night instead of reading up on the cast bios and videos that have been floating around for the last month. Having said that, I will give a few "Random Thoughts" on this upcoming season.

My Random Thoughts

- I'm thrilled that there are no returning players this season, and that Redemption Island will not be a part of it either. Let's hope that the elimination of the horrible Redemtion Island Twist is permanent. It's nice to see 18 returning players...17 full-sized participants, and one "little person" (Thankfully, It's not Russell Hantz.)

- After 24 seasons, it's difficult to implement a new change in the game that keeps it fresh without ruining it, but I think having the castaways all live together on one beach will do just that. Plus the men vs. women dynamic will be sure to lead to some drama, even if there will be an inevitable Tribe switch-up within the first 4 or 5 episodes.

- I'm also happy to hear that there will be some changes in terms of how the Hidden Immunity Idol is used, and that there will be more "do-it-yourself" challenges minus our favourite blue-shirt wearing host. If you haven't heard how the Idols will be used, apparently there will be two of them hidden at camp, and if you find one, you can't use it on yourself, but instead have to give it to someone on the other team.

This, along with the "one camp" element, will force opposing tribes to make alliances across Tribe Lines, which should make for some good TV.

My recap of the premiere will be a snapshot of my initial impressions of each Survivor, along with a couple of Random Thoughts on the overall episode. After that, you can expect a regular Random Thoughts recap after each episode, usually up within 30-60 minutes of when the episode airs on the East Coast. I hope to get a lot of Comments in the Comments section after each episode, so let's keep the conversation going strong!

Check back here on Wednesday night by 10:00 pm ET for my recap of the season premiere, and if you're an Amazing Race fan, keep in mind that I will be recapping the upcoming season (premiering February 19th) as well.

And as always, don't forget about the hidden captions under the pictures for each recap.

Feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up.

Also, a quick note to those of you that were hoping that I would be recapping new shows this year (based on my tease that I may be doing that), I have decided that I will not be recapping anything other than Survivor and The Amazing Race for now. I decided not to recap The Bachelor since I didn't actually want to watch it, and while I am really enjoying watching Alcatraz and The River (both very Lost-esque), I think I'm going to just relax and enjoy the shows instead of recapping them.

See you all on Wednesday for Survivor.

Should I Recap The Bachelor?

2012-01-02T21:02:00.001-05:00

It was suggested to me a few months ago that I recap The Bachelor, and I immediately scoffed at the idea. But then I got to thinking...why just recap shows that I like? Most of my recaps are snarky and sarcastic anyways, so wouldn't it be better if I was doing them for a show I find ridiculous? And one where I don't have the past-season knowledge and experience that I have with Survivor or The Amazing Race?

With the new season premiering tonight, I'm considering it, but I wanted to run it by the regular readers first. What do you think? Should I recap The Bachelor this season?

Leave a comment below or email me at seanfurfaro@gmail.com.

My 10 Favourite Things About Christmas 2011

2011-12-24T11:21:00.002-05:00

With Christmas right around the corner, I thought I would offer my favourite things from this holiday season. Of course, my list may be different after Christmas, but at the time of this writing (on December 24th), this would be My 10 Favourite Things About Christmas 2011.

10. The Return Of The NBA On Christmas Day

I'm a big basketball fan, but I'm not a huge NBA fan, so I honestly didn't care whether the NBA returned for this season or not. I was more than happy to focus on NCAA basketball and CIS basketball in Canada. But since it was announced that the NBA was returning on Christmas Day, and I saw that the Miami Heat were playing the Dallas Mavericks in an NBA Finals rematch, I relished the opportunity to yell "Suck It LeBron!" at my TV on Christmas Day. (Twitter users, please join my mission to have #suckitlebron trending at some point during the NBA Season.)

9. Visiting Niagara Falls

We go to Niagara Falls a number of times each year, but nothing is better than seeing the Falls in the Winter when the snow and ice have formed. It's an unbelievable sight, and we always make sure to take advantage of the fact that we live so close to the Falls by making an annual Winter trip.

8. Getting A Phone Call From My Friend Randy

This entry may seem a little out of place, but I had to include it because in the week prior to Christmas, Randy had something pretty unbelievable happen to him...not once, but twice. The first time, he was sitting in his car in a mall parking lot waiting for his wife, when the door opened, a woman got in and sat down and started yelling and swearing at him about his attitude, before looking at him and screaming "OH MY GOD, THIS ISN'T MY CAR!" and running off. When he stopped laughing, he called me to tell me the story.

Three days later, he was once again waiting in his car while his wife was shopping (don't ask me why he waits in the car while she shops, I have no idea), and while I am talking to him...it happens again! I can actually hear someone in the background open the door, and then say something...and then say "Oh, I'm so sorry", and Randy say "Happens to me all the time." Then he tells me that another woman tried to get in his car, and I didn't believe him. So, what does he do? He gets out of the car and goes over to the woman (a few cars away) and gets her to confirm so that I can hear it.

Moral of the Story: Randy needs to lock his car at the mall.

7. Our Christmas Tree

This year's Christmas tree was quite an adventure. This was the first Christmas for Devena and I under one roof, so we both had full Christmas trees and ornaments, and trying to figure out what made the A list and what was relegated to the B list from each house was an interesting task. We ended up getting it figured out, and I think it looks fantastic...the best tree I've ever had. Take a look and see if you can find the following ornaments: all 4 characters from The Wizard of Oz (and the Witch!), Indiana Jones, and Where The Wild Things Are.

6. Holiday Favourites On Galaxie

I love Christmas Music. Period. If you don't, there's something seriously wrong with you. This year, we've been listening almost non-stop to the Christmas music on our satellite (Bell, Channel 936). There is also another station with the same music but with the traditional yule log burning on the screen. My favourite Christmas song: Holly Jolly Christmas. Fact.

5. Taylor University's Silent Night

This is one of the most amazing basketball traditions I've ever seen. At Taylor University, they have an annual 'Silent Night' game, where everyone in the crowd remains completely silent until the team scores their 10th point, at which point they erupt and make an incredible amount of noise for the rest of the game, culminating in the entire crowd putting their arms around each other and singing "Silent Night" at the end of the game. Watch the video...guaranteed goosebumps.

4. Yoda Christmas Card

Yes, I had seen the cartoon online, but I was thrilled to actually find this card in a store last week. I bought multiple copies of it. Don't be surprised if you get one from me in the next couple of years.

3. Father-And-Son Elf Shirts

For as long as I can remember, A Christmas Story had been my favourite Christmas movie, all the way back to Grade 5 when I went to see it at the Odeon Theatre in Guelph with Christine McEvoy, in what was essentially my first date ever. I just now realized that, on that night, I was younger than Lucas is now. Wow.

In recent years, a new favourite Christmas movie has emerged in our home, and that is the Will Ferrell classic Elf. So when Old Navy released these "Son of a Nutcracker" Elf shirts, it was a no-brainer that Lucas and I needed a matching set.

2. Devena's Christmas Baking

I had never really been a huge fan of Christmas Baked Goods. I was always a salty snack person (chips, popcorn, etc...) instead of loving sugary treats or baking. But when I started tasting the things that Devena makes for Christmas, my tune changed in a hurry. Shortbreads that melt in your mouth (just ask anyone who has ever tried them!), Seven-Up Cake, Christmas Mice, and that traditional Italian favourite: crostoli (pictured above). My girl makes the best. If you were lucky enough to get a package from her this season, you know what I'm talking about!

1. The Return Of SNL's Christmas Song

Last week's episode of Saturday Night Live featured an unexpected reprise of one of my favourite moments on the show: Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan performing their original Christmas song. Enjoy Tracy Morgan as the highlight, and click here if you want to see the original from 2006.

Survivor South Pacific: “Season Finale Recap”

2011-12-18T23:24:00.011-05:00

Tonight is the Season Finale of Survivor South Pacific, yet another season where the Redemption Island concept has been an absurd addition in my eyes (6 people left in the Finale? Really?), and we will see a winner crowned before the night is over. Can Coach pull a Boston Rob and win the million? Will Sophie steal the crown? Does Albert have a shot after what happened last week? Who the hell is Rick? And who will win the Final Duel and return from Ozzy's Pleasure Dome...I mean, Redemption (Non) Island.

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor, 5 minutes and 44 seconds spent recapping the entire season (seriously, I timed it), from pork ripping to Ozzy fishing. We waited half an hour because of football (Damn you, Tim Tebow!), and we still have to sit through this? I propose that in the event that Survivor is delayed because of football or golf in the future, then the excessive recap gets ditched off the top. The only thing I think that was relevant from this segment was Coach saying that swearing “as a Christian man” is an irrevocable promise.

- For our final Night Vision Recap at Redemption (Non) Island, Brandon wakes up Ozzy, laughing about his own demise. Brandon says that it hurts to be stabbed in the back by your closest friend, but that it’s ok because he forgives Albert for “what he did.” Presumably that means that he feels Albert should have given him the necklace back, or does he think that Albert was the deciding vote that eliminated him?

Ozzy scoffed at Brandon’s decision-making, correctly calling his move to give the Immunity necklace away as foolish, and criticized L’il Hantz for apparently thinking that he’s playing the game with God. “He’s playing with human beings who are greedy and want that money”, Ozzy told us.

- Back at camp, the Final Four Upolu members were talking about Brandon’s decision and Albert’s choice to keep the Immunity necklace. Coach verbally berated the Baseball/Dating Coach for lying about not knowing Brandon was going to go home if he didn’t have Immunity, saying “I’m sick of people coming out here and trying to look like they’re holier than thou.” Irony, thy name is Coach.

Benjamin then went on to say “I am not going to sit here and have people bullshit me”, and rant about how he refuses to be made a fool out of, because he’s been made a fool of “too many times” because of this game. I have to say, that’s probably his own fault, because of his ridiculous antics the first two times he played the game, like calling himself the Dragon Slayer, Coach Chi on the beach, and all the fake stories he would tell at Tribal Council. Sorry Benji, you made your own bed on that one.

- The Final Redemption (Non) Island Duel, which I saw a preview for earlier in the week, was to simply hang on to a pole as long as possible…or as I called it, “what challenge can we make the easiest for Ozzy to win?” Remember that this is a guy that I have referred to as Survivor’s Spider Monkey since his first season on the show. Upon hearing Jeff explain what the Duel would be, there was a fantastic camera shot of Brandon gulping as if to say “I’m screwed.”

Forget the editing, forget the dramatic music, forget the reactions from the others, there was no way that Ozzy wasn’t going to win this. After his defeat, Brandon Tebowed in the sand and left with a smile, telling the rest of his Tribe that he loved them. After 15 days alone at Redemption (Non) Island, Ozzy was back in the game, and Sophie told us “If Ozzy keeps winning immunity, there’s really only so much I can do.”

- Ozzy was insincerely welcomed back at camp, and Coach had a heart-to-heart with him, hinting that if he won Immunity, he would consider giving it to Ozzy since Coach already has the Hidden Immunity Idol. Ozzy wasn’t buying into his vagueness, and flat-out asked him if he would hand one of them over. Coach’s response was that he would if he thinks Ozzy is in jeopardy.

HA! Of course, Coach didn’t give him a straight answer, and if you noticed, he didn’t say the magic words: “as a Christian man!” Ozzy was rightfully skeptical, and said “who in their right mind would want to take me?"

- What the hell?? A close-up shot of a spider?? After a FULL season with no spiders, now my arachnophobic ass has to get blindsided by one in the Finale?? Unbelievable!

- Coach says that everyone wants to take him to the Final Three, so “it’s my game to lose.” He compares it to the NBA finals, saying that he’s up by 14 points with only 4 minutes left on the clock. Not a bad analogy, but I have to know…in this scenario, is LeBron James on your team? Because if so, you’re definitely screwed. LeBron and the NBA Finals don’t go very well together. Suck it Lebron.

- The Immunity Challenge was a twist on the old Survivor standby, building a House of Cards, except that there was an added portion that would see the castaways have to build the tower with only one hand while the other one was balancing a teeter-totter. Jeff gives us one final dirty innuendo: “Everybody grab your handle,” which obviously confused Sophie.

- Speaking of Sophie, she told us that she builds Houses of Cards for fun. She also has a book on how to make them. (Also, don’t forget she knows Russian. Why were we ever even told that since it never came up in the show again?) The only thing I was sure of, was that with Sophie boasting about her skill, there was no way she would win…a notion confirmed with her inability to keep track of how many pieces she had, and coming up about a foot-and-a-half short. On a second try, her stack fell, leading to this amazing exchange:

Sophie: "Hey Albert, drop your stack and come pick up my pieces."
Albert: "I’m in a pretty decent spot right now."
Sophie: "Drop your damn stack and pick up my pieces! I’m going to beat you!"
Albert: "I gotta..."
Sophie: "Albert just drop your stack!"
Jeff: "Let me make it easy for you. There is no helping in this challenge. It was designed as an Individual Immunity. It will be played as an Individual Immunity. If you want Ozzy out of this game, beat him."

Ozzy wins, of course, and punches his tile tower in celebration. Sophie says “I should have won that.” Yes, you probably should have…but only if you could count tiles. Bad tile management.

- Back at camp, Ozzy talked about how he won the challenge, and Sophie sulked some more. Coach and Albert talked about voting out Rick since he’s “got the best shot to win this game right now.” Ozzy wants Sophie gone because “She’s a frickin’ brat.” Coach says he’s not voting for Rick, but that he thinks Sophie has turned on the Silent Cowboy.

“I’d vote for Sophie”, Coach tells Rick. “Would you vote for me?”, asks Rick. Coach answers “No”, but with the GONG sound effect and the fact that he didn’t say “as a Christian man”, it’s not looking good for our ass-grabbing rancher.

- Right before heading to Tribal Council, Albert confronts Coach and asks him if he told Ozzy he wanted him to come to the end? Coach answers “I can’t wait to vote his ass out of here”, but doesn’t actually answer the question. Albert sees through this and follows up with “Did you tell him it was going to be you, him, and Sophie?” Coach shakes his head, but doesn’t actually say no.

- At Tribal Council #1: Savaii excited to see Ozzy, Coach is wearing his (no longer Hidden) Immunity Idol, and Ozzy reminded us that as much as you may like him, he is completely devoid of personality. Seriously, this was the exchange between him and Jeff right at the beginning of Tribal Council:

Jeff: “You knew you had to win, or you were gone tonight.”
Ozzy: “I’m not an idiot. I knew that if I didn’t win, I’d be going home tonight.”

Rick said that it’s about a 90% certainty that Ozzy will win Immunity tomorrow, and since he can’t beat him in the end, Rick should be kept. It’s actually not a bad argument, but it’s a horrible argument to make IN FRONT OF THE JURY.

Coach talked about family, Ozzy revealed Coach’s proposed plan, and then Sophie and Ozzy got into a schoolyard argument about who respects who. It was Junior High BS, ending with Sophie saying the only thing that proves you lost an argument: “Whatever.”

She then got weepy, but I’m not going to comment on it, because I wasn't interested in the impromptu therapy session with Dr. Probst. I thought she was about to be forced to get her tissue in the Jury Tent, but Rick was eliminated, and shunned Coach on the way out, later saying “I was just blinded, thinking that Coach was playing true to his word.”

- Two quick side notes: First, I had some fun at Rick’s expense earlier this season, joking that he was using the term “Prince Albert” without really knowing the dirty reference. Many of you Googled it, and I’m sorry if you were actually subjected to a photo when you did. I just wanted to point out that earlier today, Edna tweeted out this photo of Rick, saying “Cowboy Rick just has been educated on what a Prince Albert actually is! This is his reaction.”

- Second, I forgot to mention the winner from my caption contest on November 23rd (the week of the recap show). With honourable mentions to Choirchick22 and R.P. McMurphy, the winner of the best caption was MacGruber, with “Mikayla, the invisible whore: A painting by Brandon Hantz.” Thanks to everyone for playing along.

- Back to the episode, where Ozzy is hoarding coconuts, and Coach is pissed at Ozzy for spilling the beans. Coach says he wants to clear the air, but then tells Ozzy that what he did was disrespectful and that it saddened him. How is that clearing the air?

Ozzy malaproped (if that’s not a word, it damn well should be) that he was putting “all my cards in one basket.” He then talked about how he felt like he can’t trust Coach, because any time he has trusted someone in the past in this game, he got burned. But he still said “I do want to go to the end with you because I still believe that that’s how this game should be.”

- The Final Immunity Challenge (Once again with no Fallen Comrades Walk!) was an obstacle course and puzzle. I was half expecting Sophie to just tell Albert to go and get all of her pieces for her, but she was content just to yell at him as he was crossing the same areas as her. Spider Monkey whizzed through the whole course gathering puzzles pieces, and Coach inexplicably decided to do somersaults through a net tunnel.

Ozzy reached the puzzle phase first, but it was Sophie who ended up winning Immunity by being the first to solve it. Clearly this must have been because she knows Russian. No? We’re seriously not going to hear any more on this Russian thing?

- At Camp, Coach symbolically relinquished the title of Dragon Slayer to Sophie. He then told Sophie and Albert not to talk to Ozzy, because “I don’t want him to cause dissention.” He then idiotically followed it up by essentially saying “But…I’m gonna go talk to him right now.”

- Ozzy pleaded to Coach to let him have a chance and go to a tie-breaking Fire Build against Albert. Coach re-iterated that he wanted to take the best to the end, and Ozzy is a warrior. Ozzy asked if he really wanted the Warrior Battle he claimed to desire, and then reminded him that he swore on it “as a Christian man.” OH SNAP! That just happened!

Did anyone think it would matter?

- Tribal Coucil #2: In short, Sophie feels amazing, Coach’s heart is breaking again, Ozzy says that Coach should force a tie so they can sit beside each other at the Final Tribal Council with Sophie, and Albert compared Ozzy to Jeff Gordon. In the end, the Upolu alliance was too strong to break, and Ozzy was voted out.

“Third time’s a charm, baby”, Ozzy said before he sprinted down the Blue-Lit Walk of Shame. Wait a minute, wasn’t he runner up the first time? How is the third time a charm? Is it because of all the fish he ate?

- Back at the Ozzy-Free Camp, Albert, Sophie, and Coach celebrated, and Coach was so excited that he was quoting people without actually knowing who said it…and admitting it! They then had their celebratory sausage and pancake breakfast along with the customary Survivor Mimosas, and made some small talk about their individual strategies at the Final Tribal Council. That was followed by some Coach Chi, and the idiotic tradition of burning down the camp.

I have to say, I was honestly happy to be heading to the Final Tribal Council with three players who, in my mind, all had a legit shot to win the million.

- At the final Tribal Council (where Ozzy appeared to be doing his best impression of Wendy), the three opening arguments went like this: Albert: This is a social experiment, a game about people, and I like you all. Sophie: Outwit, Outlast, Outplay means I played the best. Coach: I can’t believe I’m here, I had an uphill battle, I played with compassion, love, appreciation, and respect.

- The Jury members then had their opportunity to question or comment to the Final Three, and here’s a brief summary of what happened:

- Ozzy: Sophie is a brat, Albert was in the right place at the right time, and Coach, did you play with honour and integrity? Coach answered that he did most of the time, but there were some times when he didn’t. Honest answer.

- Jim: Albert, why should the other two not be here, and don’t start with a compliment. Albert responds by complimenting Jim.

- Dawn: Sophie, what was your strategy behind aligning with Coach and Albert? Sophie answers that she wishes she were a man, and compares Coach to a young girl.

- Floral Print Rick: Coaxes an apology from Coach, then calls Albert a scumbag for taking Brandon’s necklace and “using the God thing” (Albert’s response not permitted).

- Brandon: Coach tries to kiss his ass, tells him he should be up there, and that he wants to make it up to him. Brandon forgives him, but then asks Albert, “Did you know I was going home?” When Albert tries to justify, Brandon demands a Yes or No answer, and after some awkward back and forth, Albert finally responds with ”I didn’t know that you were going home”, and L’Il Hantz said simply “You lie.”

- Whitney: Said to Albert, “You’re sleazy”, and then I stopped listening, because how awesome is it that the married woman who cheated on her husband while she was on Survivor is calling someone else sleazy?

- Edna: Says that everyone gets manipulated, and the most historic way to manipulate people is through religion. We all got duped. Congratulations to the three of you. No question for anyone, just a 100% true statement. Kudos to Edna…that was fantastic!

- Keith: Asked Coach if he was going to play the Idol for himself or for the team. Coach gave a BS answer, and Sophie revealed that Coach had the Idol longer than he claimed, and the entire lie to make it look like the prayer was the reason they found it. Brandon was visibly shocked…and don’t we all wish Brandon hadn’t already asked his question?

I think that was a million-dollar answer from Sophie.

- Cochran: Tells Coach that he played an impressive game, but asks him to share his strategy without talking about honour. Coach said “I came in trying to do the right thing, and I ended up doing the wrong things. I came up short, and I’m sorry. I wanted to get to the end and I kept justifying my actions. I’m a terrible strategist.” Again, a very honest answer.

- Coming in to the Final Tribal Council, I thought it was even across the board, and after the questioning, I gave it to Sophie, until Coach’s final answer to Cochran, then I put it as an even shot between Coach and Sophie.

- The only votes we see are Cochran voting for Coach, and Dawn voting for Sophie, while Rick pulled the Eliza Orlins trick of acting like he was still undecided in the voting booth.

And with that, Jeff and his Bluest-of-Blue Shirts exited Tribal Council with the votes in hand, magically appearing in Los Angeles to read the results. The votes went like this: Coach, Sophie, Coach, Sophie, Coach, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, final vote unseen (but presumably Sophie, or we would have seen it).

- Congratulations to Sophie Clarke on a well-deserved win in Survivor South Pacific.

Things I Learned From The Live Reunion Show:

- Sophie is flustered, is Facebook friends with almost everyone in her town of 1500, and wants to be more like Dawn. I would have liked to hear Jeff ask her if it was by design that she revealed the info about Coach's lie about the Hidden Immunity Idol. I'm wondering if it was something she specifically kept in her back pocket to only come out in front of a Jury at the end.

- Did you notice how Jeff always hears things from “people on the street?” Are you telling me that he just stops on the street and talks Survivor with random people? Does that really happen? I doubt it.

- Coach talked about having a “Prayer-palooza” with Albert and Brandon,,,and 3 people clapped in response. He then learned that that he would have won if he brought Rick instead of Sophie. In short, Coach can now talk to Colby about million-dollar bad decisions on who should go to the Final.

- Cochran wrote a paper at Harvard on the Survivor Jury system, and said “I can’t play an under the radar game, because I’m perpetually over the radar…freaking out all the time.” He also revealed that he was single and invited people (presumably women) to “come at me.”

- New Ink Brandon revealed that nobody is proud of him, and nobody came to the show, except for Uncle Russell, who looked miserable. I was disgusted that we saw that little sock-burning Hobbit only 90 seconds into the Reunion Show, and that we had to talk to him at all.

Probst went out in to the audience to talk to his favourite villain, saying “Stand up, Hantz” when he got to his seat. How awesome would it have been when the vertically-challenged Russell stood up, if Probst would have said “No seriously, stand up”?

What a garbage speech, too. More self-congratulatory bullshit from the best player to never actually win anything. “I made greatness”, he told us. What a load of crap. And please keep in mind that I was one of the biggest Russell fans for his first two seasons, and I still insist that he should have won both of those seasons, but I’m just sick of him.

And when Jeff suggested Russell vs. Brandon for a future season, while there was polite applause from the studio audience, you know that most of the viewing audience at home screamed at their television “NO F**KING WAY!”

- Papa Bear hugged everyone in sight, Edna is pregnant, Angry C had giant earrings, I still couldn’t understand a word Stacey said, and Jeff is disappointed in Jim for not lasting longer. He also pointed out that Whitney was in “another relationship” when she hooked up with Keith, which was a super-polite way of saying she cheated on her husband. No interaction with Papa Bear, Semhar, Elyse, or Mikayla, and Rick remained silent…but Jeff may not have noticed him sitting there in the front row.

- Survivor 24 will be called Survivor One World, and will feature Men vs. Women as two tribes live on one beach . No Returning Players. No Redemption Island. Thank God.
(Sean bends down and Tebows)

Even thought Survivor is now gone until February, I hope you’ll visit this site regularly. With over 600 posts here, I’m sure you can find something you want to read. Please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. I’m glad you found me, I hope you’ll stick around.

Remember that you can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all new posts as soon as they go up, as well as other non-Survivor related posts. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined. I’d love to have your thoughts on the Finale…Let’s set a record for number of Comments!

Thanks for reading this season. See you in February for Season 24…Survivor: One World!

Survivor South Pacific: Season Finale Recap

2011-12-18T11:19:00.003-05:00

UPDATE: SEASON FINALE RECAP IS UP: CLICK HERE TO READ

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Cheer Up, Man. God’s Got Everything Under Control.”

2011-12-14T22:03:00.005-05:00

This week’s episode of Survivor finds the Upolu 5 with no one else left to eliminate but each other. Will Brandon’s erratic behavior finally catch up with him? Will Coach be forced to use his Hidden Immunity Idol? And will the Duel between Ozzy and Edna actually be as dramatic as last week’s preview would lead us to believe?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor, Albert and Brandon were in the same alliance, but Albert was trying to mix things up in terms of the pecking order, which was starting to annoy his allies. Meanwhile “Brandon was also infuriating the Tribe”, and Papa Hantz tried to bully Coach. Edna did some scrambling, but still was sent to Redemption (Non) Island, where Jeff told us that “Ozzy lies in wait.”

- Night Vision Recap at Te Tuna camp: the Final Five celebrated because they did what they said they were going to do, stick together to the end. As we watched them hold hands and pray together, we heard Coach say that the real game begins tonight, and now it was “every cat for themselves."

- The next morning, Coach and Sophie were chatting over what appeared to be morning coffee, when we saw Albert get up and start working on the rest of the Tribe. But all I could notice was that Albert was sleeping in his blue sweater. There goes my theory that it stayed immaculately clean so that he could wear it to Tribal Council. Albert says that he likes Rick the least, but since he’s also the least dangerous, he wants him there at the end since he will be easy to beat. Ideally, he wants to be sitting beside Coach and Rick.

- Ozzy and Edna’s Redemption (Non) Island Duel was a multi-layered challenge that saw them first have to solve a slide puzzle which would release a hatchet, then use the hatchet to chop a rope that would release a bag containing coloured puzzle cubes. After that it was essentially just a version of Instant Insanity, where they would have to arrange the cubes so that all 4 colours were on all 4 sides, with no repeated colours.

Ozzy finished the slide puzzle first, and when Edna was having trouble, Albert started giving her directions on what to do. I’m not sure if it actually helped her, nor am I sure that she should have been listening to him, since he was referring to a hatchet as a machete. When she finally caught up to Ozzy on the final stage of the puzzle, all 5 Upolu members were trying to help her, as Jeff constantly reminded us that they were “the same people that voted Edna out.”

Johnny Blue Shirt then told us “this would be a major upset if Edna defeated Ozzy.” Why would it be an upset? At the point he said it, it was essentially 6 on 1, wasn’t it? Isn’t it more of an upset if Ozzy wins at this point?

Of course, Ozzy ended up winning once again, ensuring that CBS gets their show pony in the Finale once again. I have to point out what a terrible, terrible decision it was to show that footage last week in the preview where Edna appears to win, because anyone with half a brain realized at that point that there was NO WAY that she would win if they were showing that a week in advance.

Edna was a good sport on her way out, at least. Instead of getting weepy and trying to keep her buff, she was ready to throw it in the fire, saying ‘this smells so bad that I’m going to be happy to burn it.”

- At Camp, Albert talked about the concept of honour and integrity within the group, and then said “the interesting thing about the honour and integrity card is…in the game of Survivor, I don’t care a single thing about honour and integrity. I really don’t.” I think we all knew that, but it was a sign of things to come for Albert in this episode.

- Sophie pointed out to Coach that Ozzy has spent his days on Redemption (Non) Island making inroads with the Jury members. She astutely pointed out that he’s the last person that really gets to talk to them before they leave, he feeds them, and he comforts them after they get voted out. “Every single Jury Member has gone through “Ozzy’s Pleasure Dome” on the way out.” (On a side note, I think “Ozzy’s Pleasure Dome” was also the name of one of his pre-Survivor soft-core porn movies.)

Sophie then suggests that the smart move would be to send Brandon to Redemption (Non) Island, because it would pit “the two most dangerous players” against each other in a Duel, ensuring that at least one of them is out. Sophie believes that Brandon would definitely win the game, since he is the most trustworthy and godly. I’m not sure I agree with that. I definitely agree that Brandon is the most trustworthy and godly…but a favourite to win the game?

- Albert tells Coach that Sophie is dangerous. Coach disagrees, and thinks Albert is intimidated because Sophie is smarter than him. Brandon enters and in about 15 seconds, Coach is calling him a bully and comparing him to Russell. Coach talking about Russell reminded me of this classic picture from Heroes vs. Villains.

Long story short…Brandon’s feelings are hurt, Coach apologizes, Brandon apologizes, and then they hug it out. Coach seemed annoyed at having to get out of the hammock for the consoling hug. Also, did you notice that everyone was talking strategy while laying down in this episode? What is this, Big Brother??

But man-hug notwithstanding, Coach then told us that “the apple never falls far from the tree. And meeting his father was double confirmation of what I need to do for my next move.” Which was followed by a cheery Brandon offering Coach some coconut, and a message to “Cheer up, man. God’s got everything under control.” I actually felt bad for Brandon seeing this scene for the first time tonight as he watched this episode.

- I’m not even going to bother with breaking down the Immunity Challenge: bright colours, climbing walls, raising flags, winning pizza. What else do you need to know? Brandon wins, gets all Tim Tebow in celebration, and chooses silent Rick as his pizza buddy. (By the way, screw the jet ski delivery, bring back the damn helicopter!)

The only relevant info that came out of the challenge was that Coach felt that divine intervention saved Brandon, and he told us “I’m pissed, but I’m fine with that.”

- During Pizza time, Sophie went to smell the pizza (which regrettably is not code for anything, I’m sorry) and talk strategy, and before we knew it, Brandon had called a family meeting where everyone seemed to be yelling. Albert lied about what he said to Rick, Rick got mad, Albert got defensive, Sophie swore, and Albert just tried to talk louder than everyone else as his defense. Sophie summed up Albert’s new situation by saying “instead of a nice little blindside, he gets to go out looking more pathetic than he’s looked this whole game.”

- Then, just as soon as it happened, everything changed again as Albert was talking to Brandon, who appeared to be hammering a chisel into a piece of wood for some reason. While Albert was trying to plead his case to L’il Hantz, all of a sudden, this look came over Brandon’s face, and he said “I’m not voting you. I just made up my mind.” Then, they held hands and prayed together, and Brandon went a step further and said “if I have to, I’ll give you my Immunity Necklace.”

Brandon then went to Coach and laid out his entire plan to save Albert, including the offer to give him the Immunity Necklace. He told Coach “I know you’ll never vote against me. And I know you’d never do anything or vote any way that you knew that I was going home.” Did anyone else think that Brandon was already halfway down the Erik Reichenbach Hall of Shame at this point?

Coach’s response was a bullshit vague answer of “I need to pray, and I promise you this. I will do whatever God tells me to do.” He then hit the beach and assumed the position. He prayed, and the name came to him. “My soul has never grieved like it does in this moment”, he told us.

- Tribal Council started with this exchange between Jeff Probst and Brandon:

Jeff: “So…the long awaited Tribal council where there are only 5 left, and look at you Brandon, sitting with Immunity. Very powerful spot for you.”
Brandon: “I want to give my Immunity necklace up.”

Nothing like getting the big elephant in the room out of the way as soon as possible, huh Brandon? Why not just give it up at the end of Tribal Council and see what happens? Handing it over right away and laying out the plan was absurd. But then again, Brandon has never really done anything that’s in the best interest of his overall game. The shocked looks all around were something to see, weren’t they?

Brandon then told a story about what his life was like when he was in a gang, and as much as I’ve given him a really hard time this season (and justifiably so), this story resonated with me because I could see how much he wanted and craved for someone he was loyal to, to actually give back to him in the way he gave to the ones he cared about. He talked about “people taking my loyalty for…what they wanted to use it for, and then leaving me hanging.” At that moment, I said, out loud: “If Coach votes for him after hearing that…he’s a scumbag.”

Sophie’s rolled her eyes, Rick said something inconsequential, Coach has the Idol, and Jeff suggested the option that Albert give the Immunity Necklace back to Brandon. Albert said he would “if I realistically believe that he’s in trouble”, which means “no friggin’ chance, Blue Shirt.” I can’t even argue this, because the only thing dumber than giving the Immunity Necklace away, is giving it back when you know you need it. (By the way, no blue sweater for Albert this time, must be because he slept in it.)

The votes were counted, and how alarming is it when the quietest guy on the show says the smartest words of the episode (“Dumb Move”)? Coach did end up voting for Brandon, and solidified his stance as a scumbag in my eyes. Not because he voted for Brandon, but because he voted for Brandon after all of his high and mighty “honour and integrity” talk. Just when I thought we were indeed seeing a new Coach, I was wrong. Same guy, same dirt, same lies.

And his words to Brandon were hollow: “It’s God’s will. Go win Redemption.” Here’s my question, if everything is in God’s hands, and He’s deciding everything…why do we even have a Jury? Why not just wait for a sign, like a piece of toast that looks like Sophie or something?

- I never thought I’d say this, but I really want Brandon to win the Final Duel on Sunday, and see what happens when he returns to the game. The Finale should be good, regardless of who wins the Duel.

This Sunday: The 3-Hour Season Finale and Live Reunion Show

One note about this Sunday’s Season Finale. What I’m planning to do is to watch the 2-hour Finale as it happens, and then once the winner is announced, work on my recap so that it is up within an hour of the show ending, as it usually is. So, if it all works out, it will be up right around the time the Reunion Show is ending.

Make sure you bookmark and come back then, because I’m hoping it will be up…and if it’s not, it will be posted shortly after. Then, after it’s posted, I’m going to go back and watch the Reunion Show, and write an addendum on the end of the recap afterwards.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. I’m learning the power of Twitter, as some of the Survivor cast has been retweeting my recaps, so please feel free to share a link to this page if you feel like recommending it to others.

Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor South Pacific Recap: December 14, 2011

2011-12-14T18:29:00.001-05:00

Amazing Race Recap: "Racing To The Finish Line In Atlanta"

2011-12-11T21:53:00.007-05:00

I’m still annoyed about last week’s Cab Collusion, as were many of you (43 comments for last week’s recap!), but it’s time to move on and focus on the Season Finale of The Amazing Race. Will Jeremy and Sandy be able to pull out a win? Can Amani and Marcus be victorious in their own personal Super Bowl? Or will anyone (including me) who used the hashtag #AnyoneButCindy on Twitter today be eating crow?

My Random Thoughts:

- From Panama, the three teams (who were only separated by a total of two minutes) discovered that they would have to travel to Atlanta, their final destination, and make their way to Flight Safety International, where they would find their next clue.

- Jeremy and Sandy said that they have to be perfect this last leg, and have a good shot to win it. Ernie and Cindy said that the race is the ultimate “pre-marital counseling,” and that it has been a strong bonding experience, and Marcus and Amani, upon learning that the final destination was their home town of Atlanta, fist-pumped and said that they had “home field advantage.” (Not so fast…remember Tara and Wil in Season 2 in San Francisco?)

- In Atlanta, Cindy tried to jump the cab line, promising to pay the driver “lots of money”, and Sandy made the wise move of telling their cab driver specifically NOT to tell the other cab drivers where they were going. Don’t even get me started…

- When they arrived at Flight Safety International, they found out that they would have to enter a Learjet Flight Simulator, and successfully land the aircraft from 25,000 feet. In short, it was the best video game ever, and somewhere, Ron and Bill cursed that they didn’t make the Final Leg of the Race.

- Captain Jeremy and Co-Pilot Sandy did it on the first try, but both of the other teams had trouble. Cindy told Ernie “let’s get it right the first time”, but then was too concerned barking orders at Ernie to remember her job as co-pilot to maintain an air speed of 135 mph. Instead, she dropped their plane out of the sky and they had to start over. Lesson: Yelling instructions at your teammate might kill you.

Amani and Marcus had a really tough time with it. On the first try, they landed but crashed; on the 2nd try, they tried to taxi while still in the air, and on the third through sixth tries, they kept skidding off the runway after landing. Marcus tried to use the analogy that he was open in the End Zone and dropped the pass, but if I may give a more apt analogy, he was wide open in the End Zone…in the Super Bowl…with nobody near him…and the Quarterback threw 6 passes right at him…and he dropped them all…in his home stadium. That seems about right.

At this point, it was a two-team race. And Marcus should never own a Wii.

- After the flight simulator, teams were instructed to “find the former residence known as ‘The Dump”, which was Margaret Mitchell’s home, where she wrote Gone With The Wind. Neither cab driver knows what “The Dump” is, so they take 2 entirely different strategies.

Ernie and Cindy borrowed their cab driver’s phone and called somewhere, and figured out the location. I’m wondering where they called…is there an ‘All About Atlanta’ hotline or something? Do you just call the operator? Maybe the library?

Jeremy and Sandy, meanwhile, took a completely different approach, instructing their cab driver to “take us to an intersection where we can ask somebody.” Really? This is the strategy you want to implement on the final leg where the million dollars is actually on the line? They find some random guy in a truck, who instructed them to go to “the old Home Depot store.”

- In their respective cabs, both teams talked about how stressful the race has been. Cindy continued her elitist ways, saying that it would be like “losing to the C student when we’re the A+ student”, while Sandy said that “I have to get on Priolsec when I get home.” You know what that means…next season, one of the prizes for winning a leg will a 6-month supply of Prilosec (for all the GERD caused by the Race!)

- Personally, I was shocked that when Jeremy and Sandy got to the furniture store, it was actually called ‘The Dump.' After running around the entire store, they finally asked themselves “are we idiots and in the wrong spot?” They then borrowed a smartphone and figured it out.

- At Margaret Mitchell’s house, the Road Block asked teams “Who gives a damn?”, and required one member to type out their next clue in the very room where Gone With The Wind was written. They would have to do it on an old-school Remington 3 typewriter which was missing the number ‘1’, and teams would have to figure out that they needed to replace it with a lower-case ‘l’. Is it just me, and the fact that I write a lot…or was that pretty easy to figure out? Seems like the actual typing without making a mistake was more difficult.

Cindy was mad that she didn’t choose to do it, because she types “ten times faster” than Ernie. But in essence, speed was a non-issue here. The passage they had to type was only 2 or 3 lines long. But she still kept telling us as many ways as possible that she should have done it. Ernie eventually figured it out after a few incorrect tries.

- Ernie and Cindy completed the Road Block first, and then had to decipher that the numbers on their clue: 44-715-74 were all related to Hank Aaron (uniform number, home run record total, and year he broke the record), which would lead them to Turner Field.

Ernie and Cindy wondered if the numbers were highway exits, and then went to a hotel, where Cindy asked "is there an internet we can use?” as if it were an actual material object she could borrow. The clerk behind the counter then logged them in to the hotel computer, and let them come behind the counter to use it (how many of you were wishing along with me that someone would try to check in at that point at that counter?) He was very helpful, and said that even though they shouldn’t be allowed back there, he would let them “just for this time.” That basically means “you have a TV crew and I’m going to be on TV. You can do whatever you want.”

After Sandy completed the typing Roadblock—commenting that the Remington sure wasn’t a Mac—they looked at the numbers and said “we need to Google it.” Yep, no more depending on random guys in trucks to help you.

- At Turner Field, the teams were greeted with a massive mental map challenge, that they would have to complete with no notes. On the giant map of the world, they would have to climb up via rope, and successfully map out the entire race, passing a red rope through carabiners that were situated on certain countries. (For the record, the correct order was: Taiwan, Indonesia, Thailand, Malawi, Denmark, Belgium, Panama, USA.)

- Cindy looked at the giant contraption and exclaimed “Holy bananas”, which is so much better than last week’s “Holy balls.” Then, she and Ernie got it on the first try, which didn’t surprise me at all, because I’m sure they studied world geography before the Race…or at least bought an Atlas. They were done before Jeremy and Sandy had even arrived.

I know some people will say that this was a relatively easy final task compared to some of the extensive memory challenges from past seasons, but I didn’t have a problem with it. The only suggestion I would have made would have been that if you made a mistake, you had to start again. When Jeremy and Sandy missed Indonesia, it was just a quick clip into the carabiner to correct it. I think you should have had to re-thread the whole thing. Not that it was an issue…

- After leaving Turner Field, they had to travel by Taxi to the Swan House and the Finish Line. Ernie and Cindy’s cab kept having to recalaculate the GPS, and even though it was edited to make us believe that Jeremy and Sandy were close, it was certain that Ernie and Cindy would win.

- And win they did, with one last “Oh My Gaaaaad!” as they opened the gate and saw the Finish Line, Cindy and Ernie took home the one million dollar prize, which they then exclaimed vaguely that they were going to use to “multiply the million and help those in need.”

Ernie said that his parents are probably “passed out in disbelief”, while Cindy said that her parents would have expected her to win. “My parents definitely have an expectation for me to be perfect,” she told us, before also adding that the Race is worth more than a million dollars. Easy to say now that you’ve won. The whole Race, she specified that it was about the prize, not the experience.

- Jeremy and Sandy finished 2nd, and talked about how they learned how to communicate better with each other, and how they will now have a stronger relationship because of the Race. Amani and Marcus finished 3rd, and Marcus promised to never become a pilot, while Amani essentially told her kids that she really loves them, but they should never slam doors in the house. One final NFL analogy from Marcus tells us that he thinks Amani is smarter than any Quarterback, and tougher than any Linebacker. (Awww)

- Look, I gave Ernie and Cindy a really hard time over the course of this Race…well, mostly Cindy…but I give them a lot of credit. They ran the best Race overall, and deserved to win. Just because I didn’t like them or want them to win, doesn’t change my opinion on that. I respect what they did and congratulate them on the win.

I still think that they should have been penalized for not having tickets on that train ride back in Brussels, but who knows if that even would have eliminated them on that leg? I still maintain that it was theft, and opens a tricky door for TAR to deal with in future seasons, but no one can say if that would have had an overall effect on the Race as a whole.

- Speaking of future seasons, one final note: Season 20 of the Amazing Race is currently filming right now. I generally don’t put spoilers on here, but I’ll put something in the Comments section regarding a location and a team, for those of you who are interested.

That's going to do it for another season of the Amazing Race, but I hope you'll bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left for when it returns next season. If you're a fan of Survivor, make sure to check for my Finale recap next Sunday, December 18th. I hope to see you back here, even when The Amazing Race is not on.

Remember that you can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of my recaps (and other Random Thoughts) as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading this season.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Amazing Race Recap: December 11, 2011

2011-12-11T18:48:00.001-05:00

UPDATE - RECAP IS UP: CLICK HERE TO READ

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “The Second-Class Citizen Fights Back”

2011-12-07T21:46:00.007-05:00

It's that time again, folks...it's the Dreaded Loved Ones Episode. Will Brandon be getting a visit from Uncle Russell? Can Cochran upset Ozzy in the Redemption (Non) Island Duel? And just how awesome is the new Sprint EVO 3D?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor. A random conversation on the first night evolved into a Final Five pact between Coach, Brandon, Albert, Sophie, and some guy with a moustache I’ve never seen before. Edna was then added as the 6th, and Cochran was later added as 7th. Brandon can’t keep his mouth shut and infuriated his allies by revealing the Final 5 plan, and as Jeff ominously told us “Cochran heads to Redemption Island, and Edna has to figure out a way to stay in the game.”

- Night Vision Recap at Redemption (Non) Island: Cochran makes his 73rd “drank the Kool-Aid” reference, and says that, in retrospect, flipping wasn’t a great move because Upolu used him. Then he and Ozzy talked about whether he had a chance to win in their impending Duel, and made a ‘sort-of’ pact to vote for each other in the event one of them made the final. Did anyone else notice that as they were laying there in the shelter, even though Ozzy was on his side, and Cochran was on his back with his arms crossed, it looked like Ozzy had his arm slung over Cochran like they were snuggling?

- The next morning, Rick is toasting his sock as Brandon prepared everyone for the Te Tuna morning prayer. Edna decided this was the time to have a hissy fit, and apparently threw on her business suit in an attempt to be taken more seriously. She excused herself and went off to cry, because she was “not part of Tribe.” As the other five prayed in the smoke of the fire, Edna told us that she feels treated like a second class citizen.

She tried to talk to Coach about it, who responded by telling her that “everybody gets deceived.” She was trying to plead her case when raccoon-eye Brandon started hollering about Sprint Tree Mail. She did, however, get one final spectacular burn in, saying that she didn’t want “a nineteen-year-old high school dropout who’s advertised that he’s crazy to dictate to me the direction of my own destiny here.”

- Regular readers will know how much I hate the Dreaded Loved Ones episode, so I won’t give this all too much space, other than to say that the Sony EVO 3D looks awesome! (that’s how we’re supposed to feel after this episode, right?) Here’s the summary: Brandon says that he wants to cry before he even turns the phone on, Rick’s wife calls him “Ricky” (and since his last name is Nelson, do you think he gets asked to sing ‘Helly Mary Lou’ at karaoke?), Sophie’s Dad didn’t think she would get this far, and the EVO screen looked like the only feature it didn’t have was the ability to wipe beads of water off of the screen…or were those Brandon’s tears?

- But wait, before any of you get to see your loved ones, it’s time for the Redemption (Non) Island Duel, another rehash where you had to use a grappling hook to get 3 bags, then get a ball, and use it to solve a table maze. Sure, it was another former challenge, but in my mind, anything with grappling hooks is always awesome. Star Wars, Batman, Deadliest Catch…see what I mean?

Ozzy got his 3 bags quickly, while Cochran looked out of place throwing his hook, which was accentuated by the springing sound effects that were inserted. The rest of the Tribe was encouraging Cochran, but it looked like Ozzy was too far ahead. Then, suddenly, Cochran made a rush, and Ozzy’s ball fell through a hole and he had to start over.

It was neck and neck as they both worked their way through the maze, and even though Brandon yelled for Cochran to “take your time” at least 15 times, in the end, Ozzy pulled out a narrow win, eliminating my pick to win it all.

Cochran then gushed as he was leaving, and Jeff pumped him up talking about how he’s a new man after what he dealt with in the game. Enough with the sugar-coated goodbye speeches, bring back ‘the old torch snuff and hit the bricks.’ No offense, Cochran.

I did notice, however, that the Buff Burning Urn was unlit at the beginning of the Duel. Does anyone else find that odd? Are you telling me that after the Duel (or (Non) Duel) is over, someone comes out with a BBQ lighter and fires it up just to burn the Buff? Do the players have to wait until the fire gets hot enough? Wouldn’t it be a good twist to have the Duel be “Here’s a flint. Go light that urn?”

- Then Jeffy brought out the loved ones: Sophie’s dad Thurston (who got an order for Reese’s peanut butter cups at the airport and fresh made banana bread), Edna’s sister Debbie, Coach’s brother Pete (who I imagine has a T-shirt that says ‘Brother of the Dragon Slayer’), Rick’s wife Katie (who Rick helped himself to a double ass-grab from), Albert’s mom Annie, and Brandon’s dad Sean (who was embarrassingly introduced as 'Russell Hantz’s brother').

Actual conversation between my girlfriend Devena and I upon seeing Sean Hantz:

Devena: “He’s better looking than Russell.”
Sean: “Who isn’t?”

The twist was that only 3 of the 6 loved ones would get to visit, and as the winner of the duel, Ozzy would get to decide. He chose Albert, Coach, and Brandon, and the other 3 got the Probst send-off “I’ve got nothing for you, head back to camp.”

- So the loved ones got to visit at Redemption (Non) Island with Ozzy, where they seemingly ate all of Ozzy’s fruit, and took spiffy pictures with the EVO 3D (from Sprint!) Do you think Ozzy should have received a visit from a Loved One, too? Or since he’s on Redemption (Non) Island, is that still considered ‘out of the game’ in terms of who they bring in? Frankly, I don’t care. I hate the whole concept of the visits anyways.

Coach made a deal with Ozzy to go together to the Final Three, and he swore on it “as a Christian man.” We then learned that if Coach says “as a Christian man”, then it is an irrevocable promise. Other than that, anything he says might be total horseshit. I guess it’s his own version of Simon Says.

Then Brandon’s Dad--um, I mean, Russell’s brother—explained to Brandon that even though he is trying to be a good person and do the right thing, he still needs to understand that he is “here to do a job”, and that he needs to open his mind to potentially do other things to get to the end. Brandon says no, and then Papa Hantz plays the ‘guilt in the name of God’ card, saying that God wants him to win so that it puts their family in a good position. I think it’s safe to say that Sean Hantz won’t be winning any ‘Father of the Year’ awards anytime soon. No wonder this kid is screwed up.

I did, however, have a laugh at Brandon’s response, saying that “our lives have been planned out since we were born, bro?” Who the hell calls your dad ‘bro’????

- The Immunity challenge was painfully boring, as the 6 remaining castaways played life-size Othello on a giant Fruit Ninja-esque pineapple board. Coach won easily, but the big story was Brandon putting his foot in his mouth again, gloating after being eliminated that he did his job, not allowing Edna to win. Kind of like a sacrifice fly, huh Brandon? Except that no one ever comes back to the dugout and brags about increasing the pitcher’s ERA.

- Edna scrambled at camp, and I’m not going to get into everything that happened, because it was all wasted time, since Edna was eventually eliminated. She was making a pretty solid argument to keep her over Brandon, and I thought she was making headway, but after Brandon apologized to her, and she (correctly) branded it as insincere, she dropped this nugget: “It’s like beating your wife and then apologizing or buying her a diamond necklace.”

SCREEEECH!!

Ok, Edna…just back away from the ‘what makes a good sound bite’ textbook and repeat after me: “Domestic Violence is never a good topic to joke about.”

Edna asked for the Idol. Coach said no. Edna went to Albert. He asked if Coach was on board. She said yes. He wasn’t sure, so Edna offered to eat a piece of Coach’s feces to prove it.

Please, please, please, for the love of GOD tell me that confused you as much as it confused me.

- At Tribal Council, it was Edna vs. Brandon, and even though we were led to believe that there was a chance Edna would stay, it never happened. And after an awkward lingering hug from Coach, she went off to Redemption (Non) Island where she promptly woke up Ozzy.

Next week: Upolu Infighting and Edna Duels Ozzy.

Don't forget to listen to my guest appearance on David and Nicole's Survivor Podcast from last week, where we spent a lot of time breaking down this season, and who has a chance to win the whole thing.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. I’m learning the power of Twitter, as some of the Survivor cast has been retweeting my recaps, so please feel free to share a link to this page if you feel like recommending it to others.

Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor South Pacific Recap: December 7, 2011

2011-12-07T18:00:00.002-05:00

Tonight's episode of Survivor is entitled "Ticking Time Bomb", and is teased on the CBS website as follows: A relative crosses the line during the emotional family reunion, and an unlikely secret alliance threatens the pecking order of the Te Tuna tribe.

That's right, folks...it's the Dreaded Loved Ones Episode. Will Brandon be getting a visit from Uncle Russell? Can Cochran upset Ozzy in the Redemption (Non) Island Duel? And just how awesome is the new Sprint EVO?

My recap should be up by 10:00 pm ET. Make sure to check back.

UPDATE: RECAP IS UP - CLICK HERE TO READ

Amazing Race Recap: “Cab Collusion In Panama”

2011-12-04T22:05:00.007-05:00

There are only four teams left on the Amazing Race, and after tonight's episode in Panama, the Final Three will be set. Will Sandy be able to conquer her fear of heights? Will Cindy continue to hate my recaps? (True story) And what effect will the local taxi drivers have on the outcome?

My Random Thoughts:

- As I predicted in last week’s recap, this episode started with Andy and Tommy online at the Ford website customizing the Mustangs that they won on the last leg of the Race. I’ve expressed my frustration with the constant ad placement we see on shows like TAR, Survivor, and Big Brother, but I was reading last week that Jeff Probst addressed it, saying that since so many people use a Tivo or DVR, and zip past the commercials, advertisers are more apt to place the products in the episodes now. We’d better get used to it, it’s only going to get worse.

- The final task in Belgium had teams dressing up like the hapless detectives from the comic strip Tintin, and trying to find out who they were. The costumes were rather entertaining, and I thought it was hilarious that people who already had moustaches, had to wear a second one overtop.

Sandy asked Jeremy, “Do you like me as a man?” and Jeremy responded that he did…which then transitioned into the obvious comment from Ernie, smiling at Cindy and saying “Nice moustache.”

Also, for the record, I have to think that wandering around the streets of Belgium at 3 am in suits, hats, and fake moustaches with a camera crew and asking locals in front of a Pizza Hut, “Are you into comics” would usually result in some sort of arrest.

- After they got their next clue from a remarkably lifelike Tintin, the teams were all off to Panama, where they proceeded to yell “Rapido” and “Andale” to every person they encountered. Marcus was given some “bad luck rocks”, which he had earmarked for Andy and Tommy, but since he forgot to give them to Team Snowboard, he just chucked them out the window.

And Yes Marcus, we get it: this leg is the Conference Championship, and if you win, you’re going to the Super Bowl. Yawn.

- After a train ride, a plane ride, and a cab ride, teams now had to board a boat and speed up a river in the pitch black of night. “Homey’s drivin’ by the stars right now,” the always affable Tommy told us. When they reached their destination, they would have to sign up for morning tattoo appointments, which were staggered by 20 minutes.

Here’s what I don’t get. It’s ok to drive at this hour of the night, it’s ok to race up a river in the middle of the night, and it’s ok for a musical welcoming party to be there in the middle of the night, so why make teams wait until the morning to have their tattoos done? Is it just so that the daylight makes for better TV viewing? And why wasn’t there 20 minutes between the 3rd and 4th appointments? Why was it 7:00, 7:20, 7:40, and 7:40? Why wasn’t the last one for 8:00?

- Andy and Tommy were talking once again about how much they were loving the experience of the Race, and the thrill of experiencing another culture. And the other teams were talking about how the Snowboarders were so strong. Only 20 minutes in, and with all the talk of Andy and Tommy winning 6 legs, I was worried this would be the last of them.

- The tattoos that the teams received said San Francisco Bay, meaning they were to now head to the San Francisco Bay Towers, despite the fact that I was really hoping Cindy would misinterpret the clue and hop a flight back to the U.S. There, they were faced with a Roadblock where one member would have to walk a tightrope between the towers 35 stories high, get a clue, and walk back.

Well, I say “one member”, but based on who had already performed previous Roadblocks, the clue specified that “Andy, Sandy, Cindy, and Amani MUST perform the Roadblock.”

- That was less than ideal for Sandy , who is afraid of heights. But she powered through it and got it done despite her fears. I was really impressed with that, because in the past, we’ve seen Sandy get dramatically frustrated at tasks, holding her head in her hands and making statements like “we’re done”, “we’re screwed”, or “we’re out”, but here, she just sucked it up and did it. Well done, Sandy.

- Cindy’s response to the tightrope was “Holy Balls”, which would have been a lot funnier coming from Ernie, and as she was crossing the rope, she kept saying in her grating Chicago accent “Oh my gaaaaaaaad!” Even when she completed it and they were down on the ground again, she looked up and said “Oh my gaaaaaad, is that where I just was?”

- Amani got through the tightrope by picturing her kids at the end, knowing that they would see them soon, and Andy breezed through it, giving Tommy a “low-five” at the turn.

- The next clue would send the teams to a Panamanian Sno-Cone cart at the statue of Ferdinand De Lesseps. Since it was located beneath a rooster, every team tried to communicate this to their cab drivers by saying “cock-a-doodle-doo.” Yes folks, the language of farm animals is universal.

- The next challenge was a Detour, which gave teams the opportunity to work in two of Panama's oldest trades: Filet or Sole? In Filet, teams would visit the largest fish market in Panama, and deliver exact amounts of seafood to different vendors scattered throughout the market. In Sole, working with a single piece of leather for the sole and straps, teams would have to make one pair of sandals.

- Three of the teams chose Sole, and Amani and Marcus’ cab driver tried to make it all four by taking them to the wrong place. Apparently there was a Cab Driver Pow-Wow, and the taxis were working together, despite directions from the teams to the contrary.

The task was relatively easy for all three teams, but my favourite moment was when Ernie and Cindy were done, and the judge was coming over to check. Cindy asked him, “Bueno?”, as if he didn’t know why he was coming over, and he threw a hand up in her face before telling her it wasn’t good enough.

- Amani and Marcus were the only team that chose Filet, and soon learned that they had to transport all of the fish by hand. I can’t decide if that would have smelled better or worse than having to work with Panamian feet in the other part.

And weren’t we all expecting Marcus, at some point with a giant armful of fish, to tell us that this reminded him of playing the Miami Dolphins?

- Now, teams had to go to the public dance at Cathedral Square, and figure out that the Pit Stop (Panama Viejo) was on one of the dresses, and one of the bronze plates. Between Andy and Tommy gawking up close, Sandy on her knees pointing at a woman’s crotch, and Marcus wiping sweat off of one of the dancers (imagine how bad that smelled after just coming from the fish market), it appeared to be an overall violation of the dancers’ personal space.

Andy and Tommy deduced that the Pit Stop destination was Balboa, but they were wrong. Their cab driver took them to the Panama Canal for some reason, and then another cab took them to the Balboa statue on Balboa Avenue, which was wrong again. How bad is your cab driver, when you tell him you want to go to “Balboa” and even though there is a BALBOA STATUE ON BALBOA AVENUE, he still takes you to the Panama Canal?

- Ernie and Cindy and Amani and Macus both thought the answer was Balboa as well, so they left in their cabs, while Jeremy and Sandy sketched a picture of the building from the bronze necklace, and went to ask their cab driver if he recognized it. As they were leaving, Sandy reverted back to her over-dramatic ways, saying “if that’s not it, we’re done.” Lo and behold, their cab driver knew it was the Panama Viejo.

- Cindy told their cab driver not to communicate with the other driver, yelling at him “Don’t tell him! We have to win!” Interesting juxtaposition between Cindy and Sandy, who earlier in the episode, expressed that they don’t need to come first…they just don’t want to come fourth.

- So, to recap, Jeremy and Sandy are on the way to the Pit Stop, Team NFL is on the way to the wrong place, Team Cindy-Controls-Ernie is on their way to the wrong place, and Team Snowboard is presumably on their way back to Cathedral Square to figure out what they missed.

And here’s where the shit hit the fan for me, because the three cab drivers (not the snowboarders cab) started communicating with each other, and Jeremy and Sandy’s cab driver told the other two that they need to go to the Panama Viejo.

So, in essence, two teams that didn’t figure out where the Pit Stop was, then had their cab driver decide to take them to someplace other than where he was instructed to, and reaped the benefits of Jeremy and Sandy figuring it out. Cindy doesn’t want her cab driver sharing information, but she’s only too happy to take it. Shameful.

I can’t even begin to explain how angry I am about this. I know many people feel the same, so I look forward to the Comments section this week.

- I would have been even angrier if Jeremy and Sandy hadn’t won this leg, since they were the ones who solved the final clue. Good for them on their first win, where they received a trip to Turks and Caicos.

Was anyone else as outraged as I was at Cindy’s insincere “I’m so happy for you guys” at the Pit Stop mat? I wanted some Panamanian children to come out of the bushes and start randomly punching and kicking her in her already-bruised legs.

- Amani and Marcus finished in third, setting up the Season Finale, and all three teams did a “we beat the boys” celebration while Stringer Bell did an ass-slapping dance and launched into a self-congratulatory speech about David and Goliath.

BULLSHIT.

You just lucked into the answer from another cab driver. Period.

- Andy and Tommy were eliminated, which is unfortunate, because they were the best team by far this season. I’m not sure they would have been back in time to survive anyways, but cab collusion is a pretty brutal way to go out.

I loved their attitude, and I have to point out once again that Andy and Tommy always talked about the race as an experience, and were never upset at not winning prizes, even when they lost out on first place. The raced with class, and they went out with class.

Next Week: The teams head to Atlanta for the Season Finale.
(I'm rooting for Jeremy and Sandy)

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Amazing Race Recap: December 5, 2011

2011-12-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

There are only four teams left on the Amazing Race, and after tonight's episode in Panama, the Final Three will be set? Will Sandy be able to conquer her fear of heights? And will Cindy continue to hate my recaps? (True story)

My recap should be up by 10:00 pm ET. Make sure to check back.

Survivor South Pacific Recap: "Cochran Makes Prank Calls & Massages His Mom"

2011-11-30T21:46:00.008-05:00

Tonight's episode of Survivor is the beginning of the endgame for the final seven contestants. With only the Upolu 6 and Cochran left, who will be the target now that they have no choice but to turn on each other? Will it be Cochran, the obvious choice? Or is something in the works to keep the flip-flopping Ginger in the game?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor, Brandon told Edna that she was 6th in a group of 5, and we saw a recap of the decimation of the Savaii Tribe, which left Dawn, Ozzy, and Whitney currently on Redemption (Non) Island.

- Night Vision Recap at Te Tuna camp: Coach was thrilled because they had now “eradicated all former Savaii members”, and Cochran was still comfortable with his decision, even if it meant he was currently 7th on the totem pole. He did make a point of saying that he was aware that ‘the family’ could turn on him at any moment.

- Cochran talked about being a rebellious 5th grader, which involved making prank calls and saying things like “I think you’re so hot, I really want to trade sperm with you.” That doesn’t sound like a prank call as much as it sounds like something that would require a 10-year-old girl to learn what a restraining order is.

- Sophie says that she sees why people get annoyed with Cochran, because he constantly carries himself like he's exceptionally proud of the move he made, and that he still thinks that someone will take him to the end. Speaking of Sophie, I have to mention that my comparison photo of Sophie and Tinky Winky from last week’s Mini-Recap was such a hit, that Sophie actually posted it on her Facebook page.

- Cochran talked about ‘the family’, describing it more like a cult, and with the creepy music playing, it sure came across that way. He then talked about Brandon being “obsessively devout”, and said that he didn’t want to be Sharon Tate in this scenario, but he felt like he was about to be given the poisoned Kool-Aid. Look Cochran, I get that you’re witty and smart, but now you’re cross-referencing two separate cults at once? Just pick Jim Jones or Charles Manson and go with it…you don’t need to combine them.

- Cochran then talked to rest of the Tribe about keeping him around for one more vote, as a way of showing that they appreciate what he did for them, and lying to them about his birthday coming up to hopefully play on their potential guilt. After he walked away to let them discuss it, Coach and Albert both said that they support the idea, but they want it to be a group decision. Sophie, meanwhile, was vocal in her disapproval, saying that she felt Cochran’s flip was a stupid move.

- At The Redemption (Non) Island (Non) Duel, Ozzy, Dawn, and Whitney squared off in another balance competition. I have to say, I firmly believe that if you wear a bathing suit all season, and then show up to a competition in jeans, you’re ready to go home, so I assumed that not only would Whitney not win, but that this would be another easy win for Ozzy.

The most entertaining thing in this (Non) Duel, was the fact that instead of Jeff tossing out suggestive double entendres, this time he apparently decided to make everything he said sound like it came straight out of a Dr. Seuss book: “Dawn went to yawn and it almost cost her this game”, “a million dollar do-or-die duel”, and “Whitney starting to wobble a little.”

In one of the tense moments, he was eyeing up the contestants and said “anybody can win this game if you can just get to the end”, and you just KNOW that Russell Hantz jumped up and screamed at his TV…”That is BULLSHIT!”

Ozzy went back to Redemption (Non) Island to fish, Dawn told Jeff she loved him, and Whitney couldn’t leave fast enough, presumably to get to Ponderosa where she could bang Keith without cameras around.

- Not a lot was happening around Te Tuna camp: Albert is lazy, Edna was doing laundry, Brandon was fishing, and Cochran’s sole job was to hold the fish in the same manner that men are left to hold purses while their significant others are shopping. Be honest…when Cochran was talking about delivering the fish to the rest of the Tribe, how many of you wanted it to jump out of hands and back into the water?

- Rick gained the ability to speak this week, apparently along with WWE’s Hornswoggle, and complained about Albert, saying “there’s a reason they call him Prince Albert.” Really, Rick? You barely speak for 11 episodes, and now your first major line is that? If you don’t understand why I’m semi-outraged, just Google “Prince Albert.”

- On the beach, Coach and Cochran were taking part in the morning Coach Chi in an effort to center and empower Cochran. Coach said “one of the two of us should win immunity today because we’re doing this.” Would that really be the case?

- The Immunity Challenge was another Déjà vu Re-hash, (complete with coconuts, of course) with an added reward of a spa afternoon featuring an awkwardly named “Bush Shower” and a massage. In the first part of the challenge, the first three to toss a sandbag on their three crates would advance, and it was Albert, Rick, and Sophie moving on…proving that the morning Coach Chi session was relatively useless..

The second part of the challenge was coconut-chucking, and thank God Mikayla wasn’t there for Coach to be frustrated with as she was using the slingshot. Rick jumped out to an early lead, Sophie kept missing low, but may have been using an Angry Birds-like strategy to simply destroy the base and have everything topple over, and Albert eventually won Immunity.

This was one of those rewards where you get to pick someone to join you, and Albert picked Coach. He then offered up his own reward to Cochran for his (fake) birthday. Cochran’s response was to say “I’ve given my mom massages over the years”, which shockingly was not even the most uncomfortable thing he said THIS EPISODE. (Nor was his comment during the massage, “having a beautiful woman stroke the inside of my legs for me is a new experience.”)

Lesson: apparently Coach Chi on the beach means you can suck at the challenge, not come close to winning, yet still both get the full reward.

- There was a flurry of activity at camp as Albert and Edna tried to align with Cochran in an effort to vote Rick out. Albert doesn’t like being called Prince OR Princess, and thinks Rick is “as sharp as a bowling ball.” Edna, after receiving comfirmation from Coach that she is 6th on the list, really wants Coach to vote with them.

Coach now has a dilemma: does he want to be a man of his word, and play with honour & integrity, or does he want to align with Edna and Cochran, who he says will never vote him out. This is the fork in the road, because, as he correctly states, his decision will determine the rest of the game.

I didn’t believe for a second that he would flip and keep Cochran, but I’ll explain that at the end.

- At Tribal Council, Cochran said that he wanted to collect a debt for helping Upolu eliminate Savaii, Jim rolled his eyes, and Albert agreed. Jeff asked Rick “are you worried at all, that if Cochran does play his card tonight, that means it’s one of the other 6?” Well if Cochran stays, of course it’s one of the other six!

- Edna got emotional, Jeff gave strategy tips again, Brandon told everyone that it was black and white (and grey is lying), then started crying again talking about wanting to do bad things. Just when you started to forget he was a nutbar, there he goes again. Coach was remarkably silent for a Tribal Council, and Cochran had the best line, taking a theme I have used for years and saying to Jeff, “talking strategy with Brandon is like talking to you about shirts that aren’t blue.”

- In the end “Cokran” was voted out, which pleased the Jury to no end. How awesome would it be for Cochran to beat Ozzy next week at Redemption (Non) Island?

- Ok, here’s why Coach didn’t flip, and why I didn’t buy it for a second. A) if he flips, it’ll be the first time in 3 seasons of playing that he has actually gone against his word, and say what you want about Coach, he has always shown he is loyal to his alliance, B) if he flips, it pisses off 3 Jury votes in Sophie, Rick, and Brandon, and C) if he flips, it sets Brandon off on him being disloyal and a liar and not playing with integrity, which nobody wants to deal with, and I honestly believe would hurt Coach more than actually losing the game.

- I just want to mention that this week, I will be part of a Survivor podcast at survivorpodcast.blogspot.com. I’ll be on the air with David and Nicole discussing all the happenings from this week’s episode, and the season so far. I was a guest on their podcast last season as well, and I’m happy that they have asked me back as a special guest again. I hope you’ll check it out when it goes up on Friday morning.

Next week: Edna is Mad, and Ozzy is Cocky.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. I’m learning the power of Twitter, as some of the Survivor cast has been retweeting my recaps, so please feel free to share a link to this page if you feel like recommending it to others.

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Thanks for reading.

Amazing Race Recap: “Mustangs, Pigeons, and Waffles”

2011-11-27T21:57:00.005-05:00

Tonight's episode of The Amazing Race continues where last week's cliffhanger left off...with the teams starting a new leg immediately after reaching the Pit Stop. Would Cindy and Ernie be penalized for stowing away on a train last week? Can Bill and Cathi keep going strong into the final stages? And how many NFL Analogies will Marcus make this week?

My Random Thoughts:

- I loved the reaction of Amani upon finding out that the next leg was starting right away. First she dropped an “oh brother”, and then went crazy and exclaimed “shucks!” Someone get this woman and her language under control! At least it was better than the constant audio clip we hear for Marcus at least 3 times an episode, of him screaming “Whoooo!” like he’s Ric Flair.

- The opening Route Info for the next leg of the Race instructed teams to drive themselves to the Ford Proving Ground in Lommel, Belgium. In the car, Marcus told us that “everybody wants to take the champ out”, and I understand what he was getting at…but you’re hardly “the champ” at this point…you just won one leg. The champ wouldn’t have been as woefully lost as you were on the way to Lommel.

- Ernie and Cindy arrived 2nd at the Pit Stop, and when Phil said “You’re team number Two. However…” I fist-pumped and yelled “YES!” at my TV, expecting them to be penalized for stowing away on the train to Brussels last week. But my soul was crushed when Phil followed it up with “…the next leg of the race starts now” and dismissed them with no penalty. That was absolutely brutal.

- Meanwhile, both Andy and Tommy, and Bill and Cathi were still striking a pose at the bodybuilding challenge, which I think was just another way to work in a second week of gratuitous Speedo shots. If you think I’m wrong, watch the camera shot of the Snowboarders ripping open their clue after they finished.

After they arrived at the Pit Stop, they were sent on to the next leg as well, which makes me ask the obvious question: If Amani and Marcus won a trip for winning the leg, how come nobody was eliminated? And even if I buy the excuse that this was an absurd FOURTH non-elimination leg this season, why was that not mentioned? And why was there no Speed Bump? So now, coming in last in a leg incurs no penalty whatsoever?

- At the RoadBlock in Lommel, one member of the team would have to get behind the wheel of “an American icon”, which made wonder what Bob Barker had to do with anything…but I soon found out that Phil was just talking about the Ford Mustang. After the earlier Ford Focus episode, and this week’s Mustang-centric adventure…we get it…Ford is a sponsor!

- The Roadblock itself was described as a 3-part task, but nobody had a problem with part #1 (speeding and braking), or part #3 (double victory donut…which, frankly, sounds delicious if it were a pastry). The second part was a slalom course that had to be completed and stopped in a specified zone in under 16 seconds, and this was problematic for most of the teams.

- Did you notice the difference in the first two instructors we saw at this Roadblock? Jeremy’s instructor was very personable and supportive, giving clear directions along with handshakes and back patting and fist bumps. Ernie’s instructor, on the other hand, was all business, and seemed incredibly disinterested.

Honestly, he came across like a German interrogator in a WWII movie, offering terse and pithy comments like “here you lose” and “start again.” Ernie had a lot of trouble with the slalom, constantly missing his time and ramming the balloon car off the track. At the end, when Ernie finally completed it, the instructor told him in a monotone voice “Well done”, which obviously meant “You have wasted my day. Be gone, you fool!”

- Marcus said that the Roadblock was more of an adrenalin rush than catching touchdown passes, and after completing the entire thing, he arrived back to meet up with Amani, and promptly yelled at her happily “from now on, THAT’S HOW YOU DRIVE!”

Um...no it’s not.

- Tommy ended up doing the Roadblock for Team Snowboarders. Andy explained to us, that since Tommy had trouble with the poem on the last leg, Andy was now going to do the “mind ones” when it comes to Roadblocks. Is it just me, or did he essentially call Tommy stupid and say “I’m doing the ones that involve thinking”?

- After the Roadblock, teams travelled to Gent and found their next clue, which was a Detour offering them a choice between “two things that Belgium is in no short supply of”, Water, or Waffles.

- 3 of the teams chose the Water portion, in which they had to build a raft and search the Gent waterways for two halves of a clue which would tell them their next destination. While they were building their respective rafts, Marcus yelled at the Snowboarders, “You guys are gonna get creamed!”, and they responded by smiling, building their raft, finding both clues, and arriving back before Team NFL was even on the water.

- Both Ernie and Cindy, and Jeremy and Sandy chose Waffles, which involved assembling a waffle stand, and forcing the team to “bake and decorate 18 perfectly formed waffles.” After making butter a few legs ago, this didn’t seem that difficult.

Looking at their waffle machine, Cindy said “that it is spurting like a monster. We’ll call that waffle Ernie”, which made me cringe until I realized that she was talking about flatulence. Jeremy and Sandy had problems, and the Waffle-Maker Judge only offered to them “It’s not quite right. Please go check the demonstration.”

This is what I was saying last week about the Bodybuilding Judges! They should have just given them the score and teams would have to figure out what was wrong instead of being told explicitly. Now, they implement the same logic on the Waffle Detour? If the judges last week could tell them exactly what to do differently, why couldn’t the 15-year-old Belgian kid this week say “Sorry, your blueberries are falling off?”

- On a side note, CTV in Canada has once again been showing a commercial for Dukoral, a medication that helps to control “Traveller’s Diarrhea”, and they showed it right after this challenge. Must be from all of the butter and waffles, this season. This is something that I have ranted about in a previous blog post.

- Ernie and Cindy completed the Detour first, and led the charge to De Muur Van Geraardsbergen, where the next clue told them that they would have to help a pigeon trainer release a flock of homing pigeons. Phil told us “when it comes to international pigeon racing, Belgium is team number one.” Phil, you’re so crafty with your wordplay!

After “helping” the pigeon trainer release the pigeons, they would then have to race to a pre-determined address where they would meet up with the flock and get their next clue from the band on the leg of one of the birds. The reason I put “helping” in quotation marks is because all any of the teams did was watch the trainer open the coop and let the birds out. How is that helping?

I liked the concept of this in principle, but let’s be honest, there’s no way to know if those damn birds flew to that address. For all we know, they just released a bunch of pigeons, gave the teams an address, and planted one bird at that address with the next clue on its leg. I don’t care if that’s what they did, but I’m just saying that it’s not a certainty that all of those birds were even homing pigeons.

- The clue on the bird’s leg told the teams that they could now head to the Pit Stop at the Atomium in Brussels. Ernie and Cindy left in first place, but got lost again, leading to tension between them as Cindy barked at Ernie to stop for directions. Our pal Ernie may be reaching his breaking point as he snapped back “I couldn’t park there because people are on my ass. Chill the hell out.”

- Without having to stop for directions, Andy and Tommy arrived first and won their 6th leg. The prize…wait for it…was a BRAND NEW MUSTANG (gasp!) for each of them. They also won the option to customize the car exactly how they would like it. I guarantee that the next episode starts with Andy and Tommy on the Ford website customizing their cars. You just wait.

- Jeremy and Sandy were team #2, and Ernie and Cindy arrived #3, steaming Cindy once again that they lost out on the prize. Never mind that you’re now in the Final Four and really close to winning the million dollar prize, she’s still annoyed at losing out on short-term gains.

- Amani and Marcus were in the car on the way to the Pit Stop, and we saw Marcus clapping and pumping himself up with sports catch-phrases. He told us that the “next leg is the Conference championship, then on to the Super Bowl.” What do I know, I was watching the Amazing Race while The Grey Cup was on. (For those of you who don’t know, the Grey Cup is the CFL’s version of the Super Bowl.)

- In the end, Bill and Cathi were eliminated, but let’s give them some credit, because they really did great on this Race. They had a great relationship, and a great attitude, even though Cathi fell a lot.

Bill summed it up by saying “It’s been a hoot.” I agree.

Next Week: The Final Four are Panicked in Panama.

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Survivor South Pacific Mini-Recap: "The Coach And Cochran Show"

2011-11-24T23:05:00.004-05:00

With this week's episode being the annual Thanksgiving Clip Show, I wasn't planning on any sort of recap. As a matter of fact, I didn't even watch the episode until Thursday night. After being inundated with texts and messages saying I should be doing a recap, and after seeing the episode, I decided to throw together a few of My Random Thoughts:

- How was Cochran being respectful (and PETA-friendly) to the fish as he was ripping its guts out? And what did he mean that he wasn't putting his fingers where the fish wouldn't want them? If given the choice, I'm pretty sure the fish doesn't want your fingers IN THE HOLE YOU JUST CUT IN ITS ABDOMEN.

- Brandon talked with Coach about his goal to play the game honourably (Canadian spelling, even though it's American Thanksgiving) and then we heard a sound bite of him telling us "Nobody would have guessed that Russell Hantz's nephew would do something like that."

But here's the thing...if you listen closely, you can hear that the "Russell Hantz's nephew" is spliced into the sound bite. I'm serious...go back and watch that scene again. It's painfully obvious. Did they just take a recording of him saying that, and work it in wherever it's necessary to remind us that Brandon is his nephew...you know, just in case you forgot.

- Cochran getting advice from Papa Bear on how to pick up women at a bar was painful to watch. From the creepy hand motions, to the suspect fashion suggestions (tight shirt to show off Cochran's 'muscles'?), to the stalker-ish "you're really pretty", it was fraught with disaster, Cochran's social awkwardness notwithstanding.

- Coach had a hissy fit about Mikayla taking too much sugar for her coffee, which reminded me of Saggy Drawers Phillip from last season ranting about crispy rice. He decided that the best solution for his ire was to taunt a weak-stomached Mikayla by barbecuing pork fat on a stick and fake gagging in front of her. It seemed to work, and as much as I was a fan of Mikayla, I thought that scene was pretty funny.

- Cochran looked like a boy with a schoolyard crush as he pushed Elyse in the hammock, but the story he told was embarrassing and disgusting. You're seriously going to tell a story about crapping your pants when you were five years old...and in such detail? Well, at least it gave us the line "She got to my butt and, of course, it's jackpot."

- Whitney and Keith in the Lover's Bungalow...with Cochran alluding to what may happen 9 months later? I'm sure Whitney's (ex?) husband was not pleased watching that scene.

- The scene with Ozzy and Cochran killing a rooster was inconsequential, and while you may think it was shown to indicate more of Ozzy's behaviour towards Cochran, I think the message was in the closing comment of this scene from Cochran, where he talked about his strength being able to worm his way into each alliance once the Merge happened and the game became an individual game. Mission accomplished so far.

- Coach wears a toe ring. My girlfriend spotted it in the episode, and the PVR back-up confirmed it. Just wanted to make sure you know that.

- Coach talked to Cochran and compared everyone to Greek figures of myth. I thought it was apt that he compared Cochran to Hercules, because Coach was indeed "riding the bull" with this ridiculous speech.

- We heard that "the weak will become the strong, and the strong will become the weak," which was indeed the case after Cochran flipped, and started the Savaii Domino Chain of Keith, Ozzy, Jim, Dawn, and Whitney being eliminated.

- I say this as a big fan of Sophie, but after weeks and weeks, I finally realized who she reminds me of:

- Brandon lost a chicken by not holding it tight enough, which made me think that since it was a female chicken, and he's a married man, he couldn't be anywhere near it. Why did the whole tribe watch and say nothing as he decided to just kill the other chicken anyways?

And did Rick really suggest that the best way to deal with the chicken was to either A) grab it by the neck and swing it around, or B) bite it? Maybe it's better if you don't talk Rick...you know, like you have for the entire season.

- Jim didn't say a word until the end of the episode, and even then, it was only to laugh at Brandon for losing the chicken and praying. Yep, Jim is a giant douchebag.

- Based on the editing of this recap show, I'm thinking that Coach and Cochran make it to the end, because it was certainly heavily weighted towards those two. I hope I'm wrong...not because I don't want them to make it, but because I'm getting sick of the blatant editing that gives the whole show/season away.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. I’m learning the power of Twitter, as some of the Survivor cast has been retweeting my recaps, so please feel free to share a link to this page if you feel like recommending it to others.

Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor South Pacific Recap: November 23, 2011: Caption This

2011-11-23T17:17:00.002-05:00

Tonight's episode of Survivor South Pacific is a recap/clip show, featuring some "new" scenes, so there will be no recap tonight. In the meantime, let's see who can come up with the best caption for the above picture in the Comments section. (I have left it caption-free) Winner gets a mention in next week's recap.

Amazing Race Recap: “Teacups, Lego, And Speedos”

2011-11-21T00:55:00.004-05:00

This week's episode of The Amazing Race finds the teams still Racing through Europe, visiting Denmark, Germany and Belgium. It is also alarmingly entitled "It's Speedo Time", and I'm sure after looking at the picture above, you don't need an explanation why.

My Random Thoughts:

- This episode started off at the Pit Stop in Copenhagen, Denmark, which Phil told us “has the cleanest waterfront in the world.” Is that really the best point you can come up with when talking about Copenhagen? Not that it is the capital of Denmark, the highest population in Denmark, or even the fact that it has the largest airport in Scandinavia? But rather that our harbour is ok to swim in?

- Ernie and Cindy left the Pit Stop first, and on the way, we learned that Cindy’s parents would have liked for her to marry a Chinese guy, but she hopes they’ll see that her and Ernie have “a very fun relationship.” Can you imagine that discussion? “Mom and Dad, I know you want me to follow our cultural history, but I met this guy in a bar…and he’s lots of fun, so I’m going to do this instead.”

- From the Pit Stop, teams had to find a statue of Hans Christian Andersen where they were faced with a Roadblock asking “Who wants to take a fairy tale ride?” The Roadblock entailed them having to memorize a poem by Andersen, then follow a map on their bike wheel, and then perform the poem for a skeleton wearing a top hat.

Thank God Liz and Marie weren’t still in the Race for this Roadblock. Remember how long it took for them to get a word-for-word repetition earlier in the season? And that was when it was spoken to them and all they had to do was repeat it…having to memorize, ride, and then perform would have been an absolute disaster.

- Cindy did the Roadblock on her first try, and Marcus employed what maybe the worst strategy ever, trying to distract his teammate when she was trying to memorize something, but Amani still completed it on the first try as well.

- In the car after the Roadblock, Marcus said that completing that task so fast was like they “took the opening kickoff and ran it for a touchdown.” Between that and Amani comparing herself to Peyton Manning off the top, I’m wishing that I would have implemented an NFL Analogy count for this season, like I have done in previous seasons for things like the Rhode Island Detectives, Louie and Michael, always saying “baby”, or Jordan and Dan calling each other “bro.”

- Cathi couldn’t find the theater at first, then got one word wrong (“untold” vs “remote”) in her performance, but on the second go-around got it. Tommy and Sandy both recited the poem perfectly, but simply read it, leaving Danish Skeletor to tell them “more drama, please. I need you to bring life to the words.” Essentially, they just needed to overact instead of recite…should have asked for advice from Sofia Coppola in Godfather Part III.

- After the Roadblock, teams were off to Legoland park, where they would have to work on a Lego puzzle while riding the Spinning Teacups. The only thing is that they had to fight motion sickness while working on the puzzle, and only while it was actually in motion. Once it stopped, they had to put their hands in the air (but not “wave them like they just don’t care”), and continue again when the ride started up for the next passengers. Eventually, the puzzle would tell them that their next destination was the Hamburg Train Station in Germany.

I was shocked to see that Ernie and Cindy had some initial trouble with the puzzle, because I was assuming I would hear them talk about how they specifically practiced completing Lego puzzles on amusement park rides. But what I really took from this whole challenge was that Legoland looks awesome, and I want to go to there. (Liz Lemon voice)

Amani and Marcus were both on the verge of being sick, leading Amani to say that “I would hate to throw up on any kids.” I guess it would be OK to vomit on the adults? How about the teens?

Jeremy and Sandy nearly got sick as well, and then lost a piece of the puzzle. Andy and Tommy breezed through it, and after finally getting there after getting lost, Bill and Cathi just wanted a hot dog and a Slurpee afterwards.

- On the way to Hamburg, Ernie talked about having an American dialect, and control-freak Cindy was only too happy to correct him and tell him that the word he obviously meant to use was “accent.” Once again, Ernie’s B Student status comes to light.

- At the Hamburg train station, teams found out that they had to take a train to Brussels, Belgium, which would be the 3rd country of the leg. I thought that was pretty lame, because if you’re only going into Germany to pick up a clue and then hop a train, selling this episode as a 3-Country Leg is pretty weak.

- Since the only train was at 12:30 am, teams were going to be, as Cindy whinily put it, “all on the same stupid train.” This apparently angered her so much, that she threw her train tickets on the ground, and continued to whine even more upon discovering that they were gone.

They talked to the conductor on their first train, but she wasn’t able to help…so what did they do? They decided to get on the second train from Cologne to Brussels anyways in the hopes that no one would come by and check for tickets.

How on Earth this doesn’t equate to a penalty is beyond me. Aren’t they essentially stowaways on the train now? If Phil won’t check them in at the Pit Stop for not settling up with their cab driver, how can teams take a train without a ticket and not be penalized?

- In Brussels, teams had to find the Parliament building for their next clue, which reminded us that “Jean-Claude Van Damme is Belgium’s most famous bodybuilder.” Do you think that Belgium’s second most famous bodybuilder has a hissy fit every time Bloodsport comes on TV?‘

The clue told the teams that they would “now have a chance to walk in the shoes of the Muscles from Brussels” as they would have to compete in a Bodybuilding Posedown. And not just compete, mind you, but compete while wearing tiny orange speedos, a bronzing paint that was referred to as “Competition Oil” (??), and impressing a panel of roided-up Belgians until they scored a total of 12 points. All of this was explained with the added bonus of Phil demonstrating…complete with “flexed” eyebrow.

- For the last couple of seasons, I’ve complimented the TAR producers on getting away from the trend that we saw in Season 14: having contestants take their clothes off as often as possible. Remember the Sauna Buss, the footrace in underwear, and more? But now, they appear to have gone back to it in what I can only describe as the most awkward thing I have ever watched on this show.

- I didn’t like that the judges gave their critiques in English. How much better would it have been to see them just give the score and have the teams have to adjust? There is always a language barrier in other countries on TAR, but in this episode, it seemed like everyone in Belgium spoke English.

- I had to laugh at Cindy’s complaint that the judges mainly focused on Ernie's portion of the posedown in their critiques. I was hoping that Ernie would turn to her and yell “At least I didn’t lose the train tickets, Miss Straight A’s!” And did you see the bruises on Cindy’s legs? What the hell was that from?

- And yes, I saw Ernie giggling at Andy and Tommy putting oil on each other, and talking about locking eyes with a man in the audience, and then spinning around as he ran out of the Bodybuilding hall. But even though I get 10-15 hits a day from people Googling “Ernie Amazing Race Gay”…I’m not going there.

- Amani and Marcus finished first, after a posedown that was filled with whistles and catcalls from the local Belgian Cougars. They made it to the Pit Stop first and won a trip to Panama. We didn’t see the rest of the finish order, because Phil told them that the next leg starts immediately.

- A couple of thoughts: First, I didn’t like the ending, but only because I need to see if Ernie and Cindy got a penalty for not having tickets for the train. If they don’t have one next week upon reaching the Pit Stop Mat, I’m going to be furious. Second, why was there no Detour on this Leg? Only a Roadblock and 2 team tasks?

Next Week: Trash Talk in Belgium And Driving Really Fast

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: "Who's Running The Show?"

2011-11-17T00:30:00.005-05:00

This week’s Survivor tease on the CBS website stated “castaways are shocked with the announcement of another double elimination”…which translated to “if Dawn or Whitney don’t win Immunity, we’re just going to let Upolu get rid of them both so we can get on with the game.” I anticipate this being another predictable episode, so let’s just get right to it…

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor. The merge meant nothing since it was still Savaii vs. Upolu within the Te Tuna Tribe. Whitney was disgusted by Cochran, and Ozzy and Jim were both sent to Redemption (Non) Island to keep Keith company, despite Albert’s attempts to “switch up the game” and vote out Dawn. Jeff asks us “will anyone seize the opportunity to team up with Dawn and Whitney and turn the game upside down?”

- Night Vision Recap at Redemption (Non) Island: Jim joins his old drinking buddies, and whines about the fact that Upolu all chose to sit out and eat at the last Immunity Challenge. Perhaps he should have been griping about his inability to last longer than 30 seconds in said challenge. He correctly pointed out, however, that “the longer that Coach has them believing that they’re all one tribe, the more likely it is that he wins the million dollars.”

- Night Vision Recap at Te Tuna camp (now with millipedes!): Coach says that he tries not to judge people, but then goes ahead and judges Jim, telling everyone that they’re a family now that he’s gone. He then goes on about how everything is equal and how he’s not running the show, but everyone knows that’s a crock, especially Whitney, who says that “Coach is running the show like he’s Jesus.” I’m not sure what that means, since I don’t recall Jesus ever dictating to people what they needed to do, or lying to them, or telling them about that time he paddled up the Amazon and was captured by pygmies who wanted to eat his ass (remember that nugget from Coach?)

- The next day starts with some Dragon Slayer Chi on the beach as Coach teaches Cochran his methods of meditation. Cochran talks about the fact that he is drinking the Coach Kool-Aid, “not in huge gulps, but taking little delicate ginger sips because if I’m not on the cult leader’s side, I’m gonna meet my untimely death.”

Coach then expresses that he’s worried, but says he’s not sure about what. He’s worried about being blindsided, is what he determines, which is another reminder to us, the viewers, that he’s NOT in control of the game. “Fishy things are abroad”, he tells us…and I don’t think he’s talking about Ozzy’s underwater hunting excursions.

- At the Redemption (Non) Island Arena, everybody is there to watch the three-person “Duel”, and Probst embraces his blue-itude by doing something crazy…double blue, people! Light blue hat, dark blue shirt.

I was dreading the Redemption (Non) Island (Non) Duel because I was afraid that it was going to be the same scenario as last year, where only the last place finisher was eliminated. Thankfully, this season, it’s only the winner who stays. I hate the overall concept of Redemption Island to begin with, but it was absolutely absurd last season that a person could be voted out, and then finish 3rd out of 4 at a “Duel” and still not be eliminated.

The Duel itself was a balancing competition with Brandon cheering for Jim, Whitney cheering for Keith, and no one cheering for Ozzy. Jim went out first, which any legit poker player will tell you is always humiliating (but Jim did that quite often this season), and even though it was edited like the end of the competition was close, we all knew that Ozzy would eventually win.

Why did we know Ozzy would win? Because of what may be the worst preview editing in Survivor history! Remember last week’s preview, where we saw Ozzy fishing, grilling, and standing atop a palm tree? Well, at this point in the episode, we haven’t seen ANY OF THAT YET…so he obviously wins. Very disappointing.

So the losers head to the Jury, meaning that the Jury will be 9 people this season, and that there will be a Final Three. I say that because I can’t ever remember a time where there was an even number of people on the Jury, so I doubt it would be 10 on the Jury and a Final Two.

- How does Ozzy celebrate at Redemption (Non) Island? By catching more fish, of course! First he brags about it last week, then he brags about it again at this week’s (Non) Duel, then we see endless shots of him fishing. We get it…OZZY CAN FISH.

But the interesting part of this segment was Ozzy talking about how pleased he was that he doesn’t actually have to play the game, and instead he can just hang out at Redemption (Non) Island and take his chances one-on-one (or two) at the Duels. In essence, what he’s saying is “I would like to win without having to play the social game.” If it’s just about Survivor, he can survive and win. Unfortunately for Ozzy…it’s not just about that.

- At Te Tuna, Rick was checking the fishing nets…and finding nothing, but let’s give the big cowboy some credit, it’s the most he’s done in four episodes. Cochran said that he was looking to team up with Dawn and Whitney, but they would still need to find 2 more willing participants to take control of the game.

- Off to the Immunity challenge, where Probst blew my mind with his reverse double-blue ensemble, this time with a dark blue hat, and light blue shirt. Damn you’re crafty, Mr. Dimples! This challenge would see the castaways carrying rice on head over 2 teeter totters, then emptying it in a bowl without touching it along the way. First one to fill their basket wins immunity.

As I pointed out last week, this season’s challenges seem to be heavily based on balance. Both the Redemption (Non) Island (Non) Duel, and the Immunity Challenge this week were balance challenges…and the Immunity Challenge had two different elements: balancing the rice on your head, and balancing as you walked over the teeter-totter.

It seems like Survivor’s challenge-creating team goes through phases where they just go with a theme for most of the season. We’ve seen seasons where it’s based on physical strength, seasons where it’s mostly puzzles, seasons where every challenge ended with ‘cut a rope and raise a flag’, and the dreadful TILES from the past two seasons.

This week’s Unintentionally Dirty Probst-isms during the challenge: “making sure you get a good fit on your head is key”, “Use your body!”, and my personal favourite, “once you find that sweet spot, this gets easier.”

Sophie ending up winning Immunity by transferring a giant bowl of rice on her third trip, but all I could think about was all of the rice that was being wasted as they were dropping it throughout the challenge. After presenting Sophie with the Immunity necklace, Double Blue Probst warned of an impending twist at Tribal Council, which would only be revealed AT Tribal Council.

At one point in the challenge, Probst Blue Ribbon said “Dawn not messing around, she knows she needs Immunity tonight!” This reminded me of a few weeks back when he made comments during the challenge on how Cochran was screwing up. I’m all for Probst commenting during the challenge, and throwing his witticisms in when necessary, but I think he’s been crossing the line lately and interjecting too much of the players’ strategy into his comments.

- At camp, the plan was to vote Dawn because she is a legit threat to win the entire game. Cochran assumed that the twist was a potential double elimination, which could potentially endanger him. Now flipping (again) made more sense. Would he really do it?

Cut to a shot of a rat scurrying along. Hmmm.

- Dawn and Whitney know the only chance is to try and swing someone. According to Whitney, Brandon is a loose cannon, Rick isn’t even playing, and Edna is “so far up Coach’s butt, it’s ridiculous.” Allusions to what may or may not be in Coach's butt notwithstanding, that pretty much leaves Albert and Sophie…so they present pretty much the same argument that Jim made last week.

But now Albert is considering it, because he realizes that he needs Savaii votes on the Jury (Pesky social game. Good thing Fisherman Ozzy doesn’t have to worry about it!), and wants to reward Cochran for the move he made earlier to save Upolu. Everyone else, meanwhile, seems content to write Woody Aiken off as seventh place.

Albert then talked to Whitney about voting Edna. Did Coach hear as he was wandering nearby? Then he pitched the idea to Sophie, who saw the logic in it, especially after Albert comically pointed out that “this game’s not Outorganize. Outclean. Outgather.”

- Coach was paranoid about all of Albert’s scrambling, and said that Albert is either “trying to come up with a last second plan or he’s trying to curry jury votes, and neither one of ‘em is acceptable in my opinion.” That doesn’t sound like someone who is insisting that he’s NOT running the show, does it?

He then called the gang together and said “If anybody wants to go against the five, it’s instant death.” As he told us, his method was to approach it like an old Mob Boss. Hey, Dragon Slayer, Boston Rob is the Island Godfather, not you. And at least he used the Buddy System, so his dictatorial ways didn’t come across that way.

- At Tribal Council, Keith showed up with a horrible moustache (and I can relate, more below), Dawn talked basic math, Cochran said that it was the perfect time to make a big move, Coach insisted that he isn’t running the show while asking himself questions and answering them, Albert referred to Coach as “a figurehead”, and Rick once again said nothing.

- All the talk of a big move was hot air, as Dawn was sent to Redemption (Non) Island, despite Brandon seemingly voting for some unknown guy named Don. Then Probst dropped the most predictable bomb in Survivor history: there would be an immediate Immunity challenge and another vote.

- The Immunity challenge was a simple Survivor quiz, Big Brother-style, meaning that a wrong answer would eliminate you instead of a total score being tallied. It came down to Whitney and Sophie, and Sophie ended up winning, setting up the predictable vote to eliminate Whitney and leave the Upolu 6 (with a side of Cochran) remaining.

2 Tribal Councils = 0 Drama.

Weak.

Next week: Brandon is on The Hot Seat, And Coach Becomes Zeus.

Just a reminder that I’m growing a moustache for Movember to help raise funds for prostate cancer awareness. Rest assured, I DO look ridiculous, but it's for a good cause. If you're interested in donating to help, please visit http://ca.movember.com/mospace/2002184/

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. I’m learning the power of Twitter, as some of the Survivor cast has been retweeting my recaps, so please feel free to share a link to this page if you feel like recommending it to others.

Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Amazing Race Recap: “Bunny Hurdles And Sweaty-Ass Butter”

2011-11-13T21:58:00.004-05:00

Since last week’s introduction of the Double U-Turn was a resounding flop, why not try it 2 weeks a row? That’s right…the Double U-Turn made a return tonight on the next leg of the Race, which saw the teams running, jumping, and dancing their way through Denmark. Would it be of any consequence this week?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on The Amazing Race… 7 teams raced through Malawi, but when Jennifer stumbled at the Road Block, Amani and Marcus were able to overcome their last place standing and stay alive. Ernie and Cindy used the Express Pass to get ahead of Andy and Tommy but lost in a footrace to the Pit Stop mat.

- Departing the Pit Stop in Malawi, the spread between the first team to leave and the last team to leave was only 24 minutes. The teams learned that they were headed to Copenhagen, Denmark…for the first time ever (Gasp!)…where they would pick up their spiffy new Ford Focus and make their way to a Bell Tower for their next clue.

- Ernie and Cindy, upon seeing that there would be a Double U-Turn again, responded with Cindy saying “We’re so using it.” Ernie then talked about losing on the last leg, saying that “we had first place stolen from us.” After last week’s editing job, we’re continuing this week on our new TAR theme: Ernie and Cindy are both Bad Sports. Let’s call this Exhibit #1.

- Laurence and Zac talked about the fact that they used the U-Turn last week on Amani and Marcus, even though Team NFL was in front of them, and speculated that since they already used their one opportunity to U-Turn another team, it “might burn us.” Did anyone realize after hearing this, that it was essentially a 100% guarantee that Laurence and Zac would get U-Turned this week?

- I’m not going to go into all of the airport drama, which saw everyone find different flights, and arrive in Copenhagen at different times, because it was all a non-issue since the Bell Tower predictably didn’t open until 7:30 am the next morning.

The only two significant things that happened in the airports were that Laurence and Zac found an early flight, and a visibly annoyed Cindy thought it was “super shady” that they didn’t share that info. Let’s call that Exhibit #2, because there’s no way that they should share that info.

Other than that, the only happening that mattered was that Amani and Marcus decided to simply “look at other planes” and sleep. This meant that that the next morning, as the other teams were heading up the Bell Tower, Amani and Marcus still had not yet boarded their plane.

- In Copenhagen (where Cindy commented that “everyone is so blond”) teams had to climb the spiral staircase at the Bell Tower and figure out via 2 separate flags that their next destination was Frederiksburg Slot, a Danish castle.

Most of the teams figured it out relatively easily, but Jeremy and Sandy only looked at one flag, and interpreted that as a clue to take them to a local restaurant. After exiting the tower on the way to the castle, one team shockingly remarked “Oh, the cars are still here.” Well, of course they are, didn’t you know that your car is a Ford Focus? Why would Ford pay to only show it once on the show?

- It was time to dance at the Frederiksburg Slot, as teams encountered a Roadblock where they would have to learn a complex 3-part dance routine. Ernie raised some eyebrows talking about the tights, stockings, and makeup that he had to wear, and Cindy watched him dancing while doing her best “Macauley Culkin in Home Alone” impression.

Laurence explained rap music to Bill and Cathi while doing a horrible beatbox, and Zac struggled mightily learning the routine, leading “worst father of the year” candidate Laurence to talk about how he could have done it faster.

Highs and lows from this Roadblock: the high point was hearing Bill and Cathi’s love story…being together since the ages of 12 and 13 (especially compared to Ernie and Cindy’s “we met in a bar over shots” tale.) The low point for me, was the creepy skinny guy that was the partner for the 3rd element of the dance challenge. He looked like Kevin Kline with white hair and about 80 less pounds.

After completing the Roadblock, teams would then have to drive to Frielandmuset to get their next clue. How would they get there? Why, in their Ford Focus, of course!

- Jeremy and Sandy had to go back to the tower and figure out the flag clue properly, but by the time they returned, Airport Slowpokes Amani and Marcus had now arrived at the Bell Tower. Both teams left for the castle at about the same time.

- On the way, Team NFL lost their way, and Marcus talked about the fact that “being lost bothers me”, but also that he’s not the type of person to stop and ask for directions. That makes no sense at all. It’s kind of like saying that you hate being hungry, but it annoys you when you have to eat.

Eventually he stopped to try and find someone to ask, but no one would stop to help. But, to be fair, it’s not like he pulled into a gas station to ask…he just pulled over and started randomly trying to flag down cars, trucks, motorcycles…anyone…even going so far as wandering in between the traffic. Let me ask you this, and answer honestly: If you’re a Danish local, and you’re driving down a country highway and you see that (along with a cameraman and audio guy), would you stop? I’m not sure I would.

After some time, he finally got the correct directions, and then made the obligatory NFL comparison, saying that getting lost was just like a turnover in a football game.

- At the Detour, teams reached into an old-school Post Box to find out that they had a choice between All Hopped Up and All Churned Out. Before even finding out what either of those were, I looked up to see that the farm setting at the Detour included a table with a Pig’s Head on it! Did I see that right? My PVR was not working tonight, so I couldn’t go back to check.

- In All Churned Out, teams were forced to work cream into butter and, as Phil told us in a fantastically worded sentence, “once the finished product is stamped, a dairy maid will hand them their next clue.” This was clearly the most sexually suggestive Detour in Amazing Race history, as we were subjected to constant shots of teams thrusting the churning poles (?) up and down over and over while saying things like “smack it hard” and “there’s something dirty in it.”

They even went so far with Sandy as to show her yanking on the pole between her legs, and bending over the churn so that you could see her cleavage as she “worked the pole.” Come on…that was just shameful. Well, at least they weren’t making the Racers take their clothes off, like in past seasons.

At one point, Bill asked if they could eat the butter, and Cindy responded by saying, “I don’t know if you want to eat my sweaty-ass butter.” Now, I’d like to point out that in that quote, it is extremely vital that the hyphen is placed between “sweaty” and “ass”, thus indicating that the butter itself is “sweaty-ass.” Without the hyphen, one may infer that what is “sweaty” is the “ass butter” which is, frankly, too disgusting to even explain.

Neither of those things are things that Bill would have wanted to eat anyways, but I think it’s important to clarify the meaning of the sentence, especially in the written form for those of you who didn’t actually see or hear it on the episode.

- In All Hopped Up, teams had to assemble a rabbit-hopping course, and then pick a rabbit to run the course, jumping over all of the hurdles. This may have seemed odd, but I did a little research and found out that Rabbit Hopping is not only real, but quite popular in Denmark. I’m not joking…check out this video of 2010 Danish Championships in Rabbit Hopping. (I could seriously do an entire blog post on this 3-minute video. Wait until you see The Long Jump.)

Now, teams not only had to assemble the course, and get the rabbit to leap over the hurdles, but they also had to have a “clean run.” Bill and Cathi were the first to attempt it, and when Hopper, their first rabbit, got winded, they went with Speckles, who nailed the course.

When Amani and Marcus did this Detour, Marcus was jumping higher than the rabbits before turning into a rabbit whisperer and telling his bunny “I love you” after completing the course. If this was as easy as it looked, why didn’t more teams do it instead of churning butter?

- Ernie and Cindy finished the Detour first and then had to travel on foot to a nearby windmill, where the Double U-Turn awaited. After saying off the top that they would definitely be using it (and after seeing last week’s preview), I wasn’t shocked to see them do so, but I couldn’t believe that they used it on Bill and Cathi! Are you kidding me? Cindy said that it was because the Oldsters were right on their tails, and that they “can’t be nice anymore. It’s a million dollars.”

I’m just going to call a spade a spade here and say that’s Total Bullshit.

That was definitely NOT a millon-dollar decision, that was an “I want to win this leg” decision. U-Turning someone far behind you is a smarter strategic move, someone already near the cusp of being eliminated…not someone in 2nd place. I have absolutely no problem with them using the U-Turn, and I also have no problem with them U-Turning Bill and Cathi because they want to win this leg. But I do have a problem with U-Turning someone for personal short term prize gain, and trying to tell us it’s for the long-term prize.

In the car (a Ford Focus!), Ernie said that he didn’t really want to U-Turn anyone, and Cindy responded “I’m sorry I’m the mean one.” Let’s call that Exhibit #3.

- After the U-Turn decision, teams then had to drive 7 miles back to Copenhagen to the Pit Stop. How would they get there? Have you forgotten about that spiffy Ford Focus already? I thought so.

- Of course, Ernie and Cindy won the leg, arriving at the dockside Pit Stop first to see Phil, the Skipper, and The Accordion Player. I was sure he was going to tell them that they won the Ford Focus they had been driving (or maybe two!), but it was just a trip to Fiji. Cindy then told us that you "have to do what you have to do to secure first.” No, you have to do that to win a trip.

I really have to laugh any time Phil tells a team that they’ve won a trip that include a spa treatment, because it always sounds like he’s saying “spar treatment”, which makes me think that they won a boxing lesson.

- Did anyone else assume that as soon as Jeremy and Sandy were in the car on the way to the Detour, and we heard Jeremy say “we can’t get lost!” and Sandy’s response of “I know where we are”…that they would definitely be getting lost?

- The end was relatively uninteresting, so I’m going to blow through it rapid-fire: Marcus made another NFL analogy (Hail Mary pass), Laurence and Zac got U-turned (which Angry Sailor Dad thought was “bloody ridiculous”), Jeremy and Sandy got lost (but luckily still had the incredible comfort of a Ford Focus), and Team Snowboard was happy for Ernie and Cindy to win the leg.

- Despite driving on the shoulder to avoid traffic (which should have been a penalty anyways since teams cant speed either), The U-Turn was too much to overcome and Laurence and Zac arrived last to find out that they were eliminated. The first ones to arrive in Denmark were the last ones to the Pit Stop, and Team Sailing Family could now set off into the sunset.

Next Week: Overacting, Spinny Tea Cups, And The Return Of Making The Racers Take Their Clothes Off.

Just a quick note to say that I'm joining with my fellow RogersTV broadcasters to grow a moustache for Movember and help to raise funds for prostate cancer awareness. Rest assured, I look ridiculous, but it's for a good cause. If you're interested in donating to help, please visit http://ca.movember.com/mospace/2002184/

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Pastries, Coconuts, and Two Tribal Councils”

2011-11-09T21:34:00.004-05:00

Last week saw the Savaii and Upolu Tribe merge into the horrendously named Te Tuna Tribe, and a dramatic Tribal Council that saw a tie vote before Cochran switched sides to vote Keith out. This week, what would the ramifications be for Cochran after betraying his alliance? Is Brandon really playing the role of Bully Protector? And are the rumours true…is this week going to be a Double Tribal Council?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor. Ozzy returned to the game, the Tribes merged, and Cochran flipped after showing that he was the worst double agent in history. Whitney got the Idol from Ozzy but received no votes (why did they mention that?), and Keith was sent to Redemption (Non) Island.

- This week’s Night Vision Recap was the fallout after Tribal Council, as the rest of the former Savaii Tribe berated Cochran for his betrayal. Ozzy said that he felt screwed over, Jim ranted and raved and called him names, and Whitney apparently just wanted to swear at him (hey, at least they’re showing her saying something!)

During the Cochran Attack, Brandon popped in to make sure that no one was “being aggressive,” and Ozzy responded that it was fine because “we’re not, like, gangsters out here, man.” I find it interesting how Brandon became the protector at the end of Tribal Council last week, and into this week.

Cochran maintained that his decision was based on the concept of self-preservation rather than wanting to screw Savaii. “I haven’t been obsessed with this for 11 years to have my fate decided by picking a stone out of a bag”, he told Ozzy, which is a pretty sound argument to me. Ozzy didn’t agree, saying “That’s the easy way out. That’s how a wiener plays.”

I’ve heard all the arguments on how Cochran’s move last week was cowardly, and stupid, and that flipping from 6th of 6 to 7th of 7 made no sense, but I don’t agree. I’m completely with Cochran that drawing stones is an absurd way to decide your fate.

- The next morning, Coach basked in the glory of the Upolu victory with a prayer and some Tai Chi, while talking about being “confident but not arrogant”, and “humble but not weak.” He thinks he has a good shot at going all the way, and I have to say I agree. This season is looking more and more like last season with Coach in the role of Boston Rob.

- There was no Duel this week since Keith is alone at Redemption (Non) Island, so off they went straight to their first Immunity challenge of the episode. This challenge featured…yep, you guessed it…more coconuts! And not just in one stage, but two! First, Coconut Bocce, and then smashing them and drinking the water for the second stage. It’s all about sustainability, people…using the WHOLE coconut.

For the first stage, teams had to toss a coconut into a mini-golf-esque type rope hole, with only the first 4 to do so being able to advance. The four to advance were Dawn, Whitney, Jim, and Sophie. Jim did a girlish jump in the air when he made his shot, and Ozzy was visibly angry, clapping and swearing after finding out he was eliminated. At least there was no flying kung fu kicks this time.

Let’s revisit a little game we played earlier in the season, but one that I’ve shied away from in recent weeks: Which Jeff Probst Comment Was Dirtier? Option A)“Whitney getting a good mouthful!” or Option B) “Sophie slidin’ down that pole!” Discuss in the Comments Section.

Jim was begging for Jeff to tell him he had won, even though his water level was clearly below the line. Sophie had a shot to win, but gagged and had to spit her water out, allowing Jim to arrogantly celebrate early as he won Immunity.

- After the challenge, Brandon made it clear to Cochran that the remaining 6 Upolu members would all be voting for Ozzy. Ozzy, meanwhile, was trying to bargain with Coach. Coach didn’t want Ozzy to leave. Dawn considered flipping. Jim wants to give Ozzy the necklace and make a speech about voting for Cochran.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it right there…this is nothing but diversionary tactics to draw attention away from the fact that Ozzy is definitely getting voted out at Tribal Council.

- At the first Tribal Council, they talked about the fallout over Cochran’s flip, Brandon talked about supporting Cochran, Jim said “if you’re a turncoat, you’ve got no place in my tribe”, and Ozzy, who knew he was going, told everyone that at Redemption (Non) Island, “I’ll make you a nice fish and I’ll send you on your way.”

In the end, Ozzy was voted out 9-2 because Dawn and Whitney flipped to try and make inroads with the Upolu members.

- At Redemption (Non) Island, Ozzy went fishing and started hauling in a monster catch, so he and Keith would be well fed for their Duel…which inexplicably did not take place this episode.

- For the second Immunity challenge, the castaways had to stand while balancing a ball on a beam. This season’s challenges are all about balance. First, the RNI Duel with the stacked poles, then last week’s coconut on a string challenge, and now this one.

But the best part was the tradional Survivor Twist: Compete or Eat. They were given the option of battling for Immunity, or scarfing down pastries and iced coffee. These decisions are always good for creating some animosity. Coach was visibly steamed that the rest of Upolu wanted to eat, but chose to stay with them because “we stick together.”

So it was only Dawn, Jim, and Whitney competing for immunity. Well, actually, it was pretty much just Dawn and Whitney because Jim was out in about 30 seconds. How awesome would it have been if someone fell right after, and the Immunity challenge was over in a minute or something, and the others had barely any time to eat? That would have been pretty funny.

Jeff: “Coach, still wishing you were participating in the challenge?”
Coach: (laughs with muffin crumbs flying out of his mouth)
Jeff: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Priceless.

I had to laugh at Brandon’s celebration when Jim was eliminated, throwing his arms up in celebration and shouting “Yes!” Then, when Brandon was full, he went to his new BFF and rested his head on Cochran’s shoulder. Did anyone else notice that Edna was feeding Rick? What the hell was that about?

In the end, Whitney outlasted Dawn, who looked like she still had a mouthful of coconut water from the first Immunity challenge as she tried to maintain her balance. Whitney was emotional over the win. Good for her…maybe now we’ll see more character development. She certainly has been edited horribly (but not as badly as Rick.)

- Here’s an interesting thought that was brought up in the Comments section after last week’s episode (and yes, I always read all the comments.) Let’s assume that Brandon makes it to the dreaded “Loved Ones” episode (and regular readers will know how much I hate that annual tradition)…who do you think his “loved one” will be? His wife…or Uncle Russell?

- Cochran dressed up as Coach and did an impression back at camp, while Jim ranted that he was destined for 3rd place with anyone. Hey Jim, if you’re talking about someone being so unlikeable that they’ll get taken to the Final Three and get no votes…you also just described yourself. But interesting to note here, is Jim’s allusion to the fact that there will be a Final Three instead of a Final Two. Are they informed in advance?

- Jim was scrambling to save himself, and went to Albert and Sophie because they are “the only two people that aren’t drinking the Kool-Aid, and aren’t in the cult.” Albert, had a plan to oust Dawn, and Coach just wanted to compare everyone to animals, but essentially it simply boiled down to a choice between Jim and Dawn.

- The second Tribal Council was relatively uneventful, save for Whitney channeling her inner Brandon and breaking down in tears. Did you notice what I was mentioning last week, that Albert’s sweater looks impeccably clean at Tribal Council? What the hell?

Jim was voted out 7-3. No big shocker.

- Why the Double Tribal Council episode out of the blue? They did this last season as well, when everything fell into place for predictable pick-em-off voting results…they jammed two weeks into one. Same thing this week with Ozzy and Jim getting the boot. Why waste 2 hours showing us what we all know is going to happen when you can condense it to one?

I was annoyed that there was no Redemption (Non) Island Duel, because that means that next week, we’ll see a “competition” featuring Ozzy, Jim, and Keith, which can’t be labeled a “Duel” since there are 3 of them. I just hope they change what they did last year where only last place was eliminated, and that only the winner of the 3-Person Redemption (Non) Island (Non) Duel is the one who stays.

Next week: Albert Has A Plan, And Ozzy’s Fish-Fest Continues.

Just a reminder that I’m growing a moustache for Movember to help raise funds for prostate cancer awareness. Rest assured, I DO look ridiculous, but it's for a good cause. If you're interested in donating to help, please visit http://ca.movember.com/mospace/2002184/

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Amazing Race Recap: “Just Standing Around In Malawi”

2011-11-06T23:16:00.007-05:00

Tonight's episode marks the return of the dreaded Double U-Turn, as the teams remain in Malawi for the next leg. Will the Double U-Turn be used…and if so, would it be a factor?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on The Amazing Race…Justin and Jennifer narrowly missed out on a first place finish, and Team NFL was saved by a third non-elimination leg.

- Teams were shown at the Pit Stop in Malawi, as they checked in and set up their own beds in huts where would be spending the night. Everyone seemed to embrace the concept except for Ernie and Cindy, who were shown complaining about the size of the huts, mosquito nets, and the straw roof. (Editor’s message #1: We want you not to like Ernie and Cindy for this leg.)

- We saw a recap on Andy and Tommy, and how they had won 4 legs of the race so far, 3 of which have been a result of other people’s mistakes. (Editor’s message #2: Andy and Tommy are probably going to win this leg, and maybe due to a mistake by another team.)

- Justin talked about being gay and coming out to his sister. (Editor’s message #3: Justin and Jennifer will be eliminated this week, that’s why we’re showing you more about their personal life that we haven’t shown you before…just like we did when we introduced the concept of Kaylani’s daughter on the episode that Team Vegas was eliminated.)

- Laurence and Zac told us “the reality is, if you need to U-turn somebody to stay in the race, you need to do it. That’s all there is to it.” (Editor’s message #4: Laurence and Zac will definitely U-Turn someone on this leg.)

- Ernie and Cindy then said “we’ll probably have to use our Express Pass to get ahead.” (Editor’s message #5: Remember that Ernie and Cindy have the Express Pass, since they will be using it on this leg.)

- I found that the first part of the episode was essentially a way to remind viewers of what they needed to know for the episode, or foreshadow what was about to happen. Usually we see a bit of it, but this was all pretty blatant.
- The most entertaining thing for me was Marcus and Amani’s reaction upon finding out that they were only given $1.00 for this leg of the Race. Marcus responded by saying, “What are we going to ride, a pachyderm?”

Where the hell can I find a $1.00 elephant ride? Seriously…I want to know.

- After the teams took a Bus to Salima, Marcus and Amani were faced with a Speed Bump as soon as they got off the bus. I immediately did the following math in my head: Speed Bump + Bus = SaunaBuss? I was seriously hoping for a repeat of the most awesome and most awkward Speed Bump of all time…but alas, it was just a slide puzzle.

A slide puzzle? Are you kidding me? And with the picture provided for you? With the flag hanging right there? How did these two not solve this in less time? That was ridiculously easy, and not worthy of being a part of this Race. As I’ve said before, I’d rather the last place team on Non-Elimination legs receive no penalty rather than a lame-ass one that makes a mockery of the Race.

- In Salima, the teams encountered their Roadblock, which saw one member of the team delivering fish via bicycle taxi. Except that instead of being the passenger on the taxi, they would have to be the driver, and carry someone on the bike with them. And of course, they would also have to deal with the obligatory Handlebar-cam that we see any time TAR has a bike challenge.

- On the Roadblock, Laurence and Sandy were trying to work together, but were unsure of where they were going, which prompted Laurence to say that it was “like finding a hair on an elephant’s butt.”

I’m sorry, but I was really confused by that, because I had no idea that an elephant’s butt was so hairless that it would seem odd to find a hair there. Are elephant’s butt’s hairless? Is that why the rides only cost $1.00? And why do I really care? Is it just me, or is this week heavy on the elephant references?

As far as comfort was concerned, Laurence said that the bike seat was “something that could crush your balls in a heartbeat if you got the wrong bump”, and Sandy said that she wasn’t going to be able to have kids after the ride.

- Cindy was commenting on what she saw in Malawi, saying that it was more primitive, less developed, and wondering why the kids weren’t in school. She was also frustrated that English is the official language in Malawi, but she couldn’t find anyone that understands her. (Don’t forget Editor’s Message #1 from earlier.)

- The order of finish for the Roadblock was Cindy, Andy, Cathi, Laurence and Sandy, Marcus, and then Jennifer. Well, Jennifer was actually in 4th place at the point where she delivered the fish, but upon finding out that she had left the clue with Justin, had no idea that she was to return to the starting point. So what did she do? Did she ride back to Justin and get the clue to find out what was required (which would have completed the task, since he was where she needed to go)? Nope.

Instead, she inexplicably thought that the best strategy was to just stand around and wait, hoping for the answer to come to her in the form of another team that would be gracious enough to stop and show her the clue. What a terrible strategy. And when she finally did decide to head back, she did it with no urgency whatsoever. Now, instead of 4th place, she and Justin were in dead last. (Please remember Editor’s Message #3)

- As Marcus and Amani left the Roadblock, Amani told their cab driver to drive fast “like your mama’s in the hospital and you gotta get there.” Marcus, meanwhile was yelling at the goats on the road and telling the driver to lean on the horn, just like he used to do in the NFL: “Get out the way, Miami Dolphins, I’m coming!” (One of three NFL reference from Stringer Bell this week.)

- Did anyone else catch the part when Bill said that he and Cathi worked well together because they have been together for 50 years, and they know each other’s “modem operandi”? Is that a part of your computer?

- This week’s Detour took place at Lake Malawi, which Phil told us “has more species of freshwater fish than any other lake in the world.” The teams would have to choose between Dugout or Lugout. In Dugout, teams would have to participate in the Lake Malawi Dugout Canoe Race, and in Lugout, teams would have to unload cargo from a ferry boat “just like the locals”, and that cargo would include 8 passengers “who expect to stay dry.” Did you notice that the wording was just that they "expect" to stay dry? Not that you actually had to keep them dry? Interesting.

- Most of the teams chose Dugout, but after Ernie and Cindy struggled with the canoe, and watched Tommy and Andy speed off, they decided to use the Express Pass (Editor’s Message #5), stating that with a Double U-Turn ahead, “even if someone U-Turned us, it wouldn’t matter.” Is that true. I don’t remember hearing that before? It was a non-issue in this episode, but I’d like clarification on if (and why) that is the case.

- Jeremy tried to direct Sandy on how to paddle the canoe properly, but his directions were painfully vague, and not really helpful at all. He told her “you put the thing in the thing and you turn it like that.” Meanwhile, Laurence and Zac struggled with their own paddling rhythm. I guess if it doesn’t have sails, these two have some problems.

- Andy and Tommy were having fun, flipping off of their canoe into the water and dancing and running with kids on the beach. Seriously, how can you not love these guys? They soon caught up to Ernie and Cindy, who made a mistake by leaving the Beachside village looking for the Jamaica Shop, only to find that they had to go back down. Now they were neck and neck.

- After finding the Jamaica Shop (which was difficult for most teams, despite the clue saying “find the Jamaica shop in the village”), teams were now faced with the option of using the Double U-Turn (now featuring iPads!) After making their decision at the U-Turn mat, the next stop was the Pit Stop at the Sunbird Livingstonia Resort.

- Nobody decided to actually use the U-Turn except for Laurence and Zac (Editor’s message #4) who decided to U-Turn Amani and Marcus...even though they had just run into them AS THEY WERE RUNNING AWAY FROM THE DOUBLE U-TURN. “I hope they hadn’t just come past. They were going the wrong way”, Laurence told us. How on Earth could he assume that?

- This was by far the most irrelevant U-Turn ever, since the only team that used it decided to U-Turn a team in front of them. Somewhere, Kent and Vyxsin were shouting “Yes! It wasn’t just us!” At least there was no whining about teams bitter that the U-Turn was used on them. Maybe next week, since it looks like it’s making a return…

- The race for the Pit Stop Mat came down to a footrace between Team Yellow and Team Snowboard. Even though Ernie was carrying both packs, he was still ahead of Cindy, who was lagging behind, allowing the snowboarders to catch up. Had they not left the village looking for the Jamaica Shop, they would have definitely won the leg.

Just as the Pit Stop came into sight on the beach, Andy and Tommy passed Ernie and Cindy to win the leg, their 5th win in 7 legs (Editor’s Message #2). I know some of you are going to say “Come on, they’ve already won 4 legs.” So what? It’s the same argument as saying that a team that doesn’t need the money shouldn’t win. I love their competitive spirit. I really do. And how lame was it that as they were being passed on the beach, Cindy called out to them, “Boys, please let us win”?

Andy and Tommy then found out that they won $15,000 on a Discover card. You know what that means, right? They can now take the wives on all 3 of the trips, AND buy that elephant that they want, which they will undoubtedly make sure has no hair on it’s butt before they start charging $1 to ride it.

- Justin and Jennifer were too far behind to catch up, and they were eliminated after arriving to the Pit Stop mat last. No more UNC hat? Oh well…Go Duke!

Next Week: Dancing In Denmark, Circus Rabbits, and Another Double U-Turn (Hey, if it didn't work this week, keep trying...)

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: "The Worst Double Agent Ever"

2011-11-02T21:51:00.007-04:00

After last week’s bold (Translation: foolish) move by Ozzy, sending himself to Redemption Island, would the perfect storm of circumstances converge to get him back into the game? Could all three factors come in to place at once: 1) defeating Angry C in the Duel, 2) finding out that this is the week the Redemption (Non) Island winner gets back in the game, and 3) the merge taking place.

Could all three of these factors happen, as Ozzy predicted? Will God continue to play a bigger role this season than Rick? And why is everyone talking about Black Rocks?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor, a recap of Ozzy’s plan, and the plan for Cochran to be a “double agent.”

- For our weekly Night Vison Recap, Savaii is still hesitant after Tribal Council, and Cochran talks about this being one of the greatest moves in Survivor history. Keith, meanwhile, essentially called Cochran a pussy for not stepping up and saying “No Ozzy, please let me go to Redemption Island.” Cochran responds by telling us that if he can pretend to like the rest of Savaii, he can definitely pull off the double agent act…and then wraps it all up with what may have been the worst Al Pacino impression I’ve ever seen.

- At Redemption (Non) Island, Ozzy and Angry C got acquainted with a tall tale about Cochran being a weasel, and apparently, the Queen of the Duel believed it. Ozzy correctly surmised that his big move was “either the stupidest thing I could have done, or the craziest, ballsiest thing I probably could have ever thought of doing.” See that? It’s either “stupid” or “crazy”…not a good either/or in my books.

- At the Duel itself, all the members of both tribes were there, with no advance explanation of why, signaling that there was obviously going to be a merge. (Many of the commercials this week revealed that as well, but there still should be some explanation when the show breaks from form.)

Ozzy then ranted at Cochran in one of the most unrealistic fake diatribes I’ve ever seen. You would have to be a fool to believe that story. Cochran’s body language was actually the most believable thing, but I think it’s because he was so uncomfortable from the shenanigans that Ozzy was spewing.

The Duel itself was a repeat from the very first Redemption (Non) Island Duel from last season between Fran-Sasquatch and Bible Thumping Matt: make a pole, get the keys, unlock your door. Powder Blue Probst then gave us the first big reveal: The winner goes BACK in the game. (Well…there’s 1 out of 3 factors so far.)

This was a cakewalk for Ozzy. It wasn’t even close, despite the dramatic music. Angry C’s run is over, and I have to say, kudos to her. Winning 5 straight Duels was pretty damn impressive. (Ozzy wins…there’s 2 out of 3 factors in place)

Then Mr. Robin’s Egg announces that (shocker!) the tribes are merged. (That’s all 3!) Bring on the conspiracy theorists, I’m sure there will be hordes of people saying that this was all fixed to favour Ozzy. Let’s all keep something in mind though….just because it worked, doesn’t mean it was a good idea…it doesn’t mean it wasn’t stupid. If you’re playing blackjack and hit on 19, and catch a 2, that doesn’t mean it was a smart move…it just happened to work that one time.

- I know that I’ve given Jim a hard time this season over his self-congratulatory poker bravado, so I thought I’d give you a taste of some real poker. If you’re interested in poker, make sure to check out my previous posts on my experiences playing in the World Series of Poker. There’s a post from this past summer, as well as some posts from 2009 (here and here), when I actually cashed. Yes, if you go online and look up career earnings, Jim has indeed won more money than I have playing poker, but then again…I don’t brand myself as a “WPT Champion.”

- The Post Merge feast consisted of beer, cheese and crackers, yellow buffs and strategy. After the pleasantries had ended, Coach and Cochran had a private conversation, where Cochran complained about how he was treated at Savaii, including talking about how Keith talks to him, which had a pretty strong element of truth to it. Then Coach dropped this bomb:

“Our tribe isn’t budging, and I feel like you guys are trying to play us, ok? You guys came up with a story. You guys sent Ozzy to Redemption. You’ve got an Idol in your pocket, and…knowing that Ozzy would win Redemption, it was a risk, but you knew that Ozzy would win Redemption.”

Wow.

The look in Coach’s eyes said “I know this is true”, and the look in Cochran’s eyes said “I’m sooooo busted.” Give the Dragon Slayer some credit, this floored me. Both the exact analysis of the situation, and his brazen attitude about shoving it right in Cochran’s face and telling him he knew. He invited Cochran to join Upolu and avoid potentially having to draw rocks at Tribal Council in the event of a tie.

- After being confronted with Coach’s suspicions, did Cochran the Double Agent try to deny any of it? No…instead he sang like a canary, telling Upolu everything. At the beginning of the episode, he’s telling us that he’s like the Godfather, but it turns out he’s more like Fredo instead.

- I can appreciate that working with Upolu seems like a decent idea for Cochran (especially against the potential of drawing rocks), but the fact of the matter is, that even on a flip, he’s still the 7th player on a team of 7. Ask Mikayla how that worked out.

- Dawn talked to Cochran about also being the bottom of the group at Savaii, and talked about flipping with him. She was on board, and broke down, upset that she didn’t stand up for Cochran sooner, because he reminds her of her son. It made sense…it would be the first time that the two of them can decide for themselves. But would she actually do it?

- At the Immunity Challenge (this week with no Reward, presumably due to the freebie Merge Feast) we learned that the new Yellow Tribe name was Te Tuna, which, as Keith told us, is “based on the story of how the coconut came to be." I told you in my very first recap that this season was going to be all about the coconuts! And in this challenge, we get the best of both worlds: TILES AND COCONUTS? Are you kidding me???

They each had to balance on a log while holding a coconut with some rope. If the coconut fell, it would break the tile, and if you stepped off the log or let the coconut touch your body, you were out. Also, there would be Double Immunity, with two people winning, one man and one woman. Look, I love the idea of giving out two idols, but segregating it along gender lines for this challenge is total bullshit. I can see it for the weight challenge, where the differences in strength between men and women can be significant when you’re carrying 200+ pounds on your back, but there was no need to make this a separate men's and women's challenge.

People were eliminated for a variety of reasons, but falling off, letting the coconut touch your body, and dropping your coconut on your foot or the sand had one major flaw…no broken tile. These tiles are made to be broken, people! Anyone eliminated should have been made to kick their tile and break it (bare feet or not, as a symbolic gesture similar to making them burn their own buff at RNI.

Dawn won for the women in an anti-climactic competition, and the men were eliminated in the following order: Cochran, Coach, Rick (despite what Probst called “that cowboy strength”), Jim, Keith (who punched his tile to break it! Yes, Keith!), Brandon, and Albert, leaving the newly-returned Ozzy as the winner.

- Back at camp, Savaii is trying to strategize, figuring out who to pick between Sophie and Rick, even though they’re convinced it’s going to be a tie vote. “Everyone is ok going to rocks”, they confirm with each other, and Cochran agrees, but we’re all not sure whether to believe him at this point. I agree with Coach and Cochran, tiebreaking random rocks is a BS way to decide the game. (just ask Paschal from Survivor Marquesas)

- Cochran went straight to Upolu, and told them the whole plan, that Rick was getting Savaii’s 6 votes, and that Ozzy would present the Idol to Whitney. He suggested that they give Rick the Idol, so that he wouldn’t have to flip. Sophie trusts Cochran, but still didn’t reveal Upolu’s target. Safe bet on her part. Cochran even went to Coach, but he still wouldn’t say. This was a good test from Upolu on whether they could trust Cochran or not.

- Wait a minute…now Dawn is trying to dissuade Cochran from joining Upolu? Huh? Now Dawn loves everyone on Savaii and wants to stay loyal? I’m so confused.

- On a side note, I have to say, it’s nice to see Albert starting to develop a personality on the show, but I’m wondering a couple of things about him. First of all, how the hell is he keeping that blue sweater that he wears to Tribal Council so clean? Does he store it away at camp, and only take it out for Tribal Council? And if so, doesn’t that seem odd when it could help with both warmth, and protection from bugs?

Second, what is the deal with him being referred to as “Baseball/Dating Coach”? What do those things have to do with each other? I understand that perhaps he and Coach have bonded over the fact that they both lead others in a sport, but “dating coach?” Are you telling me that his ability to know when it’s a good spot to hit-and-run gives him the skills to help you try to find a partner? Or that understanding the infield fly rule helps him to understand what women are looking for?

These things have absolutely nothing to do with each other, save for the concept of him telling someone what to do. Grouping them together makes about as much sense as labeling someone “Auto Racer/Chauffer” or “Chef/Taxidermist.”

- At Tribal Council, Coach and Ozzy put all the cards on the table, coming right out and saying that it’s going to be a 6-6 tie. Jeff asked the odds of someone defecting, and Cochran said he doesn’t work in odds, whereas Jim said the percentage is “Zero” (someone teach this “poker player” about odds, will you?)

Albert then called out Ozzy’s “broadway production” at the Duel, and Sophie said that she was offended and “found the charade to be over the top, and somewhat pathetic.” Now it’s Ozzy’s turn to get his back up and reveal all. When will people learn to just shut their mouth and smile? Just before voting, Ozzy looks confident, Cochran looks scared, and Coach winks.

I have to give credit to the editors on this episode, for the first time in a long time, and definitely for the first time this season, I had absolutely NO IDEA what was about to happen, either heading in to Tribal Council, or right before the voting. Well done. Let’s hope for this more often.

Ozzy played the Idol for Whitney, reducing the number of Savaii that would have to draw rocks, but when did we see Cochran give it back? Did I miss that? In an awkwardly ordered reveal of votes, we saw the predictable 6-6 tie between Keith and Rick. Of note, there was only one spelling mistake (Keth), but to be fair, with names like Keith and Rick, there should have been zero.

So now it was time for the Rare Re-Vote, my favourite part of which is the fact that the first person voting has to take the urn back with them. I absolutely love that they don’t get a production assistant to do it, and instead say “here, do it yourself.”

On the re-vote, Keith was voted out as Cochran joined with Upolu. Immediately after the vote, he turned to Ozzy and Jim like a kid trying to talk the schoolyard bully out of punching him and said “I swapped. I’ll explain it.” Non-WPT Champion Jim responded with the verbal abuse right away, calling him a coward not once, but twice.

Then Brandon stepped in and said “Don’t talk to him like that. That’s what you get for talking to people like that in the first place.” Good point.

So off Keith went to Redemption (Non) Island, which I once again hate is not over yet, and Probst referred to this vote as “the biggest move in the game”, which must have infuriated Ozzy, who was probably saying to himself “Didn’t you see what I did last week???”

All for naught Ozzy, all for naught. Upolu 7, Savaii 5. And you wasted your Idol.

Scoreboard.

Next week: Savaii Hates Cochran and Ozzy Loves Rainbows.

Two quick notes:

1) This blog will get it's 200,000th hit on Thursday at some point, so a big hearty Thank You to everyone who has been reading. It absolutely blows my mind that we're at 200K!

2) I'm joing with my fellow RogersTV broadcasters to grow a moustache for Movember and help to raise funds for prostate cancer awareness. Rest assured, I will look ridiculous, but it's for a good cause. If you're interested in donating to help, please visit http://ca.movember.com/mospace/2002184/

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. Also, remember that you can also add me on Facebook (999 friends right now, who will be #1000?) or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor South Pacific Recap: November 2, 2011

2011-11-02T17:11:00.002-04:00

UPDATE: RECAP IS UP - CLICK HERE TO READ

Amazing Race Recap: “We Love Your Country, It’s Very Spacious”

2011-10-30T21:39:00.007-04:00

Before I get to tonight’s recap, I just need to mention that I absolutely love watching The Amazing Race on CTV here in Canada, because I don’t have to deal with delays caused by NFL football or golf. That’s right, people…while you’re waiting 29 minutes for the show to start, we Canucks are up here eating back bacon and maple syrup while the show starts promptly at 8:00 pm.

After last week’s elephant-tastic episode, the teams are off to Africa for the sixth leg of the Race. Who’s trapped under a bed? Why are the teams building toy trucks? And who hasn’t paid their driver?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on The Amazing Race…The twins had no money. The twins had no money! But at least they had an elephant-gasm, right? Team NFL came in first place, while the Twins were eliminated partially because, you guessed it, they had no money.

- From the Pit Stop of Bangkok, teams learned that they had to travel more than 5,000 miles to Malawi in Africa. Teams were all on the same flight to Malawi, so the first few minutes were spent talking about the teams

- Cindy is frustrated with their team making mistakes on each leg, while Ernie says “mistakes are inevitable”. Do you think after the camera was off of them, control freak Cindy turned to Ernie and yelled, “No they’re NOT inevitable…unless you’re a B student!”

- Amani and Marcus talked about having a special-needs child, and Jennifer talked about teaching Special Ed. But then, Jennifer referred to the Race as her “special baby.” Just when I thought she was being sensitive, it turns out she was actually being insulting. How do you think Amani and Marcus feel hearing someone compare The Race to a special-needs child? After last week's heavily edited “look how tolerant Jennifer is” moment with regards to other religions, I found this pretty interesting.

- All during the race, it’s been bothering me trying to figure out who Marcus reminded me of…and now I’ve figured it out. Fans of HBO’s The Wire (perhaps the greatest show in the history of television) are probably looking at Marcus and shouting “Stringer Bell!” Don’t you think they look alike?

- So the teams were off to Malawi…and here’s a fun fact about Malawi, in case you didn’t know: the government of Malawi has introduced a bill for a new law to try and stop people from breaking wind in public. The intention is to prosecute those “who foul the air” in an effort to “mould responsible and disciplined citizens”. I thought you should know.

- After landing, the teams had to find their way to a Tobacco warehouse, which was a relevant task since 60% of Malawi’s income is derived from the sale of tobacco leaves. I live in Southwestern Ontario, and there is a large industry nearby of farming tobacco, and also a legendary song by Stompin’ Tom Connors about the strenuous labours of working tobacco (Helpful tidbit: Tillsonburg is the name of the city that is the centre of the industry).

- For the Roadblock, teams had to move 10 “heavy-ass” bales of tobacco with a handcart around a maze-like warehouse that looked like the final scene from Raiders of The Lost Ark. Not only did they have to do this, but they had to do it while the local workers were still scrambling around the lanes and ramming them with their own bales of tobacco. And those that weren’t trying to slow them down were singing and dancing on the bales. Hey, at least they were happy instead of just laughing at the misfortunes of the racers. Maybe they just found out that Madonna has once again been refused in her efforts to adopt all of the children in Malawi.

Everyone was finding it hard to breathe (which is understandable since many of the workers had masks), the Snowboarders inexplicably DIDN’T choose Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who did it, and everyone had trouble taking corners with the cart. Is it really that hard to know how to use a dolly/handcart? You have to step on the axle between the wheels to anchor it when you want to lift, people!

Amani and Marcus finished last, and apparently this was the green light for all of the workers to gather around Marcus, singing, dancing, jumping, and helping him take his orange jumpsuit off. The scene looked eerily reminiscent of the St. Louis Cardinals on Thursday night, mobbing David Freese at the plate after his 11th-inning homer. Did you see that game? Since when did ripping someone’s uniform off constitute a form of celebration?

- After the Roadblock, teams had to travel to the Memorial Tower, where they opened their next clue and were faced with a Detour. The choices were All Sewn Up, where teams would have to use a manual sewing machine to finish a suit jacket and pants, or Not Grown Up, where teams would have to visit a school and build toys for the children out of scrap materials.

Laurence showed his generational differences by stating that “this is where the women whip past us”, because apparently all women sew great and all men build trucks fast. I’m sure he’s hoping a future challenge includes a barefoot pregnant woman doing laundry while he chops down a tree and then reads the newspaper in front of the television. (And how awesome was it that Marcus, perhaps the “manliest man” in the Race, jumped at the chance to sew?)

- In All Sewn Up, the teams had to find their way to the tailor shop in a busy marketplace, choose a waiting patron, and work on his suit. What made this task so awkward was that the patron was waiting for them only a few feet away…with no pants on. Talk about putting a realistic spin on the task, huh? Ernie came up with the best line in this one, talking about how Cindy normally “holds the pants in our relationship” and her response was a predictable “Hey, Hey!” to shush him.

- Not Grown Up was a great challenge that seemed rewarding to all of the teams. This is really what the Race is about, not just the competition, but the adventure, the culture, and the human element of it all. It’s why I love it more than all other Reality shows, and why it has won 8 Emmys.

And then Laurence shat all over that sentiment by talking about how he loves the kids, only to be seen yanking the clue out of the hands of the young boy presenting it to him.

Wow.

I liked that there were a couple of brief moments where the teams stopped to play soccer with the kids. Don’t you wish Ethan and Jenna would have still been here for this? This is what Ethan’s charity is all about.

- After the Detour (which Jeremy and Sandy finished in first place), teams then had to find their way to a roadside furniture shop, and transport their own beds to Kumbali Village, which was also the next Pit Stop.

- The teams had to take trucks for most of the way, which led to some interesting moments. Cindy was hanging off the back end of the truck, saying “I’ve never felt less safe in my life than right now”, while Bill was standing up, hooting and hollering “Yee-haw!” on the ride.

Here’s the interesting thing to consider, though…remember that footage of Cindy (and others) hanging off the back of the truck? Where the hell is the cameraman?? From what I can tell, he had to be sitting ON TOP of the cab of the truck as it sped down the road!

- After arriving “near” the Pit Stop, teams had to settle up with their drivers and carry their beds the rest of the way. It was awkward for most, but none more so than Cindy, who tried to balance the frame on top of her head, only to fall seconds later, creating her own personal temporary prison cell.

- Justin and Jennifer were the first to arrive, and danced with the local ladies to celebrate, until they found out that they had to backtrack and pay their driver. As a result, Team Snowboard won their fourth leg, which included a prize of a 3rd trip, this time to a private Island in the Virgin Islands. Hey guys, now you have to win more money so you can take the wives on that one too…and buy that elephant you want.

- Bill and Cathi also had to backtrack to pay their driver, leading to a “footrace” with Amani and Marcus. Come on, who do you think was going to win between a former NFL player and his wife, and the grandparents? Well, when the former NFL player has to carry a bed, it’s probably going to be the Oldsters every time.

- Earlier in the episode, Amani and Marcus talked about going from worst to first. Well, they’re back to worst again, and just like his former team, the Indianapolis Colts, he’s learning what it’s like to be on top, and then be dead last. Lucky for them it was a non-elimination leg. We’ll see how relevant the Speed Bump is next week.

Next Week: Bike Taxis and Log Canoes.

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Sometimes You Just Gotta Sack Up And Go For It”

2011-10-26T21:36:00.006-04:00

Last week’s episode of Survivor South Pacific featured Brandon breaking down (again), a heated discussion of loyalty vs. strength, and everyone’s favourite Lingerie Football Player heading to Redemption (Non) Island. This week, would Mikayla be able to end Christine’s winning streak? Why are the tribes wearing war paint? And who is coming up with a crazy plan?

My Random Thoughts:

- I missed the “Previously on Survivor” segment since my PVR wasn’t working at the beginning of the episode, but that may be a good thing since I’m sick of the constant reminders of what you need to remember for this episode. Maybe I’ll skip it every week.

- Night Vision Recap: Brandon is unpredictable, and Coach thinks there may come a time to “put a bullet in his head.” Pretty harsh considering last week’s episode ended with The Dragon Slayer telling his Apprentice, “I love you, man.”

- I love that we had the Redemption (Non) Island Duel right off the top with no buildup whatsoever. Let’s get this shit out of the way. Angry C and Mikayla had to take apart a crate, build a bridge, and then do a puzzle, all with the pieces from the crate. Jeff told us “this is a ‘do or die’ duel”, which despite the awesome alliteration, is kind of redundant, since aren’t ALL of them ‘do or die’?

Albert tried to help Mikayla, Probst suggestively hollered “both women getting into a rhythm”, and then offered up another obvious nugget with regards to the puzzle planks: “the ones that have a pattern are part of your puzzle.” Really, Jeff?

Mikaya appeared to have the solution, but it wasn’t right, and Angry C was able to get it together and solve the puzzle first to unbelievably win her fifth Duel in a row. Did you notice that neither Angry C nor Mikayla said a word until the challenge was over? No Probst pre-chat or anything, like it was a rushed way to just get it out of the way and get on with the rest of the episode. Mikayla deserved better than that. Raw deal.

After the Duel, Ozzy said that he was worried because if Angry C gets back into the game, she might “go to the other side.” You mean the side that voted her out? The side that she gripes about at every Duel? The side she gives the finger to when someone tries to cheer her on? That’s who you’re concerned about her aligning with at a potential merge?

And now you want to consider having someone go to Redemption (Non) Island on purpose to try and defeat her? This is the stupidest idea I’ve seen on this show since J.T. handed Russell an Immunity Idol after a challenge.

- Ozzy’s “worst case scenario plan” involved handing his Idol off to someone and volunteering himself to go to Redemption. Correction on what I just wrote: THIS is now the stupidest thing I’ve seen on the show. “It might be one of those big moves that I have to make”, Ozzy told us…because “sometimes you just gotta, like, sack up, and go for it.”

- I was thrilled to see the return of Dragon Slayer Tai Chi in the water, if only to hear Coach say “I am not worthy” 37 times in a row, which only makes me think of this. And the return of the Eagle’s Cry at the end…classic.

- In order to build team unity around the Immunity Idol, Coach created a ruse about finding the Idol. He felt he had to because he, Albert, and Sophie knew that he had it, but, as he put it, “people like Rick, and Brandon and Edna want to find the Idol.” People like them? Don’t you just mean the three of them? If you three already know, and those three don’t, there’s no need to sugarcoat “people like” them…it’s THEM.

- Upolu prayed for the search, and then prayed for victory in the next challenge. This is the part where I once again remind everyone that GOD DOESN’T CARE WHAT HAPPENS ON SURVIVOR!!!!

Sophie doesn’t put a lot of weight into Coach’s fake prayer since he already has the Idol, and she correctly commented on the insincerity of it all. I now officially love Sophie for saying that.

After the Idol was ultimately revealed to (people like) Brandon, Edna, and Rick, Brandon said it was thanks to the prayer they offered. How foolish do you think he feels at home watching this? And will he be upset at Coach at the Live Reunion show?

- For the Immunity/Reward challenge, the tribes were provided with paint to adorn themselves with what appeared to be an effort to re-create the greatest WWF Tag Teams of the 80’s: I saw the Road Warriors, Demolition, and even the Warlord and Barbarian. Maybe Sting and The Ultimate Warrior too, but you have to be a die-hard wrestling fan to know that they were a tag team named The Blade Runners before they became solo stars. My point is, all the teams looked ridiculous. (extra marks for Brandon’s painted-on bra)

- The Reward was a trip to the “Survivor Cinema”, where teams would be able to get themselves incredibly sick on candy, and watch the new Adam Sandler movie, Jack and Jill. Reality TV hasn’t been this un-realistic since Gervase got a single piece of pizza flown in by helicopter in Season 1.

- For the challenge itself, it was a variation on the caller leading blindfolded teammates to get bags to solve a puzzle. These challenges are always good for some injuries, and this one was no exception.

Jeff called out Cochran for messing up the “rope management” (screw you and your teal shirt, Probst!), and Coach kept grabbing his balls while calling out instructions. In the end, Upolu won, and I was honestly sickened at the blatant insincerity from Coach and his forced prayer both during and after the game. Turns out the paint served no purpose other than to make them look ridiculous.

Ozzy was angry and went Kung Fu Panda on the wall, Brandon threw the finger skyward once again for thanks, and God responded by saying “You get to see Sandler first, my son!”

- The Survivor Cinema was product placement right out of the Big Brother textbook. You and your staged reactions get no more time in my recap.

- At Savaii, Ozzy blames Cochran, and the group decides to send Woody Aiken to Redemption (Non) Island after a period of constant verbal abuse. Cochran was confused by the turnaround from Ozzy, saying “instead of the Trojan Horse, they’re sending the Court Jester.”

- But the next morning, Ozzy reconsidered and decided that he should be the one to go…much like he did an about-face last week on the “Free Agent” thing. What I’m taking from this, is that with all the flipping and flopping Ozzy does…he really needs to sleep on things! Seriously, the next time Ozzy says something that his Tribe doesn’t agree with, everyone should just say “let’s talk about it in the morning.”

The rest of the tribe was reluctant, because this is A RIDICULOUS IDEA! They have no idea when then merge is coming, and as Keith and Jim aggressively (and correctly) pointed out, if they have to compete in another challenge, they now have a significantly weaker Tribe.

- At Tribal council, Ozzy talked about making this decision because he had a dream. “This time, my heart and my gut is saying ‘get your ass to Redemption Island and prove to your tribe that you are worth keeping in this game.’ ”

He then talked about creating a story where Cochran is the bad guy, and can serve as a double agent after a merge since Upolu would think he is on the outs with Savaii. That’s actually pretty smart, if it wasn’t a part of the DUMBEST IDEA IN SURVIVOR HISTORY!

- Even if there is a merge, and IF Ozzy wins, I still think this is foolish. Jeff flat out asked him about it in this awesome exchange:

Jeff: If you don’t win the duel tomorrow, you go out a bigger fool than you did the last time.
Ozzy: Yeah.

Honestly, how else could you answer other than a resigned “yeah”?

- Just before voting, Ozzy seemed to change his mind, which fooled me for a moment, and had me believing that perhaps he had come to his senses and not followed through on what may be the DUMBEST MOVE IN SURVIVOR HISTORY…but he was just kidding.

- In the end, Ozzy handed off the Idol to Cochran (with a promise to give it back), and headed off to Redemption (Non) Island for his upcoming Duel with Angry C.

Next week: Will Ozzy’s Gamble Pay Off?

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Amazing Race Recap: “Clean Elephants And Free Cab Rides”

2011-10-24T22:03:00.006-04:00

On this 5th leg of the Race, teams were still in Thailand, traveling from Phuket to Bangkok. Which team was threatened with a potential police visit? Who is downright giddy at the sight of an elephant? And who knows where to find the local ladyboys?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on The Amazing Race…don’t forget that Liz and Marie don’t have very much money. Did you hear that? The twins have hardly any money. Are you following me? No matter what you do…don’t forget that they have VERY LITTLE MONEY! You know…just in case it’s relevant later.

- From the floating village, teams had to take a taxi to a spot where they would have to ride an elephant up a river. Team Snowboarders had a big lead, so they had the whole place to themselves, and seemed to really enjoy it. As their pachyderm climbed the watery rocks, Tommy said “I never dreamed an elephant could be this nimble”, and said that he wants to buy one. Well, so much for the wives coming on those trips, huh Tommy?

- On the way to the Elephant Ride, Laurence and Zac were talking about how the clue specified that they had to take “local transportation.” Laurence even shook his fatherly finger at Zac to specify “we’ve got to make sure we travel by local transport." Would this be something we need to remember for later? Are the editors of Survivor working on this show now?

- I had to have a laugh at all of the different instructions given to the elephants along the way: “Giddy-up” (Andy), “Come on elephant, I’ll give you a back massage with my feet” (Jennifer), and “I love my Dumbo” (Sandy).

- After the Elephant Ride, teams were faced with Roadblock where they had to find the man who was playing the insanity-inducing flute music at the waterfall. Am I wrong? Wasn’t that incessant flute music driving anyone else crazy?

Teams had to deduce that once they found the bastard, they then had to dive down in the water (or simply reach down) to retrieve a bag off the bottom which contained a tiny statue of a fish…which they then had to smash to get the clue that was inside. Watching someone smash a statue in the jungle to get to what is inside, made me really miss Lost.

- After the Road Block, teams then had to travel to another location where they had to “disassemble a spirit house” and take it to a different location. Once there, they were surprised with a second Roadblock, and instructions that the other team member had to do it. I loved this twist…a second Roadblock instead of a Detour, and the forced participation of both members on one leg. I hope we see more of this staggered throughout this and future seasons.

The second Roadblock was the re-assembly of the spirit house, and some teams were ill-prepared compared to others. Some took notes, some used camera phones, and others had to travel back to see the original. Look, I’m just going to be blunt on this one: if you didn’t know after disassembling that you were going to have to re-assemble…then you may be too stupid to actually be on this Race. Did you think you were just going to drop off all the pieces, pick up your next clue and go? Come on! How could anyone be so foolish as to not take notes?

- As they were completing the re-assembly of the spirit house, we heard Andy and Tommy talk about their faith, and say that “God is greater than a temple” and “We know the one true God. It’s pretty straightforward when you read the Bible.”

Are you kidding me? The Snowboarders are that likeable, that now you have to try and paint them as religiously intolerant? I don’t buy it for a second. Shameful how they also threw in Justin and Jennifer talking about having respect for other religions. Nice editing, CBS.

The only thing I was really annoyed by during this Roadblock, was Cindy’s complaining about what they should have done after Ernie stumbled from not taking notes. I never understand why teams bitch and moan about what already happened instead of just focusing their energy on the task at hand. We also heard a soundbite from Ernie about his insecurities over being a B student and how that affects his relationship with Cindy.

- Liz and Marie left a full 3 ½ hours after Andy and Tommy, and had to face a Speed Bump (and don’t forget they are short on money!), so it was looking like an uphill climb for the Twins. I was pleased to see that instead of a lame Speed Bump like smelling tea, untying a knot, or sitting on a bus for five minutes, this one actually had some substance to it…washing an elephant. But my pleasure paled in comparison to Liz and Marie’s, whose squeals of joy were neverending during this Speed Bump. How many times have you ever seen a team working on a penalty and exclaiming “This is awesome”?

- I’m getting confused by Sandy. I know that the teams generally try to become associated with a certain colour, like Ernie and Cindy always wearing yellow, or Season 17’s Beach Volleyballers Katie and Rachel always wearing green (go Team Lime!), but I wish Sandy would make up her mind already. Is it purple, or is it yellow? The best I can tell is that she’s a Lakers fan. Wait…is that a blue shirt over her yellow shirt, now? I give up.

- After the Dual Roadblocks, teams then had to travel 550 miles on bus to Bangkok, which took 13 hours. There was a lot of irrelevant drama surrounding the buses, but it can be boiled down to this: express buses get there faster, and first class buses are ok.

- The more entertaining part of the bus scenario, was Taxi-Gate on the way to the bus terminal. First, Ernie and Cindy tried to short-change their cab driver and only pay him 2/3 of the fare, until some “crazy lady” came along, threatened to call the police, and Team Banana reluctantly coughed up the dough.

The most offensive part of this exchange, was that Ernie and Cindy justified the self-reduced rate because, as Cindy said, ‘You are terrible driver!” Not “You are A terrible driver”, just “terrible driver.” Leave it to the one Asian contestant to use an ethnic stereotype in her communication.

- The second part of Taxi-Gate was the drama surrounding Liz and Marie trying to pay for their cab, and their bus tickets, without enough money. Wait a minute…you didn’t forget that they were low on money, did you? I told you not to forget!

First of all, it was ridiculous that they left the cab to go buy the bus tickets before they settled their fare. What cab driver would let them do that, and not argue that the money you just spent on the tickets should go towards your fare? (I’m wondering if the bus fare was covered by TAR just as flights would be, but the point is still valid.)

Second, after being $40 short, finding out the bus is leaving, and the driver wont accept a partial fare, we go to commercial with the Twins in serious jeopardy…only to come back from break to find out that not only has the cab driver now accepted the cash, but the bus has also stopped to wait for them??? COME ON!

Once that bus stopped, Liz and Marie were so excited, I thought they were going to wash another elephant, but it smelled of the “plane turning around” controversy from the Finale on Rob and Amber’s season. If this leg didn’t end with Liz and Marie going home, you would have heard a lot more conspiracy theories surrounding this.

- After arriving in Bangkok, teams then had to travel to a bridge and feed some fish with the pouch of food that was provided to them by The Golden Child after finishing the second Roadblock. On the way, Ernie and Cindy told us that they were in Bangkok two years ago, but Ernie didn’t think that would help them much. Cindy then awkwardly offered “Unless they tell us to find some ladyboys. We know where that’s at?” If you don’t understand that comment, see The Hangover 2.

- Why the hell would Andy and Tommy hand over their clue to someone who just left to go teach a class? I didn’t understand that whole part.

- At the Pit Stop, Phil was actually waiting with a Bangkok Ladyboy, and they happily told Marcus and Amani that they finished the leg in 1st place, followed closely by The Oldsters Bill and Cathi. Marcus predictably compared the race to an NFL game, and found out that they had won a trip to Bali. Justin acted snide finding out he was in fourth, and Team Sailors learned they switched buses for nothing.

- With no money for the Twins after the bus ride (remember!), they had to find a way to get to the bridge since it was a 5 hour walk. They refused to beg, but for some reason, justified that it was ok to ask a cab driver to take them for free?

Let’s take a poll: how many of you think they would have talked their way into a free cab ride (equivalent to a 5 hour walk) in Bangkok if they weren’t young, blond, and pretty? They told us to “never underestimate the generosity of people”, and immediately following that line, my neice Emma (who was watching with us), said “or the creepiness of old Thai men.” They even got a second free cab ride after feeding the fish from someone who looked like he would be on the cast of Jersey Shore: Thai Edition.

- In the end, Liz and Marie were too far behind to catch up, and their elimination was never really in doubt. I liked them, but it wasn’t meant to be. At least they got to wash an elephant.

Next Week: Tobacco Bumper Cars and Carrying Beds in Africa.

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Loyalty Can Be Faked. You Can’t Fake Strength”

2011-10-19T21:40:00.006-04:00

Last week’s episode featured one of the most disgusting challenges in Survivor history, incoherent babblings from a contestant, and Ozzy’s Hammock Buddy being sent off to Redemption (Non) Island. Is Ozzy really going off on his own? Can Christine win her fourth Duel in a row? And what’s with all the coconuts?

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on Survivor…Coach is getting stronger, and Ozzy is losing control. Upolu won the pork challenge because Mikayla ate off the ground, and Ozzy was blindsided by Savaii voting out Elyse (spelled correctly, thank you very much.)

- The Night Vision Recap was back at Savaii, where Ozzy was pissed over being left in the dark about the vote for Elyse. He told the rest of the tribe, “When you’re not on the right side of a blindside, you realize where the other people are.”

Well…obviously! If you’re on the right side of the blindside, you know who is getting blindsided, and if you’re on the wrong side, you’re either taking the blue-lit walk of shame from Tribal Council, or picking your jaw up off the ground after your alliance-mate gets voted out. After a blindside, everybody knows the skinny.

Ozzy then goes on a rant, talking about how he is a free agent, and that he is “done playing the alliance way.” I know we all were thinking this, but what the hell can be gained by this speech? Dawn called him out on his infantile behaviour, and said that he’s withholding stuff from them too. His response was essentially, “Oh yeah? Well, I have the Idol. Nyah Nyah Nyah. And I can win at Redemption Island if you vote me out anyways.” Keith’s response was golden: “If you want to go there, then just let us know, man.”

- The next morning, Savaii expected Ozzy to apologize, but instead, he was still sulking, or as Cochran put it, “behaving like a stupid bitch”, which just ostracized him further from the rest of the Tribe.

He told us that he was still providing for the rest of Savaii, and arrogantly declared “I’m a big part of this tribe.” Did that really mean anything when he says it in a nasal voice while wearing a mask and holding a fish that looked about 4 inches long?

- At Upolu, Coach is happy because he has the Idol and is enjoying a stir fry. He tells us that Brandon is a loose cannon (REALLY???), and that “I know he’s going to feel betrayed at some point in time…but that’s down the road.”

- While searching around camp, Brandon found the clue to the (already found) Immunity Idol. He was so proud of himself, comparing himself to his uncle. But it’s not the same thing Mr. Unbalanced…your uncle finds Idols (often without clues), you just find the clues. Use that clue at Tribal Council and see if it helps you. NOT the same thing.

- While Brandon was looking obsessively for the Idol, Coach realized that not telling him it was already found may later be a problem. “Is withholding information lying? It’s a grey area”, he said.

I actually agree with that, at least in the parameters of the game. So Mr Honesty and Integrity wasn’t really “lying” by not telling Brandon about the Idol. BUT, when Brandon asked Coach if he thinks anyone has already found it, Coach responded with “I don’t think so”, which is a full-on, bold-faced, 100% lie. And then right after he said it, he was heard saying “I want to play this game completely honourably.”

- Footage of Brandon morphing into Russell? Are you kidding me? ENOUGH RUSSELL ALREADY!

- The Redemption (Non) Island Duel was essentially a game of shuffleboard, which may be the only time that hanging out in a bar can help you on Survivor. Jeff asked Elyse how it felt to know that some of the people that voted you out are watching you. I thought that question was pretty ridiculous, since neither Ozzy nor Keith actually voted for Elyse.

Christine broke down, talking about how Redemption Island can break you, which was more like last season’s Matt Elrod than her winning streak is. Apparently, it can also make you a raging bitch, as she gave Rick the finger after he tried to cheer her on. I am now only referring to her as Angry C.

Angry C won the Duel, and now she’s 4 for 4. Elyse gave a weird goodbye speech about how she gave it her all, and pushed herself so far…but all I ever saw her do was cuddle and walk around in a bathing suit. Your ancestors must be proud.

After the Duel, Rick said that he thought that Angry C would flip on Upolu if she happened to get back into the game. He said, “she’s gonna have fire in her eyes. She’s gonna come back smokin’ and ready to kill us.” Apparently, Christine is a dragon. (Lucky for Coach!)

- Coach and Tree-Mail Visor Edna went looking for coconuts on the beach, but seemed to spend more time dodging crabs and complimenting each other. Coach told Edna that she is safe…for now…and that Mikayla would be the next one voted out. If you’re Edna, are you pleased about this? It’s not like he told her he was tight with her, just that she could last 3 days longer than Mikayla.

Maybe she was too preoccupied with the bites/sores on her legs (did you SEE that?) to consider that this was a pretty crappy deal. Either that or she was hypnotized by the smoke coming off of whatever Coach was burning the shit out of over the fire.

- Ozzy soon realized his mistake, and went to Keith (who would be played by Zac Efron in the film version of this season) to work together. He then went to the Tribe and tried to get back in their good graces. Jim astutely pointed out why it was good to have him back in the fold, saying “Ozzy helps me win immunity challenges before the merge, After the merge, he’s a bigger target than me. There’s nothing more that I could want from somebody on my team.”

- At the Immunity/Reward Challenge, teams had to build a wheelbarrow, work their way through an obstacle course collecting coconuts (I knew there would be more coconuts!), then dump the coconuts, and go Transformers on that wheelbarrow’s ass…changing it into a slingshot and chucking the coconuts at targets. The Reward was a picnic lunch at the Not-Very-Cryptically-Named Sliding Rocks, which Jeff still explained was a waterslide.

Rick and Brandon worked through the course well, while Ozzy and Dawn seemed to have heard Jeff’s instructions wrong and apparently thought they were playing some version of bumper cars, ramming into every obstacle possible. When it came time to dump the coconuts, Savaii was yelling for Cochran to help, and Woody Aiken decided to try and pull the wheelbarrow over instead of pushing it. Very awkward.

I won’t give you play-by-play on the coconut-chucking, except to say that the second Coach started yelling at Mikayla to stop, we all knew that Upolu would lose, thus creating the Tribal Council drama.

- Coach was frustrated at losing the challenge, and placed the blame solely on the Lingerie Football Pad-wearing shoulders of Mikayla, saying “if I’m going to coach this team, I need for people in the heat of battle to listen to me.” There’s just one problem, Benjamin. You’re a member of the team, but…and I’ll say this really slowly for you: You’re…not…the…coach!

- At the Reward, Ozzy changed from the One Man Wolfpack to Captain Team Building as Savaii feasted on Hoagies and fruit juice. “Savaii Six to the end” they said before cliff-diving and sliding down the moss-covered rocks, which seemed like fun in the board shorts the guys were wearing, but looked like it would hurt if you were wearing bikini bottoms like Whitney. I did enjoy Cochran’s face-plant into the water, though.

- I’m just going to say it, Rick the Rancher in blue and yellow board shorts is just wrong.

- At Upolu, Coach wanted Mikayla gone because she “wasn’t coachable” and didn’t follow orders. That’s the worst argument ever, especially to other members of your team. I’m betting Mikayla was at home watching TV and absolutely furious at that point.

Albert went to bat for her (pun intended, since he’s a baseball coach) and pitched (that one was intended too!) Edna as an option, but Mikayla had the best argument: “she’s half my size, and nearly double my age.” Brandon shockingly doesn’t want to vote Mikayla out...but still doesn’t trust Edna.

Huh?

He apparently won’t vote Edna because he told her she was part of the 6. I guess at the next Tribal Council it would be fine, but now it’s not? “I’m gonna stick to my word if it costs me the game”, he said. I’m seriously getting dumber watching this Tribe this week.

Brandon plays 100% emotionally, which will never win. Albert put it best, “if we talk, like, more than five minutes of strategy with him, he starts grabbing his head and is about to cry.”

- Coach argued that Mikayla hasn’t done anything for Upolu since the first two challenges. May I point out that she almost single-handedly won the first challenge? Bottom line is that Edna is malleable and will do his bidding. This should have spoken volumes to the rest of the members of that alliance.

- There were a lot of underlying messages at Tribal Council, so this week, I will be offering translations. Coach said that they lost because they didn’t compete as a team. (Translation: Mikayla sucked.) Jeff asked Edna why she always sits out at challenges? (Translation: Can you do anything?)

There was a big discussion of Loyalty vs. Strength. Do you keep the players that help you get to the merge or take those that will be loyal? Albert says screw loyalty, you have to get to the merge with numbers. (Translation: Why save Justin Verlander for Game 1 of the ALCS when you haven’t yet won the ALDS vs. the Yankees?)

- Brandon said “I love you Mikayla” (Translation: You’ll need a restraining order for the Live Finale), but begged his Tribemates to vote for her. He then said “Vote me out today if we’re going to play disloyal.” Hey, at least he raised his hand to make his point.

Coach said that it is possible to be too honest, and that some cards can be revealed at a certain time, and that doesn’t mean you’re being disloyal. (Translation: Brandon, don’t be pissed at me when you find out I had the Idol.)

In the end, the final vote was 4-3 for Mikayla, which is so stupid I can’t even put it into words.

Coach ended Tribal Council by putting a fatherly hand on Brandon’s shoulder and telling him, “I love you, man.”

(Translation: We’re screwed now.)

Next week: Upolu Prays, and the Teams Don the War Paint.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined. (29 comments last week, let's top that this week!)

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: CBS.com, Immunityidol.net)

Amazing Race Recap: “Phuket All, We're Going To Thailand“

2011-10-16T21:41:00.004-04:00

In this week’s episode, the teams were off to Thailand for the fourth leg of the Race. Who is getting all wet when their boat capsizes? Which team is having a meltdown battling the wind? And who can’t figure out which way is North?

My Random Thoughts:

- Off the top, we are informed that Indonesia is home to 129 active volcanoes, but I think the more interesting fact is something that I noticed in a shot on the way to the airport. Did you notice that in Indonesia, “Taxi” is spelled “Taksi”? True fact.

- Exiting the Pit Stop, the Route Info indicated that the teams were headed to Thailand, where they would have to find a floating pier. How many different pronunciations of Phuket did we hear from the teams? I caught Poo-ket, Pooka, Bucket, Foo-Ket, and Puckett, which only makes me think of one thing…

- Andy and Tommy talked about wanted to win first place cleanly, and not because another team got a penalty at the mat. Didn’t they do that just the week before? Jeremy talked about the Race bringing out a couple of things in his relationship with Sandy that he felt they needed to work on…like the fact that Sandy apparently just wanders into traffic in a foreign country, which is the footage they showed right after he said that.

- 7 minutes of non-relevant airport happenings, since all the teams were equalized at the floating pier. When the most interesting thing is the snowboarders tickling Laurence in line at the airport, did we really need to see any of this travel escapade?

- I read some people giving Bill and Cathi a hard time since he threw on a fake Asian accent a couple of episodes ago. I’m sure those people won’t be pleased at his “Chop Chop!” directions to their cab driver with the creepy tattooed hand, but I’m not too concerned about a generational borderline racial comment. I’m more troubled by the images caused by Cathi calling Bill “babycakes” and telling him how much she enjoys the view while he is climbing the wall. I really like Bill and Cathi, but it’s a vision that I would prefer to stay out of my head.

- I was hoping the floating pier would lead to some entertaining moments like on an episode of Wipeout, but alas, it looked rather sturdy. I noticed that when Tommy got the clue, Andy just turned around and started running back without actually reaching the clue drum.

Did you catch that? He was about 20 yards shy of where the clue was. I always thought that both members had to be there to get the clue, otherwise, why wouldn’t you just send the fastest member and leave the other one back at the beach?

- After a short boat ride to the Detour site, which looked like a chase scene from an episode of Miami Vice, the teams had to choose between Coral Reconstruction, which had them building an artificial coral reef and placing it underwater, and Beach Preparation, where they would have to collect chairs and umbrellas and set them up.

- Coral Reconstruction was obviously the first-ever TAR challenge to include the phrase “when the marine biologist is satisfied with their work”, and was essentially a Lego/Meccano/Ikea combo building project for the first portion. I wanted to refrain from making the joke that the Snowboarders breezed through it because they’re clearly “good with a pipe”, but I’m just not that good of a man.

The harder parts of the challenge were the Kayaking and dealing with the currents underwater. Marcus told us he is not a competitive swimmer (Really?), and that he’s never been so tired in all his life (REALLY???), and Sandy said she felt unsafe, even though she had a lifejacket, a boat, and was only in about 7 feet of water.

Here’s the thing I don’t get, though. When the teams chose to switch tasks after their structure broke or fell apart underwater…isn’t it ridiculous that they just left it out there in the water? I mean, the whole point of the task was to reconstruct the reef that was damaged after the tsunami. Isn't leaving a bunch of plastic pipes on the ocean floor kind of counter-productive to that goal? Aren't they now just littering?

- In Beach Construction, teams had to deal with finding their items, digging problems, and wind issues. Most people got the task done in a reasonable time, except for the twins, who seemingly ALSO got a hand from all the other teams on how to do it since they were so hapless. This seemed like another challenge designed to have the locals laugh at the racers.

- After the Detour, the snowboarders were back in first place, and leading the charge on all the teams who had to drive 13 minutes North in their boat for the next clue, which was a Roadblock to climb a sheer rock wall to retrieve a clue from a bird’s nest. Pretty much everyone had an easy time with it, including Jennifer, who received helpful nuggets from her brother like “use your legs.”

- Ernie and Cindy got lost on the way to the Roadblock because they didn’t actually go North, and were looking for flags in the water instead of the giant rock formation that was sprouting out of the sea, as it was hinted on the medallion. They instead stumbled across a random boat in the open waters. I’m not going to lie, I was hoping it was pirates.

- Laurence and Zac seem to work well together, until they get lost navigating a boat! “What a bunch of useless sailors we are”, Laurence astutely pointed out, as the experienced mariners resorted to “Follow that boat!”

- At the Pit Stop, which was at a floating soccer stadium in the village of Koh Panyi, Team Snowboarder came first, winning a cool $5,000 each, which would be enough to take their wives on the trips they already won. Did anyone else notice that they are alarmingly interested in the hair/beards of the locals? First the guy who drove their speedboat, and then the greeter at the mat with Phil?

- Jeremy and Sandy had an impressive 3rd place finish on this leg, but I’m wondering if the way they were edited this week was an effort to lay the groundwork for some discord and disharmony in future episodes. I hope not, I’m actually enjoying not having a team to dislike, so I hope we don’t get a villain edited in the coming weeks.

- Liz and Marie were last to the Pit Stop, but after learning it was a Non-Elimination leg, rapidly changed their tune from “It’s like Riding to our death” to “It’s not over till it’s over.” We’ll see if next week’s (sure to be lame) Speed Bump will slow them down.

Next Week: Elephants in the Stream, and the Twins are Penniless.

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: "Who Wants Pork?"

2011-10-12T21:53:00.010-04:00

Wow. What a night to have pork for dinner. And not just pork…but two kinds of pork: butterflied pork chops stuffed with sausage. There’s a lot to talk about with tonight’s episode, so let’s all just bite off a hunk of meat and dive right in.

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously On…Survivor: a gentle reminder that the tribes are evenly matched, and that Ozzy has an Idol, but Jim is working behind his back with Cochran. Also don’t forget that Dawn lifted weights to eliminate Stacy, and Brandon broke down at Tribal Council, where Coach was hug-snubbed.

- For our Night Vision Recap at Redemption (Non) Island (NVR at RNI?), Stacy and Christine vented about Coach like two hens clucking on the classic SNL skit “Coffee Talk.” Stacy turned on the crazy again, saying that everything was not “hunka-dory”, and then ranting that “all y’all gonna go to hell with gasoline drawers on.”

She then claimed that, at the Duel, she was going to “start up a bee's nest.” I thought the phrase was “stir up a bee’s nest”, like you would disturb the nest to rattle the bees and get them all riled up…how would one actually “start up a bee’s nest?” Sure, it would be easy if you were into apiculture, but I don’t think it’s that easy for the rest of us…walking around collecting bees and trying to get them to stay together in their new nest.

- Morning at Upolu started with another apology from Brandon, this time for waking people up. I’m starting to think that this guy will apologize for anything. I’m waiting for him to apologize for the colour of his shirt, the font on his tattoos, and his accent.

He then went on about Mikayla being “prejudiced” about him being a Hantz. Yep, that’s right…only 16 seconds into the show before we got a reference to Russell. Let it Go, CBS! Then he cried about his feelings, and told everyone he’s a good guy. Blah, blah, frickin’ blah…is there anyone out there who ISN’T sick of this?

- At the Duel, Stacy and Christine continued their angry-woman rant, which was clearly “All About The Benjamin” (sorry, couldn’t resist that link). Stacy then went off on her own language again, talking about anything and everything, none of which made sense. These are the exact quotes I took from her: “halloween jokes”, “Chuckie the Cheese”, “Ben was so loyalty”, and “Every day want a story…I want mine” before going OFF THE FRIGGING CHART with this nugget: “They tell you like, yesterday, like the Tribal was all cahoots. Benjamin, let’s give a hood. Keep that hood. Boop! For me…cuz it wasn’t real.”

Ok…just so you know…to get that quote, I actually had to pause the PVR and back it up 11 times, which took over 4 minutes! And, once again, I have no idea what it means. Thanks to those of you last week who accepted my challenge in the Comments section to translate the Stacy-ese quote I provided in the recap. I don’t know if anyone nailed it exactly, but digable, Jennifer Harris, Choirchick22, R.P. McMurphy, and Shannon A all gave worthy translations. (R.P. McMurphy, you were my fave…” the isthmus that is in actuality a peninsula” sealed it for you)

- The duel itself was a Redux of the Final Immunity Challenge from Survivor Tocantins between J.T. and Stephen, which I really liked at the time, and enjoyed watching again. Christine looked like an NHL goalie making save after save, while Stacy appeared disinterested instead of focused, like she didn’t really care. Christine won the Duel to go 3 for 3 this season.

The big news coming out of the Duel, was that Albert actually talked…even if he did just say “sour grapes” and “it’s only a matter of time”.

- After the Duel, Mikayla and Albert told Coach about Stacy spilling the beans about the situation at Upolu camp. The Dragon Slayer was clearly rattled, going so far as to label it “disgusting”, and saying, “if anyone calls me Benjamin to my face, I’m gonna go nuts. My parents call me Coach.” Your parents call you Coach? Really?

- At Savaii, Elyse and Ozzy were snuggled up in their hammock, where Elyse told Ozzy “You’re a good guy”, and Ozzy told her “You’re like my little omen.” (?????) Elyse then went on to speak confidently about her group of 5, including Jim, and how solid they are. Let’s call this our weekly SFMOTW (see last week’s recap for an explanation), as a blatant message that Elyse was in trouble.

- Cochran then showed he was the little Cochran that could, collecting wood and dropping it off. Ozzy asked him how to spell his name, and Cochran said not to worry. I know Cochran was trying to avoid the voting conversation, but I truly think Ozzy was just trying for a really awkward double entendre.

- Dawn and Whitney then gave the rest of Savaii the full scoop on Benjamin running the show at Upolu, and mentioned that Albert was allied with Coach. Ozzy then said “If Coach is smart, he’ll get rid of Albert soon” which was a really dumb thing for him to say. Think about it…the message he is sending is ‘I am in charge, I must get rid of a strong player, even if he is my ally.’ Big red flag for Jim. Nice read, Non-WPT Champion.

- Albert was frustrated as well, because he now knows he’s a target, so he decided to look for the clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol. It didn’t seem that hard, as he apparently just strolled up, with his non-blurred crotch, and plucked it out of a hole in a tree.

Now, that would lead to the obvious question as to why I was looking at Albert’s crotch…but I wasn’t. As he took the clue from the tree, my girlfriend said to me “Why isn’t his crotch blurred?” and then I noticed…but only for a second before my mind said “What the hell is SHE doing looking at his crotch?!”

Albert started climbing trees in the tide line, and when he couldn’t find it, told Coach and Sophie about the clue. Coach predictably took over, tree-hopping, but he too couldn’t find it, so he prayed for help. And lo and behold…he found it. “Ask and you shall receive,” he told us, but I will re-iterate once again, God has no interest in the outcome of Survivor.

He was understandably excited after finding the Idol, and told us “I’ve got to get a hold of myself and just say 'Dragon, just get back in there' ” as he motioned like he was putting his heart back in his chest. What did that mean? Is the Dragon coming out of his chest? Is he the Dragon? I thought he was the Dragon Slayer… I’m so confused...

- Cochran went on a fishing trip with the boys, even though, as he put it, he has zero experience, zero ability, and zero confidence. “‘The ocean is the canvas, and the fish are my palette”, he said, which seemed backwards, unless he was planning on putting the fish back in the water instead of trying to get them out.

Ozzy was once again happy to play the provider role, despite the hardships of fishing, like getting cut and having to hold his breath (the horror). Other than his few minutes a day where he was the provider, Cochran told us that he was essentially “a lazy ass”, which seemed about right.

- At the Immunity/Reward challenge, I was happy to see the King of The Blue Shirts wearing a nice Duke Blue button-up (Go Blue Devils!) Rick was equally happy see that big hunk of meat on the spit, nodding seductively and saying “that’s nice”.

The teams had 10 minutes to bite and spit to try and fill a basket with pork, and the team with the most would win. What would they win? Immunity of course, plus bread, veggies, and spices.

Um…what?

You’re telling me that the team that wins this challenge doesn’t get to keep the unchewed meat on the spit??? That’s like taking someone to a nice steakhouse, or a Brazilian Rodizio restaurant, and then telling them they can only have the salad bar and some dinner rolls.

Jeff had a ball with this one “Dawn with a big hunk of meat”, “Coach gnawing off something big”, and “Rick with a HUUUGE piece of meat”, to which I imagined Rick’s wife pointing at the TV at home and saying “Damn right!”

Keith had meat stuck in his teeth, so Dawn helped in a May-December sort of way, Mikayla took a piece off the ground (you go girl!), and the in-basket camera shots led Probst to say bluntly what we all were thinking: “This is a disgusting challenge.”

At the end, Ozzy was left holding the whole spit, like a dog with a bone, but it would come down to what was actually in the basket. Remember that part in the “Previously” segment where we were gently reminded how evenly matched these tribes are…and that one challenge came down to just one coconut? You knew this was going to be close.

Savaii ended up with 22 lbs, 12 oz, and Upolu scraped by with 22 lbs, 14 ounces. Only 2 ounces won that challenge…probably less than the piece Mikayla picked up off the ground. If she doesn’t stop for that piece, I think Upolu loses. Brandon then pointed skyward again to give thanks. Please see above for God’s interest in this game.

- The teams ended up being able to keep the chewed pieces (gross) and had a pork stirfry prepared by Brandon the Cajun chef, who I’m sure apologized to everyone for the spices he used, but that was probably cut out. Coach enjoyed his meal, but not as much as the “Taste of Victory”, which ironically was the name of tonight’s episode.

- In the aftermath, Dawn lost part of a tooth, and Cochran warned of oral herpes, awkwardly proclaiming that “you haven’t lived until you’ve had a cold sore.” He scrambled, trying to curry favor with his tribemates by cutting open some coconuts. I loved this exchange between him and Whitney:

Cochran: “Anybody want this coconut?”
Whitney: “Is there juice in it?”

Well, Whitney, I have to think that Cochran is employing a pretty bad survival strategy if he hands you an empty shell and says “No, chew on this.” OF COURSE there is juice in it!

- On a side note, watching the cast hack away at coconuts with a machete, I have to wonder: how has no one ever lost a finger on this show?

- Cochran, Dawn, and Jim were allied to vote for Elyse, but they needed one more vote. Jim talked to Keith about Ozzy’s earlier comment, and Keith immediately agreed that Ozzy’s Hammock Sweetheart needed to go. But they disagreed on whether to tell Ozzy or not. I think it's an interesting strategy that Keith and Whitney voted for Dawn to "keep their hands clean", but I think it will have the same result (pissing Ozzy off) as if they had just voted for Elyse.

- At Tribal Council, Ozzy was overconfident, and not worried about trust, stating that it’s all about keeping the Tribe strong. Cochran was on the defensive again since Jeff pointed out that he always receives votes. Elyse was very sympathetic towards Cochran, which was another clear sign she was getting voted out.

- Despite Ozzy’s attempt at wittiness in the voting booth that the “Coch-train” (which I think was the name of one of his pre-Survivor soft-core films) was on its second-to-last stop, she of the knit bikini was sent to Redemption Island in a spectacular spelling display that saw 100% of the votes cast for her spell her name wrong (Lys, Elice, and Elise). I re-iterate the need for a spelling template in the booth.

- I have to say, I am getting seriously aggravated with the editing that gives away the entire episode week after week. This was by far the worst. It used to be so much more subtle, but now it’s so obvious. Am I wrong? Is there anyone that didn’t know how this was all going to go down tonight after watching the first 5 minutes?

- Also, Just a quick note to send out a special thank-you to Mikayla Wingle and Edna Ma, both of whom have been re-tweeting the links to my recaps on Twitter. Follow them at @ILuvMiki and @BareEase.

Let's get going in the Comments section! Only 9 Comments last week when we regularly have 20+...

Next week: Ozzy is a Wolfpack of one…and more coconuts.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

(Photo Credits: CBS, Immunityidol.net)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: October 12, 2011

2011-10-12T18:37:00.001-04:00

Tonight's episode of Survivor South Pacific teases an intense Tribal Council, a shocking betrayal, and a whole lot of pork. My recap should be up by 9:30 pm ET, so make sure to check back.

Amazing Race Recap: “Planting Rice, Carrying Sheep, and Counting Buddhas”

2011-10-09T21:49:00.004-04:00

In this week’s episode, the teams remained in Indonesia for the third leg of the Race. Which teams are having trouble counting? Who keeps wiping out in the rice fields? And will ditching a taxi prove to be a costly mistake for one team?

My Random Thoughts:

- From the Pit Stop, teams had to take part in what I viewed as the slowest bike ride ever, riding through the streets with some sort of Dutch-History-Themed bike patrol. On the ride itself, the snowboarders popped wheelies and surfed on their bikes, Jennifer drove into a local, Ernie lost a pedal, and everyone seemed to reference Lance Armstrong.

During the ride, Cindy said that “Ernie’s dad is a cop, so I think he’s feeling pretty at home right now” which didn’t make a lot of sense to me. Do police officers ride bikes slowly and dress like Kim Chee, the handler of 80’s WWF superstar Kamala the Ugandan Giant.

- Cindy reminded us that she is a “control freak”, but I’m just not seeing it yet. Yes, she told us that she packed for the Race 3 months in advance, studied travel books, took language courses, and exercised all prior to the Race, but that doesn’t seem to fall under “control freak” as much as it falls under”prepared.”

- Bill and Cathi pointed out that they are fearless because “at our age, you know, we’re gonna die soon anyways, so it’s all good.” Really? That’s your selling point? We’re going to die soon, so we’re not scared to go hard? Did the “we’re going to die soon” part cross your mind when you were spending 4 hours looking for a sign in the first episode?

- After the bike ride, teams had to travel to Salakmalang Village, where they faced a Detour. At first glance, seeing the muddy rice fields reminded me of Estonia a few seasons back, and the fact that I still get weekly hits on this site from that episode, of people Googling “Amazing Race mud volleyball boners.” No, that’s not a joke, and in the ‘ridiculous Google Search’ category, while this episode aired tonight, someone actually landed on my site after Googling “plus size strip clubs in Chicago.”

- For the Detour, teams had to choose between Rice Field, which saw them deliver a mid-day meal to field workers, and then plant 300 rice seedlings, or Grass Fed, where they would have to fill bags with grass, deliver the grass and two sheep, and then fill a trough with water. Both tasks seemed tailor made for the age-old Amazing Race tradition of making the locals laugh at the contestants.

- Rice Field was uneventful, and the only teams that chose it were Kaylani and Lisa, and Amani and Marcus. After running on a strip of land that seemed to be only about as wide as a gymnastics balance beam, the teams had to do some dirty physical labour. Have you ever heard the phrase “sweating enough to grow rice?” It never made sense as much as watching Marcus with sweat dripping off of his face…while he was actually planting rice.

- Most teams chose Grass Fed, and soon learned that the grass bag must be completely full, and that sheep tend to not be very co-operative. Cathi wiped out not two, not three, but four times (which won't really matter because she's going to die soon, right?), and then lost her sheep. Why did we never see how she got it back? Marcus meanwhile, just picked up the sheep and carried it under his arm like it was a football.

- After the Detour, teams had to travel to the Borobudur Temple and climb up to the top before being faced with a Roadblock. Andy and Tommy made sure to ask if running on the Temple grounds was permitted, and then actually took the time to appreciate their surroundings, saying “that’s what I’m talking about. That’s why you do the Amazing Race. For stuff like this, right here.”

How can you not like these guys? Aside from that, at the Grass Fed Detour, when they learned that their bags weren’t full enough, there was no whining and complaining, just a focus on turning around, and doing it right. (Amani and Marcus, on the other hand, complained and then switched tasks)

I liked that they told Laurence and Zac to read their clue when they saw that they were using too many buckets, and I liked that they chose to team up to do the Roadblock together.

Plus, they’re still doing Rock, Paper, Scissors to make decisions on Roadblocks. And I love that the winner doesn’t automatically have to do it, but rather decides who does it. For this Roadblock, Tommy actually won the duel, and chose Andy to do it.

- The Roadblock itself was a counting task, where one team member had to count the exact number of Buddha statues and demonstrate the appropriate hand position for each. Counting tasks on TAR are always awesome, because they’re always a disaster. This one was no exception, with most teams having no idea how to differentiate between the statues and the carvings, and not considering the different hand positions.

- Amani and Marcus decided to let the taxi go because he was so bad, reasoning “we’re already in last place. It can’t get any worse.” I immediately thought to myself, Yes it can…like if you were to catch up to the other teams and then be the only one who didn’t have a cab to get to the Pit Stop!

- They then entered the Temple and ran into Andy and Tommy who flat out told them the answer (athletes gotta stick together, yo!), but Marcus wasn’t listening. I pretty much wrote them off at this point.

- At the Pit Stop, Laurence and Zac arrived first, but incurred a time penalty of 15 minutes for using 200% as many buckets as they were allowed. This gave Team Snowboarders the win and a trip to Dubai. They felt bad for Team Sailboat but not bad enough to hand over either of the two trips they have already won, instead telling Laurence and Zac “Talk to us when you need some snowboard gear.”

- It turned out that Amani and Marcus made the right decision ditching their cab, because without having to go back and settle the fare, they went from 9th to finish the Roadblock, to 6th to arrive at the Pit Stop. Bill and Cathi finished 3rd, but arrived at the mat 7th, and the Vegas Showgirls arrived last, eliminating them from the Race.

- Despite Lisa’s Buddha guesses that ranged from 4 to 400, and the fact that we all learned she “only sleeps in Pink”, they were forced to make a tearful exit while Kaylani waxed poetic about her four-year-old daughter and the struggles of being a single mom. As someone who was raised by an amazing single mom, that sentiment is not lost on me, but I’ll never understand why some reality shows only introduce the human element like that on the episode that teams get eliminated, and highlight it upon the elimination.

Next Week: Speedboats and Rock Climbing in Windy Thailand

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Is It Just Me, Or Is This Getting Heavy?”

2011-10-05T21:29:00.006-04:00

Tonight's episode of Survivor South Pacific features a Redemption (Non) Island Duel between Papa Bear and Christine, and the return of the classic "How Much Weight Can You Hold" challenge. Plus...whose teeth are "suspiciously white?"

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously On…Survivor: At Upolu, Coach likes his alliance, Stacy is an outsider, and a recap on all of the reasons why Brandon is crazy. At Savaii, Ozzy is in charge, but the old and nerdy are on the outside.

- The episode itself starts with Elyse and Ozzy swinging in the hammock together, while Ozzy talks about how one of his favourite books is Robinson Crusoe. Did anyone buy this? Or did we all just realize that he was just trying to say the appropriate thing to impress the hot girl?

- Jim observed them from a distance and talked about the fact that a pair is strong in Survivor, and that he doesn’t like pairs. He then went to Cochran, and pitched the idea of Elyse as a target because, as he put it, Elyse is a variable, and he likes constants.

So, let me get this straight Jim, you don’t like pairs, and you’re uncomfortable when the factors in the game are variable instead of constant? Well, pardon my bluntness, dumbass, but then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU A POKER PLAYER? Poker is all about variable factors, and you want a pair when you look at your cards! Tell me again that you’re a poker champion.

Cochran, meanwhile, expressed that he doesn’t really trust him, mainly because his teeth are “suspiciously white.” Sounds like a good reason to me.

- Brandon was re-introduced to us this week with more ominous music, bells ringing in the background with smoke rising around him. He then apologized to Mikayla, but she was understandably wary. “Look who his uncle is”, she told us. Do you think Russell watches from home, and smiles ear-to-ear every time he gets mentioned on the show?

- On Brandon’s honesty kick, he then got all weepy to Edna, and went to her and told her that she was on the outside of her group of 6, and that there was only a core group of five. “This is probably the worst game strategy in the world” he told her, and it’s really not that bad…unless you’re in the group of five and telling the 6th…which he is!!!

It made absolutely no sense at all, and if he’s trying to come clean on everything, why didn’t he THEN go to the rest of the group of five, and come clean on the fact that he told Edna…and then go back to Edna and tell her that he told them? And so on? A vicious cycle.

- In the past couple of seasons, we’ve seen contestants on the show that have seemingly been provided with Tribe Coloured swim trunks. I mean, it was pretty obvious…how many people on the same Tribe just happened to show up with purple bikinis and bathing suits? But this season, we haven’t really seen that, and as a result, we’re generally seeing everyone in their underwear. But that question was answered tonight with a new basket of swimwear for each tribe.

- Last week I talked about the fact that all we see in the nature shots are crabs and lizards. Did you see that AGAIN this week?

- Dawn talked about being the weakest on her tribe, and compared herself to Rudy, the Oldster among the youngsters. Because I end up mentioning this every single week, I am now implementing a new feature in my recaps: The Survivor Foreshadowing Moment Of The Week (SFMOTW for short). Dawn's speech meant that she would either be the one voted out, or the one who won the challenge for her Tribe.

- At Redemption (Non) Island, before the Duel got started, Brandon decided he needed still more honesty brownie points, and apologized to Christine, who responded by saying “I accept it. Whether I buy it or not is another story.” That doesn’t make any sense. How can you accept it, but not believe it? Isn’t thinking the person apologizing is a liar a pretty good indication that you don’t believe they are sorry? Then why would you accept the apology?

- The Duel itself was the old “bags on crates” Survivor Carnival game. Did you notice that Papa Bear (Jesus, I can’t even remember his real name anymore) was dramatic with every throw? If he missed, it was his head in his hands, and if he hit, it was a thumbs up or clap and fist pump. Christine started off on fire, then slowed down, but still won narrowly, 10-9 over the Gay Retired NYPD Detective. And to be clear, I only typed that because I can’t imagine another instance in my life where I will have to type that group of words together again.

Then the soft music started as we all said goodbye to Papa Bear, who symbolically burned his buff on the way out,which isn't as dirty as it sounds. Now, before any of you start thinking that Christine is the new Matt for winning two Duels in a row, let’s remember that she beat Semhar (who I’m convinced was always on some sort of Peyote high), and an old guy.

- I’m sorry, I have to say it. Cochran’s popped collar just makes me want to punch him. I like him, but popped collars make me furious.

- Edna played the social game, talking about washing shirts, walking on people’s backs, and Mikayla’s modeling career, all while giggling in a manner that would make Rachel from Big Brother jealous. Stacy got annoyed, saying that she had no off switch, and that she “needs to be disconnected.”

- At the Immunity challenge (which came with a side of chicken), the teams had to “Shoulder The Load” in a classic Survivor contest of strength. Keith and Albert were the first two out, and then Brandon and Jim set a new Survivor record at 240 lbs each, even if they only held it for about 15 seconds each. In the end, it came down to the women, and Dawn held on longer than Stacey.

- Back at Upolu, Edna was worried that she was on the chopping block. Stacey, who I had already outed last week as the queen of clichés, decided that this week’s clichés would only revolve around eggs, saying, “Edna is on an Easter Egg hunt right now”, and “she is scrambling like scrambled eggs in a hot skillet right now.”

Stacey then went on about how well she did in her challenge, saying “Look how much I lifted today”, which would be a really great argument if every challenge was holding a weighted bar on your ass, but it’s not. So I’m pretty sure the challenges where Stacey will have to show her inner weightlifter are essentially done. She compared herself to Edna, saying that Edna couldn’t have lifted that much because “bones can’t lift too much if it’s all skeleton with the bones.”

Huh? Does anyone know what that means? I’m not just making a joke…seriously? When is a skeleton ever anything BUT all bones?

Her confusing language continued when she told us (and this is verbatim): “I gotta lie to kick it, and what that means is I gotta lie to try to get in to fit in. You lie to kick it, with the next man.”

Ok, what the hell does that mean? I will be eternally grateful to anyone that can comprehensively decipher that sentence in the Comments section. You’ll get a mention in next week’s recap if it makes sense.

- Right before Tribal Council, Brandon went to Coach and showed how gullible he is, as Stacy tried to put doubts in his eyes. Brandon scoffed at Coach when he was right to try and calm his fears. Don’t trust someone on Death Row, Coach astutely told him, but Brandon was still worried.

- At Tribal Council, who would it be? Stacy? Edna? Brandon? I’m just happy that Coach has reverted back to his old habit of asking and answering his own questions again. Jeff tried to foster a topic of conversation, asking the Tribe what was annoying about each other, and we learned that Rick can actually speak, Albert snores, Brandon doesn’t like Edna talking so much, Stacy is difficult to engage, and Mikayla told Jeff they all know Russell is Brandon’s uncle.

Jeff then talked incessantly about Russell, and Brandon broke down. Listen, I know I’m a sarcastic prick, and it’s my weekly duty to carve up the ridculousness of this show, but I have a soft spot, and I can appreciate an emotional moment. But I don’t buy any of Brandon’s crocodile tears for one single second. Sorry.

At the end of Tribal Council, Jeff asked Albert, “Does that mean the #1 topic for Tribal Council should be trust?” Might be Yes, might be No, might be Maybe…but I’ll tell you one thing for certain: The #1 topic for Tribal Council SHOULD NOT BE RUSSELL.

- In the end, it was Stacey voted out unanimously, and while Coach tried to give her a hug, Stacy snubbed him and headed over to get her torch snuffed and set up yet another Redemption (Non) Island Duel that I couldn’t care less about.

Next week: Bobbing for Pork.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Amazing Race Recap: “Don’t ‘Dude’ Me, Dude…It’s A Double Elimination“

2011-10-02T21:27:00.006-04:00

Tonight's episode of The Amazing Race finds Smiling Phil (pictured above) and the rest of the teams traveling to Indonesia on the next leg of the Race. Who will be the TWO teams going home in TAR's first-ever Double Elimination Leg? Will the Speed Bump be of any consequence this year? And which of the teams just can't read?

Before I get to tonight’s recap, I want to point out that I am deathly sick today. I barely even want to be awake, much less watching TV or writing a recap. But loyal readers are used to having my recaps right after the episode ends, so I’m toughing it out. Remember two seasons ago, when I was on the West Coast, and was rushing back to my hotel to try and make the episode in time in order to write my recap, and I fell and twisted my ankle? That’s commitment, people…I appreciate you loyal readers more than you know.

My Random Thoughts:

- The beginning of the episode was rather uneventful with all of the teams ending up on the same flight, and the same train upon landing, but the most entertaining scenes came in the cabs on the way to the airport: Laurence was thrilled he had a banana, Jennifer ignored her brother to look for directions, Kaylani and Lisa nearly had a map injury (??), and one snowboarder said to the other snowboarder “Don’t ‘Dude’ me, dude”, which sounds like the punchline to a joke that’s REALLY funny when you’re high.

- I knew that Bill and Cathi were way behind the other teams to start the leg, but I didn’t realize HOW far. Ernie and Cindy started the leg at 9:28 pm, and The Oldsters left at 3:57 am. That’s six-and-a-half hours! The other teams didn’t even know whether they (or anyone) had been eliminated. What ever happened to the “mandatory rest period that allows teams to eat, sleep, and mingle?” No more mingling?

- When Bill and Cathi arrived at the airport, we were shown how happy the other teams were to see them, and then Jenna telling Ethan “We can definitely come in front of them.” Why not just flash on the screen “Ethan and Jenna will NOT come in front of them” ?

- Upon arriving in Indonesia, Justin and Jennifer got into an argument at the train station which I didn’t really understand. It was like they were arguing just for the sake of arguing, and instead of actually trying to accomplish anything, they just wanted to tell each other what they were doing wrong. Drama for the sake of drama…not a winning strategy. I want to side with Justin since Jennifer seems illogical and unreasonable, but I’m having trouble getting past the UNC hat that he was wearing (Go Duke!)

- The Road Block was at the Goa Jomblang Cave, where teams had to descend into the cave and retrieve a mask and dagger. Or, as I re-named it, “How many times can we say 'spelunk' in three minutes”?

On her descent, Cindy said “we’re in like a Jurassic Park jungle here”, but unless I missed something, I didn’t see any dinosaurs. What makes a “Jurassic Park Jungle” different than a regular jungle if it’s not the dinosaurs? Anyone?

It was like something out of an Indiana Jones movie (which I had written before Ethan said it!), and while some teams complained about having to climb the ladder to get out, can you imagine how difficult it would have been to ascend on the rope instead?

- The Speed Bump was untangling a knot? Are you kidding me? I’m not even going to rant again…that was ridiculous.

- The Detour gave the teams two options to raise money in the streets, either by dancing or working as parking attendants. For the record, I would always avoid any Detour that includes the phrase “learn a traditional dance”, but in Shake Your Money Maker, the teams didn’t really have to learn anything (although it said they did), they just had to randomly dance and panhandle at a stop light while their teammate played The Twilight Zone theme on cymbals that looked like breasts.

In Be A Ticket Taker, teams had to work as parking attendants, parking motorcycles on the street. Bill and Cathi were the first to arrive, but got upstreamed by Ernie and Cindy, reminding me of this fantastic scene from this past season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

- We always hear exaggeration on The Amazing Race, and tonight was no exception. Everything was either crazy, insane, unbelievable, or “the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.” Sandy even said in the cab “if we make a mistake right now, it’s fatal.” Really Sandy? You will actually die if you make a mistake on this leg?

I’ll tell you what WAS crazy. After seeing all the footage of the crazy drivers in Indonesia, we spotted something that was so insane we had to pause the episode and take a picture of the screen. Look at the picture below.

Not only is there a kid in front of the driver, but the woman on the back is simply holding the baby up and pressing him against the back of the driver. Pardon me for being blunt, but WHAT THE HELL IS THAT????

- Ernie and Cindy made me laugh on the always funny “High Five vs Fist Bump”, where one person goes for the slap, and one goes for the fist. What made it so funny, was that Cindy actually said…loudly…”High-Five!”, and Ernie responded with an ape-like grunt and a fist bump.

- At the Orphanage, teams had to hand over all of the money in their possession, and to any of you who may be new viewers of The Amazing Race, here’s a tidbit for you: If you ever see a sign that features an instruction that is both highlighted AND underlined in red, you’d better believe someone doesn’t do it, and it plays a major role in the Race.

Only 3 of the 11 teams actually read the sign, which is mind-boggling to me, and 8 of them had to go back, causing the order of finish to get quite convoluted. I was happy to see that the teams had to actually go back instead of just getting a time penalty.

- The snowboarders finished 4th, but were actually team #1 due to their ability to read the sign. Karmic justice, if you ask me. Phil happily told them that they won a trip to Ireland where they could golf, enjoy the spa (although when Phil says it, it sounds like ‘SPARR”), and dabble in some Archery. Are those all Irish pastimes? I guess it would have been stereotypical to say they can go eat terrible food while getting into fights over soccer games and religion…yeah, highlight the archery thing, instead.

- 8th place became 2nd place, and 10th place became 3rd place, although Phil had some fun with Kaylani and Lisa before telling them that. In the end, Team Survivor and Team Gay Flight Attendants were the two that got eliminated. Not so dramatic about Ron and Bill, as they still would have finished 11th, but Ethan and Jenna would have been alive had they read the sign.

Next Week: Cathi wipes out, and teams can’t count.

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined. Also, if you’re a Survivor fan, be sure to check back on Wednesday nights for weekly recaps on Survivor South Pacific.

(Photo Credits: Reality Fan Forum, CBS, Sean Furfaro)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Maybe He’s Trying To Cover His Tracks Before He Makes Them”

2011-09-28T21:23:00.006-04:00

Last week’s episode focused on Brandon’s borderline stalker-ish behavior concerning Mikayla. This week, would Brandon still be obsessed with her? Would his lie from last week carry any repercussions? Who’s claiming to have an Immunity Idol? And does anyone on the planet care who wins the Duel between Semhar and Christine?

My Random Thoughts:

- This week’s Night Vision recap starts at Redemption (Non) Island where Semhar doesn’t like being woken up, and groggily talks to Christine about what happened at Upolu, while clearly being disinterested in anything but sleeping. Christine vented about Coach, at one point calling him King Farouk, which seems like a horrible name for a Dragon Slayer.

- At Upolu, Mikayla was shocked at finding out she was the target of Brandon’s attack, and was talking to Coach about it when Brandon walked up and inserted himself in the conversation. How on earth does Brandon expect us to believe that he wants to avoid Mikayla when all he does is seek her out and try to be near her at every opportunity?

He then said that he was “almost 150% sure that Mikayla was going home.” Those of you that have read my recaps in the past (including this past season of Big Brother) will know that I can’t stand the constant “percentages over 100” that people give to try and explain something. But Brandon said “almost 150%.” What the hell does that even mean? Is it 140%? 125% Are those even different from each other?

- At the Redemption (Non) Island Duel, Coach, Stacey, Ozzy, and Elyse all got to watch Christine take on Semhar for a chance to stay in the game. Did you notice that Semhar always looks unhappy? Of course, she’s the tortured artist. When Jeff asked her what Redemption Island was like, I wrote in my notes that I was surprised she didn’t answer him with a poem.

No sooner had I written that, then she started reciting a poem to herself to pysch herself up for the Duel. The best part of that whole segment was watching the reaction of Jeff and the other contestants as she rambled about some other love, and at one point said “I would give birth to 10 of his children without using drugs to ease the pain.”

Semhar was obviously more focused on the thought of double-digit offspring with some unseen partner instead of trying to balance her mini-totem, and predictably lost the Duel, nearly getting nailed in the head with the totem in the process.

Turn on the drama from Semhar, who then went on about her Tribemates being cruel for voting her out and feeling like she was abandoned. What the hell? Then, before she left, she handed her sweater to Christine and told her that she loved her. The previous night, they were asking each other’s name, and now Semhar “loves” her…after just a few hours together, most of which were likely spent sleeping? I predict a poem will be written at some point in the future about how her “best friend in the world” let her leave the South Pacific while she stayed behind selfishly.

- Brandon talked about how much he regretted his lie from last week, and how he was upset at himself, his family would be upset at him, and God was upset at him. Let’s be honest, here…the only reason he regretted his lie was because it didn’t work. Plain and simple.

He then decided that excessive honesty was the way to deal with his past dishonesty, so he took off his shirt, and revealed the ink he had been hiding, owning up to his family name. His logic: “I’d rather make friends out here than the million dollars.” Quite a left turn from last week’s statement: "Ain’t no chick in this world gettin’ in the way of me, my family, and a million dollars.”

So, aside from my earlier assessment that it is a Hantz family trait not to be able to keep your mouth shut (proven by this tattoo reveal), but now I’m realizing that being Bi-Polar might be an issue as well.

Somewhere at home, Russell Hantz threw something at his television.

- After the Hantz reveal, Stacey chose to speak only in clichés, saying , “water’s up under the bridge” and “can’t judge a book by its cover.” I’m sure CBS just edited out when she was talking about not counting her chickens before they’re hatched, not putting all of her eggs in one basket, and calling a spade a spade.

- At Savaii, Papa Bear talked of a pecking order at camp (Damn you and your foreshadowing!), which was a pretty astute observation. Ozzy told Keith about having the Idol, showing that he wants to trust Keith in the way that Rob couldn’t trust Grant last season. Keith immediately told Whitney, showing that Ozzy is an idiot, and said that the reason was to build trust with her. Personally, I think the reason was “I want the pretty girl to like me and swing me when I’m in the hammock.”

- Mikayla, to her credit, wasn’t buying Brandon’s repentant act, saying “maybe he’s trying to cover his tracks before he makes them.” Exactly! That’s what liars do…they create a safety net for when they get caught.

- She then went right at Brandon and asked why he had targeted her. Brandon said it was just because he didn’t like her and made up an excuse that he was still trying to apologize to her. Newsflash, Mr. Honesty, by not telling her the real reason you are threatened by her, you’re still lying!

Brandon then called a Tribe meeting where he accused Mikayla of verbally attacking him, and that no one spoke at except for him, which ended with him saying “keep me out of the drama.” Kind of tough to do, Brandon, because YOU CREATE THE DRAMA.

Talk about a lose-lose situation. Mikayla was understandably upset and was seen crying on the beach, while Brandon apparently and inexplicably went for a nap in the fire (??)

- At the Immunity challenge, Probst went with the teal shirt again, making me wonder if he’s working towards a gradual shift to green instead of blue. Edna couldn’t stop smiling at Savaii, I was impressed by Dawn, and Brandon gave a finger-pointing-upward shout out to God…who I don’t believe was cranking the winch, unless I missed it.

Did you see that part in the challenge where Ozzy lost hold on his board, and then just swam after it with no penalty? Shouldn’t he have had to bring the board back to where he let go of it? Otherwise, couldn’t you just let the team crank the board back empty while you swim after it? In the end, it didn’t matter since his team lost, but something was fishy there.

Speaking of fishy, watching the last part of the challenge, with one tribe member throwing a grappling hook over the edge, hooking something and hauling it up while the other one coiled up the rope…made me feel like I was watching Deadliest Catch. I kept waiting for someone to yell up at Whitney and Elyse “Hurry up, Greenhorns!”

Upolu won, because, as Probst said, “Coach has been phenomenal with the grappling hook.” I’m thinking that was probably the first time that has ever been said, but I bet if you asked Coach, his response would start with, “Well, actually…there was this ONE time…”

- Last year we had a wild kingdom of nature shots in Nicaragua. So far, all I’m seeing are crabs and lizards this season. How many HD shots of crabs do we really need?

- At Savaii, Papa Bear knew it was his head on the chopping block, so off he went running into the woods in his underwear to look for the Immunity Idol (that had already been found by Ozzy). Elyse the Native American and Jim the Non-WPT-Champion went off to watch him dig for the Idol, and wondered if he found it.

Since he didn’t, he made a fake one and put on a horrible act back at camp that he had found it. Let me be clear about this strategy: IT NEVER WORKS.

Cochran talked about his act by saying “Papa Bear comes waltzing into camp with this big smile on his face and an extra large bulge in his underpants.” Look…gay, straight, or anything in between…that sentence is just wrong.

- Tribal Council was uneventful, we all knew Papa Bear was going home, but can we please get a template in the voting booth with the proper spelling of everyone’s name? “Cockran”? Really, Jim?

Next week: Cochran makes a move, and Brandon is paranoid.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Amazing Race Recap: “I’m Going Nowhere Because You Have No Passport”

2011-09-26T22:24:00.003-04:00

The Amazing Race returned last night, one week after picking up its eighth Emmy Award for Best Reality Competition, as 11 new teams set off from Los Angeles on a race around the world. Sorry for the delay in getting this recap up, but I was out of the country, and unable to watch the show until Monday. Rest assured that the weekly recaps this season will be posted at the usual time.

To the returning readers, Welcome back! It’s nice to see you again. And for those of you new to my blog and my Amazing Race Recaps, a hearty welcome as well, and a couple of things you should know: a) the recaps should be up within 30 minutes (often less) of when the show ends on the East Coast, b) the pictures will all have hidden captions underneath, so make sure to mouse over them if you want to see them, and c) I love Comments, so let’s all get involved in the Comments section for this season.

As I normally do with the Season Premiere, tonight’s recap is going to be my first impressions of this season’s teams, along with my Random Thoughts at the end.

The Teams:

Andy and Tommy, The Snowboarders – These guys are so laid back, they decide who does Road Blocks with Rock, Paper, Scissors, and scared a shirtless Taiwanese man by accosting him since he appeared to be wearing “Race Boxers.” Repeated use of “gnarly”, “brother”, and “bud” reinforces stereotypical perception. One of them is wearing what I believe must be the first flat-brimmed ball cap in TAR history.

Ethan and Jenna, The Former Survivor Winners – We all know who they are, and the fact that they’re not telling anyone they were on Survivor and they expect that to work is laughable. My odds-on pick to win the Race.

Laurence and Zac, The Father and Son Sailors – Didn’t get to see much of them yet, no real opinion yet.

Ernie and Cindy, The Recently Engaged Couple – Apparently, they like to dance in public parks and tickle each other while running. Oh yeah…and she’s a control freak.

Justin and Jennifer, The Southern Siblings – Type A sister and inferiority complex brother, who like to fish and rock climb.

Bill and Cathi, The Oldsters – Retired educators from Oregon who enjoy doing chin-ups together, and completely disregard safety when riding a tractor. Did you see that in their intro video? What the hell was Cathi doing, just riding along the side of the tractor…was that the farm equivalent of letting someone ride on the handlebars of your bike?

Liz and Marie, The Twin Sisters – Not a lot to go on yet, but one of them is really bad at repeating things.

Jeremy and Sandy, The Dating Couple– A dating couple who appear to just act like idiots on a golf course…driving the golf cart too fast with arms and legs hanging out, taking perfectly timed bunker shots in unison, and then dancing…and showing that they’re on the golf course in bare feet (her) and flip-flips (him). That wasn’t staged at all. Jeremy says that running the Race with Sandy is like “taking the car into the shop and seeing if you want to buy the car.” Um…Jeremy, if you’re taking the car to the shop, you already OWN THE CAR. And if not, you have some serious explaining to do to the Car Salesman who let you take it for a test drive.

Ron and Bill, The Gay Flight Attendants – Domestic partners who dress alike. What else do we know so far? Nothing.

Amani and Marcus, The Ex-Football Player and Wife – Marcus told us that “anything less than winning is not an option.” Well, considering that he played 10 years with the Indianapolis Colts, and they only won one Super Bowl over that time, seems like not winning is perfectly fine in his world.

Kaylani and Lisa, The Former Showgirls – Passport losing Vegas gals who want to show that their brains are in their head, not their chest.

My Random Thoughts:

- What the hell was with that Bus on the intro? Did CBS really shell out the cash to paint a bus for 3 camera shots that totalled about 4 seconds? Are they planning on using that bus later this season? Future seasons?

- I like the return of The Express Pass, which is good up to and including the 8th leg, and I thought I liked the idea of a new penalty, The Hazard, before I realized that it’s just a Speed Bump for One.

- I had to laugh at the beginning of the episode, at the Umbrella task before the teams got their keys to the vehicles, when Ernie ran up to the wall of umbrellas. The very first task, and he’s the first person, to grab the very FIRST umbrella…and he said “this is totally crazy.” Really? 3 seconds into the Race, it’s already “crazy”?

- Kaylani and Lisa, meanwhile, lost one of their passports in approximately 12 minutes. Upon realizing it was gone, Kaylani said “I’m seriously gonna vomit…all over the place”, which I guess was important to mention, as opposed to vomiting in one confined area.

It seemed like all was lost until a Jersey Shore reject and his friend showed up at LAX with the lost passport. The hero of the moment was Ryan Storms, who enjoyed his 15 minutes of fame, draping his arm around the showgirls like he was on the red carpet at a Hollywood premiere. Didn’t you love how they showed his actual Twitter handle, and the message that saved Kaylani and Lisa’s Race? When the Twitter message popped up on screen, I’m sure Mr. Storms was thinking “I’m gonna get SO many more followers”, while I (and hopefully many of you) were thinking “You don’t know the difference between ‘their’ and ‘there’, you idiot.”

- In Taipei, the Road Block was pretty simple: an old-fashioned game of Telephone that saw the teams dialing 1-800-CONFUCIUS and needing to repeat the phrase on the line word-for-word. I was seriously howling at the giant WRONG stamp graphic on the screen every time someone screwed up. Reminded me of the ‘Eat the Wasabi’ challenge from Season 15.

- At the Dragon Boat Race, Cindy said “I feel so Asian right now”, which may have made sense…if she wasn’t already the only Asian contestant. Marcus said that his team got excited when he saw them coming. No, Marcus…when they saw the giant black man in a bright pink shirt running towards them waving a paddle and screaming, they were terrified.

- Ernie and Cindy earned the Express Pass for finishing first on this leg. Ernie said “Control freak Cindy on the Race is actually a pretty good teammate”, and Cindy responded by saying “which should have been obvious.” I think these two are going to make for some good TV. Remember Team Jungle Fever, Brian and Ericka…these two remind me of them.

- In the most predictable last-place finish in TAR history, Bill and Cathi sidled up to the mat to learn that the very first leg of the Race is a non-elimination leg. So next week, they will encounter a Speed Bump, and be forced to deal with a new twist: a Double Elimination leg that will see two teams leave the Race. I like it.

- Where was the Detour? Will the Speed Bumps be lame this season? And who will be edited to be this year’s villain? My leading odds: Jeremy (5-2), Jennifer (4-1), Cindy (6-1).

- I think it looks like it will be a pretty good season. As I said earlier, my pick to win is Ethan and Jenna…like they need another million.

Next Week: Sibling Rivalry brews and Two Teams hit the bricks.

Amazing Race fans, feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or on Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined. Also, if you’re a Survivor fan, be sure to check back on Wednesday nights for weekly recaps on Survivor South Pacific.

Survivor South Pacific Recap: “Ain’t No Chick In This World Gettin’ In The Way Of Me, My Family, And A Million Dollars”

2011-09-21T22:29:00.002-04:00

This week on Survivor South Pacific, someone finds a clue, someone else finds an Idol, a secret is revealed, and a lie causes problems. Let’s get right to it.

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor, Christine said Coach was a temporary player, and then Coach allied with Edna and 4 men. Thanks for ruining that this episode would come down to Christine vs. Coach at Tribal Council. (All drama ruined one minute into the episode) Mikayla’s coconut shooting skills single-handedly sent Semhar’s breasts to Redemption Island, which once again ISN’T AN ISLAND!

- Night-vision recap: Semhar thinks that her tribe voting her out was cold-hearted, and that Redemption (Non) Island will be a terrible experience for her because she has abandonment issues. So, she obviously turned to poetry…which apparently made her itchy, and scared the crabs away. Sounds like she had a nasty breakup. For the record, if Semhar’s ex-boyfriend who inspired that poem is reading this, I’m sure he got extra enjoyment from me using the phrase “scared the crabs away.”

- Back at Savaii camp, Cochran was appreciative to the rest of his tribe for keeping him, and said that he would have to “turn on the cool, mellow Cochran.” Does that guy really exist?

- Ozzy and Keith talked about having strong Tribe members and they both identified Jim, because “he’s really good at puzzles.” Wait a minute…has Jim even attempted any sort of puzzle in the first three days? The Immunity Challenge was an obstacle course with coconuts, wasn’t it? What the hell is with people claiming (or being assessed) that they are great at puzzles on this show now? Redemption Island’s David and South Pacific’s Jim will likely go on to form a WWE Tag Team: The Puzzle Masters.

- What the hell was Edna wearing as a visor? Was that Tree Mail? An Immunity Clue? And was she on her way to some sort of smoky South Pacific poker game?

- Coach then solidified his arrangement with Edna by talking about honor and loyalty being more important than strength, and Edna pledged her allegiance. How can you make a deal with someone who is offering it while standing in his underwear? Especially when CBS has been blurring out his little dragon.

- At Savaii, Cochan became the new worker/cook/butler because he had to show everyone that he was willing to work around camp. He even went so far as to (gasp!) cut coconuts WITHOUT BEING ASKED! He talked about how his mother may be disappointed, but then said “New Cochran doesn’t follow mommy’s advice all the time.”

- Ozzy told the rest of his tribemates “I’m just gonna go down there and do a float-down and maybe get lucky”, which made no sense and sounded a lot dirtier than it really was, before channeling his inner spider monkey and climbing trees looking for the Immunity Idol. Of course he found it, and despite CBS’s claim that they would be hiding the Idols better this season, apparently jamming a rock in the middle of a tree seemed like a good idea. Shameful.

- Once Brandon found out that Coach had put something over him to keep him warm at night, L’il Hantz decided to come clean and tell the Dragon Slayer about his lineage, after telling all of us that he would keep it a secret from everyone.

So…from what I can tell, the Hantz’s just can’t keep their mouths shut. Russell obsessively told everyone within earshot that he had 17 Immunity Idols, and now Brandon, after repeated claims that he wouldn’t, decides to share his family secret.

- On the beach, Elyse said that she wanted to “channel my inner Native American self”, which served no purpose other than to remind me of a comment from last week’s recap, where someone told me that Elyse wasn’t Native American. Funny.

- Jim claimed that he was a “World Poker Tour Champion”, to which I can only say one thing: BULLSHIT. I looked it up, and he won a preliminary poker event in 2006, and made the final table of a nothing poker league this year. Not a World Poker Tour champion. Keep that in mind.

- Jim the Pot-Dispensing Poker Liar then “formed” an alliance of Keith, Ozzy, Elyse, and Whitney. Or, as he put it “3 guys and the two girls we like.” He claimed to be the architect of the plan, even though he isn’t. Bad read, poker dude.

- Mikayla was preparing to go fishing and taking too many clothes off, which tempted Brandon once again, who was edited to look like a serial rapist staring at her pelvis. I loved how this whole segment was accompanied by the appropriate “creepy guy music.” Mini-Hantz vowed to get Mikayla voted out because “ain’t no chick in this world gettin’ in the way of me, my family, and a million dollars.”

- Christine continued to ostracize herself from the rest of the Upolu tribe by obsessively searching for the Idol again. She didn’t find the Idol, but she did find the clue in a tree…like that was going to matter.

- At the Immunity challenge, Upolu eats fruit to get ready (and taunt Savaii), this week’s dirty Immunity Challenge phrase is Ozzy yelling “pull it out, Cochran” (with an honourable mention to 7 women being “on the pole” at the beginning), and Savaii smoked Upolu despite a huge Upolu lead. I wish I would have heard someone on Savaii say “You take the fruit, donkeys…we’ll take Immunity and the blankets.”

- Upolu was trying to figure out how to vote, and while Brandon was campaigning for Her Royal Sexiness to get the boot, the rest of the Tribe wasn’t on board. Christine was extra-paranoid and started taking it out on Edna, who honestly told her she had no idea what was going on.

- Mr Honour and Integrity Brandon Hantz then decided that lying to his alliance was the best plan of attack, and he made up a story to Coach in an attempt to sway the rest of the tribe to vote out his Temptress. Only took 6 days for him to start lying.

- At Tribal Council, Jeff is happy Coach is back, Christine went to the Eliza Orlins School of Eye-Rolling, and Brandon’s lie was exposed when the liar himself owned up to it. Talk about not being able to handle the pressure. What was that...like, 90 minutes?

- In the end, Christine was voted out, as anyone with half a brain could have predicted in the first 30 seconds of the “Previously on Survivor” segment, and with her own personal version of The People’s Eyebrow, she exited for the comfy confines of Redemption (Non) Island, where she and Semhar can whine and complain to each other before competing in a Duel next week.

Next week: Savaii becomes suspicious of Ozzy and Brandon deals with his lie.

Survivor Fans, please feel free to bookmark the site or add your name as a Follower on the sidebar to the left. You can also add me on Facebook or Twitter, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions, and please leave a Comment in the Comments section if you’re so inclined.

Thanks for reading.

Survivor, The Amazing Race, and Foo Fighters

2011-09-20T21:50:00.002-04:00

Last week's premiere of Survivor South Pacific looked like it was the start of a pretty good season (about time!), and this Sunday marks the beginning of the next season of The Amazing Race, which looks pretty solid as well. For those of you who are regular readers of my recaps, and who are expecting them at the usual time on Wednesdays and Sundays, respectively, I wanted to make a quick post to let you know that this week's recaps will be slightly later than normal.

Instead of the usual post within 30 minutes of Survivor ending on Wednesday, my recap will be online by approximately 10:30 pm ET. I have a prior television commitment on Wednesday night, so I won't be able to watch Survivor until later. For the record, 'prior television commitment' doesn't mean I'm watching something else...I'm actually hosting a television program live from 7:00-8:00 (Rogers TV, channel 20 - shameless plug), and I'll be watching the show later that night. The recap will still be up, just slightly later.

For Sunday's premiere of The Amazing Race, I will not actually be able to watch the show on Sunday night since I will be at a concert. So, instead of a late recap on Sunday night, unfortunately you'll have to wait until Monday night. While you are watching Ethan and Jenna and all the other new racers fighting for flight spots, I'll be seeing the Foo Fighters in Buffalo.

I also saw the Foo Fighters last night in Detroit (yes, I'm a pretty big fan), and for those of you out there who are fans as well, check out the two videos embedded below. They are both taken from last night's concert at the Palace of Auburn Hills, right beside the ramp, and the quality is pretty unbelievable. I didn't shoot the videos, but I was about 30 feet from where they were taken.

So, to summarize: 1) Survivor Recap will be an hour late on Wednesday, 2) Amazing Race Recap will be a day late on Monday, and 3) Foo Fighters rock!

Survivor South Pacific Recap: "Ozzy And Coach Kick Off A New Season"

2011-09-14T21:38:00.006-04:00

Survivor South Pacific premiered with a bang tonight, and based on this first episode, I’m looking forward to a good season. Two entertaining returnees, a seemingly interesting cast, and a couple of good twists. I’m optimistic.

To the returning readers, Welcome back! It’s nice to see you again. And for those of you new to my blog and my Survivor Recaps, a hearty welcome as well, and a couple of things you should know: a) the recaps should be up within 30 minutes (often less) of when the show ends on the East Coast, b) the pictures will all have hidden captions underneath, so make sure to mouse over them if you want to see them, and c) I love Comments, so let’s all get involved in the Comments section for this season.

As I mentioned in my “preview” earlier this week, tonight’s recap is going to be my first impressions of this season’s cast, along with a few Random Thoughts at the end. As always, after only one episode, it’s hard to really tell anything about this cast, so these impressions may be pretty funny to go back and re-read after the season.

For the record, in my first post on Survivor Redemption Island, I said that Phillip “won’t make Day 10”, Rob had no chance to win, and that Stephanie would win it all, so what the hell do I know?

My First Impressions:
(I’m not giving my first impressions on Coach and Ozzy)

Brandon the Villain’s Nephew – Let’s be honest, considering the amount of press we’ve been seeing of Brandon leading up to this season, I have to think he’s going to be around a while. Seems like a good kid, as opposed to an angry sock-burning Hobbit, like his uncle. Smart move to keep his name a secret by hiding his tattoos, but I wonder how long that can last. Had a great line explaining why he was hiding his name, “I don’t think Hitler’s nephew was running around saying ‘Hey, I’m Hitler’s nephew.”

Christine the Teacher – Seemingly mixed up the Dragon Slayer and the Karate Kid as she threatened Coach with a Daniel LaRusso-esque Crane Kick upon seeing him at the beginning. Blatantly looked for the Idol at camp, which would obviously rub her tribemates the wrong way.

Dawn the English Professor – Stressed about not having a shelter. Stressed about dumping water on the fire. Stressed about feeling old. Stressed about everything. Bad at swinging on vines.

Edna the Anesthesiologist – Please end up being an interesting contestant, because if you’re boring or devoid of personality, I just don’t think I’m strong enough to NOT make the obvious joke that ‘the anesthesiologist put me to sleep.”

Elyse the Dance Team Manager – Hoped that by being Native American, her ancestral background would help her around camp. Wow, that’s optimistic.

Jim the Medical Marijuana Dispenser – I imagine that the very first time “Medical Marijuana Dispenser” appeared on screen, Jim got an email from former contestant Erik Reichenbach, thanking him for bumping “Ice Cream Scooper” from the top of the list of Most Ridiculous Survivor Job Descriptions. His Bio on the CBS site states “I’ve worked on Wall Street, won over 40 poker tournaments, started several successful businesses and earned my MBA at a top five school from the University of Michigan.” Hey Jim, winning those little kitchen table games with your friends doesn’t really qualify you to bill yourself as having “won over 40 poker tournaments.” Likes to roll his eyes.

John the Harvard Law Student - This Clay Aiken look-alike prodded Jeff into calling him Cochran, and even got an on-screen graphic using only his last name. A superfan who has a Buff collection at home. I like him, he’s kind of funny and endearing, and should be socially strong. He asked “Is charm and humour really enough to keep someone around?” Interesting question, and the answer would depend on who you ask. Rob Cesternino would probably say no, but I imagine that Fabio would say yes.

Mikayla the Lingerie Football Player –Yes, in case you didn’t know, the Lingerie Football League is indeed real, which explains why Mikayla has over 3,000 “friends” on Facebook. She’s also been on the cover of Playboy. A hard worker around camp, and seemed good in challenges. A contender.

Keith the Water Treatment Tech – Hasn’t really said anything yet, so I don’t have an opinion just yet. How many times this season can we expect to see him telling everyone, “Boil the water!”

Mark the Gay Retired NYPD Detective – Not sure what to think of Papa Bear just yet, other than to note he has undying loyalty to older players on the Tribe, which is never a winning strategy.

Rick the Rancher – Wow, I never could have told from his physical appearance that he was a rancher. Makes fart noises to express his disapproval, and apparently knows what squirrels sound like when they make love.

Semhar the Spoken Word Artist – Translation: Jobless. To confirm this, check out her CBS bio under Hobbies, where she lists “writing/performing poetry, dancing, and watching Oprah.” Seems pretty obvious that Semhar has a LOT of free time. She told us that she recited that poem on the spot for her tribemates because "I’m not going to say I’m a poet and then not have anything to show for it." Well...who lies about being a spoken word artist? Did you think anyone on that Tribe was going to think you were a liar? Wants her tribemates to brush their teeth with ashes.

Albert the Baseball Coach, Sophie the Medical Student, Stacey the Mortician, and Whitney the Country Singer – I didn’t see enough of you yet to form an opinion. Sorry.

My Random Thoughts:

- I loved Coach’s line at the beginning of the episode on his overall strategy for this season, “this time, I’m trying to control my sense of self-righteousness and judgement on the others.” How long do you think that will last?

- Meanwhile, Ozzy’s assessment on his third go-around was “I need Redemption.” Is that foreshadowing that Ozzy will get voted out soon and make a run at Redemption Island, or is it more blatant, saying that he (and Coach for that matter) NEED the Redermption Island twist to even have a shot at winning?

- Jeff showed up on the beach to welcome the new castaways wearing a teal shirt, but don’t be alarmed…teal is still a shade of blue (sort of), so he hasn’t strayed too far off the beaten path yet.

- I had to laugh at Ozzy needing 3 attempts to break his paint-filled egg on his chest, while Coach just calmy squeezed his in his hand. Coach 1, Ozzy 0. But then, Ozzy slapped his hand on Jeff’s chest, leaving a palm-print on that lovely teal shirt. Ozzy 1, Jeff 0.

- The Hero challenge was an interesting puzzle where the reward was a basket of taro and a flint. Ozzy smoked Coach with a lot of help from his tribe, even though it wasn’t as difficult as you would be led to believe. Anyone who understands the concept of Free Cell Solitaire could have figured it out. Somewhere at home, Survivor Redemption Island’s David Murphy was yelling at his television “Why didn’t we have that damn puzzle in MY season????” Sorry, Puzzle Master Dave.

- At Savaii camp, Ozzy got a schoolboy crush on Semhar in about a nanosecond, and then deferred building a shelter and instead suggested that the tribe “go for a swim.” I thought this was absolutely ridiculous until I saw what Whitney, Semhar, and Elyse decided to wear into the water. Instead, I think I join all red-blooded heterosexual males who were watching tonight when I say “Thank you, Ozzy.”

- Meanwhile, over at Upolu camp, Brandon waxed poetic about being married and a Christian and not being tempted by Mikayla, the lingerie football player and Playboy model, despite repeated shots of Mikayla bending over and footage of Brandon seemingly stalking her from the trees. That was a very odd segment.

- The Immunity challenge started with Jeff going back to a nice, rich Probsty blue shirt, before the tribes had to work their way through an obstacle course and ending up playing Coconut Basketball. Let me get this straight, there was a “web of coconuts”, and a “bin of coconuts”, and Jeff said the word “coconut” approximately 347 times…you know what that means? This season, LESS TILES, MORE COCONUTS!

In the challenge itself, Rick the Rancher dumped Edna over the wall like a sack of potatoes (or coconuts) before quickly chopping his way through five ropes with a machete. A lot of strength shown by Rick in this challenge. Upolu won immunity narrowly, by…you guessed it…just one coconut. And Semhar felt “sorta bad”, which rubbed Jim the wrong way.

But here’s the discussion point I want to pose after this challenge: What was the more entertaining unintentionally dirty phrase yelled by Jeff Probst in this challenge? Option A) “Mikayla is a scoring machine” or Option B) “Ozzy releases his coconuts.” Discuss in the Comments section.

- I liked the twist of not providing a clue to the Immunity Idol, but instead making the castaways search for the clue at camp before even trying to look for the Idol. How many times have you seen someone on this show come close to finding the Idol, only to wander hopelessly away while the camera zooms in on the Idol that they missed? Hey, morons! When you’re looking for the clue, or the Idol…WATCH THE CAMERAMAN!

- At Tribal Council, Dawn is still stressed, Cochran compared himself to a hummingbird and forgot Semhar’s name (how many of you were reminded of last season’s Season Premiere when Phillip couldn’t remember “Francesca”?), and the horrible spelling continues for another season, even without Ralph.

It came down to a choice between Cochran and Semhar, and in the end, Semhar was voted out and sulkily presented her torch to Jeff, which prompted my girlfriend to yell at the TV, “take your ill-fitting bra to Redemption Island!”

Next week: Cochran works at camp, and Brandon comes clean.

My pick to win based only on this first episode…and yes, you’re reading this correctly. I’m picking Cochran to win it all. (Dark Horse pick: Mikayla)

Survivor South Pacific Recap: September 14, 2011

2011-09-14T19:34:00.001-04:00

Tonight is the 90-minute premiere of Survivor South Pacific, and based on the advance press we've seen so far, this is looking like a good season. Dragon Slayers, Country Singers, and another Hantz are the recipe for this South Pacific treat, so slide on up to the table and dig in.

For those of you new to my blog and my Survivor Recaps, and a couple of things you should know: a) the recaps should be up within 30 minutes (often less) of when the show ends on the East Coast, b) the pictures will all have hidden captions underneath, so make sure to mouse over them if you want to see them, and c) I love Comments, so let’s all get involved in the Comments section for this season.

My recap for tonight's Season Premiere should be up by 10:00 pm ET, so make sure to check back.

UPDATE: RECAP IS UP - CLICK HERE TO READ.